by J Marie
“He’s not my boyfriend… he’s my…”
“Roommate.” I supply the words, afraid of what she’ll say next.
“Oh, I was under the impression.” He looks between us. “My apologies.”
“No worries.”
“So… you’re still interested in doing a show with us?” he says, looking at Mia.
“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to have a couple days to think it over.” Well, at least she’s going to think about it. I didn’t think it would be a big deal.
“Sure, Mia. You take a couple days and let me know. Sooner rather than later would be best, though.” He winks.
They talk for a few more minutes before she turns to leave through the same doors we’d walked through just half an hour ago. She whirls at me once we reach the car. “You had no right.”
“What are you talking about, Mia?”
“You had no right to show someone else my paintings. Those are mine.” She points to her chest. “Personal. That came from me—my thoughts, opinions, feelings. Now you’ve gone and shown it to someone else. How could you?”
“They’re fucking good, Mia. I know it. Geoffrey knows it now. You know it, even when you choose not to believe it. Besides, you show them off at other galleries, what makes this one any different?”
“Don’t tell me what to believe.”
“Heaven forbid I try to do something nice for you.”
“I don’t need nice, Brooks. You aren’t my boyfriend. You’re my roommate. So what, I kissed you. I broke my own rules. Get over it.”
“Why are you being such a bitch right now, Mia? You don’t mean that.”
“Maybe I do, Brooks. Maybe I’ve always been one. Remove those rose-colored glasses, and we’ll find out, won’t we.”
“I don’t understand.”
“No, clearly, you don’t. I just can’t be around you right now. I need some… space.”
“Fine. You want space, done. I’ll just go into work like I planned to anyhow. Maybe Eddie will give me a few extra hours so you can have all the time you want to figure it out.”
I storm off from the gallery, leaving her there staring after me. Or maybe she isn’t, I don’t give a flying fuck. She isn’t ready to accept something real, and she’s lashing out because of how she’s feeling inside. Every border wall she’s placed around her heart is masking her real feelings and instead of accepting it, she’s going to fight it. So be it. If I have to fight her to get through to her, I will. Even if it kills me. Even if she hates me afterward.
Luckily, Topsy Turvy isn’t too far down the road from the gallery, so I walk there. A cold breeze blows around my shoulders and a chill creeps down my spine. Pulling open the door, I’m hit with the all too familiar bar smell. Eddie’s eyes are wide as he watches me walk behind the bar.
He furrows his eyebrows. “Thought you called off today?”
I shrug it off like it doesn’t matter. “Thought it was worth it, I was wrong. Here now. Keep me as long as you want.”
He nods. “Alright, well Zara’s here. Guess I’ll tell her she can head out.”
“Thanks, man.” He doesn’t ask anymore questions.
Setting up my station, I start working, getting lost in the endless movements of bartending. One shot, two beers, one fuzzy navel. I chide myself for wondering if Mia got home okay and if she’s ever going to let me in. Focus on the drinks and the customers.
“Well, you’re a sight for sore eyes, boy.” I watch as Willie meanders up to the bar and takes a seat in front of me.
“Sure I am right now.”
“Something happen with your lady friend?”
“Yeah, guess you could say that.”
“You wanna tell me what you did?”
My eyes widen. “What I did?”
He quirks an eyebrow. “Yep, normally the guy does something to mess it all up, so out with it. What’d ya do?”
“I got her a gallery showing at Rising Tides Art Gallery up the road. Don’t know what’s so wrong with doing something nice for her.”
“Huh, didn’t know your lady painted…”
I smile. “Sure does, she’s great at it too. Which is why I thought she’d like to get into Rising Tides. I found a flyer in the kitchen with the gallery name on it.”
He points at me. “See, there’s your first problem son, thinking. Second problem, you took something of hers and shared it with someone else without telling her about it or asking if it was okay. I imagine her artwork is personal to her. It’s something she created. Maybe it’s not meant to be shared with the world. Maybe she paints for her.”
“But she shares it with other galleries. I don’t see the difference. Plus, she said she would think about it.”
“Course she did. She’d be too smart to turn it down.”
I sigh. “Then I don’t get it…”
He makes a weird noise of agreement. “She’s a woman. Look, don’t you go trying to understand them, because I have news for you. You’ll never ever figure it out. Sure, after a while, you’ll be able to read her tells. But it’s what makes them such an interesting creature. Keeps ya guessing.”
My shoulders lift in a huff, and I blow out a long breath. “Yeah, well, it’s annoying. One minute she’s hot, the next she’s cold and closed off. Anyhow, what can I get ya?”
“My usual, please.”
“Whiskey, it is.”
I allow my eyes to drift over the patrons seated at the bar. My eyes make another pass when someone familiar catches my eye. No… it can’t be. My eyes find him again, and it’s not just a figment of my imagination. He’s a dead man walking. One I thought I’d never see again. My feet travel toward him without being told, but they move slowly as if he’ll disappear if I walk too fast.
“Matt?” My voice seems unsure, but how can I be? It’s been years since I’ve seen him. I’d know him anywhere, though. Why is he here of all places? At Topsy Turvy.
His eyes find me, widening. It’s unexpected. “Brooks?”
My mouth drops open. I thought I was going crazy seeing things. “You’re actually here. I was told… I never believed the stories, but dude, you dropped off the face of the earth without a trace. They said you were… dead.”
He shakes his head, and I walk around the bar to hug my old friend. “I bet they did. Spiritually dead is the same as dead to those brainwashers.”
“But how…”
He shrugs like it’s not a big deal. “Simple, I ran in the middle of the night. I couldn’t exactly say goodbye and take the chance that someone would come after me.” I nod my head, understanding completely.
“Why here?” I’m confused.
“There are others here from the compound. We all ran at the same time. I couldn’t stand there and let the leaders run my life anymore. I wouldn’t marry who they wanted me to, I couldn’t do that life. They wanted to strap me down to two wives, and you know how I feel about that kind of thing.”
Wait, did he say there are others? “Who else?”
“Thomas and Samantha.”
I can’t help the thousands of questions currently pounding my brain. I’ve thought he was gone for years, and now he’s here right in front of me. Living and breathing. “What do you do for work? Where do you live? Man, I thought you were dead for years, and now you’re here out of nowhere.”
“I own an adult club called Pelle. I changed my name too, so no one could find me. I go by Donatello Knight these days.”
“Ok… Donatello… What’s an adult club?”
“Oh, come on, Brooks. I know you don’t live that far under a rock.”
“Hold up… you own a sex club?”
“That’s exactly what I mean.”
“Damn, that’s a 365 flip from life in the compound, isn’t it?”
“Told you. I wasn’t cut out for compound life. You should come some time. Let’s just say it’s a night you won’t soon forget.”
“Um…”
“Tell you what, I’ll leave your
name with my doorman, and if you show up, cool. If not, also cool.”
“But why are you here at Topsy Turvy?”
“Oh, right.” He points to Zara. “I can’t get her out of my head. Sexy little thing shows up at my club a couple of nights a week, and she’s like a drug I can’t quit. Has a taste for domination, and I enjoy letting her live out every fantasy. I’d say she’s my new flavor of the month, but there’s something more than that going on. Something about her…. I just can’t put my finger on it.”
“You like her.”
He takes a drink of his gin and tonic and swallows. “Something like that. It’s just that I’ve never met anyone like her. Zara doesn’t back down from a challenge, and she doesn’t always let me get what I want. She pushes back, and I live on it.”
“I get it. Seems to me I’m having my own challenges these days.”
The door to the bar opens, and a whiff of cotton candy blows my way. My gothic, combat boot wearing pixie is here. My eyes lock on her endless blues as she walks through the front door. Wearing the same clothes from earlier. Her small body doesn’t even take up half of the door frame, and she looks like absolute perfection.
He turns to follow my gaze before clearing his throat. “Yeah, there must be something in the water. The girls here are quite different from the ones back home, and I’ll be the last to complain. We can chat later.”
Maybe I am wearing rose-colored glasses, but damn them, because she’s perfect for me, even though her actions cut deep. I’d done something nice for her, and she’d blown up in my face. The worst part is that I’m willing to let her hurt me again and again if it means eventually I’ll get through to her.
But I still firmly believe that I didn’t deserve to be treated that way, so I don’t smile at her. Not this time. Ignoring her, I walk back and attend to the guy at the end of the bar and a few college girls that dropped by to drink.
Sophie walks up behind me at the bar and winks when I turn around, but it falls flat. She’s a pretty blonde, but she does nothing for me. I want to flirt back so badly, but my cruel, stupid hurt won’t let me. It keeps whispering that even flirting is cheating and although I know it’s true, I hate it. We aren’t even together, so why does it matter?
I want to be mad at her. To hurt her the way she hurt me. It’s idiotic. To blame her for being so closed off, for not letting me in, but the truth is I can’t. Stupid, stupid heart.
She makes her way to the bar and sits down. Walking toward her, I pretend to be oblivious to the little tick in my heart every time we’re in the same room together. “Hey, Brooks.” Her voice is smooth like honey—the voice of an angel in devil clothes.
“What can I get you?” I keep my voice monotone as if she’s just another customer.
“I want to talk.”
“What’s changed from the gallery?”
“Don’t be cruel, Brooks.”
My heart does that damn tick again. “Don’t be cruel? Really, Mia? I did something nice for you. Something really nice, and you treated me like I was the fucking scum of the earth for doing so.”
“So, what? You decided to come here and flirt with fucking Sophia, Brooks? You thought that was the best decision?” Sophia huffs and leaves the bar with a mumbled bitch under her breath.
“For the record, she was flirting with me. Did you see me once flirt back? No. You didn’t. Because my stupid fucking heart wants only you. Every time you’re near me, it rapid fires. When you’re not around, I can’t stop thinking about you. I want to do nice things for you. Be with you. So, sue me. Why is that so wrong?”
I run my hand through my hair roughly. “I know the word boyfriend is too much for you, but Mia, that cuts really fucking hard when you dismiss me like I am not a part of your world. I’ve been inside you. We’ve made love, whether you choose to believe it or not and I refuse to accept that there’s nothing between us. Refuse to because I know there is and if you choose not to accept that, then so be it, but I’m tired of hiding my feelings when I’m around you. I won’t hurt myself anymore.”
“Brooks…”
“I don’t know what you want from me, Mia.”
“We never said we were dating Brooks. We were fucking. I made it clear. You weren’t supposed to go and fall in love with me. I made you promise not to break that rule. There was always an end game with us.”
“Well, that’s my fault because it looks like that’s what happened. I broke my own damn rule.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Just… Give me a fucking chance to prove to you that I’m not that idiot. The one that broke your heart. The one that got you so fucked up that you lost all hope in men. I am not him, and I guarantee you I will never treat you the way he did. I just want one chance, Mia. One single chance. It’s going to be up to you, though. None of this wishy-washy shit. So when you decide, better make damn sure you stick to it because there are no take-backs.”
“Okay. I get it.”
I nod. My heart is on the line, and the cards lay in her hands. She’ll decide where this goes from here on out. She slips behind the bar and starts getting her station set up.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting set up. I work tonight.”
Great.
It’s been three hours since we talked. Now, she’s clearly avoiding me. Every time I try to talk to her about earlier, she walks away or magically finds another customer to help. I’ve watched her laugh and flirt with every single guy here tonight, and I know she knows I’ve been watching because her eyes always trail back to me.
Mia’s head tips back in a laugh as she brings a table their food. It’s not busy tonight, but sometimes she runs food. Like she’s running food to the man I’ve thought was dead for years. I still can’t truly wrap my head around the fact that he’s been on the outside this whole time. A part of me is mad that he didn’t take me when he left, but that was years before I realized I wanted out. He’d been one of my few friends on the inside, and I always wondered what happened to him.
Some of the guys she’s been delivering drinks to are getting a little wasted and handsy. I’ve been keeping my eyes on them every time she meanders past. One of the guys at the high top across the way keeps staring at her with a look that I know all too well. I’ve found myself giving her that same look time and time again. She evades his arm for the first time but isn’t as lucky the second time. He reaches for her again, successfully looping his arm around her waist.
I hear his words as they slur from his mouth. “Come on, sweets, let me touch you. We could have such a good time together.”
My blood boils. Only it’s more anger than jealousy. Although, the little green monster sits just below the surface.
She smiles and tries to step away from him but his grip gets tighter. Rage lights my veins on fire as I watch her face go from a smile to something else. There’s a fucking line that you just don’t cross when it comes to women, and he’s coming bouldering across it in flying colors. I saw too much violence against women back home. I won’t stand for it here too. I drop my glass on the bar top, not even waiting for it to shatter before I hop over the bar, my fists balled in anger.
She escapes his arm right as I get to the table. Mia looks over at me with wide eyes, not sure what to do next. She moves farther away from him.
“Brooks, don’t.”
I pull her behind me and stare down the idiot that dares lay a hand on a woman, mine. She’s mine now and forever. I don’t care if she sees my angry caveman or not. Woman or not, if she says no, you back down.
“Apologize to the lady,” I say, staring down at Captain grabby hands.
He holds up his hands. “Look, man, we were just having a little fun. Didn’t mean any trouble.”
“Didn’t look that way to me. Looked like you were touching her without her permission, and last time I checked that’s not okay. It’s never, ever okay.” Mia touches my arm, but I jerk away.
A brief turn tells me that Matt- eh, Donatell
o—is here for backup if I need it. It’s a small show of solidarity. It gives me peace knowing he’s got my back. He nods at me, standing behind Mia.
“It’s fine, Brooks. It happens.” She reaches out to touch me, trying to soothe the anger writhing within.
“No, Mia, it’s not. It’s never okay to be disrespected. ” I go in for a kiss before she can stop me. My lips press against hers roughly, and she gasps at the force of it. “You are mine,” I whisper gruffly.
A soft “Oh” falls from her lips at my command. Then my lips are back on hers, kissing furiously. Both of us grabbing for each other trying to pull ourselves into each other more. She melts into me.
“Damn, Brooks. Get a damn room.” I see a grin split across Donatello’s face.
I shake my head, looking back at Mia’s gorgeous face and cotton candy hair. “We’re leaving.”
“But… I’m not done with my…” She points back to the bar.
“Doesn’t matter. Not important. We have issues to discuss and makeup sex to be had.”
“How do you know about makeup sex, Brooks?”
“I’ve been researching just for you.”
“Lead the way, handsome. I’m down for whatever you want.”
I want to pick her up like a caveman, swat her ass, and leave the building but there’s a couple of things I need to do first. Like, make sure Zara can keep covering for me. Luckily, when Eddie told her to go home earlier, she decided to just stay. I probably have Donatello to thank for that. He’s been chatting her up all shift.
I walk over to the bar but don’t even have to ask when I see her.
“Go get your girl,” she whisper-shouts, looking to Mia over my shoulder and winks. I nod once, not taking another second to think it over. I grab Mia by the hand and rush to the door like I’m walking on hot coals. Eddie shakes his head and tries to seem angry, but at the last minute, a smirk tears across his face as we pass, Zara catcalls in the background at us.
We run the whole way to the apartment since it’s only two blocks from the bar, her car completely forgotten. Bounding up the stairs with Mia on my heels I quickly unlock the door, fling it open, and turn around to grab her, dragging her inside with me. I’m being a whole lot reckless. The door bangs against the wall behind us, and I know there’s no way there isn’t a hole. I’ll repair it later. I don’t have time right now. I’ve gone full caveman, but I don’t care. I need to be inside her like it was yesterday.