by R. J. Lewis
I console him—myself—that it brought us here, to the present, to her in our—in my—bed. She’s the light to my darkness, the sweet, blessed joy to my life.
I’m in love with Ivy.
And it hurts.
And I feel that wariness, the push that tells me to stop, go no further…
And I choose to push back because I know she won’t hurt me.
I know she’s here to stay.
Thirty-Five
Ivy
Ana’s been begging to see Aidan’s estate on the island. In fact, she hounded him for an entire day and he…relented.
I find it bizarre we’re packing up some of our things and heading back. Ana is not a fan of nature. She couldn’t give a shit, and yet she keeps talking about the river like it’s Niagara fucking Falls. I keep telling her, “Look, lower your expectations. It’s truly not that spectacular.” She responds by laughing like she finds it all just so damn funny.
If she wants to chill at his house for the last couple days she has left here, then fine. I’m not arguing. I miss that house, and Aidan knows it. He smirks at me as I eagerly have my things ready. I am the first one to wait by the door, and when he sees that, his smirk turns into a full blown grin.
“Don’t laugh at me,” I scold. “I just…I miss my suite.”
Now he laughs. “You miss that shithole.”
“Perhaps I do.”
“You’re not going back in there.”
“No? Are you going to stop me?”
“I’m going to knock that entire suite down.”
I gasp. “Don’t do that. Philotes will be forced to roam the house, and we can’t have him in our room. Can you imagine how delighted he’ll feel when he’s sleeping right over me, watching.”
“What if Philotes is multiple spiders, and you’ve been mistaking them all as one?”
That thought gives me the shivers. “Then your house is infested—”
“Our house,” he quietly corrects.
That silences me.
He walks out, carrying my monstrous suitcase, and I feel delighted that he’s doing it for me. Gaston is waiting by the car when we appear. Aidan loads the suitcase into the back, along with his very light baggage. He’s never been one to pack heavy. We leave for the airport where Ana and Alex are waiting. They’re not standing next to each other. In fact, they won’t even look at one another as we approach and check in.
“You know,” I whisper to Ana on the sly, “you said you’d give me the tea the night after the club, and that never happened.”
Ana’s lips purse. She’s got these gigantic sunglasses on, and she’s wearing them inside the airport to boot. So fucking dramatic.
“Listen, Ivy,” she says, pulling her sunglasses down to look at me, “temptation usually comes in through a door that has deliberately been left open.”
I blink at her. “Did you…just quote that picture you pinned on your Pinterest wall last night?”
Now she pushes them back up. “Maybe.”
“Okay, well, you know what, I don’t even want to know. Just…be normal, okay? Don’t let it be awkward—”
“I’m not!”
“You promised—”
“Am I awkward?” She shakes her head. “I’m not awkward. You’re awkward.”
Then she pretends to busy herself, dismissing me.
Yeah, I don’t want to know. Nuh-uh.
We board the tiny flight, and it’s just us. Alex sits in the front of the plane, Ana in the far back—like they can’t be anywhere near each other. Gaston is a few aisles over and Aidan and I sit in the middle. He takes the window seat and sits down, and I stand before him, quirking a brow.
His lips flick up. “What’s the matter?”
“I told you last night I wanted the window seat.”
“There are others, Ivy—”
“Then I won’t be sitting next to you, Aidan.” I frown. “Come on, give it to me. Technically the ticket says I have a window seat—”
“Alright, Ivy, don’t bite my head off.”
“I’m not!” I argue. “I’m just saying, Aidan.”
He scoots past me and I feel like an asshole but, you know, such is life sometimes. I sit down and he sits next to me, a smirk pulled at his lips because apparently that was funny—everyone thinks today is funny, which is such bullshit because it’s my birthday and even Ana has forgotten that.
So yeah, I want the window seat on my birthday, so sue me.
I pull down the window shade because the sun is oppressive.
“What’s the point of a window seat if you’re going to close it?” Aidan asks.
“Look, Aidan,” I justify, “we haven’t taken off yet.”
But then we do take-off, and I still haven’t opened it. He gives me the eye.
“Oh, fine.” I dramatically open the shade, and the light pierces through. I wince, thanking the heavens that I had a big cup of coffee today otherwise I’d have screamed.
He chuckles deep in his throat as I grab at my purse and settle it on my lap. I open it, rifling through the countless amount of junk I have in here. Christ, I need an intervention—
“What are you looking for?” he asks.
“Some bubblegum and something to do,” I murmur. I find some gum, unwrap it and pop it into my mouth. I pop a few bubbles as I pull out my kindle, but I immediately frown because it’s low battery. “Nothing to fucking do on here, fuck my life.”
“It’s a quick flight, beauty—”
“I’m just saying.”
“Right.”
I zip the gigantic leopard print purse and settle it back down on the ground between my legs. All the while Aidan’s been staring at me, looking more and more amused.
“What is so damn funny?” I ask.
“Nothing, angel—”
“Don’t call me angel. It’s temptress. I love temptress.”
His grin spreads. “Temptress.”
My heart skips a beat as I look at him more closely. He’s…in a damn nice suit. The kind I have been hounding him to wear. Slim but classic, it’s dark grey with a white shirt under and an electric blue tie. Hot damn. Aidan seems to do the same, gazing up and down at me, appreciating the view. I decided to go casual. I’ve got tiny shorts on and a white tank top. It makes my tanned skin pop out.
He raises his hand and lightly runs his fingers through my hair, rubbing at my red strands with an appreciative look. I feel my cheeks heat.
“You’re a stunner, Ivy,” he tells me.
“You…You think I’m a stunner?” I repeat shyly.
He eyes my crimson cheeks, and his gaze looks heavy now. “You know you are.”
“Well, I got your attention, so I believe I’m something.”
He leans into my side, whispering, “I have a feeling you could have wooed any man.”
“Any man?”
“The rich type, easy.”
I smile. “They’re generally too cocky.”
He nods. “That may be the case, but you could find yourself one that’s at the end of his life. A sugar daddy that’ll be happy to fulfill your every desire—”
“He’ll expect me to fuck him,” I cut in, shaking my head with disapproval. “I’m not stupid, Aidan. They all want something in return. You gotta watch out for a deal that’s too good to be true.”
He says nothing for a few moments, but his chest is moving rapidly. “That’s right,” he agrees. “That was a fundamental lesson in my life, Ivy. I believed it wholeheartedly. And then I met you…on a plane…”
I freeze, staring at him closely as my pulse jumps. My skin heats at the look he’s giving me. A knowing look. My mouth parts but no words come out.
I…I never told him how we met. He said he didn’t want to know just yet.
“I called you a rage case,” he says, glancing at the bag on the floor. “You had an elephant print bag. Bunch of fucking elephant trunks in my dreams for weeks…You told me to stop calling you darling…” He looks back at me
, eyes falling to my lips. “I remember wondering what you tasted like. I just needed to know. I wanted you. I wanted you fiercely, Ivy.”
I don’t know what to say.
I’m speechless.
His brows come together. “I don’t remember it all…but I’ve been piecing the fragments together for so long now. I remember…I remember thinking you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. A true beauty, and your mouth…your fucking mouth did wonders to my body.” His eyes appear raw now. “I remember I didn’t want you standing in the airport alone.” He lets out an unsteady breath. “I remember thinking you must have felt so invisible, but I saw you. I saw you, Ivy.”
A tear escapes my eye as he takes my hand, staring down at it, at the bangle there. “And I made a promise to you. I promised you…I promised you a bangle for every birthday I was in your life.”
With his other hand, he digs into his suit jacket and pulls out a purple jewelry box. He hands it to me. My fingers tremble as I take it, my emotions have clogged my throat and I still can’t speak. Tears are falling down my eyes as I shakily open it. The bangle is beautiful, decorated with an eternity knot and a diamond at the center. My breath is thin by the time I look back up at him.
His gaze is full of emotion. He takes the box and pulls the bangle out. He takes my hand and slips the bangle through, whispering, “I love you, Ivy Montcalm. I loved you then, I love you now, I’ll love you forever. We’re going home. To your freedom place. That is where we will get married. That is where we will have kids together. That is where we will grow old together.” Now he peers at me deeply. “If that would make you happy, that is.”
My lips are on his before he finishes speaking.
I am happy.
I am the happiest woman in the world.
Epilogue
Aidan
Sometimes I dream of moments. Moments in the past that linger long after I wake. Moments I’m with Ivy, sitting in a salon chair, running my fingers along her leg.
I dream of staring at her picture.
I dream I’m thinking about her and wondering if I will ever call her mine.
These dreams I know are real. I know there’s truth behind them because they resonate on a deeper level than that of a normal dream. They cling to me so deeply, entrenched in my soul, as though my very being is trying to remind me of what was lost.
And I know I’ll never remember the entire journey.
I’ve made peace with that, though I welcome these dreams because they’re tiny pieces to a grand puzzle I’m itching to fill.
I wake up this morning to the soft patter of rain on the window, feeling a hot pain in my chest because last night’s dream has turned me inside out.
I spread my arm out, searching for Ivy—
When I don’t feel her, I stand up and move straight out of the room. My pulse is quick, my anxiety through the roof. I hate being away from her and—
“Shh, it’s okay, beauty,” she coos.
I stop at the threshold of the bedroom next door to ours. I push the door open slowly, breath in my lungs held tight because I know she didn’t come to bed.
She stayed in this room.
With Alice.
Emotion clogs my throat as I stare at my soulmate swaying our baby girl in her arms, kissing her fuzzy head, staring down at her with bright blue eyes.
Ivy is in love with Alice.
That’s okay. I am, too.
She came out early, and there was grief in that and then joy when Alice pulled through. Her lungs were developed—she was alright, but I sense sometimes Ivy doesn’t believe so. She has clung to her every moment since we got back from the hospital two months ago.
Sensing my presence, Ivy turns to look at me. She’s tired, her hair is tied up, those red strands framing her face. Her blue eyes are wrecked, bags beneath them from countless sleepless nights.
My heart seizes in my chest because she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
“Come,” she urges me.
I go to her, moving slowly to join her side. We stare down at our baby girl, and once again, I feel like I’ve been torn to shreds, my soul raw and aching, my heart thudding through my chest as the dream last night returns to me.
“Come here,” she said. “Come to me, my beautiful handsome boy. Sit down.”
I went to her, heart shredded, soul frayed. I sat down beside her on the rickety outdoor chair of the tiny home she welcomed Alex and me in when we lost our parents—lost everything.
“You’re hurting,” she said, her withered face peering at me, her brown eyes searching mine.
I looked back at her, eyes raw. “She needed space.”
“And you gave her it.”
“I’m suffering for it.” I clenched my fists, feeling anger pulse through me. “I should have held back. I shouldn’t have believed she was ready, Ruth. I’m foolish for giving myself away, and now I’m hurting for it.”
“Loving someone is never foolish,” she told me, her old hand grasping at mine. Oh, how I miss her. How I miss my Ruth so wholly. “Loving someone takes courage. You always run the risk of getting hurt.”
I looked at her, pleadingly. “Tell me she’ll come back to me. Tell me she’s not going to leave me forever.”
Ruth smiled at me sadly. “I can’t promise those things, Aidan.”
“Then make the pain go away.”
“I can’t do that, either.” Her lips trembled with emotion because she didn’t like to see me this way. “My darling boy, it will be alright. I know it. Even if you lost everything tomorrow, even if you woke up one day and had to start over, you will be alright. You will search for your love, and she will be searching for you in the same breath, and you will build a lifetime of memories with her. You will grow with her, you will marry her, you will have babies with her, and you will be nothing like them. You are nothing like your parents, Aidan. You are who you choose to be.”
Now she leaned closer, peering at me still. “You will find yourself. You will reach your hand out far and you will wait for her to grab it. And she will be there, Aidan. She will grab your hand. She will love you for all that you are, all that you used to be, and all that you will be.”
“Then I’ll wait for her,” I vowed. “I will wait for her to take my hand.”
…The End…