It wasn’t easy to elbow aside the loneliness that filled him.
Rain again splashed his windscreen and he again flicked on the windscreen wiper. An alarm sounded and he slowed to a stop. Time to clear more stubble. As he left the tractor rain dotted his forearms below his rolled-up shirtsleeves. He stretched to ease the strain in his lower back before climbing onto the air-seeder frame.
He’d do another couple of runs and then let Toby, who helped out at busy times, take over. Meredith would soon call on the UHF to remind him to take a break and have a late lunch. He walked along the metal frame checking the heads, something he’d done countless times before.
He didn’t know if it was fatigue, the rain on the metal making it slick, or just bad luck. All he knew was that his boot slipped, before a sharp blow landed on the front of his head and he tasted dirt.
Dazed, he pushed himself into a sitting position and spat red earth out of his mouth. The metallic smell of blood tainted the air as liquid warmth ran past his left eye, over his cheek to his jaw. He pulled off his shirt, bunched a clean section and pressed it against his forehead. He waited a moment until the world stopped swaying before coming to his feet.
Hand still holding his shirt against his head, he climbed into the tractor. After calling Toby on the radio to take over from him early, he drove to his ute. Blood now oozed over his shoulder and trickled down his chest. Careful to not transfer any blood to his ute seat, he maintained the pressure on his head and made his way home. When he passed Toby on the track, he briefly lowered his shirt to give him a wave. No one needed to know he’d lost focus.
He’d thought he’d achieved the impossible when he reached the front door of his flat without Patch barking or there being any sign of Meredith. Except he soon discovered where she was. She sat at his kitchen table, mouth tight and a first-aid kit beside her. He caught sight of his reflection in the glass door as he walked by. He shouldn’t have bothered to lower his shirt when he’d passed Toby. The side of his face, neck and chest glistened with blood.
‘What am I going to do with you?’ Meredith came to her feet and pulled out a chair for him to sit in.
He gave a sheepish shrug. ‘Nothing. I’m fine.’
Meredith only shook her head. Beneath her tan her skin was pale. He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. ‘I didn’t knock myself out. I’m okay.’
‘I’ll let Fliss be the judge of that.’
He groaned as he lowered himself into a chair. ‘You didn’t.’
‘I did.’
‘Meredith?’ Phil’s worried voice echoed through the flat.
‘Darling, in here.’ Meredith’s attention didn’t leave Tanner as she opened a sterile wad of white gauze. ‘A certain someone was trying to sneak in.’
‘I wasn’t. I was just going … to get cleaned up.’
Phil stopped in the doorway. Tall and lean, a frown drew his grey brows together. ‘Whatever you’ve done, you’ve done a good job.’
‘I slipped off the frame. It’s just a cut. Head wounds always bleed.’
Meredith eased away his shirt to press the gauze in its place. The once faded blue cotton of his shirt was now dark. His chest itched where blood had dried in crusty streaks.
Gravel crunched under car tyres before Patch barked.
‘Fliss must have broken a land-speed record to get here,’ Phil said, heading towards the front door.
Tanner took over holding the gauze in place and then went to stand. Fliss didn’t need to check him over. He just needed a shower. Meredith gave him her don’t-even-think-about-it look.
As he sighed and sat back in his chair, her expression softened. ‘Let Fliss take a look … please.’
Except when Phil returned, the woman with him wasn’t Fliss. Tanner’s jaw hardened to the consistency of concrete. Neve stood beside Phil, who was now holding the pile of scrapbooks she’d come to return.
She stared at him, her lips pressed together, before she glanced at Meredith. ‘Let me guess, he was sneaking in.’
She nodded. ‘He was.’
‘I was not.’
But no one appeared to listen. Neve walked towards him, her gaze assessing as though he was one of her occupational therapist clients. ‘Any dizziness, nausea or blurred vision?’
Even her voice sounded different, crisp and no-nonsense.
‘No. As I said to Meredith, I didn’t knock myself out.’
When Neve’s attention turned to the blood on his chest a flicker of worry passed across her face. He fisted his hand on his thigh as he weathered the need to reach out and ease her concern. He vaguely registered Patch barking and Phil again leaving the kitchen.
Neve moved in closer and bent to look at the side of his head.
‘I’m fine,’ he said, voice low and husky.
She stilled.
‘I might sneak but I don’t lie,’ he added so only she could hear.
Her gaze met his. Her eyes were so dark they resembled the bruised hue of a storm-tossed sea. The intensity of what passed between them made him shake.
Fliss’s voice sounded. ‘Where’s my patient?’
Neve straightened and moved away as Fliss entered and headed straight for him. She didn’t say a word, just placed a hand on his clean shoulder before turning to the others.
‘Meredith,’ Fliss said with a smile, ‘seeing as Tanner decided to injure himself right when I was enjoying my afternoon sugar fix, I’d love one of your hot chocolates.’
‘Coming right up. Neve, would you like a tea?’
The room emptied as Phil followed Meredith and Neve into the main house.
‘Thanks,’ Tanner said, well aware Fliss had cleared the room on purpose.
She opened the bag she’d brought with her. ‘Anytime. It’s not every day I see you looking this tense. Let’s get you cleaned up so I know what I’m dealing with.’
He lowered the white gauze and remained immobile while Fliss examined his wound. After he’d answered some questions to confirm he wasn’t concussed, she stepped back. ‘Don’t be surprised if you end up with a black eye, but after a couple of stitches, you’ll be as fine as you would have said you were.’
At his quick glance, she grinned. ‘Don’t forget how many times I’ve patched Denham up, not to mention when I met Hewitt his favourite word was “fine”, yet he couldn’t lift a puppy with that bad shoulder of his.’
Fliss’s light tone didn’t match the seriousness of her expression. ‘But … as for the real reason why you’re so on edge, that isn’t my area of expertise. I still don’t know how I’ve ended up with someone as wonderful as Hewitt. All I can say is, Tanner, you deserve to be happy.’
He just stared at her. The truth was he didn’t so much feel tense as trapped. He couldn’t reassure Neve he was okay or act on the feelings that hadn’t diminished despite being away from her. As for being happy, he’d once thought that retaining his freedom to safeguard his heart was the answer.
‘Tanner?’ Concern furrowed Fliss’s brow.
‘I’m—’
‘If you say you’re fine I’m not ignoring Edna’s pointed suggestions that you sit next to Bethany at the wedding.’
He forced a smile. ‘I was going to say … I’m working on it.’
‘Now that I believe.’ Her voice softened. ‘Good luck.’ She again looked at his wound. ‘Let’s get this sorted.’
‘Fliss … thanks.’
‘You’re welcome.’
When the cut on his forehead, which was close to his hairline, had been sutured, Fliss gave him the usual spiel about stitches. After she left to have her hot chocolate, Tanner went to have a shower. While the hot water eased the physical aches of his body, the chill that gripped him from within refused to thaw. After he’d showered, he made a call before throwing clothes into a duffle bag. It was time. He’d delayed going droving long enough.
He sent Bethany a text saying he’d be away for the week. With sowing finished, he had a small window of opportunity before the h
orsemanship weekend. He’d use the space, simplicity and clarity of the long paddock to get his life, and himself, back in order. He rolled his shoulders that felt as though they’d hardened into granite. When he returned he could only hope he’d rediscovered the contentment that he’d once carved out.
He sat his duffle near his swag. Feet leaden, he went to find Meredith. He didn’t need to check the front driveway as he walked past the wide dining-room window. There wouldn’t be any cars parked on the gravel or near the jacaranda tree. Three messages had been left on his mobile while he’d been in the shower. One was from Fliss to remind him to take it easy, another was from Denham checking in on him, and the other was from Neve saying she hoped he was okay.
Glass clinked and he turned towards the kitchen. As much as Meredith expected him to come and go, each time he said he was leaving he had to be hurting her. He braced himself as he walked through the doorway. On the kitchen table sat the large blue esky he always took away.
Meredith slowly turned from where she loaded the dishwasher. Though she smiled, it didn’t ease the sadness in her eyes. He didn’t know how she always knew when he’d leave, but she did.
He didn’t say anything, just walked over to hug her. They stayed that way in silence, then he said, ‘I’m sorry. I just … need to go.’
‘I understand.’ Meredith moved away. ‘Please tell me you’re not going tonight with your head how it is.’
‘No, at first light.’
Avoiding his gaze, she brushed something off the front of his shirt. ‘I’ll be here, my son, and waiting … however many times you have to leave.’
CHAPTER
14
The second week of the girls being away proved easier. Neve smiled as she packed a hand-knitted woolly red scarf into an overnight bag. She’d finished her first knitting project and was on her way to embracing solitude and learning to just be. Sitting in front of the fire, with only the crackle and flicker of flames for company, now made her feel peaceful instead of unsettled.
She added a book and reading light to her bag. She’d also read her target number of books even if, despite her extensive research, she was no nearer to finding answers to her questions involving Edward. While nothing concrete had eventuated, the half-idea Neve had had about the empty fire station was now fully formed. The only thing she couldn’t bring herself to do was to cook one of her mother’s favourite recipes.
Neve zipped her bag closed and carried it to the front door. Hewitt would soon arrive to take her and Jazz to Tanner’s horsemanship weekend. Her sigh echoed along the quiet hallway. While being on her own hadn’t filled her with the same anxiety and uncertainty as it had when the girls left, her thoughts had still been preoccupied.
Whenever Tanner’s week away droving had been mentioned, there’d been a gravity about everyone’s words that fuelled her suspicions that something wasn’t right. Even though there’d been talk about how dry it was out west and that his skills would be in demand, the timing of his leaving the day after he’d hit his head seemed off. The deep concern on Meredith’s face the afternoon it happened hadn’t eased when Neve had called in for a cuppa midweek.
The rumble of an engine disturbed the early-morning stillness. Neve checked she hadn’t left anything behind before heading out to help Hewitt load Jazz. Eyes bright, Jazz walked straight onto the float.
‘Someone’s excited,’ Neve said, lifting Jazz’s saddle into the back of the four-wheel drive.
Hewitt closed the horse float tailgate. ‘I wish all horses self loaded. Don’t get me started on how hard it is to load that bad-tempered buckskin of Denham’s.’
After they drove through the front gate Neve glanced at Hewitt. She had a project she hoped he’d be on board with.
‘Hewitt … you know how the Reedy Creek Hall has a place to exchange books?’
He nodded.
‘Well, I was wondering about setting up a community street library at the adventure playground. Kids could swap books and parents could also grab something to read while their kids played.’
‘That’s a great idea. My home town has one outside the local church. It looks like a wooden bird house on a pole with a glass door.’
‘I’ve also seen them made out of metal.’ She grinned. She wasn’t the only one Hewitt had made a garden item for out of old plough discs. ‘I don’t suppose you know of a handy welder …’
‘I might do.’ His smiling grey eyes met hers. ‘I like the way you think, Neve Fitzpatrick.’
‘Thank you.’
The discussion about potential designs continued until they reached the outskirts of Woodlea.
‘It looks like half the town’s awake and here,’ Neve said as they turned into the rodeo ground.
The pale light of a new day fell over a scene that bustled with movement and colour. To the left of the rodeo arena, horses were being unloaded from horse floats and riders were setting up portable yards. Behind the arena people were congregated around a barbeque or sitting on benches eating what looked like bacon-and-egg rolls. Dew lay heavy on the grass where boot prints crisscrossed in curved lines.
Hewitt chuckled. ‘There sure are a lot of people for an eight-person clinic. It didn’t take long for Edna to charge a fee for fence sitters to watch and also to camp.’
‘Hopefully, the playground committee will get close to what they need for the shade sails.’
‘I’m sure they will.’
Neve continued to scan the rodeo ground, hoping it wouldn’t be obvious she was searching for Arrow and Tanner. Behind all the horse floats and horses, she caught a glimpse of gold.
Hewitt parked alongside a white four-wheel drive. He waved at a redhead who brushed a bay mare tied to the side of a horse float.
‘That’s Freya. Drew, her fiancé, will be around here somewhere. Until he met Freya, he was a loner and we’d never have seen him at an event like this.’
Even as Hewitt spoke, a tall man strode around the back of the float carrying a stock saddle as though it were no heavier than Bassie’s kid-sized one.
Neve followed Hewitt over to the couple. Freya turned to them with a pretty smile. Her shoulder-length hair was a true shade of red and her eyes were a soft grey-blue that communicated a quiet composure. No wonder Neve had heard that even the farm boys who’d rather be in the paddock were happy to attend the one-teacher school at Reedy Creek.
‘Hi, Neve,’ Freya said, her tone warm, ‘Cressy mentioned you’d be here. It’s really nice to meet you.’
‘Lovely to meet you too.’
From where he stood beside Freya, Drew dipped his dark head towards Neve. ‘Hi.’
Without hesitation, Neve smiled at the cattleman. ‘Hi.’
Since moving to the bush, she was getting better at meeting people. But out of everyone she’d met, it was only Tanner who’d made her feel self-conscious and caused her words to stall.
‘Are you camping or heading home?’ Freya asked as Hewitt and Drew moved away to look at a dent on the bonnet of Hewitt’s black ute. While following a truck to town last week, a piece of wood had fallen off and hit his vehicle.
‘Staying here. How about you?’
‘Camping too. Maybe we could be swag buddies? Bethany and her friends have put their swags over near the campfire ready for a late night. After a full day in the saddle I won’t be able to walk let alone stay awake.’
Neve glanced over to the large pile of wood a safe distance away from the kitchen and amenity block. From the number of green canvas swags, Bethany and her city friends weren’t the only ones planning to make the most of the weekend. The last place Neve would feel comfortable would be in such a large group. She would also be saddle sore and tired after riding all day.
‘I’d love to be swag buddies.’
As Hewitt and Drew went around to the back of the horse float, Neve gave Freya a farewell smile before helping to unload Jazz. While she saddled the grey mare, Hewitt unhitched the float from his ute so it could stay at the rodeo ground for
the weekend.
He came over as Neve walked Jazz in a small circle. ‘Fliss finishes her night shift soon, so I’ll head off. We’re meeting in town for breakfast.’
‘Tell her hi. Thanks again for chauffeuring us here.’
‘You’re welcome. Have fun. There’s no better person with horses than Tanner.’
After she waved goodbye to Hewitt, she collected her helmet from the horse float. She led Jazz over to Freya and her bay mare. The two horses touched noses. When a car door slammed the two quiet mares didn’t flinch. Unlike the chestnut that Mac was saddling at a nearby float. The gelding surged sideways, his snorts loud and agitated.
Neve exchanged a look with Freya. ‘Dealing with a spooked horse is a little above my pay grade. I’m just getting used to being around horses again.’
‘Me too,’ Freya said. ‘It’s been a long time since my pony-camp days. Liberty’s also coming off a tendon injury. She loves Tanner. He’s already helped us so much.’
Liberty sniffed at Neve’s shirtsleeve and Neve rubbed the mare’s forehead. ‘Everyone loves Tanner. He worked wonders with my donkey and my pony, whose attitude is bigger than he is.’
Freya laughed. ‘I believe Reggie’s the only non-member of the Tanner fan club. But he’ll come around.’
Neve was only half listening. She’d seen a familiar set of broad shoulders in an oilskin vest and blue shirt.
Her preoccupation must have shown on her face as Freya reached for Jazz’s reins and Neve’s helmet. ‘I’ve already said hi. If you want to as well now’s a good time. It’s obvious Bethany’s friends are more interested in Tanner than they are in their horses.’
Neve hesitated. ‘I just need a quick word.’
‘Go,’ Freya said softly.
Neve went. As Tanner disappeared amongst the horse yards heading for Arrow, she walked faster. She wanted to see how his head was. If that wasn’t enough of a reason to talk to him, there also was her visceral response to catching sight of him. The too-fast beating of her heart had nothing to do with how quickly she walked. She just plain missed him.
The Round Yard Page 21