by Anna Romer
A diary.
I sat heavily in the dirt. A wasp buzzed past my ear, and dry leaves drifted through the air around me. I opened the diary on my knees and flipped through it – each page was covered on both sides with Frankie’s tiny, familiar blue scrawl. Lil had sticky taped the diary page I had given her back into place, but right at the end of the book was a ragged ridge where the final few pages had been torn out.
Going back to the beginning, I started reading. Frankie’s story unfolded, her voice growing loud in my head as she described the years she had spent locked with her sister in the hidden room at Ravensong. As the years passed, her handwriting became messier, the tiny black letters getting jerkier and smudged, and by the time I reached the end of the diary the paper was splattered with ink and fingerprints, the words almost unreadable.
Thursday, 21st May 1953
Lilly hasn’t spoken a word to me since the day I slapped her. She won’t touch the plates of food I offer, nor the weak tea or cordial. She helps herself to what she wants, ignoring me. She won’t even look my way, and flinches if I try to comfort her, kicking out if I touch her. Last night she fell off the trunk while spying on Ennis out the window and skinned her elbow. She twisted away when I tried to clean it, hissing like an animal.
Part of me feels sorry for her. But the other part – well, let’s just say I’m ticked off. The stupid girl saying those horrible things about Ennis, when all he wants to do is help. Poor Ennis is a wreck. Says he’s at his wit’s end with her. She’s ruined everything, you see. And I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive her now. Or ever.
The day finally arrived.
Our bags were packed, the old truck crammed with garden produce and spare blankets, Ennis’s best tools. He even showed me the ring. It had belonged to his mother, who died when he was little, before he came to live at Ravensong with his grandfather. The ring is thin with wear, but he’d buffed the surface till it shone. It’s rose gold, and it fits like a dream. The perfect start to our new life.
But then it all came crashing down.
I was checking the room for things we might have missed when Lilly saw the ring on my finger, and got all wild again. ‘Take it off,’ she demanded. I refused and she started railing again. ‘The minute we’re outside these walls, I’ll jump out of the truck and run. Everyone will know how awful you both are. They’ll find you and hang the pair of you. And I’ll be glad!’
Ennis came up then and overheard. He was wretched. I tried to calm him, but he’d have none of it. He pushed me away and rushed out the door. Slamming it behind him, he turned the key in the lock. When I heard him down in the yard, I climbed on the trunk and pressed my face against the window bars. I couldn’t see him, but I could hear him clattering and banging, slamming the truck’s doors and kicking the tailgate.
I stalked over to Lilly and nudged her with my foot. ‘You stupid girl. See what you’ve done?’
‘I hate you, Frankie.’ Her words came out like a whispery growl. ‘I wish you were dead.’
‘Yes, well. Thanks to your foolishness, we may both end up in a ditch somewhere. You realise what you’ve done, Lilly, don’t you?’
She glared up at me. ‘You told him you loved him, I heard you. I heard you both down there in the garden yesterday, whispering and giggling. I saw you holding hands. He wants to send me home without you—’
‘Hush.’ Kneeling beside her, I glanced over my shoulder at the door. Then I took her grubby hand and drew her towards me. Close enough to hear me whisper, ‘Don’t you remember our plan, Lilly-bird? Win his trust, all the better to escape?’
Snatching back her hand, she shoved me. ‘You liar! You love him. You’re going to marry him. You’ll forget all about me. All you care about is him.’
‘That’s not true, Lilly-pill.’
‘He’s a criminal. He said he’d chop off my feet if I tried to run away. How can you care for him? You make me sick!’
‘It’s not like that, you know it isn’t.’
‘I won’t go home without you. We made a promise, remember?’
Again I glanced over my shoulder. ‘Calm down.’
‘I’d rather be dead in a ditch.’
‘Don’t say that.’
‘I’d rather kill you myself than see you go with him!’ She kicked out, and her foot caught me in the stomach, I staggered backwards and fell onto my bottom, and it knocked the wind out of me. When I could speak again, I crawled over to her and stood up, pushing my face into hers.
‘I will marry Ennis, and there’s nothing you can do about it. We’re going to disappear, Lilly. Vanish into thin air. Never to be heard from again. Now, you can come with us and keep your trap shut. Or you can—’
The key turning in the lock cut me off. The door sprang open. Lilly recoiled into a corner with a whimper.
Ennis grabbed my wrist and dragged me into the bright room, kicking the door shut behind us. All of Lilly’s things were piled on the table. The tiny suitcase she had packed her meagre belongings in, the sunhat Ennis bought her a few weeks ago especially for our trip, and the small knitted bag holding her cut-out dolls and other treasures. They had been in the truck, I’d packed them myself.
‘What’s all this doing back here?’
Ennis’s eyes were wild, his hair ragged around his shoulders, the skin on his lips picked raw. He hooked his fingers around my arm and drew me over to the fireplace. ‘She’s not coming with us.’
‘But you promised!’
‘No,’ he said in a dead voice. ‘We’re leaving without her.’
‘Then we’ll let her go. Drop her off on the roadside near a town, let her find her own way back to Sydney.’
Ennis shook his head. ‘She says she’ll tell them everything. Tell the cops what I done, send them after us. She reckons I’ll hang.’
‘Oh, Ennis. Lilly won’t say anything. She blurts out a load of rubbish sometimes, but you shouldn’t listen to her. You know what she’s like. She’d never hurt me like that.’
‘Not you. But she’d hurt me.’
‘No, sweetie.’ I smiled up at him. ‘Once she gets home to Mum she’ll forget all about us, I promise. She won’t say a word.’
But Ennis’s face remained steely. ‘Here.’ He slipped a cold object into my hand. ‘Careful. It’s sharp.’
My lips parted as I registered the knife, but I couldn’t drag my eyes away from Ennis. Despite his ragged appearance, he was calm, speaking rationally. Showing no sign of the raving, irrational boy he sometimes became. There was no fire in him, no fury. He was stony, his eyes flat and empty. I could no longer recognise him. In an instant he’d become a stranger.
‘You’re the one who has to do it, Frankie. She trusts you, it’ll be easy. Look, let me show you.’
I blinked, trying to clear the grey haze from my vision. Trying to hear through the sudden roar in my ears. When his slim fingers tightened around mine, I flinched. He didn’t notice, too intent on positioning my grip around the knife handle.
‘Like this, see?’
He raised the knife to his neck, placed the tip beneath his ear and tilted the blade forward. ‘Rest it here lightly, in this little valley under the jaw. Then a downward push, this way, towards the front of the body.’ He spoke in a matter of fact way, as though explaining how to skin a rabbit. ‘You don’t even need to thrust very hard, just make sure it goes deep. Up to the hilt is best.’
Recoiling, I dropped the knife. It clattered onto the floor. I backed away from it, my insides churning. My mouth started to quiver so I jammed my fingers over my lips. Had I heard right? Had I understood?
Ennis trailed after me. ‘It’ll be quick, Frankie. She trusts you. She won’t realise what you’ve done. Won’t cause a fuss or struggle. She’ll just drift off to sleep.’ He smiled and cupped the side of my face. ‘You can even hold her if you like. Hold her close to you, like a little lamb.’
I backed away, came to rest against the wall. And then I slid sideways along the wood panelling, my
fingers clamped to my lips.
Ennis frowned. ‘Frankie?’
I can’t. I won’t do it.
I thought I’d spoken aloud, but Ennis was still staring at me, waiting for my reply. I thought of our plan, our beautiful, magical plan. From the garden you’ll have a view of the sea and we’ll take long walks on the beach. I’ll even teach you how to milk the goat so we can make our own cheese. And our cottage, Frankie, it’ll be so sweet and cosy, just the three of us, a family at last.
Our sweet dreams.
Ever since the day we strolled in the garden making plans, I had dreamed those dreams. Ever since that hungry vine had coiled around my soul, I had gone to sleep with those dreams tucked around me like a downy quilt. Had woken with them shining in my eyes like starlight. My dreams were what kept me going through the dreary days as I trudged through the hours, our chores, our confinement, the patching of clothes, the mending of socks and pillowcases and shirts; the endless dullness of our room with its tiny window to a world that had long since forgotten us. As I lived the life I didn’t want, my dreams made it all seem worthwhile.
‘They could be real,’ Ennis whispered. ‘Our dreams could be real. She’s all that stands in our way.’
I lowered my fingers. My trembling stopped, the haze was clearing. Going over, I collected the knife from near his feet. Then I linked my fingers in his, gave them a squeeze. ‘She won’t suffer?’
He shook his head.
‘She’ll go quickly?’
‘Like a candle winking out.’
‘Oh, Lilly.’ I shut my eyes, reminding myself of all I stood to lose. The cosy cottage with its sea view, the milking goats, the roses and sunflowers. Escaping this place to build a normal life with Ennis. The chance to be part of a proper family, and to be loved. Truly loved.
All the things that Lilly was threatening to destroy.
I blinked and looked back at Ennis. The haze had cleared, so I nodded and slipped the knife into my pocket.
31
A car motor rumbled in the distance, bringing me back to the present. As it got louder, I silently prayed that the vehicle would keep going, speed past and continue travelling along the road and away. But the rumbling increased as the car slowed and turned into the Corbins’ driveway. Moments later a door slammed.
I got to my feet. I could see Lil in my mind’s eye, tall and graceful, striding in that confident way she had, climbing the verandah stairs and rattling her key in the lock, pushing open the back door, calling Joe’s name. And then I saw the young girl Roy Horton had described, bruised and vacant-eyed, weeping in the dirt beside her sister’s grave.
‘Oh, Lil,’ I whispered, hugging the diary against me. ‘What happened to you?’
She was under one of the tall pine trees, collecting washing off the line, bundling it under her arm. She turned around, and when she saw me she waved. Her soft pink dress flattered her figure, and the hint of lipstick and powder she wore made her seem pretty and youthful.
‘Abby, darling. I saw your car and wondered where you were. It’s Saturday, what are you—’ She dragged off her sunglasses and squinted at me. She must have seen the book in my hands, or noticed the wooden-legged way I walked towards her, because her smile faltered. The clean clothes tumbled to the ground. ‘Oh no, Abby. No . . .’
My legs were stiff from sitting on the ground for so long, and as I approached her, I stumbled and almost fell. I was still clutching the diary against my chest, my thoughts reeling from what I had read in it. The threat Lilly posed to her sister, and to Ennis – and the terrible danger that it had put her in.
‘You told me that Frankie and Ennis dropped you at Gundara and then went off together. But that’s not true, is it? Frankie never went with Ennis, did she? She ended up at the reserve. With you.’
Lil reached for the diary. ‘Give it to me, Abby. You had no right to read it.’
I sidestepped her. ‘Ennis killed her, didn’t he? He killed Frankie. And I understand why you’d lie to me about that, Lil, I really do. I understand how it would have pained you to talk about it. But why didn’t you ever tell the police what he’d done? You might have helped them catch him, made him pay for what he did to you both . . . for what he did to Frankie.’
‘I’ve told you already. Ennis loved my sister, he would never hurt her. He and Frankie packed up and left Ravensong to start a new life together. They dropped me in Gundara and then went on their way. Whatever it is you think you’ve discovered about me, you’re mistaken.’
‘Lil, do you remember the day Harry Horton took you to Gundara police station? You were distressed, weren’t you? Do you remember why?’
‘Frankie and Ennis left me alone on the roadside. They went off and—’
‘No, Lil. Harry Horton told the duty officer he found you wandering along the reserve road, but that wasn’t true, was it? You were in the forest when he found you. Filthy and distressed, your neck so badly bruised that you could hardly talk. Something happened in the reserve that day, didn’t it? Something bad happened to Frankie.’
Lil squeezed her eyes shut, and rubbed her fingers across her forehead. ‘No more,’ she whispered, almost to herself. ‘Please, no more.’
I took a step towards her. ‘Did Frankie come after you with the knife? Did you fight back when she tried to hurt you? Is that how she died?’
Lil blinked and shook her head.
‘My sister couldn’t bring herself to do what Ennis asked. Ennis should have known that Frankie would never hurt me. But he wasn’t the most rational person on the planet. His faith in my sister was strong. They were both dreamers, and sometimes their dreams were absurd. The pair of them, peas in a deluded little pod. I suppose that’s how we ended up at Ravensong in the first place – Frankie and her wild romantic dreams.’
‘What happened to her, Lil?’
A long pause, and then she sighed. ‘My friendship with Frankie died long before she pocketed Ennis’s knife. Long before she formed the intention of . . . well, of solving the problem I’d become. Our relationship suffered too many betrayals to survive our confinement at Ravensong. Five years in close proximity will do that to any relationship, no matter how strong. But we were still sisters. And no one, not even Ennis, could break that bond.’
‘She changed her mind?’
‘Ennis had left the doors unlocked for Frankie so she could come downstairs after she’d done the deed. But she wanted to help me escape. So she distracted Ennis while I crept out of the house. I ran through the garden and away into the bush. I ran and ran. When I couldn’t run any more I crumpled and slept where I’d fallen. When I woke, I ran some more. I must’ve staggered around for days, thirsty and hungry. I fell and cut my knee. It was sore, I had trouble walking. So I found a boulder and just sat there. A man found me. He and his boy were cutting wood nearby, their truck parked along an old service road. The truck was full of fresh-cut logs and reeked of pine sap. The man, I don’t remember his name, dropped me at the police station. Next morning I got on the train for Sydney. I went home to Stanley Street, where a policewoman found me, and—’ She scraped a fingernail over the back of her hand. ‘Later, I learned that my mother had died. I went to stay with a kind lady called Mrs O’Grady. Her husband was a carpenter. He let me watch him build things. Pencil boxes, a tea tray, nothing too fancy. He taught me how to work with wood. Not very ladylike, I know.’ She glanced up. The skin around her eyes was white, but the tips of her ears glowed scarlet. ‘Mrs O’Grady encouraged me to keep busy. She said working with my hands would help me untangle the knots in my mind.’
‘Did it help?’
‘I suppose so.’
‘And Frankie?’
Her eye twitched and she rubbed it with her thumb. ‘I never saw her again.’
Cicadas shrilled in the distance, probably at the billabong where, almost two weeks ago, we had laughed at Joe’s antics with the swans. Lil glanced down the hill; was she remembering too?
‘Lil, do you know a girl called S
hayla Pitney?’
Lil took out a hanky and dabbed her face. Then she examined the thin fabric and began to pick at a frayed corner. After a while, she tucked the tattered remnant back into her sleeve. ‘Should I know her?’
‘Shayla disappeared four weeks ago. Do you think you could help me find her?’
‘How could I do that?’
‘Because I think that when you have your turns, you go back to the place where Harry Horton found you.’
‘Oh, Abby.’ She almost smiled, her brows furrowed. ‘Why on earth would I go back there?’
‘Because that’s where Frankie is buried.’
Lil shook her head, as if on the brink of denying this again, but then she stopped and seemed to wither into herself, her shoulders bowed, her body slumped. Her fingers came up and clamped over her lips, her wedding band gleaming gold against her freckled skin, her smile replaced by a frown as she stared back with blank, glassy eyes.
A deadweight settled over me. I had pushed her too far. She looked so frail and lost, so unlike her usual self. Was she on the brink of having a turn? I slipped the diary into my bag, and took a step towards her.
‘The grave is near an old logger’s cabin,’ I said carefully. ‘The Hortons used to go there, and I want to see the hut for myself. I have a hunch that Shayla could be inside. And I think you know how to find it.’
Lil shut her eyes, and when she finally looked back at me, her lips trembled, and her pupils were huge and black. ‘Has it got something to do with my nightmares?’
‘Yeah, Lil,’ I said gently. ‘I think it might.’
‘But I don’t know where that place is.’
‘Maybe if you looked at a map, it would jog your memory?’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘Then we’ll go for a drive, you might see something that—’
‘No.’
‘I think Shayla is in danger. You can help me find her. Help me to save her.’
‘Danger?’
‘I’m worried someone has trapped her in the logging cabin. I think they mean to let her die there. You’re my only hope of finding her alive.’