For Always
Prequel
By
Janae Mitchell
For Always
Prequel
Janae Mitchell
Copyright 2014 Janae Mitchell
www.JanaeMitchell.com
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments, or actual persons—living or dead—is entirely coincidental.
Even eternity has to start somewhere.
Beau Brogan
Dandridge, TN; 1910
When you’re dyin’, it’s funny how your life kinda plays itself back to ya. All the important people and events go through your mind like they just happened; workin’, laughin’, playin’, teasin’, kissin’, eatin’. All the things I’d never get to do again. I missed my life already, even though it hadn’t been taken yet.
When it finally sank in that this was it, that this dad-blamed river was fixin’ to take me, I wasn’t scared as much as I was sad. All I kept thinkin’ about was Ma and my brothers and sisters. How’re they gonna handle this? And how is Pa gonna get as much work done if I ain’t here to help him?
I’m fadin’ now, wonderin’ if I should just take in a breath of water and get it over with, but I’m afraid. I’d rather be fadin’ than chokin’, which I might end up doin’ anyway. I’d never really thought about drownin’ or how awful it’d be. Guess I’m gonna find out soon enough, though.
But ‘til I’m completely gone, my life still plays out in my head. The life I’ll never have again.
***
As usual, I woke up with the sun. I can’t remember the last day I got to just sleep; sleep ‘til I felt like gettin’ up, not ‘cause I had to. But there was work to be done and I didn’t wanna make Pa mad first thing, so I pulled myself up and yanked my shirt on, hopin’ it wasn’t still rainin’. I looked out my window to see, and sure ‘nough, it was.
“Great.” My feet were still sore from where water had got in my boots yesterday, so I could only imagine how they’d feel later. I just hope my boots dried out some last night.
As I walked out of my room, Thomas, my youngest brother, met me at the door. He’s only eight, so he wasn’t allowed to do too much in the fields, especially on days like today. It’s funny how eager they are when they’re Thomas’s age, but when they get to be a little bit older, like James, they don’t wanna do nothin’, let alone be eager about it.
James, who’s sixteen, is my only other brother besides Thomas. Aside from me, he’s the one who usually gets fussed at the most; the infamous Brogan brothers. But as much as we like to play, there ain’t no playin’ ‘til the work’s all done. Pa is one of the most prominent farmers in the town of Dandridge and he didn’t get that way by slackin’. The Brogans have worked hard for what they have and I’m proud have a hand in it.
Thomas jumped up and down in front of me, tryin’ to get me to pick him up, but he’s about too big for that now. “I wanna go with ya today. I wanna go,” he begged.
“Not today, Thomas. We’ll do good to get it all done ourselves without havin’ to watch out for you, too. Maybe when the weather clears ya can come with us. But I know Ma needs your help in the store today. She told me that she didn’t know what she’d do without your manly help,” I said as I rubbed his head and headed down the stairs.
Pa was already sittin’ down at the table while Ma was cookin’. “Well, it’s about time ya got your lazy butt outta bed,” Pa teased. “The sun’s almost up already.”
“Guess it’s a good thing I’m not a rooster, then, or you’d have to chop my head off so Ma could fry me up for supper.”
“Ya got that right,” he agreed. “Go wake your brother.”
“James!” I yelled up the stairs, only to have Ma fuss at me.
“Don’t yell at the table, Beau. He said to go wake James, not damage our ears.”
James came down the stairs with our sisters right behind him. “No need. I’m up,” he said as he yawned. “Can’t we skip a day? The weather’s awful.”
Pa ignored his whinin’ and turned his attention to the girls. “What will y’all be cookin’ up for us today?”
“I think we’re cannin’ today,” Anna replied
“And we’re makin’ strawberry preserves,” Lucy said as she licked her lips.
I had two younger sisters, Anna and Lucy, who helped Ma work in our general store; it wasn’t just the Brogan men who were hard workers.
I leaned over and licked my lips with her. “Mmm... ya better save me some.”
She smiled up at me with her big blue eyes and dimples and whispered, “I will. I’ll hide ya a jar in my apron.”
I winked at her. “That sounds like a plan.”
“Who was that young lady I saw ya talkin’ to in town the other day?” Pa asked “It looked like Miss Sadie, the grocer’s daughter.”
“Oh, she’s such a pretty girl,” Ma said.
“I agree,” James said with a big grin as he nudged my arm.
When they both looked at me, I just shrugged. “I don’t know.”
We continued to talk about nothin’ important while we ate ‘til it was time to get to work. “I wanna go, I wanna go,” Thomas cried again.
“I need you to help me today, Thomas.”
“But I don’t wanna. I wanna go out with Pa.”
I patted his head and told him he could play a game of cards with me and James later if he’d help Ma today, which seemed to pacify him.
“What? He can’t play cards with us. He’s just a baby,” James teased him. They started to wrestle as we headed out the door and into the pourin’ down rain.
“If this don’t let up, we’re gonna have to keep an eye on the river. It’s reachin’ its limits.”
I was reachin’ my limits, too. Workin’ in the fields is hard enough as it is, let alone while I’m soakin’ wet. “Why don’t we work half a day and use the other half to go into town,” I suggested. “We can make some deliveries and pick up that cuttin’ head for the plow.”
I was surprised to see him actually considerin’ it. “I think we just might do that. Make sure ya get the horses ready after lunch and ask Ma if she needs anything while we’re there.”
Despite the rain, my day just got a little brighter.
***
I liked watchin’ all the girls as we rode into town. They all seemed to stand a little taller and smile a little wider when they saw us. Of course I had to smile back and tip my hat to ‘em.
“Behave, you two,” Pa fussed.
“Oh, we’re behavin’,” James replied as he leaned around the wagon to look back at one of the girls that was walkin’ by.
We didn’t get to come into town too much, but I liked it when we did. I was just glad our wagon was covered or it would’ve made for an awful soggy trip. Once we stopped, I found Mr. Williams and got the cuttin’ head from him before I proceeded to find... what did they say her name was? Sadie? But as luck would have it, she found me first.
“Hello, there, Beau,” she said with a welcomin’ smile. She was standin’ just inside of her Pa’s store, tryin’ not to get wet. I, however, was gettin’ soaked.
“Ma’am.” I smiled back and nodded my head as water dripped off my nose. I loved seein’ girls blush, especially when I was the one who caused it.
“Oh, come in and get outta the rain,” she said as she pulled me inside.
I never
knew what to say around girls, so I just watched and listened. They usually talked enough for both of us, and Sadie was no exception. She kept talkin’ about some gatherin’ that the town was havin’ this Saturday and I could tell she wanted me to ask her to go. But to be honest, I wasn’t much for social gatherin’s. But when she pulled me into the corner, kissin’ me right on the mouth in the middle of her Pa’s store, I thought I might could make a quick go of it.
“Would ya like to go with me—”
She answered me before I could even ask her. She might’ve agreed to go with me, but I never said where, and I didn’t plan on goin’ to no town gatherin’.
We said our goodbyes and I met James and Pa back at the wagon. I let James ride up front and while I laid in the back, sleepin’ all the way back home. Who knew this’d be the last time I’d enjoy the comfort of our covered wagon, seein’ as how James would soon be rippin’ the top off of it.
Boy, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Pa so mad, but when it came to James and Pa, mad was a common emotion. Just to save another fight, I’d told him I accidentally did it, which didn’t help much, but it helped. James still owes me for that one.
***
I never could figure girls out. They wanna be alone with ya, but when ya go to count the layers of their skirt, they suddenly make ya sit on your hands. It was the night of the social gatherin' in town, the one that Sadie thought I'd asked her to. I had to laugh at the look on her face when we didn't end up there.
"But I wanted to dance with you," she said as she stuck out her bottom lip.
"Ya mean to tell me there was gonna be dancin', too?" She nodded. "Well, that makes me even more glad that we didn't go."
I pulled my hand out from under the seat of my pants but she smacked it before it even reached her, which made me laugh. We were sittin' in a wooded area by the lake just off of the main part of town—close enough to town that she felt comfortable bein' alone with me, but private enough for me that I thought I could sneak a kiss without her pa seein'. As I leaned toward her, I thought she'd smack my face like she had my hand, but she didn't, so I leaned a little further. It took everything I had not to fall on top of her, since she was still makin' me sit on my hands... which gave me an idea.
As I leaned in closer, I accidentally fell on her, causin' her to fall back onto the ground. She seemed surprised, but didn't push me off—not immediately, anyway. I smiled down at her, causin' her to blush as I brushed my lips against hers before kissin' her. I forced my hands to behave, keepin' one on each side of her head, even though all they wanted to do was feel the soft rise of her chest. She let me kiss her 'til I started to ease my tongue into her mouth, and then she stiffened up and pulled back.
"What are you doing?" she asked as if we'd just met.
"Whatta ya think I'm doin'? I'm kissin' ya, all the while keepin' my hands to myself like a gentleman, which is hard to do," I admitted. And then a thought occurred to me. "Ain’t ya ever kissed anyone before? I mean… a real kiss?" Her eyes dropped like she was embarrassed as she shook her head, which was cute. "Do ya wanna kiss me? A real kiss?" I asked quietly as I stroked her cheek. She looked back up at me and smiled as she nodded her head.
I’d never taught a girl how to kiss before, but I happened to like it quite well. I think she did, too, 'cause once she got the hang of it, she didn't want me to stop. Sadie wasn't the only girl I'd kissed or fooled around with, though. But no matter how pretty or attracted I was to 'em, they just didn't make me... feel. I enjoyed myself, of course, don't get me wrong, but I wanted more than that. I wanted to be with a girl who made me feel things I'd never felt before; a girl who I couldn't get outta my mind. I want a girl who I feel, even when I'm not with her; a girl who will steal my heart and make it beat fast just by thinkin' about her. Sometimes I wondered if a girl like that even existed.
***
The gazette came to take our picture today, which made Ma so proud. For some reason, the man wanted us to take it with our wagon, which Pa almost refused, seein’ as how he hadn’t replaced the cover. Thomas even got to be in it, which made his day. They asked Pa some questions when we were done and he held his head high, runnin’ his thumbs up and down his suspenders as he answered ‘em.
Once we were done, Thomas was jumpin’ up and down yet again, tryin’ to get my attention. “Beau, let’s go. You promised. Let’s go!” he demanded.
“What’re ya talkin’ about, Thomas?” I was tired and hoped that I hadn’t promised anything that took too much effort.
“The fort… you’re supposed to build us a fort.”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot.” Good. Nothin’ too hard. “Go gather some sticks and we’ll be there in a minute.”
There was a huge weepin’ willow tree behind the house, down by the river, where we’d always played. I’d even played down there as a kid, buildin’ forts and hidin’ under the low-hangin’ branches. And now, when the river wasn’t too rough, we’d swing from the branches out into the water—or build forts for the little ones. If only I’d have known….
***
“Beau, you cheat!” James yelled as I won another hand.
“No I don’t,” I replied. “Don’t be a sore loser.”
“I’m not loser if ya cheat. I win by default.”
I shook my head and shuffled the cards again. “I don’t cheat, James, and ya know it. I beat ya fair and square... every... single... time... I... win,” I teased him, lettin’ the last words linger in the air just a little too long.
“Okay, big brother. We’ll just see about that.”
Thomas had played a couple of hands with us before Ma made him go on up to bed, leavin’ the big boys to play. We usually bet for chores, him havin’ to do mine most of the time. But even so, he’d still turn right around and bet me again.
“Ya up for a little wager?” I asked as I dealt the cards.
“The usual?”
I nodded. “Sweepin’ the barn this time. Shovelin’, too.”
“I’m in.”
After he won, I laughed as he danced around the room, singin’ about how I was gonna be sweepin’ and shovelin’ all the day long. He was sixteen, just a few years younger than me, but ya couldn’t tell it by the way he acted sometimes.
I didn’t know that this would be the last game of cards I’d ever get to play with him, but the fact that it was made me glad I let him win.
We finally went to bed, knowin’ we had to get up early the next mornin’. And of course, it was rainin’ again. It’d just been a few months since the last big bout of rain and here was another’n. I’d turned my boots up outside on the back porch, but they still weren’t dry. Looks like I’d have another evenin’ of havin’ to soak my blistered feet.
Luckily, the next day was a bit drier, but everything, includin’ my boots, was still soaked. At least the sun came out long enough for the kids to go out and play a while ‘til we got finished workin’. They’d been cooped up in the house and the store so long that they were about to drive Ma insane.
As we headed toward the house, I was sore and tired and looked forward to soakin’ in the tub. I hoped that Ma wasn’t too tired so she could run it for me.
“Thomas!” I heard her yell in the distance.
If she’s been havin’ to yell at him like that all day, I’d say she is tired. Oh, well. I usually had to fill the tub, anyway, so what did another day matter? At least I’d be the first one to get in it, so it’d be good and hot to ease my aches and pains away.
“Thomas!” she screamed again, but this time I could tell she wasn’t just fussin’ at him. “Help! Thomas! Somebody help!”
We took off runnin’ toward the sound of her frantic screams. I was the first one to make it to the house, and when I rounded the corner, I saw her down by the river, which was comin’ up over the bank.
“Thomas!” she continued to scream.
As I got closer, I knew the ragin’ river had got him. He was hangin’ on to a branch
, and without so much as even thinkin’, I jumped in after him. He was scared and tryin’ to fight his way out, but I could tell he was gettin’ tired. When I got to him, I tried to push him up onto the bank, which caused him to absent-mindedly kick at me, tryin’ to break himself free of the river’s grasp. In his effort to get out, he kicked my hand, makin’ me lose my grip on the branch. The last thing I saw was him climbin’ into Pa’s arms.
The river took me a little ways down before my boots got caught in some brush, pullin’ me under. I was scared at first, when I realized I was stuck, but managed to get one of ‘em off, which gave me hope. But my other’n must’ve been in a knot ‘cause I couldn’t get it. I pulled and tugged at the laces ‘til I started to get light headed and knew I was out of air.
The fear and panic that had consumed me just a minute ago was replaced with a sorta calmin’ peace—acceptance—when I realized that no one was comin’ to help me. I’m sure they tried, but since the sun wasn’t shinin’ on the water and it was flowin’ so fast, they probably couldn’t even see where I was.
My calmness was suddenly filled with sadness... no, not just sadness—utter grief, sorrow, and despair; I already missed my family. I was grievin’ for my life and the love that was in it, just like I knew my family would be doin’ soon.
Ma. I could already see the look on her face and hear her sobs when Pa pulled me out, if he ever found me in here at all. Pa and James. How would they handle it if they did find me? I almost hope they don’t. Anna and Lucy. I hope James fills my spot for t’em, protectin’ ‘em when they’re older... from boys like me. Thomas. Would he feel guilty for the rest of his life? I sure hope not; I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
The thought of any of ‘em seein’ my lifeless body, livin’ a life without me, was just too much, but thankfully I didn’t have to think about it long.
When you’re dyin’, it’s funny how your life kinda plays itself back to ya. All the important people and events go through your mind like it just happened.
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