by E K Ballard
Farley came running into the room and yelled, “What is going on in here?” When he saw Kristin on the floor and the drink spilled on the carpet, he looked around and asked, “What happened?”
Kristin got up and said, “Nothing. I was just leaving.” A path parted the way to the front door, and she let herself out into the cold night, shaking with adrenaline from the encounter with Paige and the cold, sticky soda that spilled on her jeans. She checked her pants pocket. At least she had her phone.
Now what, genius? She asked herself. She could call her dad and he would come and pick her up, but she would need to get to the school first. She didn’t want to go home now. She still had to find Jamie.
She started walking. She hugged her arms across her chest and tried not to think of how inadequate her shoes were to be walking in this cold. She felt the cold air enter her lungs and watched the vapor form in the air when she exhaled. She walked faster.
Cars were passing her on their way to the party. While she wanted to be able to see Jamie’s Jeep, she also didn’t want to be seen by anyone else. She cut through the fields that bordered the property next to the school. She could still see the lights from the soccer field in the distance, so she headed that way. The frozen ground seeped through the thin soles of her sandals and made the bottoms of her feet cold.
Kristin knew without a doubt she had to see Jamie. She didn’t know what she would say or how Jamie would receive her, but Kristin knew she had to see Jamie and tell her how she felt and hope for the best.
When Kristin got to the school, she headed towards Jamie’s house. She was happy to get on pavement again and, besides her feet, the walk had warmed her up a little. She took her phone out and dialed Jamie’s home number as she started walking down Jamie’s street. The phone rang and rang. Kristin’s heart fell. What would she do if Jamie wasn’t home? The call went to voicemail.
“Hi, Jamie, it’s Kristin. I was just wondering if you were doing anything. Call me if you can.” Kristin hung up and looked up Jamie’s driveway and saw that there weren’t any cars there. The outdoor light was on, but only a few lights were on inside. No one was home. Kristin stood in the road as despair started to seep into her cold psyche.
Suddenly Kristin remembered—Jamie was dog-sitting at her aunt’s house this weekend. Kristin was fairly sure she could remember how to get there and began walking briskly in that direction.
* * *
When Jamie got to her aunt’s house, she let the dogs out and fixed their dinner. She let them back in, sat on the sofa, and talked to the dogs, who jumped up on the sofa and licked her face and hit her body with wagging tails. They wiggled their bodies against her so she would pet and scratch them.
Jamie stared out in space and tried to make sense of Kristin and Dylan, which explained why Kristin was refusing to talk to Jamie. In the course of five days, she had gone from having Kristin in her life on a daily basis to having Kristin completely ignore her for that jerk Dylan. Even so, Jamie wracked her memory, trying to think of something she had said or done to make Kristin cut her out of her life like that. Dating Dylan wouldn’t make Kristin hate Jamie, would it? She couldn’t come up with anything or understand why. She just knew she was heartsick.
Jamie felt defeated in every facet of her life. Kristin was gone, she hated soccer, and she was a week behind in school.
It was getting cold out. Jamie saw there was plenty of firewood in the house, but she didn’t feel like making a fire and went and turned the heat on. The wind was blowing the pine trees back and forth outside. She turned the lights off and the TV on. She got the phone and called Lissy.
“Hey, Jamie, where are you?” Lissy said.
“I’m dog-sitting at my aunt’s.”
“We’re going to Farley’s party, why don’t you meet us there?”
“No.”
“Why not? What’s wrong? You just gonna sit around and mope over Kristin forever?”
“I’m not moping, I’m just,” Jamie couldn’t finish the sentence, she was so upset.
“Come on, you want us to come get you?”
“No.”
“You want us to come over?”
“You can if you want. Go to the party. I’m not going to be any fun anyway.”
Jamie lay on the sofa in the dark, staring at the ceiling. Her body hurt. Her knee throbbed where she had been kicked. She gently rolled over to one side, trying to find a position that lessened the severity of her discomfort.
She closed her eyes to try and escape her thoughts, but her mind replayed Kristin walking away with Dylan in the hallway and refusing to look at her in class. Why wouldn’t she return Jamie’s calls? Jamie wished she would fall asleep and never wake up again.
She wondered where Kristin was and what she was doing.
Was she with Dylan?
Did she have any idea what she was doing to Jamie?
Did she even care?
Jamie doubted it.
She sighed and swung her legs over the side of the sofa, grimacing in pain. She looked down at her knee and noticed it was purple and blue and was really starting to swell. She didn’t care.
Her mind, body, and spirit had never felt so beaten.
The dogs sat up abruptly and growled at the door in unison. The motion detector lights turned on, illuminating the porch. They both started barking and ran to the door.
Jamie got up and looked out at the driveway. There were no cars in the driveway and the driveway lights hadn’t been tripped, so it couldn’t be Lissy and Sam. Jamie became alarmed, thinking that someone was wandering around outside and went and got the phone. When she returned and looked out at the porch door and saw who was there, she dropped the phone. It broke open and the batteries rolled out onto the floor.
Standing alone on the porch, outside the door and peering in, was Kristin.
* * *
Kristin walked up the driveway. It had taken her twenty minutes to walk here and find the house. The whole way, she kept repeating, “please let her be there, please let her be there” over and over in her head. She hoped that she would see Jamie’s Jeep in the driveway and, when she did, she felt an enormous weight lift off her.
She climbed the steps to the porch, and had just reached the top when she heard the dogs start barking a second before the porch light blinded her. Startled, she stopped in her tracks and considered turning around as her fight-or-flight defense mechanism kicked in for the second time in an hour.
She had to see Jamie. She didn’t know how Jamie felt about her, but she had to find out.
Shivering, Kristen stood in front of the door, uncertain how to go on. She squinted into the dimly lit house and saw the two dogs jumping up and down at the door and Jamie standing behind them.
“Enough!” Kristin heard Jamie command from inside. They stopped barking, wagged their tails, and turned in circles, waiting for Jamie to open the door.
* * *
Jamie quieted the dogs and stared in utter disbelief at Kristin. Her heart was pounding with nervous excitement and surprise. Jamie opened the front door, let the dogs out, and shooed them away from Kristin while pulling Kristin inside. The dogs went bounding down the steps into the yard.
“Come in,” she said to Kristin. “You’re shivering! Is that all you wore?” She looked at Kristin’s sandals and thin cotton shirt. “It must be in the 30s with the wind chill out there. How did you get here?”
“I walked.”
“From where? Your house?”
“No, first from the party at that football player’s house to your house, then here.”
“You went to Farley’s party?” Jamie asked.
“Yeah. You were going to be there. Then I went to your house, but you weren’t home.”
Jamie was confused. “Why would you be looking for me there?”
“I heard you say Tuesday that you were going to his party.”
Jamie was puzzled. “I did? When?”
“Someone asked you if you were going in Lit
and you said yes.”
“I haven’t heard a word anyone has said to me in class this week, especially Lit.”
“I was trying to catch up with you after your game.”
“Yeah, I saw. Where’s Dylan?” Jamie asked, making no effort to keep the edge out of her voice.
“I don’t know. I don’t care.” Kristin was still shivering. The emotional toll of the week, and the night, hit her. She started to cry.
“You sure looked like you cared at the game,” Jamie said. “Couldn’t mister academically stimulating give you a ride?”
“Please don’t,” Kristin started to say. She couldn’t continue; she was overwhelmed with frayed nerves.
“What? Please don’t what?” Jamie asked, noticing Kristin’s tears.
“Please don’t hate me!” Kristin was sobbing.
Jamie did the only thing she could do; she wrapped her arms around Kristin and held her closely to her. She felt Kristin put her arms around her waist and pull her cold body close into hers. She rubbed her hands up and down Kristin’s back.
”I don’t hate you,” Jamie said softly. Kristin pressed more of herself up against Jamie. After a minute, the tears subsided.
“Hey,” Jamie said. “Come on, why are you crying?” She leaned back and looked down at the top of Kristin’s head.
Kristin just held her tighter, clutching Jamie like a life raft. She shook her head into Jamie’s chest.
Jamie said, “Will you put on some warmer clothes?”
Kristin nodded, but didn’t loosen her arm hold around Jamie. Jamie took a slow deep breath and inhaled the fresh cold air smell in Kristin’s hair and felt some loose strands of Kristin’s auburn hair tickle her cheek. Kristin’s cold body was warming and Jamie relished the feeling of Kristin’s body against hers.
“I don’t ever want to let go,” said Kristin.
“I know, I don’t either. But you have to get warm. Come on.”
Jamie pulled away from Kristin and led her down the hallway and into the guest bedroom where Jamie was staying. Jamie pulled out her team sweats, long sleeve warm-up shirt, and heavy socks.
“Put those on,” Jamie said, leaving the room so Kristin could get changed.
She went out to the living room and made a fire. She watched the paper light the kindling, which in turn lit the bigger logs on top. Satisfied that the fire was burning, Jamie let the dogs back in.
Kristin put on Jamie’s socks and sweats and felt warmer. She looked in the mirror and smiled at the sight of her in Jamie’s huge clothes. She took a minute and fixed her hair before she returned to the living room, where Jamie stood by the fireplace.
Kristin walked over to Jamie and put her arms around her. “Please. Just hold me,” she said, quietly, and put her head on Jamie’s chest. Jamie put her arms around Kristin and lay her face on the top of her head. Kristin held Jamie tighter.
“Why were you crying earlier?” Jamie leaned back and pulled Kristin’s hair back from her face so she could see Kristin’s eyes.
“Because I missed being with you and for treating you like shit. Every second I am away from you I am miserable. I have never felt this way about anyone before.”
Jamie held Kristin closely to her, absorbing her words.
“Jamie, I’m so sorry…”
Jamie swayed with Kristin’s body. “It’s okay. I’m just happy you’re here.”
“Your game—”
Jamie interrupted Kristin. “I don’t care about soccer.”
“What about your knee?”
“I don’t care about my knee, either.”
“Are you okay? I mean…”
Jamie kissed the top of Kristin’s head. “I am now.”
“Will you ever forgive me for being such an asshole to you this week?” Kristin burrowed her head into Jamie’s chest.
“I already have. Please just promise me one thing?”
Kristin nodded.
“That no matter what happens between us, you don’t ever shut me out like that again. If you end up hating me, tell me to go away and I will. I can’t go through that again.”
“Jamie, I’m so sorry. I just, I’ve never felt this way before. All I can do is think about you. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and all I can think about is how when you touch me, I feel nervous and excited and alive. When you run, I see the definition of every muscle in your legs. I think about how you carried Patty to the car that night and about how everyone at school respects you, even my brother.” She paused. “I think you are the most incredible person I have ever known.”
Jamie found herself gently stroking Kristin’s hair while she listened. “You do?”
“Yes.”
“That was the worst five days of my life.”
Kristin started to cry again.
“Please don’t cry.” Jamie leaned down and lightly pressed her lips on one of Kristin’s eyes, tasting the salt from her tears. She kissed the other eye, then the tip of Kristin’s nose.
“Look at me,” Jamie said. Kristin opened her eyes and looked back into Jamie’s face. “I love you, Kristin. More than anything or anyone.”
Jamie knew that now was the moment she had wished she had taken advantage of after she and Kristin danced. How many nights had she lain awake consumed with if and when their first kiss would ever happen? She was beyond nervous. She ran her hands up the back of Kristin’s neck, worked her fingers into her hairline, and held Kristin’s head in her hands. She looked into Kristin’s eyes for signs of uncertainty, but only saw longing. She guided Kristin’s lips to hers, where they brushed against each other briefly. Jamie paused, gently pushed Kristin’s face back, and looked again into Kristin’s eyes for any signs of distress. Seeing none, she pulled Kristin’s face to hers and pressed her lips to Kristin’s and began to kiss her with a hunger that had been gnawing at Jamie’s very being since she had laid eyes on Kristin back at the town beach.
Their first kiss was so light it was almost imperceptible. Kristin felt Jamie’s hands in her hair, steering her lips onto hers, soft and moist, and then they were gone. Their eyes met and Kristin leaned towards Jamie just as Jamie leaned towards her. Their mouths met again and this kiss was deep and needy.
Their tongues tickled each other’s lips and entered each other’s mouths. Kristin felt Jamie’s tongue against her tongue and felt it play in her mouth. Kristin arched her back and Jamie ran her hands from Kristin’s head and down her back.
Kristin had never been kissed like this before. It had taken a while before she had become comfortable kissing Billy; she always felt like she was being overtaken by him and needed to wipe excess saliva from her mouth when they were done.
“Oh,” she said breathlessly.
“I should have done that five days ago,” Jamie said.
“You should have,” Kristin agreed.
The outdoor lights went on and they heard car doors slam shut and voices. The dogs ran to the door, barking and jumping at the door. “Lissy and Sam,” said Jamie.
“Oh,” Kristin said as she tried to pull herself together after their first kiss. She was weak in her knees.
“Could you stay over tonight?” asked Jamie.
“Do you want me to?” asked Kristin.
“Yes,” answered Jamie, looking Kristin right in the eyes. “More than anything, I want you to fall asleep in my arms, so that the last thing I see before I go to sleep is you, and the first thing I see when I wake up is you.” She kissed Kristin on the forehead.
“I would like that, but I doubt my dad will go for it. If I spring it on him suddenly, he is less likely to say yes. We’d have better luck tomorrow night. We can turn it into a daylong study session and watch the movie The Crucible.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. And before they get up here, we need to keep this between us. I don’t know exactly what we have going on here, but if it gets back to my parents…”
“We can keep it from your parents, but Lissy and Sam have always known how I feel about yo
u. What would your parents do?”
“They would probably do whatever they could to keep us apart and I don’t want to do that again.”
“Me either,” said Jamie. Jamie wasn’t quite sure how her parents would react to the news that Jamie was in a relationship with Kristin.
While Lissy and Sam brought their stuff in they tried to hide their surprise at seeing Kristin there.
“Well, I guess you’re not moping anymore,” said Lissy when she saw Jamie hugging Kristin. “Everything okay?”
Jamie kissed Kristin. “Yes.”
“Was I right? Well? Was I?” Sam asked.
“You were,” Jamie said, smiling.
“Do you want us to go?” Lissy asked.
“No. Are you spending the night?”
“Probably.” They sat down on the love seat together.
Kristin went into the bathroom and called her dad.
“Can you give me a ride home so I get home by twelve?” she asked Jamie.
“Sure.” Jamie limped to the refrigerator. “You guys want anything to drink?”
“Let me see your knee,” Kristin said.
Jamie gingerly rolled up her sweat pant leg and revealed her swollen and discolored knee.
“Go lie down on the sofa. You need to ice that and elevate it,” Kristin said.
Jamie kissed Kristin on the mouth. “This is what I need.”
Kristin kissed her back. “This isn’t going to make your knee any better. Go put some pillows under your knee and I’ll bring you some ice.”
“Yes, mom,” said Jamie, but she followed Kristin’s directions.
Kristin brought an ice pack and put it on Jamie’s knee. She propped Jamie’s knee up, pulled a blanket over Jamie, and went and sat in a chair.
“Uh-uh. Come here and lie next to me.” Jamie lifted the blanket and moved over. Kristin lay down next to Jamie with her head resting on Jamie’s chest. Jamie covered them both with the blanket.