Eat, Slay, Love

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by Eric Ugland


  Harmut and his dwarves chiseled the chains out of the wall, and I just dragged them around with me as I made my way around The Master’s lair.

  There was the large carpeted dining room. Directly behind the dining room was a crude kitchen dominated by a deep fire pit with a metal grate across the top. Perfect for whole-corpse cooking.

  On one side of the large chamber was The Master’s quarters, which was a strange place. It had trunks upon trunks, all full of clothing. All different clothes, too, from all sorts of cultures, and in all different sizes. Ballgowns, tights, hose, hobnail boots, tunics, tabards — it was an incredible collection. We found some magical items which I had packed up and sent to the treasury before anyone could get any ideas.

  Then there was a large pool of saltwater. Not like ocean water — more gentle than that, in terms of salinity. And of course, there were the heads. Rows of glass jars filled with heads suspended in some preserving solution.

  Of the eighty-three heads found in The Master’s chambers, plenty were from my people in Coggeshall. Emeline, Nikolai, the cleaning lady, several guards. But thankfully, no children. There were also several dogs, a cat, and three different birds. There didn’t seem to be any sort of predilection for races, as the collection represented every type of race I knew. Save minotaurs. No minotaurs. I wondered if that was because of their size — maybe because they couldn’t fit down the chute, The Master didn’t feel the need to take any.

  Bear, Skeld, Ragnar, and Tarryn showed up just a few minutes after the hirð notice went out. I could see Ragnar’s wet face. He wore a smile, but I could see the sadness.

  I hugged the little guy, and he grabbed onto me.

  Skeld did as well.

  Then Bear.

  “I don’t hug,” Tarryn said.

  Skeld reached out and snatched the warmancer into the hirðhug.

  We remained like that for a moment.

  There just weren’t words.

  Nikolai had been there since the beginning, more so than anyone else in my life. And now he was gone.

  “I don’t suppose Fiends’ Night is over,” I said.

  It was not.

  I hiked up all the stairs with the heavy chain wrapped around me, actually feeling the immense weight after the first few steps. It was grueling. I needed a shower, and then I needed to get to thinking.

  We needed a chancellor. And we needed to prepare for whatever madness was going to come after Fiends’ Night. We had to make sure we had food for the winter. Make sure we could finish the wall, and the fort to guard the wall before winter was over and fighting season began. I had to figure out what the fuck was going on with the fucking Emperor, and what I would do with my vote. And, given how much pressure there seemed to be coming onto me, it wouldn’t be the worst idea to think about making some overt gestures of romantic interest in someone.

  Just as I was about to enter my room, I ran smack into Darius, my face hitting his chest.

  He looked down at me, a rare smile across his face.

  “It’s happening,” he said.

  “I need a bit more information,” I said, trying to extricate myself from the big guy and make my way more toward the shower and bathroom.

  “The egg,” he said. “It’s hatching.”

  “You’re kidding,” I said.

  “I’m not, look!!” He pointed, and, sure enough, I could see small cracks forming across the shell.

  “Your grace!” came a call from behind me.

  “In here,” I yelled back, my attention on the egg, wondering what sort of monster was about to come through.

  “There’s a challenge being called at the doors,” Nathalie said, out of breath from running up the stairs. “A devil calls you to fight, or he will destroy Coggeshall.”

  I leaned back, staring upward, and shook my head.

  “Motherfucker needs to take a fucking number,” I shouted.

  Ready for Book 11?

  I definitely am.

  KILLING THEM AWFULLY

  But The Bad Guys resumes August 12, 2021:

  Back to One

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  Author’s Note

  February 19, 2021

  Friends and other folk,

  Thank you for joining me on this journey of stories. I’m having a ball writing in this world, playing with all these creatures and people and things. It’s definitely me gotten me through a lot of the monotony of quarantine, and I hope my books provide a little escape for you too.

  Despite most everywhere else having a cold winter, it’s been surprisingly mild here in Oregon — no snow for us. I’m one of those weird ones who likes snow. If there were trees, decent pizza, and high speed internet, I’d probably consider Antarctica as my next home. Can you imagine how fun pet penguins would be?

  Actually, a friend of mine broke into the London zoo once, and wound up getting bit by a penguin. So maybe not that fun.

  I am moving this summer, so there’s going to be a bit of time where I’m not super connected to the world. But y’all are still more than welcome to email me. Especially if you feel like you need someone to talk to.

  Life is hard as fuck these days, and there’s just so much going on. Are you doing okay?

  I hope so. I care about you all. You are all awesome.

  Time for me to go pound out some more words. Lots of fightin’ and battlin’ in this next book. Gotta go duck into the trenches and make war.

  Smooches,

  Eric

  Also by Eric Ugland

  The Bad Guys - Epic LitRPG/GameLit

  Scamps & Scoundrels

  Second Story Man

  Skull and Thrones

  War of the Posers

  Seas the Day

  High Gloom

  Roseland - Private Investigator Mysteries

  Series One

  Series Two

  Series Three

  About the Author

  Eric Ugland ran away from Seattle to join the circus. And then he came to his senses, and moved to Manhattan. Now he's a novelist in Oregon, trapped by trees and snow and bears. Mostly bears. SO MANY BEARS! You know, oddly enough, apparently a cougar lives along the creek that runs behind my house. How did that happen? Time to head back east to civilization…

  The Good Guys and The Bad Guys are continuing LitRPG series I’m writing in the world of iNcarn8. They are discrete series, so you don’t have to read both, but if you do, you’ll get more from it. Join my reader group and be the first to know when new books come out.

  Reviews help other readers find books. Please post a review on Amazon, even if it’s only a line or two. I appreciate all feedback, whether it’s positive or negative.

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapt
er 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  Chapter 60

  Chapter 61

  Chapter 62

  Chapter 63

  Chapter 64

  Chapter 65

  Chapter 66

  Chapter 67

  Chapter 68

  Chapter 69

  Chapter 70

  Chapter 71

  Chapter 72

  Chapter 73

  Chapter 74

  Chapter 75

  Chapter 76

  Chapter 77

  Chapter 78

  Chapter 79

  Chapter 80

  Chapter 81

  Chapter 82

  Ready for Book 11?

  Author’s Note

  Also by Eric Ugland

  About the Author

 

 

 


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