Watching the pain in his eyes, she thought for the first time how the absence of her memory transformed him. Propelled from one encounter with another soul to the next, each more painful than the last. Facing her world head-on as she tried to navigate the new relationship, she found herself in with him. With each unique situation, she failed to see how it affected him.
She assumed he had no insecurities, let alone the ones he hinted at. To Arel, he was a dazzling perfection against her unperfect form. The man standing before her had emotions, feelings, and most of all, fear. As she looked at him, the picture she had painted began to fade away replaced by the realization she may not really know him at all.
"Should I tell you how I saw the fear in your eyes when Deacon told you who I was? How could I have convinced you of who you were to me when you feared me? There are no words that I could use that would express my love for you."
He had returned her to the bed fully leaning her weight on the firm mattress, his grasp of her torso free, his arms by his side. She continued looking up at him, resting firmly on her knees. It had not occurred to her before the pain he would feel at her distance. Never had she thought about how he loved her nor the sting he felt at her lack of affection.
"I wish you were able to read my thoughts, but my intentions are clear. I love you, and I will never love another like I love you. I have loved you from the moment you walked into my life. I will always love you even if it means my death."
Leaning forward, she extended herself up towards him, inching closer as she reached her hand up towards his face. Arel kneeled on the bed, her heart pounding rapidly in her chest. She had not realized how much she had meant to him.
Fear crept up over her, trying to consume the sadness over what he had said. It hurt her to think that he would love her even if it meant his death, the last thing she wanted was to be the cause of his demise.
"I . . . I wish I could remember, that everything would come flooding back and it would be as if I had never forgotten," Arel replied.
Bringing her hand to his face, she rested it on his cheek. She pulled him closer, looking into his eyes.
"The fear you saw was never of you or what you are. It was and still is the fear that I could lose you. Everyone I have loved has died. When I looked over into your eyes, I knew that I loved you. My thoughts went from knowing I loved you to the idea of you not loving me to the memory of loss.
Everyone I had loved had died. My whole family had died, James died, all of them gone too soon. Losing James, my brother, who I loved was one of the hardest things I had gone through, and I couldn't imagine going through that with you. I knew I could not recover if something happened to you. I didn't care what you were, what your family was, all I knew at that moment was I wanted you."
Turning her head away, she looked towards the door hoping someone would walk in, freeing her from the discomfort of exposing herself. Tears welled in the corner of her eyes, as her glancing traveled back to Sebastian in front of her.
"I would never intentionally hurt you through my actions or my words. I love you now as I am. The pain and confusion are real, they are present. It hurts to be able to hear their thoughts, to know their fears, and their secrets. I can overhear their hatred of me. The things they would love to happen. I listen to it all, but the one thing I wish the most to hear, your voice, your thoughts, the secrets I know you are hiding from me.”
Pulling away from her hold, he sat on the bed next to her, peering up at her. His hands pulling her face closer to him, he wiped the tears at the edge of her eyes.
"If you knew the time and place of my death, what would you do," he interrupted.
"I would do everything to prevent it," she replied.
Pain gripped her heart as she thought of him dying, followed by relief as she thought of a way of him coming back. He wasn't like Viktor; he could survive on food or blood without being consumed by the pain. Hope at the thought that he could come back to her after death like Viktor had come back. She cringed at the thought of him becoming like Viktor driven by the hunger, unable to be fully satisfied. Her Sebastian, her heart, she could not imagine him a monster like his cousin.
"If you knew you were the cause of my death, the very reason I died what would you do," he asked her.
"I...," she began, turning her head to look off into the distance. Gently he turned her head to stare back at him, looking into her eyes, his voice took a softer tone.
"Truthfully, Arel. If you knew I died because of you, what would you do," he asked her again.
"I'd leave so you would live," she whispered.
"If no matter how far away you went, it still caused my death," asked Sebastian.
"Why are we talking about this? Why do you want me,” she cried. No longer able to contain the emotions accumulated inside she let them explode. Flowing full force past her lashes, the tears flooded out her eyes trailing down her cheeks as she watched him.
"You have to stop trying to see my death. Stop listening to their fears, listen to me. None of it matters; none of it is important."
"But," she protested in vain, trying to find a way to reason with him, get him to see her side. Their fears were valid; they embodied her worries. Magnified her anxiety, she sought something more in their memories, hope.
"No. Focus on your health. We have to be strong to be able to pull through this, all of it."
"If I could see your future, we could prepare for it. I would know what would happen, we could try to prevent it."
"I need you to save your strength. Your health is the most important, especially with the birth," Sebastian's voice trailed off as he said the last part, the birth. There was something behind the way he said it.
"Okay," she shook her head in agreement.
"Come," Sebastian demanded, helping her rise from the bed. Pulling her close, he wrapped his arms around her waist. Tilting her head up as she slid her hands up his shoulders, intertwining her fingers closed around his neck. Leaning up, preparing to kiss him, her lips pecked. Standing on her tiptoes, she waited for him to bend his head closer to her. Opening her eyes, she looked up at him when she didn't feel his lips.
"I do love you," she said.
"Arel, I love you. No more talking about my death," he demanded.
She waited quietly, not responding to his demands. Her mind was set, she would not talk about his death, but she would still try to prevent it.
"Arel," he repeated.
"Okay. I won't talk about it again," Arel replied hesitantly to Sebastian's commands, unsatisfied by the arrangement she agreed to.
"Promise," he asked.
"I'll promise if you stop keeping secrets from me," she responded.
Smiling, she looked up at him, her eyes wide as she waited for his response. Pulling his neck lower, she softly planted a kiss on his lips.
"Promise," she asked.
Sebastian pulled her up and kissed her in return. Lowering her back to her feet gently, he smiled his long canines exposed.
"I'll only tell you what I think you are ready to hear," he said.
"It's not for you to determine. If I ask you a question you have to promise to answer honestly and directly," Arel replied. With her hands resting on her hips, she waited, staring back at him.
"Will you promise not to try to see my future anymore?"
"That's not direct or honest. Avoiding a response with a question leads us back to the argument."
"Promise you will stop trying to see our future," demanded Sebastian.
"Aren't you curious? Don't you want to know what will happen? If I could somehow learn to harness it, I could. . ."
"No. The idea of when my death will come is not something I think about. Other matters concern me more so than my own demise. Will you promise?"
Sighing, Arel paused a moment before answering. The hunger in her stomach was growing. Grumbles rose from her belly as she looked down, placing her hands on it as if to silence its cries. Knowing how stubborn he was, she knew she wou
ld have to be the one to give in.
"I will promise if you will do the same."
Another low rumbling emanated from her stomach longer than the last one. Sebastian looked at her disappointedly.
"Let's go. You have to eat regularly," Sebastian commanded.
Dutifully she took his hand, allowing him to lead her towards their bedroom door. Pulling back, she tried to free her hand from his iron grip unsuccessfully.
"Sebastian," she protested, digging her feet into the soft carpet as she pulled her hand back harder.
Stopping in midstance, Sebastian turned around and faced the protesting Arel who pulled her arm from him.
"I'm not dressed to go out," she replied, looking down at her silk pajamas and the matching slippers on her feet. She watched Sebastian's bare chest as his muscles flexed with each breath he took, wondering what other secrets he could be harboring.
"I'm cooking breakfast for you," he replied in response, again grabbing her hand.
"Shouldn't we put on proper clothes? It's not like we're home. They already don't want me here. I don't want to give them any more of a reason to remind me I don't belong here."
Quietly she protested, pulling back wishing they were back in their secluded home on the edge of the forest. Hours away from anyone where she was happy for the two of them to live. The pre-wedding house he built on the edge of the woods where the property met the side of the mountain. They had hiked in the soft mist right after sunrise exploring the woods and each other.
The thought of their life before moving into his father’s estate made her think of her apartment. Situated on the other side of town, she secretly wished they were back there. Back where she was Winter, and he was just Sebastian. In fact, anywhere would have been better than here for Arel.
She missed the apartment where she would spend her time with her elderly neighbor and friend. If it had not been for Caroline, she would never have wondered into Trofi seeking a position. At a simple throwaway job, she could leave in an instant should the need arise, she found him. Sebastian was the man who had helped her unlock the secrets of her past. He caused her to stop running from her past, facing it head-on.
The pre-wedding home he built on the edge of the woods where the property met the border of the mountain, she had peace. In the soft mist of the early morning hours and they hiked exploring the woods and each other. She missed their morning routine of eating breakfast and watching the sunrise with him.
This was his father's home, his family estate, and she felt like an outsider, an unwelcome intruder. Sebastian stayed by her side, keeping her company while the others kept their distance. Not wanting to make herself any more out of place she protested, pulling her hand back towards herself.
Undeterred Sebastian continued walking through the door and down the ornate wood stairs, leading Arel behind him. At the landing, they headed past the library and office towards the dining room. Rays of sunlight glistened off his exposed abdomen as they passed the opened windows in the foyer. Passing through the dining room, they entered the bright kitchen.
Arel took a seat on the high-backed stools in front of the counter while she watched Sebastian silently walk over to the cupboards. Spotless, the kitchen showed no signs of ever being used. She watched as he removed new pans from the cabinets placing them on the stove before heading to the double door refrigerator. Arel knew they didn't eat so the pots, the food, all of it had been for her. Another reminder that she didn't belong in his world.
"I'm glad you are awake," said Eir.
Surprised, Arel jumped slightly out of the stool as the older woman sat next to her. Like the previous night, Eir's hair was neatly braided and arranged upon her head like a crown. She wore a bright pink and crimson tunic embroidered with silk flowers and matching silk slippers on her feet. The engraved cane she walked with rested near her side leaning up against the island where they sat.
Arel watched as Sebastian carefully laid eggs, spinach, seeds, fruit, and some crème colored liquid she assumed was milk. Careful and quickly, he washed the vegetables and fruit before peeling them and tossing them into a blender on the counter. Observing him, she noticed his movements seemed deliberate, something she became aware of the more she learned about him. Sebastian moved unnaturally graceful like the other Vampires around her. As he became more comfortable around Arel, his actions were more natural in his surroundings.
"Good morning," whispered Arel.
"Eir, try to make a noise, so she knows when you're coming."
Sebastian, his back still turned to the now sitting pair, continued to prepare breakfast. Out the corner of her eye, Arel looked to Sebastian,
"It's okay. Eir will you be joining us for breakfast," replied Arel.
Turning towards the woman, she wondered how she was able to move like she did without being able to see. Arel couldn't imagine how much more stealth she could pose with sight. She stared at Eir's gray-blue eyes, milky and void of pupils, tempted to pierce her mind once more.
"I'm used to living in a house of my own kind."
"I just have to get used to all of it," Winter replied interrupting. Grateful to have the older woman here she thought of the questions she wanted to ask her from their previous encounter. The most important thing on her mind was the questions regarding her mother, but Arel wanted to ease into the conversation without it feeling like an interrogation. Eir had been forthcoming, freely giving the information she asked, but Arel was unsure of how much she would reveal.
"Do you eat," Arel asked.
"She was born like me," answered Sebastian.
"I was asking Eir," replied Arel.
"You may ask me anything you like," Eir replied. Wrapping her smooth bony fingers around Arel's hand, she placed it into her own as she patted the top of it.
"She has to get her strength up. No using your gifts," commanded Sebastian.
Eir released her hand, placing it back on the counter.
"During the time of my youth, our kingdom would host great feasts, not only by Vampires all manner of creatures. There would be all kinds of dishes for us to enjoy. It was during the feasting that we would refrain from drinking blood. During that time the children of Iona and Emi and all of their lines together celebrated. Now I can go for months without needing nourishment."
"You need nourishment daily, so eat," Sebastian said, placing an omelet in front of Arel along with a green liquid in a large cup.
"Thank you," she replied, smiling up at him. "No one else is eating," Arel asked as she watched Sebastian put away the last few dishes he had used.
"I'm not hungry," he replied, kissing the top of her forehead.
She cut a piece of the omelet, placing it into her mouth, slowly chewing it as she decided whether or not she wanted to continue eating. Deciding against it she forced herself to swallow the remainder before laying the fork on the plate, sliding it away from her. Reaching for the cup, she swallowed hard before taking a sip of the cold liquid.
"I'll make you something else," Sebastian replied, removing the plate from in front of her.
"No, I'll drink this instead."
"You need to eat."
"After I finish the juice if I'm still hungry I'll eat something else. I promise."
Returning to the stool on the opposite side of her, he sat observing her. She brought the cup to her mouth, a sweet and refreshing elixir caressed her tongue. Slowly drinking it, trying not to upset her uneasy stomach any more than it already was. Unable to drink any more, she placed the half-empty cup on the counter in front of her, pushing it aside as well.
"I'm full," she said to Sebastian shaking her head.
"Let me know when you want something else to eat." Removing the plate and cup from in front of her, she watched Eir as he cleaned. Within seconds Sebastian was standing in front of them again, confirming Arel's suspicion that he moved much faster than she realized.
"Eir, will you tell me what you remember about my mother."
"How are you getting a
long," she asked, ignoring the question.
Frustrated at the apparent secrecy among them she looked over to Sebastian looking for some sign he was dictating Eir's responses. Sebastian continued watchfully standing across the counter in front of the pair. Waving her hands in front of Eir's eyes, she looked quizzically at her, wondering if it was her smell or the beating of her heart that told her location.
"It's just an adjustment," replied Arel, still puzzled as to how the blind Vampire could see her. She knew Sebastian and his family had heightened senses allowing them to hunt and kill with precision. Through her visions, she had seen Viktor hunt his prey for miles, not only hearing and smelling them but seeing them as well.
"I was born without sight, but I can see you, princess," responded Eir. Arel dropped her hands into her lap, discontinuing waving her hands in front of the woman's eyes. Mesmerized by the blue-gray pools staring back at her, she couldn't look away.
"You said I could ask you anything? I want to learn about my mother, my history. You knew her and the memory she gave you added more questions. Why did she plant in you something that I could use to help your people even though she was your enemy? How did she know we would meet? Could she see the future? If we are your enemy, how could you love her?"
"Arel, maybe one question at a time," replied Sebastian.
"Cahira was many things to many."
"What was she to you? Why would she help you?"
"She was my friend," replied Eir smiling.
"Please, tell me what you remember about her. I promised Sebastian I would not use my gifts, so, please. I don't have any memory of her."
"The young Cadell has asked that I keep my memories to myself."
"Sebastian," yelled Arel glaring at him.
"Arel, there are other things for you to concern yourself with. Right now, you need to rest."
"If you won't tell me of my mother, will you tell me what happened to the other families," she asked. Hopeful of finding a way to ease the information from the older woman.
Sight Page 2