by Bonnar King
“No,” he replied before I could continue my question. “We haven’t.”
“But were you about to?”
“Robin, I haven’t hidden the fact that I want you. So, no. I haven’t been with anyone else.”
I didn’t realize it was that important to me until relief poured out of me in waves. I looked at him once more, my eyes taking every inch of him in and my heart and body aching at the sight. Then I looked straight ahead.
“Stop the car,” I murmured.
“What?” His voice held a tone of surprise. “We’re in the middle of the road.”
“Just stop the car, Nick. I have something important to do.”
He didn’t respond. But I felt the car slow down a few seconds later as he directed the car off the highway and beside a huge oak tree. I looked around and saw that we were completely alone, with no other cars driving by.
“Look, Robin, if this is about what I’ve done…if you want me to apologize, then I will—”
I didn’t let Nicholas finish his sentence. Instead, I briefly closed my eyes and gathered all my courage to do the one thing I wanted to do the most right now.
Then I slid out of the passenger seat and straddled his lap, shocking him on the spot. His gray eyes bored into mine, right before they darkened and flashed.
I didn’t give him a chance to speak as I leaned my head down and kissed him for all I was worth.
It was glorious. It was freeing. Desire shot up instantly and encumbered my heart and soul, and I found myself thirsty and hungry for more of him. He didn’t hesitate in kissing me back, although his hands were still on the steering wheel, gripping them tightly.
I wanted those hands on me.
Just for this one last time.
This time, I was the one sliding my tongue inside his mouth, seeking his out. They tangled together wetly, and I found myself inhaling his alpha scent as much as I was tasting him. The aftershave was closer now, seeping into my skin and drowning me in his essence. His hot breath urged me on, but his obvious effort to keep his control over his actions made me pause. I trailed my kiss softly from his mouth to his jaw, feeling it tense some more beneath. I pulled away slightly, breathing on him while I looked in his eyes.
Desire sparked there, bright and true. But he clenched his teeth as I ground against his lap.
“What’s wrong?” I asked softly.
He barked out a laugh. “You’re asking a alpha you’re trying to seduce what’s wrong?”
“Yes. I am.”
The laughter died from him, and he looked at me seriously. “Robin…I don’t want you to feel obligated. If you come to me, I want you to come freely.”
My heart stuttered in my chest, then beat even faster. I took one of his hands gripping the wheel and placed it on my ass, watching as he swallowed. I let him squeeze hard, let him know how much he affected me. He was silent as he felt it, never saying a word.
If anything, his eyes darkened even more. A low, sexy growl came out of his throat, turning me on so badly.
“God. Damn. It.”
His curse made me throb, and I bit my lip. Those eyes followed the movement.
“I’m doing this freely. Touch me or I’ll go mad, Nick,” I murmured.
It was the only invitation he needed. Nicholas practically jumped out of his seat to capture my mouth in another kiss—this time harder, more passionate and hungrier than any of our other kisses. To my delight, his control slipped bit by bit as he finally pulled me closer, letting me feel the full heat of his body. He took the kiss to another level, and now it was me clutching on to him to anchor myself as the kiss went on and on.
I could kiss him all day, but we both knew that was a lie. There were more things we wanted to do now, and we proved it by slowly undressing each other with locked eyes.
I played with his tongue, then unbuttoned his suit shirt as fast as I could. He chuckled and slid my suit to my waist, thumbs brushing my chest and nipples. I moaned and surged up, whimpering in protest when he kept chuckling and evading the touch I wanted most. I response, I growled and ground my hips against his bulge, which was hard and pulsing beneath his pants.
Nicholas stilled immediately, then cursed again. Then he finally pinched the aching nipples and escalating the pleasure I felt. I tried to hang on, tried to slide my hand down his pants to give him the same pleasure. But Nicholas shook his head and didn’t let me, focusing on building up my pleasure instead as he slid the pants up. He bypassed my underwear and slid a finger into my ass, then groaned as he whispered how wet and hot I was.
He then used his expertise to set a rhythm that had me riding his fingers, while I jacked off my cock, letting myself go for him. It was happening too fast, and soon I found myself standing on the edge and ready to plunge.
Nicholas was patient as I rode that high to God knew where, then came back down feeling nothing but bliss. He kept kissing me like I mattered, and my heart soared once again as I kissed him back, the connection between us turning sensual once again. This time, he didn’t stop me as I removed his cock from its confines and slid it inside me. This time, he didn’t protest as I set the rhythm of our lovemaking, taking it slow to savor our moment together.
Slow eventually turned fast as I grew restless, and so did he. I begged him to take me hard. With a groan, Nicholas finally let go of control he had left and repeatedly plunged inside me to his fullest, hitting my tender spot every time he thrust in. I cried out his name as he took my hips in his hands and drove into me over and over, and he swallowed the sounds as he kissed me deeply. Before I knew it, I was flying all over again—and a few seconds later, so was he as his body shook with the intensity of his orgasm.
Love poured out of me, threatening to come out of my mouth. But I swallowed it back in and closed my eyes, letting myself be contented for what we had now.
18
Nicholas
It didn’t happen just once.
Once Robin and I finally got our breathing back, we moved to the backseat, where I cursed my car for being so small and having no leg room. But we went ahead and made love there one more time, anyway, with him now below me and me driving inside him repeatedly with an intensity and hunger that threatened to make us both lose our minds. Maybe we did lose our minds and just didn’t know it yet. It didn’t matter. What mattered was how beautiful he looked, sweaty and flushed, as he opened his mouth and called out my name. What mattered was the pleasure we gave to each other, magnifying repeatedly until we were blind and deaf to everything but each other.
What mattered was that in this in this moment, I had Robin where I wanted him, and I could feel every bit of him and savor it for a lifetime.
What happened to us in the car—just like what happened to us in the library—was something I was going to keep in my memory for long, and I didn’t think I could feel the same way about any other omega again. It was an amazing, refreshing feeling, and I wanted to keep it in me and keep his satisfied no matter what.
After our sexual bout, with our hunger satisfied for the moment, I finally found the strength to drive him back to his place, where I kissed him one more time before finally letting him go. I teased him before I did, joking that I could stay at his home and satisfy him some more—though to be honest, only half of it was a joke. I was dead serious about wanting to sleep with him some more, despite how tired my body was feeling from all the sleepless hours I endured the past few weeks because of work.
Robin, however, declined, telling me it had been a long day. He then scolded me about getting some rest, and I did the same to him. We ended up making out some more until he protested that he had an early day tomorrow due to the fundraising concert they had planned and shouldn’t be tempted. A flicker of sadness came and went in his gaze, but he smiled at me so beautifully that I forgot all about it and became mesmerized. Perhaps he was just sad that I couldn’t stay there and we’d have to wait until the next weekend.
As I drove back to my place, I already had plenty in mi
nd regarding plans on where to take his during our next date. I had a business trip in Spain soon, and I wondered if asking him outright would be better rather than surprising him. I was going to find out soon enough.
But first, I was going to cook for him every day next week, so he could focus on his fundraising and not have to worry about what to eat.
Damn. I was like a lovesick puppy, and it was downright cheesy.
But I found I didn’t care. Screw anyone who had a problem with it.
I’d let them know how much I wanted Robin Olsen in my life.
It was only when I got home that the sadness in his eyes flashed back in his mind.
It was only when I listened to the voice message on my phone that I finally got it.
I can’t see you anymore.
I’m sorry for doing it like this, but I’m not going to apologize for my decision. I tried to tell you in the car, but what we shared was too precious to ruin during that moment, and I wanted to keep it as long as I could. But it’s unfair to keep letting you think that we still have many dates to go, and many nights to share.
We don’t.
Nick, I can’t be with you. I can’t date you and I can’t see you, because it’s too much and too painful. You’re the alpha I truly want…but you’re also the alpha who’s bound to take my life if I let you. You see, the library is my life. It’s my joy, and I don’t think I can move on without it. I realize now that I can’t ask you to be a part of it, too, not when it’s not something that you love.
I know you care about me. I can feel it in our interactions, and I understand now that it hasn’t just been lust between us in a while—and don’t you dare try to deny it.
But we need to end it before it becomes deeper. I can’t give up my library, and you can’t give up your dreams. Both are important to us. Both molded us into who we are now, and will always be a part of us. But I can’t watch as you destroy the one place that’s been my salvation.
So yeah…this is goodbye. I’m going to be happy for you, and I know you’ll be happy for me, whatever happens to us.
Alright, I’m going to say it—it’s too painful to say goodbye in person, okay? I can’t. So I’m leaving you this message to let you know that I’m going to miss you but I’ll be okay. Keep that smug smirk and make someone else melt over it—because obviously it’s not going to be me. I can’t live with myself if I still chose to be with you, knowing what you have to do.
I’m not blaming you. You have to do your thing, and I have to do mine. We’re from different worlds, and I think being apart is what’s best for us.
Goodbye, Nick. Take care.
And lastly, thank you for everything.
I replayed his message twice—the first to absorb the words and the second to absorb his tone. Then, when it was done, I just kept staring at the phone, willing it to jump or scream “Surprise!” or do something to remove me from this situation. It didn’t, of course.
Robin was truly gone.
I didn’t know how long I stayed there, just sitting on the couch until my brain hurt and his words became embedded in me forever. I closed my eyes, recalling the first time I met him and how I had wanted him even back then. Then I recalled moments ago, when the want had increased to be replaced by something else.
He was right. I did care about him, and I knew I’d be an idiot to deny it.
I was in love with Robin.
My mind worked, like it always did when something important came up. I went to shower and change my clothes, then set an alarm for Sunday morning. First thing I was going to do when I woke up was call my PA and set up another meeting with David—a final one.
Then I was going to take it from there.
19
Robin
Leaving that message for Nicholas was a cowardly thing to do, and I was deeply ashamed of myself, but I also knew if I tried to do it in person, we’d just end up sleeping together again. Our attraction for one another overpowered our logical decision making.
I wanted to desperately to tell Nicholas that I was keeping the baby and didn’t need anything from him. I almost let it slip out a few times, but stopped myself—it would be wrong to drop that on him. I would raise the baby myself as a single father. I also couldn’t hang around while my baby bump started showing up.
Our month-long fundraiser finally came to an end on a Tuesday night, and we used up two more days of our time to count the money we managed to raise and finalize everything. Lance did the counting twice, then called a meeting early on a Thursday morning to tell us the announcement that we’d been waiting for since starting this thing.
I was hopeful, but I knew hope had a way of shattering when you least expected it. Like right now.
“We raised more money than we possibly could have imagined,” Lance announced solemnly, spouting off the numbers that had my eyes widening. My heart soared.
Then it crashed at his next words.
“But it just isn’t enough for all the expenses we need to maintain this place. I already talked to David about it, and he agrees. I’m sorry, guys. I’m so sorry to be the bearer of bad news.”
Silence filled our small table. It was only the four of us in a small circle—me, Charles, Richard and Lance. The last people standing. I watched each of their expression fall, except for Charles, who already looked sad from the very beginning. It was like he was already expecting this news and was just bracing himself for it, which explained why he’d been so quiet when we got here. A heavy feeling settled over us as we just remained quiet, looking at each other and trying to absorb the news.
Finally, Charles smiled. He stood up and held out his hand to Richard.
“Want to act as tour guide to this place one last time?”
Richard looked like he was about to cry, indicating that he really was the youngest and the most emotional out of all of us when it came to dealing with such heavy things. But I couldn’t blame him, because I was trying to fight off the urge to cry, too. He took Charles’ hand and let him pull him, and they soon disappeared into the corridors of the library.
I looked at Lance. He looked at me. We had a staring contest as we just sat there, with no aggravation whatsoever between us. I realized we hadn’t talked much since the rift between us, and now I was regretting that.
“I’m sorry,” he said after a while. I could detect the sincerity in his tone as he looked down on the table. “For being a jerk to you when you needed my support the most.”
I waited for him to look up. When he did, I offered a smile. “Let’s just forget about it, okay?”
He nodded, relieved. I was letting him off the hook easy, but I just didn’t want to fight anymore. He hesitated before finally speaking again. “I…remember the omega Charles was talking about?”
“Yeah?”
“I apologized to him, too. And we went on a second date…then a third.”
I smiled in spite of myself. “And?”
“And I think I really like him.”
There was no think about it. I could already feel he was enamored, and that made me feel more relief than I had ever felt in a while. My decision stood firm on my feelings for him, but I didn’t want to hurt him with the rejection, either.
“That’s wonderful, Lance,” I said sincerely. “I’m glad you found happiness.”
He looked up. “I’d like for us to be friends again, Robin. I miss our friendship.”
“Of course. I would love that, Lance. And I’d like to meet him.”
“I’ll take him out with you guys soon.”
I laughed at that. “Oh, Charles is going to have a field day.”
He rolled his eyes and laughed, too. Then he turned serious again as he studied me. “What about you? You and Nicholas?”
Even just hearing his name was painful, but I pushed on and told myself to get used to it. “Nothing. There’s nothing between us. David said he already has a check ready for the library, and the contract has been signed. He was just polite enough to wait until
our fundraising was over.”
“Maybe he’ll change his mind.”
“I doubt it.” No, not when Nicholas had been silent for so long. A lash of pain came at me, but I desperately rode over it. “Let’s just forget about him. He has the library. We just have to move on.”
I forced a smile on my face, one that Lance didn’t buy. But he didn’t comment on it, instead calling out the others and telling us he was taking us out for lunch.
That was the last time we had any free time as we spent the next few days clearing out our stuff, as David confirmed the successful transaction. I made sure to bring coffee to everyone during those last days, trying not to think about how much I was going to miss them all as they talked about the new places they were applying to. I felt terribly hollow and had decided I was going take a month or two off to rest before job hunting. I knew my prospects were not good, due to me being pregnant. As for the money we had raised, we had decided to give it to another charity organization a week later.
David said we could take the books we liked, but I only took about five. I was just stuffing them in my backpack when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and stared at the unknown number for a while before finally picking it up.
“Hello?”
“Mr Olsen, this is Bart, Nicholas’ personal assistant. He sent a message for you. Are you still in the library?”
I frowned. “Yes. But I haven’t gotten any message.”
As if on cue, Charles called my name from the first floor. I walked down and found a mailman with a note for me. The secretary continued speaking on the phone about how this message was urgent and should be read right away. Then he hung up.
I glanced at Charles, who was looking at the enveloped note curiously before turning his attention to the mailman. I had to admit the mailman was cute—and he seemed to have his eyes on Charles, too.
Fighting off a smile, I left them alone and went back upstairs, finding a quiet place. I opened the envelope and took the note out, which was a plain sheet of paper with Nicholas’ handwriting in front.