“I know, and I’m very impressed that you didn’t pick it off.”
Kat smirked at her. “What was the answer to my mom’s question about how you knew you liked girls?”
Wendy blushed a little and took a sip of water. “Actually, your mom asked me when I knew.”
“I know you knew in high school. Did you know earlier than that?”
“No. Junior year, I had a huge crush on the French teacher. I wanted to see her naked.”
“Oh!” Kat couldn’t mask her surprise.
“What?” Wendy laughed at her exclamation.
“Nothing. I had crushes on a few teachers, but I didn’t want to see any of them naked.”
“What about now if you crush on someone?”
Kat pressed some of the fallen cheese between her thumb and forefinger and popped it in her mouth. She couldn’t look at Wendy. Even looking down at her plate, she was having a difficult time not picturing Wendy out of her crisp white blouse and pressed dark slacks. The top three buttons were undone tonight exposing her delicate collar bones. “Well, now that you’ve put that idea in my head!” She glanced up at a beaming Wendy and blushed hard.
“You’re crushing on someone?”
“That’s for me to know and you to find out.”
“Every time I’m around you, I feel like I’m back in high school.”
“Welcome to my life. Living with my parents, being teased by teenaged girls about whether I’m getting laid, I feel like I’m back in high school too.”
Wendy had taken another sip of water and sprayed it into her hands. While she coughed, Kat jumped up and got her a paper towel. “When did that happen?”
“Tonight I grouched at my bell ringers, and they blamed my mood on not having a sex life. I didn’t tell them I was just as grouchy when I was having sex.”
“I’ll be honest. I’m with them. I think sex fixes all sorts of things.”
“Hmmm. I’ll take your word for it.” Kat remembered how hearing her parents having sex used to comfort her and make her feel like they would be fine and that her father wouldn’t spend the next weekend sleeping over at his boyfriend’s house. Sex hadn’t fixed everything back then, and sex certainly never patched the holes in her marriage.
“Not everyone has the same sex drive. Ready for a brownie?”
“That’s it?”
Wendy cleared Kat’s plate and returned with the brownies. “What?”
“You’re not going to try to convince me that I should like sex more?”
“Should I?”
Their eyes held across the table just as they had earlier when they’d stood on the porch. Kat felt something. A crush? A curiosity? A reigniting, she realized, like a candle once blown out lit again. “I’ve always felt envious when my friends talk about how much they enjoy it or miss it.” She took a bite of brownie and put her free hand over her heart. “That’s scrummy,” she said, quoting The Great British Baking Show. She savored another bite of the chocolate wonderfulness. “Your ganache is nice and glossy.”
“I love that you love that show!”
Kat finished the brownie. “That, I couldn’t live without. I love chocolate like other people love sex.”
“You want another as soon as you swallow the last bite?”
“Absolutely.”
“A lot of people crave sex like that.”
“I know, and I never have.” Tell me that you are not burning with desire from that kiss, and I won’t say another word about it. She heard Miranda’s words again and gasped. “Maybe not never. Just once a long time ago.”
“The girl you kissed?”
Kat nodded. “It was a long time ago. I didn’t realize I was in love with her, or maybe I did. I was scared of what I felt for her, and by the time she told me…” She ran her left thumb slowly along the palm of her right hand. “I was pregnant and about to marry Jack. Everyone was there. All the guests. My parents. His. All that money already spent. I had to marry Jack.”
“And you never told Erin?”
“Are you kidding? There are three people who know I kissed Miranda, and you are one of them. I never even told my therapist.”
“That’s not why you were going?”
“I started going because when Travis turned ten, it brought back everything that happened with Ava.”
“It’s good that you could talk to someone about that.”
Kat nodded. “It’s all intertwined, really. Losing Ava, feeling trapped with Jack, but feeling like I had to stick it out because my parents did.”
“But not about kissing Miranda.”
“No. I couldn’t tell him that. And I couldn’t tell him the part about my dad’s boyfriend either.”
“Why not?”
“Because I still thought it was wrong for my dad to be gay. He was supposed to be with my mom. If he’d only been with my mom, then everything would have been fine. I didn’t want to be like my dad, so I convinced myself I could be married to Jack and be happy. But that wasn’t fair to him because it wasn’t who I was. I thought I could choose.”
“Your childhood…” Wendy began but stopped. Kat waited for her to finish the thought about her childhood, but she changed the subject instead. “Do you want any more brownies?”
“No. I can’t. They’re delicious, and you really are going to have to be careful. Bring more food like that around here, and my mom will want to keep you!”
Wendy placed the cover on the container. “I can leave the rest.”
“I know my mom would be thrilled, and Travis would love them, too.”
“And you?”
Wendy looked hesitant as she asked the question, and Kat’s heart caught. She was the one who equated brownies with sex. And now she was mentally undressing Wendy. She wet her bottom lip with her tongue and caught Wendy’s gaze. An unfamiliar fire rushed up her legs. “Yes, I think I would.”
“I could leave the food too if you’d like. There’s not enough to repurpose back at the restaurant.”
“I’m sure my family would love it.”
Wendy glanced at her watch. “I should get my gear back to the kitchen and get ready for tomorrow. It’s a big day.”
Kat stood on the opposite side of the island and appreciated the efficient way Wendy moved in the space. She recognized that Wendy was puttering as a diversion, and she wanted to know what she wasn’t saying. “What were you going to say about my childhood?”
Wendy paused in gathering her gear. “It wasn’t nice.”
“But you have to say it now. Otherwise I won’t sleep wondering.”
Wendy held whatever it was in her head and then took a deep breath. “Your childhood was really fucked up.”
Kat laughed. “Yes, well luckily it’s all in the past!”
“I know, but I feel like a shit for feeling jealous of you living in this nice house with both your parents.”
“Don’t. That’s what my family wants people to think.” She joined Wendy on the other side of the island. “What can I carry?”
“If I’m leaving the food, I don’t have much.” Wendy handed her one of the bus bins and shouldered two insulated bags. “I’m parked out on the street.”
Kat walked her out, her mind spinning. She’d perched the bin on her hip to open the door, but seeing Wendy paused on the porch waiting for her, she bent and set it down.
Wendy tilted her head in question when Kat stepped to her and lowered the bags to rest next to the bin. Her hands were trembling as she stepped closer to Wendy and reached for her hands. “When we were standing here before, I felt something I haven’t felt in forever. I wanted to kiss you so badly, and it’s all I’ve thought about today.”
“I thought it was my imagination,” Wendy whispered.
“I don’t know what I’m doing.” Kat leaned closer. Only inches away from Wendy, an image flashed through her mind. “Shit!” she said under her breath as she pulled away.
“What?” Wendy said, startled.
“Erin! What was
I thinking?” She released Wendy’s hands.
Wendy took her hand to stop her retreat. What had she been thinking when she told her that she’d wanted to kiss her? How had she forgotten Erin? Wendy was dating her. How had she forgotten how dangerous it was to listen to desire instead of reason? Just as her thoughts threatened to overwhelm her, Kat felt Wendy’s fingers trace some of her hair back behind her ear.
Wendy’s hand stayed there. “If I remember correctly, you’re the one who said you can’t help who you fall for.”
Her lips found Kat’s, tentative and oh, so soft. Kat’s breath caught, and she felt the pressure of Wendy’s lips leaving her too soon. Sweeping her hands into Wendy’s hair, she pulled her closer, reclaiming the kiss. She tried to remember when the simple brush of lips against her own had ignited anything within her like this simple kiss. Wendy’s lips cupped her lower lip and gently pulled. Her hands rested on Kat’s hips, coaxing her close enough that their breasts brushed. A moan that Kat did not recognize escaped.
She broke away but kept her face close. “What are you doing to me?”
“What are you doing to me?” Wendy countered.
Kat could feel her smile before Wendy peppered her chin and neck with kisses. She brushed Kat’s hair back and traced her ear with her tongue. Kat shivered and clutched Wendy closer, feeling weak in the knees. “Oh, you make me want you.”
“How come that sounds like a bad thing?”
“Because this isn’t who I am.”
“No?”
“I’m straight, remember?”
“Mmmm hmm?” Wendy asked. “I think it’s just taken you a very long time to figure out who you are.”
Kat pulled Wendy’s mouth to hers again and touched her tongue to Wendy’s bottom lip, inviting her to deepen the kiss. She could lose herself in Wendy’s kisses, and hadn’t she spent her whole life being afraid of just that? Passion led to irrational choices and people getting hurt. She had never allowed herself the level of intimacy that crackled between her and Wendy, even with this first kiss. Perhaps she had to lose herself in order to be found.
Chapter Fifteen
Fingers snapped in front of Wendy’s face. “Yoo hoo! Where are you today?” Cory asked.
Wendy was still on Kat’s front porch, her stomach somersaulting at the memory of Kat’s lips on hers. Her body still tingled from the silken invitation Kat had tentatively offered. For someone who argued she wasn’t all that good at kissing, she had practically dropped Wendy to her knees. “What?”
“Take a break, Lover girl. Go get it out of your system so you can get your focus back on this wedding dinner.”
“Get what out of my system?”
“Go suck face with your girl. Like I said, she’s asking for you at the bar.”
“Kat?” Wendy asked, stunned.
“Erin,” Cory said, perplexed. “Wait, you kissed Kat? When?”
What was Erin doing at the restaurant again? Wendy could not deal with her when she was lost in the memory of kissing Kat. “You have to tell Erin I’m not here.”
“No deal. I am not getting in the middle of this twisted triangle.”
“Some friend you are!”
“Go. Do whatever you’re going to do, so we stay on schedule.”
“Should I be worried that you sound like the boss?”
“You’re stalling.” Cory returned to chopping mushrooms.
Wendy hung her head, defeated. Cory was absolutely right. She did not know what to say to Erin. She was ashamed to admit that until Cory had said her name, she hadn’t thought of her all day. Kat had consumed her. After a restless night of lying in bed reliving their kisses, Wendy had spent the early morning worrying that Kat would wake full of regret, but at five, her phone had chimed.
Can you sleep? Can’t stop thinking about your beautiful mouth.
Just lying here thinking about you, Wendy texted back.
You were thinking about what a piggy I was with those brownies, weren’t you?
I was thinking that I could get addicted to your style of chocolate kisses.
Wendy had sat up in bed and pulled the pillow up to rest her back against the headboard, buoyed by Kat’s text and nervously waiting for her reply. It didn’t come. Where had she gone? Her screen went dark, and she swiped back in, rereading the message to make sure she hadn’t said anything off-putting. On the edge of feeling anxious, her phone finally pinged.
I could get addicted to those brownies.
Brownies, not kisses. Wendy had wanted to talk more about kissing and whether it was likely to happen again. Instead, their texts had moved to the plan for the day, whether Kat was spending any time in the office and when Wendy would arrive to set up and serve dinner.
She knew Kat’s itinerary didn’t put her anywhere near the restaurant and still she was the one Wendy longed to see. She washed her hands and dried them with more care than was necessary.
Erin’s face lit up when she walked up on the opposite side of the bar. “Hey, gorgeous!” She lifted herself up on the counter and leaned across to plant a kiss on Wendy. She had no time to react, and besides, she couldn’t ditch the kiss. Erin had no context. She had no reason to think that Wendy might be kissing someone else. And yet she was. Or she had. Even though she and Erin had only begun seeing each other, it still felt like two-timing to Wendy. “Everything okay?”
She’d noticed. “Of course,” she said, not quite truthfully. If she was certain about what had happened with Kat yesterday, she would lay it out for Erin as simply and kindly as possible. But she wasn’t certain about anything. The way Kat had so quickly abandoned the topic of kissing made her reluctant to say anything to Erin.
“How late does the wedding go tonight?”
“Dinner service is at seven. I’m hoping they’ll do the cake half past eight, nine at the latest. Wrapped up at ten?”
“You do the cake?”
“Once they’ve done the whole cutting and feeding each other, we plate it.”
“Got it. Here’s the thing. A friend of mine told me about this salsa band that’s playing. Do you dance?”
“I’ve moved at the same time that music was playing. I’m told it didn’t look much like dancing.”
“If we get there early enough, they do some instruction. Doesn’t it sound like fun?”
What sounded like fun was pulling Kat away from the party and putting the question of whether she was still interested in kissing directly to her lips. “Umm.”
“Not your thing. I get it. We could get drinks instead. I wasn’t ready to call it a night the last time I saw you.” She reached for Wendy’s hand.
There was no uncertainty in her action, no apology or sense that she was doing something wrong to touch Wendy. Erin added a seductive smile to accentuate the very clear message that if they got together, there would be some naked horizontal dancing in store. It seemed foolish to say no when she didn’t even know if Kat would want her to stick around after the wedding.
“As appealing as that sounds, I’m not really sure what time I’ll get out of there. I don’t want to make a promise and not be able to keep it. It can be tough to get away from Kat’s parents’ place.”
Erin’s hand stilled. “Is it as crazy as Jack says it is?”
“What does he mean by crazy? The historical stuff is really neat, and the way they have it decorated makes you feel like you’ve stepped into a different century.”
“He says it’s unreal. Maybe it’s the decor. I don’t know. Kat’s never invited anyone over now that she’s living back there. Except these guys getting married. She doesn’t invite her friends, but she’ll let strangers get married there. Doesn’t make sense to me.”
“They’re members of her church.”
“The church where she works.”
Her correction irritated Wendy. She stepped away and filled a glass with ice and then water from the soda hose. “It seems pretty typical for Kat to go out of her way to help someone. No?”
“That�
�s true.” Erin reached for her hand again. “She did introduce me to you. So when do I get to see you again?”
Wendy’s stomach clenched uncomfortably. She was about to tell Erin that she was on dinner service in the restaurant on Saturday and that she’d be slammed, but she heard it from Erin’s perspective and worried it would sound like she was blowing her off. “Let me give you a call when I’m finished up tonight, okay?”
Erin brightened, making Wendy feel like a real shit. She should have told Erin that she was suddenly unsure of her availability. Instead, she walked around the bar to give Erin a hug, begging off that she had to make sure her crew was ready to head over to the wedding. Her mind free to anticipate seeing Kat at the wedding, Wendy promptly forgot her promise.
* * *
Jeremy and Evan had chosen well to meet on the porch, and the piece Kat’s harpsichordist friend played was perfect as she’d promised. When they joined hands in front of the priest Kat heard the appreciative hum from their gathered family and friends. Both looked handsome in their matching black tuxes, and Kat wondered what lesbians wore when they got married. Her father leaned over to whisper, “I’m so pleased that one of them did not feel compelled to wear a dress.”
“Don’t,” she whispered. Her mother was up in her room and had told Clyde that he had no business attending the wedding, but he insisted that he would do as he pleased in his own home. He stood off to the side with Kat and her ringers, poised for the peal that would direct the guests to the backyard after the ceremony.
As usual, Kat held her own wedding up in comparison to this one, tallying the things she would have liked to have done with those she and Jack had done better. She held back a laugh hearing what she was sure Wendy would have said if she could hear her thoughts. She could turn anything into a competition.
Wendy.
She was back on the porch with Wendy rediscovering the wonder of kissing, promising that she could send Wendy on her way after the next one. The next one leading to one more. She craved another and had reacted the moment she saw Wendy arrive to set up her on-site grills. She had wanted to throw her arms around her neck and reclaim her lips. Kat deduced that she was now in the kitchen. Had she been alone, or even if she’d just been with Cory, Kat might have had the courage to coax Wendy away for a moment.
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