by T. L Smith
I didn’t need his guidance. My body knew what it wanted and the uniform was delaying that gratification, making all the nerve endings inside me even more desperate for him. He growled against my flesh. His teeth hurt as they raked across my skin. That kind of hurt where I wanted more and more.
With a shock, he pushed me off him, but caught my legs as I tumbled down into bed. He jerked my tall boots off. “You make it impossible to resist you.”
“As if you want to?” I laid back as he knelt over me, his fingers gripping my pants. They still fit like a second skin, but that didn’t slow him down. As he slid them down my legs, his lips followed, until I was naked. I ran my foot over his body as he finished undressing, until he pulled my leg around his body, then the other one, his hands grabbing my hips and pulling my body up to him.
I felt his desperate hunger, as he felt my anticipation. I cried out, grabbing the blanket beneath me as he thrust deep. Twisting it in my hands as he made sure every ravenous nerve ending inside me was thoroughly stroked, driving me crazy.
He stopped only when I felt I would break, but kept our bodies together as he eased himself over me, kissing me, our minds together this time as he took me more slowly back to the point of orgasm, then over that edge together.
He embraced me afterwards, our minds as one as our bodies had just been. I’d never known this kind of bond, not even with Carl. I didn’t understand then how much I needed someone so attuned to me, able to watch over me, especially as I became absorbed by this war. I understood now. I needed Everett. His arms tightened around me, letting me hide in his refuge.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Plans fell into place far easier than anyone imagined.
We had nearly eight thousand integrated EH, with tens of thousands more enroute, coming in from all over our galaxy. We had twice as many people, from nearly every species, that demonstrated an acceptable hint of Elder DNA. They were assigned to critical stations aboard the fourteen warships, eight cruisers, and thirty carriers ready to go.
Those without the DNA, but needed for their skills, helped fill in non-battle roles. Freeing our EH for their primary task. To be warriors. But even with this many soldiers, some of the ships were virtually empty. We would take them anyway, as a show of force. A fleet to impress, until sufficiently manned to take the war to the enemy’s doorstep.
Faraday didn’t have enough DNA to register on the ‘front line’ scale, but he was incredibly smart, adaptable and someone I trusted. So I handed him the Orb to run mission operations, coordinate the soldiers, crew and supplies, and figure out the technology. Everett joked that even the bromance with Huracid couldn’t pry Faraday off the Orb, but I could see it was tough for him to be left behind.
As for Huracid, he was my liaison to all the Collective species. He would keep the supply lines open and watch our backs. A whole squadron of Collective doctors joined our own medical corps, including the little bird-like creatures who’d saved my life.
Gardner was my link to all the humans who joined our crews. Those that proved to be open to such a wide array of ‘aliens’, though they were learning not to use that term anymore. Hard to call them that when humans were the latest arrivals to the party.
The Collective accepted my choice of Gardner as the commander of the new fleet. She was the version of me that so many people had tried to mold me into. But I had rejected being a soldier. Maybe because deep down I knew I’d end up here anyway. Self-preservation, for my future karmic purpose.
Assigning Everett command of the EH was a given, since the day he’d shown up aboard my ship. It had nothing to do with him being my bonded lifemate. The Elders chose him from the beginning.
With everyone in place, that left me free to focus on my training with Sharmila, as Primary. I had to learn to tolerate her taking control for hours at a time, as she managed the EH fighter pilots.
It was very much like the EH learning to operate the lethal craft by giving themselves over to their companions. Letting the ancient Elder’s experience flow through their bodies and into their fighters. The ships became extensions of the merged pilots. The pilots became extensions of me. Three entities becoming one.
Similar strange bonds happened aboard the warships as aligned crewmembers took to their workstations. They couldn’t achieve the full bond of the EH, but they felt the stations come to life in their hands as they quietly listened to the Elders’ instructions. This process was nearly addictive. When shifts finished, many of the crew had to be pried from their posts, with a distinct feeling of being deprived of something cherished.
Station or fighters, the crews grew confident in their new jobs.
More confident than I was. I needed to consciously interface with all of them. Their eyes were my eyes, their thoughts needed to whisper every detail of the missions to me. Giving me the ability to react instantly to every change. Or rather us. Sharmila possessed that psychic ability, but I had to learn to do it myself.
With her tutoring me, I studied the crew’s new abilities. I studied the construction of their subconscious neural networks. I could see their invisible bonds with the Elders, with the ship and with each other. I saw Sharmila nudge the intricate web, until the EH were one cohesively linked entity. In time to reach our first target.
Our ships dropped out of L12 in an empty space between solar systems, a point off the Punitraq’s path of destruction. From here Huracid and his fleet would create a triage point. I gave them only a moment of my attention to confirm the mission plan, before turning to the dark.
We launched our attack against an alien we’d never encountered, and one the Elders hadn’t seen in eons. A scary thought to me, but not Sharmila. She and the Elders were ready. So were our men.
I felt like a falconer releasing our fighters from their lairs, like raptors, out into open space. They flitted around the battleships for a moment as the companions organized them. As I watched, they formed into wings, then grouped into squadrons. It was time to let Sharmila take me into the fray too. I looked at Everett.
He stood beside me on the bridge, taking my hand and squeezing it. As I watched the EH’s evolution, he watched mine. Secure that he’d do whatever he had to do to keep me safe, I let Sharmila shift to my conscious mind.
It wasn’t a major change. She made my perception sharper and my focus was completely on our mission, shutting out many of my doubts and fears. It was time.
Gardner ordered us into Sync. As one solid force my war fleet flashed into FTL, popping out only a few minutes later on a collision course with the Punitraq. Opening fire.
The surprise attack worked. The enemy’s ships swerved off course. Sharmila’s orders flowed through me, to the weapons stations on the warships. I reached out further and connected to my pilots. All our hearts beat faster and harder. My fingers clenched as their hands gripped the controls. I felt their lungs inhale as they bore down on the attack.
Having thousands of threads of consciousness connected to me, engaging the enemy in real battle, jolted me. Fortunately, Sharmila kept our connection strong. She whispered commands in my head, helping me project them to our pilots. To our battleships. They responded instantaneously to my silent orders. The electricity of the connections pulled me with them, deeper into battle. I was on the front-line through my fighters.
We surprised the Punitraq, but other species had attempted to defend themselves, so they recovered quickly. With thousands of eyes, I watched them counter-attack. Or try. Though we were outnumbered, our shields were as tough as theirs, and they had no idea who they fought. And our attack was purposeful. While we wanted to destroy as many of them as possible, our real goal was to infuriate and draw them away from their real targets.
We fought them nose-to-nose and established ourselves as a serious threat. I felt the exhilaration of my fighters as they made kills, but I also felt the first of our losses, then the next. I knew there’d be deaths. I’d been a pilot in the IGF. I’d fought off my share of criminals wanting my shipmen
ts. I’d had to kill, but I wasn’t prepared to feel those invisible psychic threads snap so painfully. They recoiled on me, fraying our neuro-network at the edges.
I started to shake, but Sharmila grabbed hold of my will before I broke the links. “No! They need you, not just to watch, but to guide them.”
“I can’t. I’m not a soldier. I’m not even a good EH.”
“You are!” Her grip on me hardened and she pushed my focus back to the frontlines. “You can see what they can’t. You can see what they don’t even recognize.”
She forced my eyes upon the Punitraq fleet, their fighters, their every move. Her battle mind translated and anticipated their next moves, and she used our bond to communicate with the Elders, through them to my pilots. I watched as they veered away from attacks, swung back on their pursuers and headed off formations aimed at my warships.
“This is our purpose, to be their eyes, to lead them.”
She’d told me this before, but I had no battle experience like this. This powerful. With her help, I regained control and widened my vision. Through the eyes of my crew and pilots, I leaned deeper into battle. I lost more fighters, more lives, but we remained strong.
We had casualties, but they had far more. Seeing the battle from so many eyes, I saw the enemy’s fleet falter. I saw it and my men responded, hitting them harder than ever. Their excitement made it harder for me to control my own deadly instincts. A deep-seated human instinct to kill. To find their weakness, the one point that would crush the enemy.
Instinct made me reach further, seeking out the enemy, seeking the person leading them. Take the head and the beast would die. I could do it. I was strong enough. With my pilots holding their own, I pulled my thoughts away from them, turning it towards the largest ship in their armada.
“STOP!” Sharmila rushed forward in my head and I could feel her fingers crush my frontal lobes.
“No! I can do this. Let me try.” I shouted my thoughts, not caring if everyone heard me. “I can attack—"
“No, you can’t. Don’t let them know what you are.” Her grip inside my brain tightened. Pain shot through my brain and down my nervous system, throwing my whole body into spasms. I screamed and my link snapped as painfully as my own bones.
“Pilots, fall back into your squadrons.” Everett’s voice vibrated in my ears. “Regroup and Sync to our next coordinates. Gardner, retreat!” I felt Everett’s hand around my wrist. “Medics, report to the Bridge.”
I wanted to say something, but Sharmila prevented me from acting, prevented anything but breathing. Through barely open eyes I saw our fighters turn away from the fight, drawing the Punitraq with them. Medics appeared. “Get her to the sickbay, no matter what she says.”
The medics half-carried me off the bridge.
I couldn’t fight, Sharmila’s grasp on me was too hard. “Why are you doing this? Our attack is over.”
“When we’re out of range, I’ll let go.” Her answer was angry.
“I’m sorry! I was caught up in the moment.” Despite her threat, I could feel a little of her grip loosening, my breathing not so difficult. “I won’t try to reach out to them again.”
“You will, but when I tell you to.”
Sharmila must have believed my promise to behave, pulling back even further. It made walking easier, though I hurt everywhere from her attack against me.
“It wasn’t an attack. It was to save your life and your fleet.” She knew my next question. “You’re strong, but not ready to expose us all.”
The medics helped me onto an exam table and Sharmila pulled one more trick. I was unconscious before I could protest.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
“I can’t tell you what happened. She was walking when she came in, then just passed out. We’ve run a full diagnostic since the last time she let us near her. Her brainwaves have converted to a constant state of theta. Her isthmus has doubled in thickness. She’s running a higher body temperature, but there’re no infections. We’ve never seen this melanin effect and she’s lost about thirty pounds since integration. I suppose if not for these odd nanites, she’d be in incredible pain, or worse. Other than that—"
“Nothing’s wrong!?!” The exam table under me vibrated as Everett hit it with his fist, waking me up further. “This is so damn frustrating. I don’t know if she’s refusing to tell me what’s happening, or if she doesn’t even know.”
I hated feeling him like this. I centered everything on my fingers and they wiggled. I took a deep breath and felt the comforting stretch of my lungs. Sharmila had let go. “I’m all right.”
Everett spun around at the sound of my voice. “I doubt it!” He caught me as I tried to sit up, pushing an arm under my shoulders. “You let out a scream loud enough for the Puni to hear.”
I cringed at the nickname for our enemy, as much as Sharmila did. But it had taken root, so there was no stopping it now. “Fortunately not! Sharmila prevented that.” I groaned as I moved my legs. My muscles were knotted. “I got uppity and tried to strike out at them.”
“She did this to you?” He stopped me from getting off the exam table, turning to the doctor. “Should she be getting up?”
“Like I said, there’s nothing I can fix. I barely understand all these changes.” The doctor took my other arm, making sure I could stand before letting go. “Malant Ghiya, you might hate these check-ups, but we really need to keep an eye on what’s happening to you. If things get too extreme for your body, it will shut down completely. You’ve got to make your companion back off so you can stabilize, or whatever will strengthen you for the full transformation.”
“She hears you.” No point telling them it was as much out of her hands as it was mine. “Other than aches from head-to-toe, I seem fine. Any instructions?”
The doctor shrugged. “More fluids to compensate for the body temps. Sleep to help with muscle repair and I guess not trying anything your companion objects to.”
“Lesson learned.” I looked at Everett, seeing nothing but disapproval. “She was trying to save my life.” I bowed to the doctor and let go of them both. Despite objections, I walked out on my own. I had to show the crew I wasn’t going to crack under pressure.
Everett followed, resisting the macho urge to grab hold of me. Instead he wrapped himself in barriers to keep anyone else from picking up his dread, and held it in until we were safely in our quarters.
Behind these ancient walls my thoughts were safe, the walls buffered to protect me. The walls gave me refuge, except from him. “What really happened up there?”
“I told you.” The cushions closed around me as I let my body drop into them. “I got carried away in the heat of the battle. I tried to reach out to find their leaders, to strike them down. Sharmila yanked me back.”
“You scared me and everyone else.” He sat down with me, finally releasing his own tensed muscles. “I don’t know whether to be grateful to her or angry with you.” He pressed his lips tight, glaring down at me. His hand caught at my face and with his thumb smudged away heavy makeup along the side of my face. “This isn’t working anymore either. We can see through all this stuff.”
“I know.” His hand felt good on my skin, cool, gentle. I looked at the table littered with cosmetics. A mirror reflected my gaze back at me. Where his thumb rubbed my cheek, my skin glowed through.
Everett pushed away from me. “I need to get you food. I know you’re not hungry, but you can’t burn energy without replacing it, no matter who you are.” He went to the intercom and ordered food for both of us. When he came back to me, he brought a cold damp cloth, to cool my skin and to gently wipe my face clean.
In his eyes I saw him uncover the lines swirling around the edges of my face and down my neck, like faint primitive tribal tattoos. A few tendrils curled over the tops of my cheekbones. The lines were a few shades paler than my skin, the luminescence stronger through the lines, and in my eyes, nearly liquid silver. I closed my eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at them.
> “Don’t do that.” Everett lifted my face up towards his. “These changes don’t bother me. Why do you still think they do?”
He brushed hair from my face, white streaks completely framing my face now. “I’m not the same person you bonded to.”
“My bond is still as strong, no matter what this has done to you.” He folded the cloth into a compress. “Lie down until dinner is here.”
I obeyed, taking the compress and folding myself into the cushions. At least Sharmila enjoyed her luxuries. The pillows accepted me, enveloping me. Comfort lulled me quickly into a place between awareness and dreams, not sleep, but my body relaxed completely.
“You are learning so quickly, but he is right. The battle ahead will take all we have. So rest, let go, let yourself regenerate.”
It was the Elders and I could feel Carl too. I could feel him worrying about me.
“I made a mistake.”
“As did we, ages ago. We have another chance, as do you. So rest. Make yourself stronger so you can fight when the time is right. Rest.”
I felt their energy brush gently over me, making it easier to do as they urged. Everett comforted me, giving me his own strength, making sure I ate and then wrapping me in his safety. I slept heavily, with no dreams.
When I woke I felt renewed, but I could see the effect on him. I leaned over him, tracing the laugh lines at the edges of his eyes, but I didn’t see any laughter in them. “You need to stop doing this, draining yourself. I’m far more stable than when she first joined me.”
“Maybe, but my role is to take care of you.” He picked up my first thought, his possible resentment at being reduced to my keeper. “It’s not so basic as that. I see how deep you get into our minds. As your mate, part of me goes there with you. You need someone to pull you back. You certainly need someone to keep you grounded. I’m not going to let you disappear.”
His hand slipped down my spine and a little smile crept onto his lips. A tremble ran through my body. “What you’re thinking isn’t restful.”