by Nick James
CHASING THE DRAGON
by
Nick James
Copyright © Nicholas Plumridge 2019
This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
All rights reserved in all media. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in retrieval system, copied in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise transmitted without written permission from the author and/or publisher. You must not circulate this book in any format. Any person who does any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
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Produced in United Kingdom.
Editorial services by www.bookeditingservices.co.uk
Contents
Also by Author
Acknowledgements
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Also by Author
The Misplaced Man
Acknowledgements
Dedicated to the real Blades, and the Walker family, who brings the right amount of crazy into my world.
Prologue
Sam and his girlfriend, Bunny, a Hong Kong expat, are your normal professional couple living in the borough of Barking in the city of London.
He works for a mobile app company called Shimmering Dreams. Their software allows the buyer of the app to download their dreams directly from their subconscious while they sleep. Bunny works for a multinational bank. Sounds easy, doesn’t it?
Despite how it looks from the outside, Sam’s life is being controlled by forces seen and unseen. His passion for eighties music and film references will only get him so far!
After just six months in his new job, he was attacked in his own home by a lone gunman, who seemed to hate him, and his fish. Luckily Bunny, along with her anger issues, saved the day with the help of a prop from the movie Kill Bill.
Will he be able to live his life the way he wants? Or will his enemies conquer? We shall see if a crooked policeman and a drug- and drink-riddled boss along with his Chinese transsexual girlfriend/fixer will win the day over poor Sam.
Chapter 1
Sam Blades
Bunny and I were sat at our dining table having a cup of tea. The lights were off apart from the one in hallway. The tea was hot and sweet and doing the job. My girlfriend, Bunny, was enjoying the refreshing brew as much as me, but I felt she was on the cusp of asking what the hell had just happened, and why.
I knew that the Goddard bloke from work was pissed off with Bunny and me. If you were going to analyse it, I may have wound him up a tad. But not to the point where he would break into our flat and beat the shit out of me as our ‘guard’ fish, Fred, just watched on. Of course, I now feel foolish for pinning my hopes on a clownfish to save the day – I needed Chuck Norris for that shit! Then Goddard had pulled out a gun and practised the old-fashioned mob hit routine. Things are still moist from feeling that gun pressed to the back of my head. Given our history with Goddard, Bunny hadn’t asked me for answers. She guessed what had gone on. She knows her violence and she knows me. My China rose just accepted it and now it was done, without shouting, crying or twenty questions.
‘Bunny?’
She looked at me and smiled. ‘Yes, luv?’ Bunny asked, taking another sip of tea.
I rubbed my face and sighed. ‘Well, the police are on their way, but you’re wearing a Hogwarts uniform,’ I said solemnly and saw her nodding. ‘And we have a dead body on our floor, making a mess with my Christmas present through his chest.’
‘Sounds about right, baby. What about it?’ she asked dismissively.
I couldn’t tell if she was laughing at me because she was using her huge ‘Monday’s a Bitch’ tea mug which covered her mouth. ‘Everything! What the fuck just happened?’ I said loudly. ‘Oh, and Fred the clownfish is a useless guard dog!’
She slammed down her mug. ‘Oi, don’t blame Fred! He did his best!’ Bunny argued. She loved that stupid fish, sometimes I think he’s more of a love rival than a pet. It had taken a while for her to allow the little fish into her heart, but now, as I found out, he could do no wrong.
My eyes kept moving towards the still body of Stuart Goddard. My brain was processing how in the act that he was willing to do, he had turned our lovely home with all its memories into a dark, blood-soaked hole. I had never seen blood in such quantities unless Keanu Reeves had his dog kicked. But what got to me was the metallic smell in the air, you could almost smell his life force ebbing out of his now shell.
Suddenly, from outside, flashing blue lights were illuminating the flat like a rave from the nineties. The police must be in the car park. ‘Well, here we go,’ I murmured, trying not to look at the black-clad figure on the floor.
Bunny got up. ‘Well, I’m going to change. Can’t have all the coppers with hard-ons now, can we?’ She smiled, jumped over the body and disappeared into the bedroom, letting the room see her bare bottom.
I looked down again at the body on the floor. I wanted to give that shit a good kicking, again. ‘Spoilt my night!’ I spat resentfully, playing down the whole traumatic event even though my pulse was beating like a drum. Then I heard somebody knocking. I moved to the front door and looked through the spyhole. There stood two female police officers in all their battle rattle: stab vests, phones, radio, truncheon (nightstick) and the well-known taser. I knew deep down that I had nothing to fear, but when you see them standing there like they’re ready for war, you can’t help but worry about your future and whether it involves a cellmate called Bubba kissing you on the neck goodnight. My eyes were drawn to the bright yellow taser. If I could have seen the future right now, I would never have opened the door.
‘It’s the police, Mr Blades. You called us?’ a female voice said from the other side of the door.
So many porn scenes flickered through my mind, but didn’t they normally bring pizza? Then I reminded myself what Bunny could do with anything blade related, from butter knife to samurai sword. That alone snapped me back to real time.
I opened the door. ‘Please come in. Don’t worry about your shoes, there’s a body bleeding all over the carpet in the lounge,’ I said with a nervous chuckle, which once again wasn’t my best move.
The officers both stopped as they saw the crime scene ahead of them, then they seemed to scan me up and down like I was a man of loose morals and dark character. Well, I suppose they were half right.
They officially introduced themselves as WPC Sharon Andrews a
nd WPC Bethany Harper. The former had long blonde hair in a ponytail and was taller than her colleague standing at about five feet ten. Not sure why I’m listing her dimensions, so I’ll keep that hobby to myself; although, Sharon looked spookily like a Mrs Stone from the movies. I decided that I would not highlight that fact now – they were playing the serious card. They both wrote my name in their little black books, but then got a bit frosty when I asked if I could borrow a pen to put their names in my little black book. #WHOOPS.
Bethany, a spiky-haired brunette with a curvy figure and around five feet eight, seemed to warm to me. I think we could have been firm friends if it wasn’t for the fact that I was currently a murder suspect.
We walked towards the lounge and chatted. They did mention that this was the first murder scene they had been first responders to. Bethany paled a bit when she saw the body, which was looking after my sword nicely, but what was bugging me was that the blade was glinting off the hall light, just like the cops’ identity numbers on their uniforms.
They were talking over the radios all the time to get the ETA of other units. I couldn’t hear what the answers were, but my imagination calmed my nerves by telling me that the radio was telling them, ‘GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY!’
I offered the girls a drink. This gave them the excuse to leave the lounge which had the smell of blood lingering in the air. As I made the officers a cup of tea, my mind was in turmoil: should I get Sharon to sign my copy of Basic Instinct?
We moved the party to the dining table; their bosses had instructed them to keep us and the body in sight. I cracked open the window to allow the smell to dissipate.
I talked them through what had happened. They explained that they didn’t need sound effects. Their loss, I guess, so I continued from the time I entered the lift to now. That’s when Bunny came in from the bedroom in her unbloodied and less sexy clothes.
I stood up as my stunning ninja warrior walked in. ‘Ah, here’s my saviour. Bunny, this is officers Bethany Harper and Sharon Andrews,’ I said as the women shook hands. She introduced herself and then settled down. Fair play, they didn’t react to her name at all. Bunny then picked up her fresh cuppa and explained her role in the night’s events, including the costume.
They took our statements as we waited on the major crime’s detectives and crime scene investigators. I always thought a murder meant people running about shouting ‘Yes, guv’ or ‘Yes, boss’ and ‘I’ll tell the boys down the station’ whilst wrapping blue and white police tape around everything. But, no, it was very easy-going.
Bunny told Sharon about the shops in Hong Kong and took her email for the next time she goes over. I was showing Bethany my DVD collection, which brought a snort of laughter from her when I said I didn’t watch Harry Potter anymore because I was too old. I don’t think she believed me, which was understandable – I didn’t either. The officers did look sorry about my ruined night – well, it was either that or they thought I was a pervert. I’ll go with the first one.
Finally, the CSI team turned up, which made me dodge a blow from Sharon when I started to sing the theme tune to their Las Vegas show: ‘Who are you? Who, who, who, who?’ Some people just don’t know what fun is. Then she went into a long explanation that the Americans have CSI, whereas the British have SOCO. Thanks, Sharon, I thought. Now the CSI, I mean SOCO had arrived, they took a quick look at my injuries and deemed me well enough to go down to the station for a formal interview.
‘Will we have the car lights on?’ I asked excitedly, then was scolded by three very stoic looks.
Our two friendly police officers didn’t seem to enjoy the piss pool party which was the lift as we descended into our unknown future. Strangely, Bunny didn’t once release my hand as we made our way to the police car, which meant she was concerned about how this night might end.
Normally we would be taken in separate cars, but the officers told us that some nutter had broken into the local chicken fast-food restaurant to free all the chickens. A bit late, whack job, I thought, though Colonel Sanders is gonna be pissed off seeing hot wings thrown into the air and being told they were free now.
‘Can we have the siren on, Bethany, pleaseeee?’ I asked again as we started off. I gave her the Blade grin, surely it would win her over knowing that she liked me.
‘No, sit back and shut up,’ Officer 5543 said angrily, but we called her Sharon.
‘Aww, come on, just a little – it’s Friday night,’ I whined.
‘No!’ all three women in the car shouted.
I looked at Bunny, who was giggling silently but still holding my hand. ‘Pleeeeaaassssseeee.’
Sharon, who was in the front passenger seat, turned around. ‘One more word and I will taser you until you shit yourself, Sam. You got that?’ she barked at me until I nodded. I think the stress of the job was getting to the poor girl.
Bunny leaned her head against my shoulder and yawned as houses zipped by in the comfortable silence. I kissed the top of her head and smiled as she cuddled deeper into me.
After a couple of minutes, I asked, ‘Are we there yet?’
‘That’s it! Stop the car. I’m going fuck him up!’ Sharon shouted.
Bethany chuckled as her partner tried to get out of the moving car.
We were driven past the police station, but I was unimpressed to be honest. I expected a huge building with barbed wire and machine gun pits. This place looked like a cash and carry shop. We turned off the main road to be taken in through the rear. No laughing, this is serious. I helped Bunny out of the car and felt Sharon’s eyes on me. I may have irked her somewhat.
Then, with Bethany in front and Miss Angry walking behind, we were buzzed through the armoured door and into a white room with a large raised booth, which I believed was where we were to be booked in.
The girls gave the man behind the desk their report, but unfortunately the desk sergeant was being a bit of a dick because we were forced to share a car back together and, as murder suspects, we should have been kept apart. I decided to help.
‘Listen, we aren’t suspects,’ I said mockingly in response to his disapproval.
The sergeant leaned forward. ‘That’s what they all say,’ he replied in a monotone voice before turning to Sharon. ‘Have they been read their rights?’ He received a nod from her. ‘Okay, you’re not being charged yet, but I will take some details first,’ he said to me and Bunny before asking Sharon, ‘Have they spoken to major crimes yet?’
Sharon shook her head. ‘No, Sarge, they hadn’t turned up yet, but SOCO were in, so we brought them back here,’ the little brunette explained, and then added about the lack of cars available.
He rubbed his stressed face. ‘Okay, take them and get their clothes into evidence, and then into separate interview rooms. I’ll call upstairs and get someone down.’ He sighed and locked eyes with me. ‘Have you got a lawyer?’
‘Well, not on me,’ I retorted angrily.
His mad eyes twitched with annoyance.
I really didn’t like this uniformed phallus, and my head was hurting, but Bunny grasped my hand. Just as the dick behind the desk was about to respond, my girlfriend came to the rescue.
‘Yes, Officer, our lawyers will be here soon from Golden & Golden,’ Bunny stated calmly. By the looks on the coppers’ faces, they knew the firm.
Luckily for me I was led away by the friendly Bethany. She was a round-faced, pretty woman in her early thirties. The unfortunate bit was having to strip off in front of her as they were short-staffed. It wasn’t the fact that Bethany was staring, it was the stripper tune she hummed merrily. I’m sure there’s a law against this, but fortunately my mind was occupied as I was staring at what I thought was blood splatter on the ceiling.
‘I don’t like leaving Bunny alone. What are they going to ask us?’ I said, zipping up the white jumpsuit that made me feel like a human teabag.
We walked down the white painted hallway towards several very unflattering wood-effect doors. Damn you, home design. B
eth opened a door to an interview room and showed me where to sit.
‘It’ll be fine, Sam. They just want your version of what happened, then they’ll check with the detectives on scene and SOCO,’ Bethany explained.
We then settled opposite each other in the interview room as we waited for an investigator to come down. She gave me a lovely cup full of weak piss – sorry, I mean tea.
I leaned back in the chair. ‘Well, that sergeant was a dick,’ I muttered.
Bethany shook her head. ‘He’s okay. Being custody sergeant is never a fun job. Most of the time he just gets abuse from drunks and druggies.’
‘But I’m a delight. He just thinks everybody is guilty.’ I banged my fist on the table. ‘Free the Barking Two!’
The interview room door instantly opened. #WHOOPS.
‘Good evening, Mr Blades, I’m Detective Constable Peterson,’ the tallest man in the room said while giving me a shitty look. He loomed over us. He must have been at least six feet five tall.
I shook his proffered hand. ‘Wouldn’t call it good, mate, but at least it’s Friday,’ I replied with a smile.
Peterson sat next to Bethany. ‘Good point. So, can you tell me what happened?’ he asked as the recording machine started.
‘Nah, I’ll wait for my lawyer.’ I smiled. Anger flashed across his face and Beth rolled her eyes Why do all the women I know do that?
‘It’s in your own interest, sir, to help us. We will get you a lawyer, but first I just need the details of what happened,’ he pushed harder, which irritated me.
‘Listen, mate, I have a lawyer coming. But if you want to push, you can have my edited version,’ I said and rubbed the back of my head which throbbed like a mother. ‘I got home, thumped, ouch, bad man with a bang-bang, ninja-like girlfriend, kebab the shit, the end.’ The room sang with the subtle undertone of sarcasm.
The pen snapped in his hand.