More of us.
Too bad I couldn’t figure out how to make it work, how we could possibly make it work. Our differences were still too great and the odds, too stacked against long term success.
She sat up and turned, putting some distance between us, leaving my side instantly cool. “We both know it’s not that simple. Not here.” Those big violet eyes were filled with the same disappointment I felt, the same heartbreak that was cracking my heart in half.
“Why isn’t it that simple? The town will talk, we can’t stop that. It’s the nature of small towns, especially ours. But so what? They’ll move on to something else.”
“Eventually.”
I rolled my eyes even as a smile tugged at my lips. “Audrey.”
“No Walker. What about Will? Are you willing to risk his friendship when we’re not right for each other?”
Was I? She was right about one thing, we were all wrong for each other and the chances were good that we’d end in a fiery crash that might take a lifelong friendship with it.
“See? You know its true even if you’re too nice to say it to my face.” Her lips twisted into a sad smile. “And there’s the matter of your list.”
A groan tore from my lips. “That damn list.” Would it always come back to bite me in the ass? “It was…well intentioned. I was determined not to repeat the mistakes of my first marriage.”
She gave a short nod but I didn’t miss that she put even more distance between us. “So you came up with a list of ideal qualifications for your future woman. I get it, Walker. I really do.”
I could see that she did understand, but there was something else. “And you agree?”
Her head shook and sent black hair spilling all around her shoulders, brushing the hard peaks of her nipples. “No, I don’t agree. But I know you.”
“So what you want doesn’t matter?”
Again she shook her head as her shoulders drooped in resignation. “Of course it matters, but you want to enter politics and to climb that ladder you’ll need someone like the woman on your list. Not me.” Violet eyes glazed over for a minute and I wondered where her thoughts had taken her but before I could ask, she literally shook the thoughts off. “That’s why we should just call it now. Before the dance.”
“No,” I said again, sounding like a broken record because I had no other arguments than hell no. “You’re being crazy.”
“No, I’m not. You only think that because it isn’t ending on your terms.”
“So what was this, a goodbye screw?” Because that was a fucked up thing to do to a guy.
The laugh she let out was brittle and harsh. “It didn’t start that way but things became clear to me.”
“What things? What came to you that could make you walk away and throw us away so easily?” I had to know what piece of knowledge she thought had suddenly made everything crystal clear for her.
Audrey stood and grabbed her robe from the back of the door, wrapping it around herself in a protective gesture. “I realized that I was in love with you. Again or still, I don’t really know. All that matters is that I know nothing will come of it which means I can’t keep doing this with you. I won’t.”
“You can’t hang out with me?”
She shook her head and swiped at a stray tear that just about gutted me. “No. Not for a while at least. Until things can be normal between us.”
“I like spending time with you Audrey. Even out of bed and with our clothes on.” I smiled and when she replied in kind it felt like a small victory.
“I like spending time with you too, Walker. That’s the problem. You come over and you bring me food, which you know I love, and then you’re sweet and funny, sexy and gorgeous. Makes it hard to remember why this is a bad idea.”
“I’m not seeing a problem so far,” I told her in an effort to lighten the mood.
“Of course you don’t, this is all a big win for you.” She crossed her arms in an effort to look stern and it worked. In the best possible way. “But we can’t work. We don’t work and you said it yourself, we’re too different. Eventually I’d resent you trying to change me and you’d resent my refusal to fit in and then we’d hate each other. So this,” she motioned between us, “has to be the end.”
“I don’t buy that.” It was a bullshit excuse and it didn’t matter to me that it was exactly the same song I’d been singing since things had gotten physical between us. Again.
“Well you know what, Walker? I don’t care what you think. You walked away once without looking back and you can do it again.” She spun away in a swirl of purple silk and disappeared into the bathroom.
Conversation over.
For now.
Audrey
“Hope. What are you doing here?” The Spring Fling dance would officially begin in about six hours and I figured she would be like the rest of the female population of Tulip, waiting for hair and nail appointments in town.
The blond pixie shrugged and ran a nervous hand down her hair which was looking less pixie-ish with every passing day. “I figured if left to your own devices, you’d wash and blow dry your hair before putting it in a god awful ponytail.”
She was probably right so I didn’t bother pretending offense, instead I stepped back so she could entire with her entourage of luggage. “I was planning a very elegant bun, thank you very much.”
Hope snorted a laugh before she let out a labored grunt just to get one big ass suitcase inside. “I doubt that. Luckily we’re friends and I can help!”
It was instinct to toss out some witty and half-sarcastic remark but I held my tongue because Hope was right. She could help. “I’m glad you’re here, actually. I haven’t been to a dance since high school.” Back then all I’d ever wanted was to be on Walker’s arm as we walked into a lavishly decorated gym, certain all eyes would be on us and equally certain all the boys would be jealous of him and all the girls, of me. Of course.
“Nervous?”
“Kind of. I ended things with Walker a few days ago.” We’d spent the whole day arguing back and forth, accomplishing nothing but exhausting our bodies between arguments. “Things will be weird but they can’t be.” I hoped she got what I was saying.
“So make you look so hot that you won’t be tempted to let him warm your bed again?” Blond brows arched in question and I took one of the cases from her and slammed the door.
“Nothing will make not want to let him into my bed or my heart, Hope. But I can’t.” I wanted to look good but not for the reasons she thought. “I need armor.”
Hope blinked and ran another hand through her hair. “Show me your dress.”
Oh crap. “Um, they’re in the closet. Somewhere.”
Hazel eyes went wide with shock and she looked around the living room and then the bedroom upstairs. “You haven’t pulled the dress yet? What if it’s stained or dirty? Or what if it needs to be hemmed? Or worse?”
Hope was right, of course, but nothing could be done about it now. “Then I have the perfect excuse to avoid this shindig.” After spending most of the morning and a good part of the afternoon bent over the toilet, potluck dishes and spiked punch were the last things I wanted to deal with tonight. At her annoyed look I rolled my eyes and threw my hands in the air. “Fine. I’ll get it while you…unload.”
Hope laughed and I went to the back inches of my closet where I kept clothes I didn’t wear often, clothes that were too big or too small but might come in handy someday and then, dress up clothes. Those I was least likely to wear ever but mostly likely to need. Some day. They shared one hanger so it was easy to find them both while Hope turned my bedroom and bathroom into a teenage sleepover fantasy. “Please tell me you have moisturizer!”
“On the counter by the sink,” I told her. “Beside my machete.”
“Very funny! Did you find the funeral dresses?”
I frowned and when Hope re-entered the bedroom, she laughed. “They’re not funeral dresses. They are basic black dresses, as in, little blac
k dress. Ringing any bells?”
“Oh please. Any woman your age with only black dresses, bought one or both of them for funerals. Unless there’s a red or purple dress in there hiding from us both?”
I rolled my eyes and balled the dresses up behind my back. “Smartass.”
She laughed again. “Let’s see…oh no, Audrey! These are just basic and I wouldn’t be a good friend if I let you go out with the love of your life in that.”
I let the love of your life comment slide since this night was already shaping up to be tense enough. “Well these are our options, Hope. One of these or I stay in my pajamas.” Which actually sounded a hell of a lot better than a dance. “Aren’t we all a little too old for this anyway?”
“Speak for yourself. I haven’t had a date or a kiss, never mind an orgasm since Cori left town. Eight months ago.” Her pout was adorable but as someone suffering the consequences of orgasms, I didn’t feel the proper level of sympathy.
“Then go get ready and stop worrying about me. I’m wearing one of these two black dresses, end of story.”
Arms folded defiantly, Hope looked me up and down, slowly and shook her head. “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your boobs are looking bigger than usual. A lot bigger.”
My hands went to said bigger ones and she was right, they were more than a handful. “Shit. How did I not notice?”
“Probably because you live in oversized t-shirts,” she snorted and held up the other dress. “They aren’t bad, but you should try them on while there’s still time to make it to the new boutique in town. They have some amazing things so we should just go now. To be safe.”
“What’s going on, Hope?” She was acting weird, jumpy and erratic, like a bunny on psychedelic drugs.
“I did something and it only occurred to me in the past few minutes that maybe it was presumptuous. Overstepping.”
“For crying out loud, woman! Tell me.” I loved Hope, she was a great girl, but the woman needed to learn the shortest path to a point.
“I saw this really amazing grape colored dress and I think it’ll look amazing on you. Don’t be mad!” She unzipped the garment bag hidden inside the larger suitcase and pulled out a red dress and a purple one. “What do you think?”
“It’s beautiful.” It was silky looking which was terrifying because it meant all of my imperfections would be on display. Fully on display. “The color is so striking. I’m not sure it’s me.”
“Oh but it is! This color will make your eyes look magnificent and your pale skin with that ebony hair, you’ll look like a queen.”
“All right now, let’s not get carried away.” Hope laughed again and handed me the dress.
“If it doesn’t fit, we’ll find a way to make the black ones work. Promise.”
“Fine.” I took off my clothes and slipped the fabric over my head, holding my breath with my eyes closed until the dress hit the floor. The pleated empire waist offered a bit of forgiveness for my expanding midsection and the double shoulder straps gave it a sex appeal I hadn’t been expecting. “My boobs look incredible in this thing!”
Hope laughed and I turned at the sound. “Your boobs always look incredible, you just hide them in t-shirts all day. Every day.”
“Thank you, Hope. I owe you.”
“Details. You owe me details. Tomorrow over brunch, I expect graphic, vivid detail.”
It was an easy promise to make since nothing would happen tonight other than some pictures and a few turns on the dance floor. “Deal.” I knew exactly how to pay her back and I couldn’t wait to see her face when I did.
“Great. Have a seat.” She had a light touch, running brushes and pencils over different parts of my face in a ritual I’d never found joy in. “Have you told Walker about the baby yet?”
I froze at her question and shook my head. “No and I’m not going to. He’s planning to run for County Attorney.”
Hope blinked and pulled back, frowning at me. “What the hell does that have to do with anything?”
“He needs a political wife and that’s not me.” I kept my eyes closed while Hope worked her magic on my face and my hair, taking what felt like forever to help me get my armor in place before Walker showed up. “How’d you get so good at this stuff?” It was a weak attempt at changing the subject but thankfully, Hope took the bait.
“Are you kidding? I was a total girly girl with dreams of conquering the fashion world. This is what I do.” Her words were always animated when she spoke, whether she was telling me about a new linger design she was working on or the hot new guy who delivered fresh bread to the diner. I listened with a smile on my face, wondering if she ever ran out of words. “Okay, take a look.”
I sucked in a breath and flipped open my eyes, staring at a woman who could be me if you squinted your eyes. “Wow. How did you do that?”
She laughed, delighted. “You are an excellent canvas. Small pores, smooth, even skin and no opinions to get in the way of my genius!” She laughed again and clapped her hands excitedly. “You look so hot Walker isn’t going to be able to resist you.”
“He will.”
“He won’t,” she insisted and I refused to argue relationships with a hopeless romantic.
“We’ll see,” she said with a careless shoulder shrug. “There are a pair of nude shoes in the suitcase in case you don’t have any to wear,” she said, already focused on her own hair and makeup.
“I don’t know how to thank you for this, Hope.”
“You’re already giving me all the details of your super romantic night with Walker and that’s a friend tax, not repayment. You don’t owe me, Audrey.”
“Well thanks, anyway. Want to go with me and Walker?”
She scoffed. “And miss your big entrance? No way! Anyway I promised Janey I’d keep an eye on the booze table this year. Not like I’ve got a big strapping man to spin me around the dance floor.”
“In that dress, I think you’ll be lucky if you sit once the whole damn night.”
Hope flushed with pure joy. “You think so?”
“I know so.”
“You’re sweet, Audrey.”
I pointed at her with a scowl. “Don’t go spreading that around, or else.”
She laughed as we finished up and twirled while I applauded her stunning appearance. “All dressed up and no one to do.”
“I don’t know Hope. Maybe this is the year you can finally go after…who you want.” We both knew who it was but I wasn’t sure how she’d react to me bringing it up. Friendship was tricky that way.
“Who said I want anyone?”
“Seriously? You’re the only person who knows I’m knocked and by who and you’re playing coy?”
“Okay fine,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “But it’s just a silly crush, nothing to do anything about. I know a lost cause when I see one.” It was said to hear her say that but I was in no position to judge. Besides, she was right. Will was a happy bachelor with no plans on changing that anytime soon.
“Welcome to my world. Now, be a friend and have a shot or two on my behalf before you leave.”
Hope’s grin spread and she wrapped an arm around me. “Honey, I like the way you think!”
* * *
“Wow, Audrey, you look gorgeous.” The way he said it, like he was taken aback by my beauty, was enough to make a girl like me swoon. Inwardly because we were just friends. Only friends. Platonic friends with zero benefits. None.
He was the gorgeous one in his sharp black suit that made him look taller, broader. More handsome than ever. He’d slicked his blond hair back, giving him a decidedly James Bond look and those espresso eyes were a melted caramel color against the dusty lavender tie and pocket square. “Thanks. You look amazing Walker, as always.” He flashed a pleased smile that my cynicism wanted to say was smug satisfaction but the pink stain on his cheeks made that a lie.
“Wow.” His gaze raked up and down my body so many times that I had to take a step back or risk hopping i
n his arms and begging him to forget everything I said last time and take me again. Up against the wall. “That dress is…wow.”
I arched a brow at his continued shock. “Don’t be fooled, Walker. I’m not this sophisticated woman.” Those words sobered his look real quick and I ignored the flash of disappointment that zipped through me as reality crashed over him. “Ready?”
He gave a short nod and stepped back, waiting silently while I locked the door. I tried to keep my distance but his legs were longer and Walker was determined, placing his big hand on my lower back, the heat of his skin searing my own. “No weirdness tonight, right?”
Walker held my door open like the gentleman he was and I flashed him the biggest, brightest smile I could muster, sending a secret thanks to Hope for making my eyes sparkle unnaturally. “None at all. We’ll dance and laugh tonight and then things will go back to normal.” Where he pretended I didn’t exist and I pretended that I wasn’t in love with him.
“Normal. Right,” he snorted and shook his head as he started the engine. The drive to the community was too short for the silence to become tense or oppressive, thankfully, and the party was in full swing when we arrived. “The whole damn town is here.”
It wasn’t an exaggeration. The Big Hall, as it was informally known, had been transformed into a beautiful spring wonderland and the wall that separated it from the Great Hall had been removed to make room for the whole damn town. “Come on Mr. Spring Fling, flash that sexy smile at your adoring fans.”
He growled beside me and the low, sexy sound hit me in places it shouldn’t until I squeezed my thighs together and begged the sensation to go away. “I don’t have fans.”
“Whatever you need to tell yourself, big guy.” At least a dozen sets of eyeballs, all female, were drinking him in and sizing me up. “At least act like you’re happy to be here.”
“I am happy to be here. I just wish my date was.” Deep brown eyes settled on me, half filled with anger and half filled with longing.
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