by R. G. Angel
The door clicked open and I breathed a little easier. I had hoped she would come to me, join me in my pain.
She stood beside me, her hands on the rail looking straight ahead. “I hope you don’t mind. I wanted to be here with you.”
“No, I don’t mind.” I moved my hand to rest it on top of hers. We stayed there for a few minutes in silence. It was nice, peaceful, but I needed to tell her the rest - things I hadn’t wanted to admit in front of Archibald.
“You know my mother adored Theo. I mean, what was not to like? He was precious.”
“He was,” she replied carefully. “I cared for him deeply and miss our games, but Theo being precious doesn’t make you any less precious.”
Straight to the heart! How did she do it?! Read between my words? Know exactly what she should say? How did I even think I stood a chance against her?
“I suspect my conception was not completely–” I looked down at the dark pit the world was and knew my next words would have consequences. They would be words I would never be able to take back. “I suspect my conception was not really consensual.” I let out in a breath. The only sign that Esmeralda had heard me was her hand tensing beneath mine. “I can’t be sure of course, but I’ve caught some arguments over the years. In times when my mom was not high on alcohol or pills. She only wanted Theo. My father considered him a flaw and he wanted an heir that was functional. After I was born and considered normal, he sent Theo away. Maybe to punish her because of the sick man he was or maybe because Theo didn’t fit the picture of the perfect family he wanted so hard to present.”
Esmeralda scooted closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder. A simple gesture that spoke volumes. A silent support that meant everything.
“She hated me from the moment I was conceived and–” I sighed. “There it is.”
“Look at the sky,” she whispered, her warm breath caressing my neck.
I looked up at the darkness, confused. “I don't–”
“Look closely. The more you look, the more you see the stars. At first, all you see is darkness, but then your vision adapts and you start seeing more and more stars.”
“Okay…” I replied, keeping my head up. And it was true, the sky was now lit with hundreds of stars that I hadn’t seen before.
She moved from her space on my neck and I regretted it, but I kept on looking up. I could feel her eyes on me, detailing my face.
“It means that it takes the darkest night to see the most beautiful stars, Caleb. Not everything is bad. Even in darkness there can be light. Even in the most twisted, fucked-up life, there’s hope.”
I turned toward her. She was looking at me earnestly with so much hope. “What are you trying to say? That you'll be my light? My hope?”
She shrugged. “If you want me to be.”
I snorted, but it sounded more painful than snide even to myself. “You left me.” I reminded her, as well as myself. I couldn’t allow myself to lean on her too much. She didn’t deserve the responsibility and I couldn't afford the risk.
“I came back.”
I shook my head. “Not for me.”
“I missed you. From the moment I left, I missed you,” she admitted, but I didn't miss the fact that she didn’t deny my statement. “I wanted to stay for Archie, but also for you and it was terrifying.”
I turned toward her. “I understand that fear,” I admitted, “better than you think because I’m so in love with you, Esmeralda.”
She took a sharp intake of breath at the surprise. That made two of us. I’d never expected to be saying it now, not like this, not yet, but somehow it was perfect.
“Caleb, I–”
I leaned down, stopping her words with a soft kiss. “Don’t–”
She frowned, cocking her head. “I don't understand.”
“Either you’re about to tell me that you need time or something along these lines, and I’m not really in a good emotional place to hear it, or you’re about to reciprocate, and I wouldn’t believe it.”
“Why?”
She really had to strip me of any defenses I had. “Because I want you to say anything you have to say when there’s no pressure, no incentive, no remaining fear. Let’s solve your mother’s murder and find out who is trying to hurt you. After that, we can discuss this, okay?”
“But what if I want to say things now?” She trailed her hands up my arms before wrapping them around my neck.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to me. She was where she belonged - in my arms, nowhere else. Now I just needed her to figure it out too without pressure or anything at stake.
“Please don't, for me?” I kissed her forehead once more. “You haven’t seen the extent of the monster lurking inside me.” She didn’t know all the lives I'd had the pleasure trying to destroy, starting with her best friend and her brother.
I leaned toward her slowly, giving her time to turn her head, but she didn’t. She closed the distance and meet my lips, kissing me hesitantly. She was obviously not used to taking the lead. I let my hand trail up her back, to her neck, deepening the kiss and kissing her until my lips were numb.
I finally broke our kiss and couldn’t help the male egotistical grin that settled on my face at her glazed eyes, satisfied look, and swollen lip.
“I’ll accept it, you know,” she whispered after a while, once her breathing was back to normal.
“Accept what?” I asked, resting my cheek on top of her head.
“Your monster.”
I looked up at the night sky, not sure what I could even say. She might think so, but she didn’t know the extent of it and I was too scared to test her theory.
I knew everything was fucked up, but these few minutes with her on this balcony, away from the impeding drama, were priceless.
A fleeting moment when I didn't have to fake, to protect myself from snakes looking for a weakness they could use to their advantage. It was freeing. This was what this woman was for me - freedom. And that was the irony of it all.
She was freeing me whilst I was locking her in. How could it not be doomed?
I sighed, kissing the crown of her head. “Let's go back in. We wouldn’t want your brother and St-Vincent to start a war.”
She looked into my eyes for a few seconds before sighing. “You’re right. Let’s go in.”
We had only just passed through the door when Taylor threw herself at Esmeralda. “You really have to stop trying to die on us,” she sniffed, holding Esmeralda in a bear hug.
Esmeralda returned the hug with a small smile. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
Taylor let her go, but kept her hands on her shoulders. “It’s sad that Aleksandra had to die though.”
Esmeralda threw me a look that seemed to say, ‘See, that’s how people SHOULD react.’
“Well... Better her than you so...” Taylor continued and it was my turn to smirk at Esmeralda. Oppenheimer might have been an imported piece, but she was still one of us no matter what she said.
“How come you’re here anyway?” Esmeralda asked, looking at Taylor and then St-Vincent.
“Archibald called us to say he had news. I had news too, so I thought it would be best if we tackled everything now,” Antoine started, taking a drink from his teacup.
“What’s your news?” I asked. Esmeralda threw me a grateful look, clearly pleased to have the spotlight directed somewhere else.
“The background on White checks out. What she told you seems to be the truth. I even found her father’s petition to sue yours and the document she’d actually signed refusing any pursuit.”
“I guess your father helped her get the job as an ‘IOU’ for something or a guilty conscience for what he had caused her.”
Archibald snorted. “I’ll buy the IOU, but not the other explanation. Our father doesn’t have one.”
“A guilty conscience?” Esmeralda ventured.
Archibald gave her a sad smile. “A conscience at all.”
She gri
maced, but didn't reply.
“Yes, anyway, she seems legit.”
“I still don't like her,” I mumbled stubbornly as I sat beside Esmeralda.
“Yeah, well, who do you like?” Taylor asked. I knew it was a rhetorical question, but my eyes met Esmeralda’s straight away.
Her. I like her. I love her... Just her, only her.
She gave me a gentle smile, reaching for my hand again. She didn't need the words; she understood.
“Also, your boy-toy pulled through and the monitoring devices are up and running at Phang’s restaurant.”
I couldn’t help but tense as jealousy reared its ugly head at the mention of Deluca. Deluca who’d come through for Esmeralda when I’d failed her over and over again. Deluca who believed her on principle when she said something, unlike me. Not damaged, not broken… On paper he was so much better for her than I was.
Esmeralda nudged me, bringing me back to reality. “Caleb?”
“Umm?”
“Where were you?” she whispered with concern.
“Nowhere I wanted to be.” I turned to the group. “What were you saying?”
“I’d said it’s time to set the bait, so I was offering a group trip to New York for a weekend before spring break.” He pointed to Esmeralda. “Then she asked you if you wanted to join.”
I looked at Esmeralda like she was dim. Did she really need to ask? Wasn’t she with me on the balcony before when I’d professed my love to her? Did she know I'd never said those words before? Of course, she did. She must do. “Wherever she goes, I go.”
She gave me a tender smile, her cheeks taking on a lovely pink color. My heart squeezed in my chest. Would this ever feel normal? My love for her? Would I ever be able to breathe normally when she was near me?
Archibald clasped his hands. “Okay, it’s settled. Now we just need to make sure Esme will be safe at all times.”
Taylor nodded. “School is fine, so that’s good. We can take turns giving her a ride to school if Astor can’t for some reason, and on weekends, we can always figure out things to do.”
“What about the nights here, though?” Antoine asked. “If his mother is in on it…”
“We’ve got the nights covered,” Esmeralda said, eyeing me shyly.
Thank God for this! “Yes, nights are okay,” I replied as coolly as I could, but a grin formed on my lips, mirroring hers.
Archibald gagged.
“But how–” Taylor stopped, looking from me to Esmeralda. Her eyes finally widened with realization. “Oh… I see.”
Esmeralda blushed furiously and looked down at her nails.
Taylor turned to St-Vincent, extending her hand. “Pay up.”
“I don’t have cash on me.”
She snorted. “Yes, you do. You always do. Pay up.”
“Fine,” he grumbled, reaching for his wallet and extending five hundred dollars to her.
“What’s that all about?” Esmeralda asked, looking at the money changing hands.
“I bet you two would give in to the sexual tension before spring was out.”
Antoine shook his head in defeat. “I expected you to wait until graduation.”
“You’re betting on my love life?” Esmeralda asked, not as angry as she should be. She was merely aggravated.
Taylor shrugged. “Sure, why not?”
Esmeralda rolled her eyes. “I’ll be careful. I’ll go nowhere by myself. It will be fine; I promise.”
I tightened my hold on her hand. Now that I was in on the secret, I would keep her safe. She was going to be fine because life had already been shitty enough with me. It couldn't take the last precious thing I had. I would not allow it.
Chapter 18 - Esme
I knew we were going to New York to solve my mother’s murder. Yet, I couldn't help but feel giddy at the idea of going to such a big city. I’d always dreamed of going to New York, visiting Central Park, going to a Broadway show – anything. Just being part of the atmosphere would be enough.
“All ready!” I chimed, getting into the passenger side of the car as the butler set my suitcase in the trunk.
“Only one case?”
“It’s only two days.”
He chuckled. “I bet Oppenheimer will have at least three.”
I wiggled against the leather seat. “It’s so comfy.”
He chuckled again and l loved the levity in him. Since the day of the accident, his mood was getting lighter and we were getting closer every day. I was so glad we’d decided to tell him everything.
“It better be for the price that Mercedes-AMG charges for a GLS 63.”
I nodded as if that meant something, but all I knew was that it was big and super-luxurious.
“Are you going to pick up the others now?”
“Why, don’t you want to be alone with me?”
I rolled my eyes. I'd spent every night in Caleb’s room since that day. My bed was comfortable, but his was heaven. However, I was not certain if that was due to the custom-made mattress or the man that held me tightly in his arms.
“I've booked us a suite at the hotel with a private jacuzzi and a view of the city. I hope you don’t mind.”
I blushed at the thoughts this suite brought to my mind. Caleb and I had had sex a few more times since I’d shared his bed. I’d been enjoying it more and more, getting bolder. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like in a jacuzzi... Practice makes perfect, they say. And I enjoyed practicing with him.
“I’m not sure what’s going on in that head of yours, but that blush says I’ll be down with the plan.”
I grunted, looked out the window. I was not going there now.
“What do you want to do in New York?” he asked as he finally started the car.
“Can we do anything?” I asked, getting even more excited.
“Of course! We have dinner at Phang’s restaurant and I have another thing, but the rest of the time belongs to you.”
“Oh!” There were so many things I wanted to do. Too many, in fact, to cram into a weekend.
“Hey, don’t stress out.” He reached over and gently stroked my cheek. “Whatever we can’t do now, we can do another time, just the two of us. We can hop in my car and be there in under two hours.”
I leaned into his touch. “Okay... But -” I frowned - “what's your secret appointment in New York?”
“It’s no secret. There is a famous tattoo artist I’ve booked an appointment with. I want to add one for Theo.”
My heart squeezed in my chest at the thought of Theo. “I miss him,” I admitted.
“Me too, so much.” All joviality had left Caleb’s face.
“Can I come with you?”
He threw me a startled look. “Of course you can. You don’t need to ask. You’re always welcome wherever I go.”
Warmth spread into me and I regretted not telling him everything before. It would have made our relationship so much easier.
However, the conversation had to stop when we picked up Archie in front of the gates.
“Why are you waiting there?” I asked when he set his duffle bag in the trunk.
“Because father would have harassed you both. I don't think he’s happy that his attempt to create a divide between all of us failed miserably.” He sighed. “At least I don’t have to fake it anymore. He knows I’m on your side.”
I turned in my seat. “But you’re okay, right? He is not making your life too hard, is he? I mean if it’s too difficult, you can always move in with us, right Caleb?”
“Sure.”
Archie laughed. “Lord no! No offense, sister, but I think both Astor and I would rather get our nails ripped out than share a living space.” He leaned back on his seat with a sigh. “And to be fair, there isn’t much he can do. He needs his heir.”
“Yeah, you might want to rethink that,” Caleb started. “You know the rehab camp’s an option.”
I straightened in my seat. “What’s rehab camp?”
Caleb shook his hea
d as he stopped in front of the Oppenheimer House, honking twice. “Nothing good, but it won’t happen to Archibald.” He looked in the mirror, meeting my brother’s eyes. “We will fix it before that.”
“Yeah….” I turned to see Taylor and Antoine walking out, her holding one suitcase and him holding two. “See, she only has one.”
“You just wait,” Caleb chuckled, popping the trunk open.” Are we good to go?” he asked when Taylor settled in the backseat.
“No, wait, Antoine needs to get his suitcase and my extra one.”
Caleb looked at me with an eyebrow raised and an ‘I-told-you-so’ half grin. “You don’t say.”
“You know we’re only going for two days, right?” I asked her. “Why four suitcases?”
“Oh, there’s only two for clothes. One is for shoes, the other for accessories.” She shrugged. “It depends what I’m in the mood for.”
“Yeah,” Antoine huffed. Joining us in the car, he sat between Archie and Taylor. “Not sure why you need to think so hard for campus tours, but you know.”
Archie leaned forward on his seat, trying to look at Taylor. “Are you checking universities? Together?” he asked. He’d tried to sound merely curious, but the tension in his voice was hard to miss.
“Here we go,” Caleb grumbled just loud enough for me to hear before starting the car.
“Yeah,” Antoine replied. “Tonight after dinner at River Queen, we’ll have an early night because tomorrow we’re going to see Cornell, Columbia, and NYU.”
“NYU? Huh… I thought you were going to Ivy Leagues. I guess we can’t all do it,” Archie started and Taylor hissed.
Caleb put the music on to drown them out.
“Thank you!”
He nodded with a little grin. “Anytime. Talking about college, have you thought about it?”
“I - Yes. Before–” I shook my head. “I just didn't think it was an option anymore.”
“But it is. Archie and I, we can get you in seven of the eight Ivy Leagues...and I’m sure Oppenheimer can get you in the eighth.”
“Ah, cool. It’s just–”
“It’s just what?” he encouraged.