by Syndi Powell
The initial kiss she would describe as him testing the waters. To see if the heat they had experienced earlier had been a fluke. The second kiss confirmed that a fire flared when they touched. And the third kiss made her knees wobble and threaten to make her fall. But the tight grip that Beckett had on her meant she’d never fall.
She ended the kiss and took several deep breaths. “We should stop.”
“Yes, we should.”
Then he backed away as if to leave her, but she grabbed the front of his jacket and pulled him in closer. “Just one more.”
One more kiss led to two more which ended in three. He pressed his forehead against hers after the last one. “You sure do know how to kiss.”
“I could say the same about you.”
“I like getting drinks with you, Andie, especially if they end like this.” He kissed the underside of her jaw. “I’m looking forward to Saturday night. I’ll pick you up at six.”
She closed her eyes, reveling in the tingles that the kiss sent up and down her spine. “Saturday. Six.”
She kissed him on the mouth once more, then told him good-night and got in her car. She knew that she’d be counting the minutes until their next date.
* * *
BECKETT PALED AT the crush of so many people packed inside the new restaurant. His buddy had assured him it was a soft opening, by invitation only. So why was there a crowd of people there? Aaron didn’t know that many people, did he? Still, if his friend wanted the restaurant to succeed he would need a strong word of mouth and good press.
Andie sipped her glass of red wine and pointed to a less popular corner. “We could get some breathing room over there.”
He appreciated that she could sense that the crowd raised his anxiety level. He nodded and took her hand, leading her to the quiet corner near the kitchen. Just below the din of the crowd, Beckett could hear the sharp orders from Aaron to his sous-chefs.
Andie leaned closer to him so he could hear her. “How do you know the owner?”
He swallowed as her nearness brought the scent of her perfume. “We served together in Iraq. He always claimed that once he got out of the army, he’d open up a restaurant.”
“So this is his dream come true, then.”
Beckett didn’t share that Aaron’s dream had been to marry his high school sweetheart who had sent a Dear John letter two months into his first tour. When the kitchen door opened, Beckett brought his arms around Andie to move her out of the way of a squad of waitstaff with trays of appetizers. The servers started to circulate in the crowd. A waiter handed plates of raw vegetables with various dips to him and Andie.
Andie plunged a carrot into one dip, nibbled the veggie and nodded with appreciation. “So all of Aaron’s creations are vegan? From the size of this crowd and the good food, I’d say he will be a success.”
Beckett used his pinky to dip into one sauce and placed his finger in his mouth. Surprised to find the dip so tasty, he used a radish to taste more of it. They ate the appetizers, then sat down as the tasting plates offering different entrées were delivered to each table. Beckett had to squeeze closer to Andie to get a seat in the booth. Not that he minded being crushed to her side. She looked gorgeous tonight in a red dress that seemed to bring out the darker highlights in her hair. She reminded him of a chocolate-covered strawberry waiting to be tasted. And he wanted to be the only man to do just that.
Aaron walked out of the kitchen, and Beckett pointed him out to Andie as he greeted the guests. Eventually, his buddy got to their table. Beckett stood and embraced his brother in arms. “Congratulations. The food is amazing.”
“Well, of course it is.” He patted Beckett on the back and acknowledged Andie. “And who have we here?”
Andie stood and shook Aaron’s hand as Beckett introduced them. “We’ve been working together on restoring a stained glass window.”
Andie shot him a look. “That’s not all we’ve been doing.”
Aaron smirked at this, but Beckett chose to ignore it. Trying to describe his relationship with Andie wasn’t easy.
“I’ve got to get back to the kitchen, Iceman, but I’m glad you came out tonight.”
Andie frowned. “Iceman?”
“He hasn’t told you that story?” Aaron slung an arm around his shoulder. “After our truck got firebombed and Ruggirello pulled him out of the flames, Beckett took down three snipers who’d been shooting at us from the rooftops. Didn’t matter that his legs were still smoking from the flames. Ice in his veins. No emotions. Just pop. Pop. Pop. Dead.”
Beckett shook his head. “It wasn’t like that.”
“I was there, buddy. It was exactly like that.” Aaron turned back to Andie. “He saved our behinds that day because he kept his cool when everyone around him was losing their minds. Pushed our team to get in the truck behind ours and got us out. No casualties for our side.” He patted Beckett on the back. “Got a medal for it. Well deserved.”
Andie looked at Beckett with a different light in her eyes, and he bristled at the change. He shot a hand out to Aaron and shook his, hoping to encourage his friend to leave them. “Well, congratulations on the restaurant. You deserve all the success.”
Aaron gave them both a nod. “Thanks again for coming.” Then he disappeared behind the kitchen door.
Beckett looked to Andie. “Are you ready to go?”
She frowned, likely not understanding the quick change of mood. What a minute ago seemed festive, now was not. The walls seemed closer than they had before, and the temperature of the room had risen to the point where he needed to remove his tie and suit jacket.
She mouthed, Okay, and he grasped her hand and pulled her through the crowd until they stood outside. He handed the valet the ticket for his truck, then pulled at his tie to loosen it and leaned against the restaurant’s bay window. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she peered into his eyes. “Are you okay?”
He glanced around, was looking for possible threats. Scanning the roofs of the nearby businesses methodically until he realized that they were safe. He put a hand over his eyes. “Is it all right if we end our night early?”
* * *
ANDIE’S MOOD DIPPED with his words. She’d hoped that they could enjoy another date like a normal couple. She paused at that word. Would they ever be able to have a normal relationship? After this evening, she wasn’t so sure.
Seeing Beckett’s pained expression, Andie opened her purse and started pawing through it. “Do you have a headache? I can give you some aspirin?”
“Aspirin won’t help.”
She jerked back at the heat behind his words. “Why are you so angry?”
“Don’t.”
They’d been having a wonderful time, enjoying the food and the atmosphere. She’d even enjoyed getting a glimpse of who Beckett had been before she met him. Aaron’s words only confirmed what she’d always thought of Beckett—that he was a hero.
The valet pulled the truck to the curb, and Beckett opened the door to help Andie up into the vehicle before walking slowly around to the driver’s side. It gave her time to think about what had changed. True, he’d had a moment of panic, but it had passed. He’d even laughed at something she’d said. She had thought they’d been able to get past his denial of being a hero, but it was obvious that Beckett still clung to the belief that he wasn’t one. Why? Because he had killed people in order to save his own team? Did he think that would make her change her mind about him?
They drove in silence, and she snuck looks at him, trying to figure out what she could do to fix this. To make it better. If a friend of hers was in this situation, what advice would she give? Andie had a sinking feeling there was no answer.
When they arrived at her apartment, Beckett shut the truck off and they sat in silence for a moment. Andie could feel the distance starting to grow between them. Longing for it to stop, she reached
out and put her hand on his. He swallowed visibly, his ice-blue eyes full of a storm.
“Andie—”
“Don’t say anything. Just kiss me.” She leaned over and did just that. When they had kissed before, she could feel the Beckett she knew and loved responding to her. She hoped to find that man again.
But the moment passed, and she felt his lips tighten. He didn’t have to tell her with words. She was losing him. Opening her eyes to stare into his, she could see the storm in them had settled into a resolute decision, and her heart seemed to still in her chest.
She scooted away from him, rested her head on the cushion and stared at the ceiling. What had she done that was so wrong? Why couldn’t he love her?
When she turned to open the passenger door, she heard him say to her retreating back, “I’m sorry.”
She turned to face him. “No, you’re not. And I think that’s what really hurts. Because you never wanted this to work.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Then tell me.”
He stared at her but didn’t utter a word. “I can’t do this anymore, Beckett. My heart can’t handle this back and forth with you. Either you’re with me or you’re not.” She raised her head to look at him. “And right now, you’re not. So don’t contact me. Don’t invite me anywhere. And don’t show up at my office with flowers. I’ll be polite when we work on the window together. But when that’s finished, so are we.”
She hopped out of the truck and slammed the door behind her. She heard him get out of the other side and call her name, but she didn’t turn back. She couldn’t. If she did, she’d give in one more time. And Beckett would eventually back away, and she’d end up in the same position.
Cassie had been right. She was stuck in another nowhere relationship where she put in the effort only to be left alone in the end. Well, that stopped now. No more. Her heart couldn’t take it.
She reached her apartment and quickly shut the door behind her, resting against it. She locked it tight to keep herself from running back to him. Instead, she put her hand on her chest. I’m strong. I’m capable. I’m enough.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
ANDIE PLACED THE wrapped sheet of glass on the worktable. Using scissors, she carefully unwrapped the large square. “I think this will be perfect for the streams of light.”
Beckett stopped cutting the glass at the other end of the table and barely acknowledged her or the glass before returning to his work. Russ stood closer and ran a hand over the surface. “It is perfect. Beckett?”
“I guess.”
Russ leaned in closer to Andie and dropped the volume of his voice. “Someone’s in a mood.”
She really shouldn’t care if Beckett was or not, but seeing him so distant and cold made her hurt even more than she had. She hitched the straps of her purse higher. “Well, I just wanted to drop that off. You both have a good night.”
“You don’t have to go.” Russ turned to Beckett. “Ask her to stay.”
She looked across the table at Beckett, but he stayed silent, his eyes focused on the cuts he made in the glass. With a hiccup, she left them and walked up the stairs.
She found Pattie in the kitchen, taking cookies off a baking sheet and placing them on a cooling rack. The older woman looked up and smiled at her. “Is it break time already?”
“I’m not staying.”
Pattie frowned and placed the spatula on the counter. “Beckett looked glum when he got here.”
“He doesn’t want me here.” She held up her hands in surrender. “He doesn’t want me at all.”
The words out of her mouth brought a fresh wave of tears. She startled when she felt Pattie wrapping her arms around her. “You go ahead and let it all out.”
She immediately raised her head and took a step away from Pattie. “No. I’m done crying over him.”
Pattie peered at her, not appearing to be convinced by the words. She went and got a plastic container from a cupboard. “You take some of these cookies home.”
“No, I couldn’t.”
“It’s not much, but chocolate seems to ease a little of the heartbreak.” She thrust the container into Andie’s hands. “Before bed, eat two of these and add a big cup of tea. It will help you feel better in the morning.”
Andie wrapped her arms around the container of cookies. “I know what you said about waiting for him, but I can’t keep letting him break my heart.”
“I know. A relationship like this isn’t easy.”
Not being easy didn’t even begin to describe it. “I have to do what I think is best, right?” Still questioning if she was doing the smart thing, Andie looked at Pattie.
The older woman moved to the sink and stared out the window, an odd expression on her face. Was she recalling her own past experiences and how hard they’d been? “That’s true. What’s also true is that sometimes loving a warrior isn’t for the weak willed.”
“You think I’m weak?” The word made the ache in her chest swell. She was strong, wasn’t she?
“No. You’re not weak.” Pattie shook her head. “You’re just not ready.”
* * *
“WHAT DID YOU do now?”
Beckett looked up from the glass he’d been cutting to see Russ’s angry face. “Excuse me?”
Russ pointed to the ceiling. “That woman’s been crying recently, and based on your mood, I’d say you’re responsible.” He glared at Beckett. “So what did you do?”
“Nothing.”
That had been the problem. He couldn’t give her what she wanted, so it was best for them both to let go. To give up their friendship.
Russ didn’t look convinced. Instead, he made a noise in the back of his throat and exited the basement. Beckett brought his focus back to the cuts he needed to make. But his mind wandered to the woman who had left.
He’d be blind not to notice her tearstained cheeks and reddened eyes. It had been several days since he’d last seen her, but he’d thought that she would be okay by now. But her appearance this evening had proven him wrong.
She wasn’t fine just as he wasn’t.
Andie had been right to tell him to leave her alone. As much as he might dream about her and wish to have a future with her, reality proved that they were better apart. But knowing it and accepting it were two different things.
She deserved so much more. While he might wish he could be the man to fulfill her dreams, he accepted his faults. Knew his failings. And being with Andie would only hurt them both.
Russ returned to the basement, glowering at him. “She’s gone.”
“It’s probably better that way.”
“You’re such a fool.”
Beckett stood and stared at the older man. “I’m trying to keep her from getting hurt worse later on.”
“No, you think you’re protecting yourself.” He took a few steps closer. “I get it. I know your reasoning. But you’re wrong.”
He wished he was. If there was a chance for him to be with Andie, he would be running out of the house after her.
But there was no chance.
He went back to the glass as Russ muttered under his breath. “Let’s just finish this pattern.”
“You’ll have to finish it another night.”
Beckett raised his eyes to meet Russ’s gaze. “You’re kicking me out?”
“We’ve both lost our focus, so let’s table this for now and get back to it in a few weeks.”
“All of this because I won’t date Andie?”
Russ shook his head. “Pattie and I are going on a cruise next week, and we’ll be gone for ten days. I was going to tell you tonight.” He stared at Beckett. “You need to take a step back from this and really think about what you want.”
“I want to finish the window.”
“You know what I mean.”
Beckett rose to his feet. “I don’t want Andie to get hurt.”
“She already is hurting.”
“Why can’t everyone just leave me alone about this?”
Russ scowled at him. “You want to be alone? Fine. Go be alone. But when you finally realize that you need her, don’t expect her to be there.” Russ turned and started to walk up the stairs. “Or any of us.”
Beckett struggled to accept the pain that his words had caused. Then he whistled softly to Phoebe. Russ was right. It was time for him to leave.
* * *
ENJOYING A RARE warm day in February at the park, Beckett threw the Frisbee for Phoebe to run after, applauding when she caught it in her mouth, then groaning as she dropped it and lay down on the damp grass. “You’re supposed to bring it back to me.”
He walked toward her and picked up the bright blue disc, petting the dog before straightening. “Want to try this again?”
Phoebe let out a sigh as if telling him that she was done chasing the Frisbee, but stood and waited for him to let it soar. She chased after it though let it drop and roll this time. This was obviously a work in progress.
His cell phone rang, and he glanced at the readout before answering it. He didn’t recognize the area code, much less the phone number. He had a bad feeling about this call. “Beckett here.”
“Lieutenant Beckett, this is Dr. Girard.”
He searched his brain for any connection with a Dr. Girard. Finding none, he cleared his throat before asking, “I’m sorry, who?”
“Dr. Girard. I’m with Saint Anthony Hospital. You’re listed as next of kin on my patient’s records.”
Next of kin. No, not another one. He closed his eyes and thought of his team members. “Who was it?”
“Private Christopher Lewis was brought to our emergency room a few hours ago. Attempted suicide.”