by Kait Nolan
Please. Please just give me the slightest sign that you feel something, too.
He started to reach out, to lay a hand over hers, but the bell from out front jangled. Lexi jerked as if she’d been hit with an electric shock, her chair shooting across the room to bump against the wall. Away from him. It sliced him, that panicked retreat.
Zach supposed that was answer enough.
Quashing his disappointment, he put away the thousand questions he wanted to ask and went to be a responsible business owner.
Chapter 6
Lexi stayed where she was, heart hammering.
He knew. Oh Dios, he knew. Or at the very least suspected.
She shouldn’t have said anything. Or she should’ve made something up to put him off. But she’d been so struck by the shot, by the look on her own face. Because no one but Zach could have taken that picture. And she’d wondered, for the briefest of moments, whether he felt something, too.
A braver woman would have faced him. Would have put the question right on out there, just to let the pressure of not knowing dissipate. But once it was voiced, there was no taking it back. An axe blade hovered over the thin barrier between keeping things as they’d always been and possible disaster. If it fell, who knew where the pieces would land?
Lexi wasn’t brave. Not when it came to him. So she’d said nothing and now…and now someone had given her a blessed reprieve from having to face this. Maybe she could put it off. Buy herself another day. Maybe he’d drop it, at least until she had some kind of an answer that would preserve the friendship she valued so much.
When she was certain her face wasn’t on fire and she had a reasonable handle on her emotions, she followed low voices out front.
“Holy shit, dude.” Zach’s exclamation caused a hitch in her step.
Eli sat in one of the chairs in the reception area, a little black box open on the table between them to reveal a diamond ring winking in the light.
Lexi went brows up and mustered up some snark. “Well, this is unexpected. I hope you and Zach will be very happy together.”
Eli snorted. “It’s for Jessie. Now that Jace’s wedding is over, I can ask her without distracting from his big day.”
“Wow. That’s great, man. But why didn’t you just tell us all at guys’ night?” Zach asked.
“Because I want to hire the two of you to shoot the proposal as it happens. She’s not gonna be expecting it, and I know she’d love to have that moment immortalized.”
Surprised and touched by his thoughtfulness and sentimentality, Lexi moved to join them. “I’ve done a few of those kinds of shoots in Texas. It’s a lot of fun. There’s an element of being a spy, trying to blend in with the crowd so as not to draw attention to the camera. But that’d be harder to pull off here since she knows both of us.”
“Not if you’re both supposed to be there anyway. I’m going to propose at the reunion.”
“Awesome!” Zach exclaimed. “Of course, we’d be happy to shoot it. Have you sorted out the details yet?”
Lexi stiffened. She’d already made her position on this clear at the bonfire. Had he forgotten or did he just not think she was serious? And since when did he get the right to answer for her? She wasn’t his employee. She wasn’t his partner. She was, at best, a consultant, while she was in town, and they’d agreed she got right of refusal on any jobs that came her way.
The roaring in her ears blocked out the next stretch of their conversation. The next thing she knew, Eli was rising, offering his hand to Zach and getting pulled into a back-slapping hug. Lexi held her tongue, offering him a hug and congratulations herself. Her beef wasn’t with him, and it could wait until he was gone.
“See you at Los Pantalones later, Zach.”
“Yeah. See you there.”
As the door shut, Lexi braced herself for a return to the question he’d asked before they were interrupted.
Zach turned to her, grinning. “Man, this is so awesome. Eli and Jessie engaged. Who would’ve called that in high school?”
She sent up a brief prayer of thanks that Eli had distracted him. But she knew it wouldn’t last. “I’m happy for them, truly. But I won’t be there to shoot it. I don’t appreciate you speaking for me without asking.”
His grin faded. “I’m sorry for not asking first, but I figured you’d want in on this. They’re our friends.”
“Yes, they are. But I’ve already said I won’t be going to the reunion.”
“Why? I mean, I know dances aren’t your thing, really, but surely you want to be there for this.”
Not my thing.
And this was the crux of the problem. As well as Zach knew her, as much as he understood her, he’d never recognized this. He’d been content to make assumptions and take her desperate agreement back then at face value. He had absolutely no idea what he was actually asking her to do, what demons he expected her to face. Oddly, that settled her a little. Whatever he knew or suspected about her feelings, it wasn’t about that particular humiliation.
“I would literally rather face a firing squad than go to the class reunion prom.” She meant it. Aside from the fact that she hated small-talk and had zero desire to reconnect with high school classmates other than their core group of friends—which she’d already done, thanks very much—she couldn’t face the reminder of her mistake.
“Why?” His baffled expression clued her in that her reaction was totally out of proportion to what he thought was going on.
But she couldn’t seem to stop herself. She felt exposed, as if any moment now, the final flimsy shield she carried would be yanked away and he’d see everything she’d fought so hard to hide. She needed to get the hell out of here, away from him, before he circled back around to try to pick up where they’d left off.
“It doesn’t matter why. I’ll take on almost any other shoot, but don’t ask me to do that.” Her voice shook, and she hated herself for that betrayal of emotion.
Zach’s head kicked back at her vehmence, but he looked concerned instead of angry. “Okay. That’s fine. I’ll sort it out. I’m not going to push you to do something you don’t want to do. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
He took a step toward her and she took an automatic step in retreat. If he touched her right now—well, she didn’t know what she’d do. Break down? Throw herself at him? Some mortifying combination of the two?
She ignored the flash of hurt and surprise that flickered over his face. She could only handle one person’s hurt at a time, and right now, hers took precedence.
“I need to go pick up the pizza.”
“What? Now?”
“Yeah.” Grateful her keys and wallet were in her pocket, she headed for the door. “Have fun at guys’ night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
For a moment, she worried he’d stop her, insist they hash this out.
But he only murmured, “See you tomorrow,” as the door closed behind her.
“To the end of an era!” Leo raised his margarita. “I never thought my brother would go before me.”
“Yeah, well, I haven’t gotten to ask her yet,” Eli muttered. “Keep your voice down.”
They all cast furtive glances around, making sure none of the town’s noted gossips were in hearing distance.
Reed scooped up a nacho. “What’s the plan there?”
“Gonna do it at the reunion.”
“Yeah?” Jace grinned. “Jess is gonna love that. You know she loves being the center of attention.”
“That I do. And she’ll be happy to be dressed up all fancy and to be able to announce it to everybody fast and efficiently. I expect she’ll be the belle of the metaphoric ball, showing off the ring the rest of the night. Zach and Lexi are gonna shoot the whole thing.”
Zach shifted in his seat. “Actually, it will just be me. Lexi isn’t coming.”
Eli went brows up, setting his beer back down. “Oh, will she be back in Texas by then? She’s been around so much the last few weeks, I kinda forgot she was le
aving.”
“Is that why you’ve been such a broody son of a bitch since you got here?” Leo asked.
“I am not a broody son of a bitch.” Well, okay, maybe he’d been in a little bit of a funk, but he was just worried about Lexi. Worried, too, that he’d irrevocably screwed things up between them by trying to kiss her at the wedding and then forcing the issue this afternoon. How many times would she run away from him before she just stayed gone? “And no, she won’t be back in Texas then.” God, he hoped not. The idea that she’d leave again before he could fix this left him feeling cold and clammy. “But she’s dead serious about not going to the reunion. Like seriously upset at the idea, and I don’t understand why. I mean, I know she hates dances, but this seems way outside that.” Her whole response to the idea seemed entirely out of line with the situation.
“Does she actually hate dances?” Jace asked.
“She never wanted to go back in high school. Didn’t like all the dressing up and fuss.”
Eli sliced into his carnitas and forked up a chunk of fragrant pork. “Did she even go to prom? I don’t remember that far back.”
“No, she didn’t.” It was one of the few high school memories she hadn’t featured prominently in for Zach.
“Not even with a gaggle of girls?” Eli asked.
“What gaggle of girls? She didn’t have that many girlfriends and those she did have all had dates,” Zach pointed out. “Remember, she was mostly one of the guys.”
“But she went to some of the other dances during high school. I remember her being part of the pack for homecoming and stuff,” Reed said.
“Yeah. I don’t know. Prom was different somehow. Was there some kind of thing that happened around all that that I missed?” At the time, Zach would have laid money on the fact that he knew everything there was to know about Lexi Morales. But thinking back, that was when she’d begun pulling away. He’d attributed it to excitement about the future and going off to college, but maybe there’d been more to it.
“Did anybody even ask her to the dance?” Leo asked.
Zach thought back, trying to remember. “I don’t think so. Or nobody she wanted to go with. You remember how she didn’t believe in things like dances. She liked to go off on all those feminist rants.”
“I always kinda thought the lady protested too much about that stuff,” Reed admitted.
Zach frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…maybe she made a big deal about not believing in all that because the person she wanted to go with didn’t ask.”
“Who did she want to ask her?” Leo asked.
Zach realized he had no idea. They’d talked about everything, he’d thought. But never much about who she was interested in. “She never told me who she really wanted to go with. She asked me as a joke, and we both had a good laugh over it.”
Four pairs of eyes pinned him in place against the booth.
“What?”
Leo leaned closer. “Lexi asked you to prom?”
“Yeah, just joking around.”
His friends exchanged a look that clearly said, You’re a dumbass.
“Dude, are you sure she was joking?” Reed asked.
“Of course I am. She flat out said she was.”
Leo braced his elbows on the table. “Did she say that before or after you assumed it was a joke?”
Zach opened his mouth to answer, then stopped, trying to remember. She’d asked him in passing in January—part of a casual conversation about prom. He’d said yes in the same off-hand manner, assuming she was just kidding around. Months later, the week of prom, she’d brought it up again, saying they should sort out transportation and dinner plans, and he’d felt his stomach bottom out in panic because he’d asked someone else. “I thought you were joking! I’m going with Isabelle Carpenter.”
She’d grinned that Lexi grin at him and punched him in the shoulder, “Of course I was joking. You know how much I hate dances. But oh my God, the look on your face. Priceless.” And she’d laughed.
So had he. And that had been the end of it.
He’d gone to prom and she hadn’t, and he’d never given it another thought.
But thinking back to that split second before she’d grinned, there’d been something else in her expression. He’d been so incredibly relieved when she’d said she was joking, he hadn’t thought too much about it. But what if the laughter had been a lie to cover up her real feelings on the matter? What if she’d asked him to prom for real? And not as a friend, but as an actual date?
For half a second his heart leapt. Maybe she did feel the same. Maybe she did want more. Then his blood iced. “Oh God. Y’all, what if I was wrong?”
Leo sipped more margarita. “Well, I think that’d go a long way to explaining why she kinda dropped off the face of the earth after graduation. Because if she wasn’t kidding, then whether you meant it or not, that was pretty cold.”
Zach felt sick. “…friends or something else?” He thought about how she’d backed away from him in the studio rather than facing his question. That had felt like a punch in the gut, but this… Was it possible he’d screwed up that bad? Could she have been trying to change things between them back then and he’d laughed? Oh hell, he hoped not. Because he didn’t know how he could face the idea that his cluelessness had hurt his best friend in the whole world.
Digging out his wallet, he threw a few bills on the table and rose. “I’ve gotta go. I need to talk to Lexi.”
Chapter 7
“I never get tired of this movie,” Leandra sighed.
From her position curled up at the end of the sofa, Lexi managed a smile. “You never get tired of Richard Gere.”
“I like his tight butt.”
“Mama!”
“Well I do!” she exclaimed, in a dead-on mimic of the heroine’s grandmother.
It was an old refrain, one they echoed every time they watched Runaway Bride.
Her mom hit the stop button as the credits rolled. “You didn’t eat much pizza.”
“I wasn’t that hungry.” She’d nibbled her way through a slice and a half, barely able to focus on the movie.
“You seem a little down, mija. What’s going on? Did something happen with Zach?”
Not Did you have a fight with Zach, but Did something happen?
How much did her mother know or suspect about how things had gone down all those years ago? Did Lexi really want to peel the scab off that wound to tell her all of it? That sounded about as appealing as being poked in the eye with a stick.
“Nothing I want to talk about.”
Leandra sighed. “Things are not so simple between you anymore, are they?”
Lexi laid her cheek against her up-drawn knees. “I don’t know if things with Zach were ever really simple.”
Her mother was silent for a long moment. “Come on.” She reached for her crutches and shoved up from the sofa. “I want to show you something.”
Relieved she wasn’t going to force the issue, Lexi uncurled from the sofa and followed her down the hall, surprised when they turned into her room. At the door, Leandra paused and flipped on the light, then moved on inside so Lexi could enter.
The dress hung on the back of her closet door, out of the protective plastic, the beadwork glittering and gorgeous in the light. The sight of it squeezed her heart. In so many ways, this dress encapsulated her failed hopes. A part of her wanted to get rid of it. Donate it somewhere or send it up to Brides and Belles for them to sell so that someone was able to wear and enjoy it. But that seemed a betrayal. It was still gorgeous, and her mother had poured her heart and soul into making it. For her.
“I let it out for you.”
Lexi blinked. “What?”
“I didn’t think you were ready to give up on it. Or him.”
She whipped her head around, her mouth falling open. “You knew?”
“That you asked for this dress because you wanted Zach to notice you? Yes. You’ve a tender heart, mija, and no
one knows it better than me. I don’t know all the details. I don’t need to. It was obvious things didn’t work out as you’d hoped, and that whatever happened—or didn’t happen—changed everything. I know you’ve spent a lot of years avoiding the hurt from that.”
It sounded cowardly when she said it out loud. Which was probably why Lexi had never said it.
“You’ve never called me out on it.”
“What good would that have done? You weren’t going to face him before you were ready.”
Lexi snorted a humorless laugh. “I wasn’t ready this time either.”
“You did it anyway. And it’s been good for you—both of you—to remember what was. But I’m not blind. I’ve seen things changing between you and Zach since you’ve been back. So have you. You wouldn’t be so wound up about it if you didn’t. The fact is, if you can free yourself of the past, put it behind you, you’d be free to explore what is, right here and now. Stop holding on to what happened and what didn’t happen back then, and letting that guide your life. Stop letting that hold you back from what could happen, if you would just take another chance.”
Did she have it in her to do that? To put herself out there again? It wasn’t like before. So many times these past weeks, she’d caught Zach looking at her, and she’d stepped back, telling herself it wasn’t attraction, that she’d imagined it. But he’d tried to kiss her at the wedding. She hadn’t imagined that.
What if she hadn’t run from him then? What if she hadn’t run from him and his question this afternoon? He didn’t know the truth of her humiliation. And maybe he never had to know. Maybe she really could put this whole thing behind her and take this step toward Zach instead of away. It was what she’d wanted all along. If she could be brave, maybe things could be different this time.
Lexi wrapped her arms around her middle, anxious but a little bit hopeful, too. “I don’t even know what taking that chance would look like.”
Leandra cut her eyes toward the dress. “I think it looks like that. I think it looks like you going to that reunion and letting him see you as you’ve wanted to be seen. Go ahead, try it on. Let’s see if I got it right.”