In his hand is an iPhone X.
How the fuck did you get a new phone? You can’t have linked it to your laptop or any social media accounts yet. I would have seen it.
I refuse to stand on the street shouting and screaming at him, so I stalk home as fast as I can and rush upstairs as the nauseating feeling returns and creeps through my body. I’m sure that every drop of vomit that refused to come up at the restaurant is just waiting to shoot out now. Henrik follows, but I don’t have time to deal with him, so I lock myself in the bathroom.
My body retches over tonight’s events. My throat closes up, and I heave for air. I don’t care what Henrik hears from outside. I can’t act anymore, pretend to be happy, in love, and not in pain. I curl up on the warm floor, facedown on the tiles, and weep.
27
Quiet knocks sound on the door far off in the distance. I blow my nose and pop my ears to bring the world back into focus.
“How can I help?” Henrik’s voice is strained.
I get up, lean on the sink, and see myself in the mirror. Mascara is running down my cheeks. Cracked red blood vessels fill my eyes. “Please leave.”
“You’ve been in there for two hours.” He knocks again.
Why are you still here? If I’ve been in here for that long, you should be smart enough to know I don’t want you here.
“I heard you crying. Please let me in. Let me do something,” Henrik pleads through the door.
I turn on the tap to drown out his voice. Cold water fills my hands. I duck my face into my palms, soaking my eyes. After repeating this several more times, I pat my skin dry.
“Let me be here for you,” Henrik whispers.
I rip the door open. “You’ve done enough.”
Henrik sits on the floor in the hallway and jumps to his feet when he sees me. He holds his arms out but lowers them when I raise my hand and signal him to stop. “But…” He pauses when he sees my face and reaches out a hand to cup it, but I turn away from his gesture.
If I had paid attention, none of this would have happened. Why didn’t I ask you every single day since you dropped your phone if you ever got a new one?
I struggle to speak. It’s like my voice has been sucked out of my body and left me with only a thousand racing thoughts. “You bought a new phone?” I brush past him into the bedroom.
“Is that why you’re upset? I’ve only had it for a week. I got it at work.”
A week? My mother got on a plane within a week?
I shake my head to make sense of it all. “Used it much?”
“No. Only for phone calls with your family. The speakers on my old phone were ruined when it cracked, so it’s useless for phone calls. I couldn’t remember my iCloud password to connect the new one, and you and I only ever text, so I didn’t stress about connecting my new one. That way, I knew you wouldn’t ever see them call by mistake.”
No wonder I haven’t seen any activity regarding my birthday surprise or him texting other women. Does he know I have access to it? Mom didn’t tell him what I can do, but he’s spoken to my brothers. Did they? No. They wouldn’t. Or…maybe Dad? No, I can’t see any of my family exposing me, especially not my brothers since this is the one area in my life where I’m better than them.
I undress, fluff the pillow, and lift the duvet.
I need to calm down, so I don’t spoil months of work with Henrik. Since he’s still here after listening to me cry for two hours, I don’t expect him to have patience for much more. I’m too emotional to make any decisions, and until I’ve calmed down, I don’t want to scare him off.
Sleep. Wake up tomorrow with a clear mind and a new plan.
“I’m not upset about the phone.” I get into bed.
“Can’t we talk about this? You don’t cry in the bathroom for two hours for nothing. This has to be something else, a deeper rooted issue.”
I turn my back to him and rub my temple. “I never gave you their contact information. That wasn’t for fun. What if every woman you’ve dated took it upon herself to arrange a surprise party for you with your entire family without your knowledge?”
You didn’t want to introduce them. Neither did I, asshole.
“I didn’t mean to overstep any boundaries.” He keeps to his side of the bed. “I thought you’d be thrilled to see your family. When I spoke to your mother and father, they wanted more than anything to see you happy.”
I can’t talk about this, or I’ll fall apart again.
“You should never have taken introducing yourself to my family into your own hands. If you won’t leave, then at least let me go to sleep and forget about tonight.”
“We have to talk about this. Couples should never go to bed angry.” He takes his clothes off and gets into bed with me.
Couples? You getting my family involved without asking me crosses the line.
Then I remember that I’ve already met his family, but I push the guilt away. “You don’t decide when I talk about things. No one does. Good night.”
I tuck the duvet around me and feel my entire body tense when he lays down next to me.
If you touch me, I won’t be able to control my anger. Don’t get near me!
He doesn’t. Instead, he keeps as far as he can to his side and whispers, “I can’t leave. Not without us talking about this. I’m afraid if I do, you won’t let me in again. Until you’re ready, I’ll sit still in this boat, hoping for sunny weather tomorrow.”
Fuck your sunny weather.
I hate myself for not staying in control, but involving my family crosses the line of what I can take. I can’t have this conversation now without revealing that I’ve been playing him for six months. I planned to have him at the height of his love for me at this point, not focusing on staying still through the storm. The smartest thing I can do right now is to be silent and start fresh tomorrow morning.
One good thing came out of this, though. You’re still here after all that. Through tears and strange behavior, you’re here.
Cold wind from the open bedroom window wakes me the following morning. I turn around to see if Henrik is still here.
“Good morning,” he whispers, a slight smile on his face. “Feeling better?”
Great if I punch you and break your nose.
He goes on before I answer. “I planned to make a toast yesterday, but you seemed so stressed I…I didn’t. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t get you something. Since you don’t enjoy surprises…” I open my mouth to agree, but he holds up his hand, signaling me to let him continue. “…I don’t want to make this any worse.” Henrik places a birthday card on my pillow with a cactus on the front, wishing me a prickly birthday along with a small gift-wrapped box. “A day too late, but I figured it’s better this way.” He exits the bed.
“Where do you think you’re going?” I hold the card up, demonstrating that I’m done with the surprise portion of my birthday. “What is this?” My tone is demanding and unkind, but I’ve reached my limit after the stunt he pulled yesterday.
“Um, I…” He sits on the edge. “The card says I love you. The box contains keys to your family cabin.”
As if he has pressed play on my memories, I picture trees covered in heavy snow and the frozen lake. I imagine the fresh air trickling through me like a mountain stream.
My favorite place on earth. How did you know?
I rip the white paper off and tilt the keys out, terrified that he’s lying and it’s really jewelry. Thankfully, it’s not, or anything else I’d be expected to wear. “This was your plan for yesterday?”
“I planned to give you the card and box, blindfold you, pack your things, and drive you to the cabin, then let you open the box.” He shrugs. “I was hoping for a more positive response.”
I do my best to stay neutral, but after the shock of having my world turned upside down, I’m overwhelmed at the thought of the cabin and how it always lulls me back to safety. “Is this what you talked to my parents about?”
“Your mother t
old me that’s where you’re most relaxed. In our first message, I told you I’d beat you in a ski race. I thought we could go cross country skiing.” He smiles the best he can, but insecurity seeps through. “You can throw a few snowballs at me to get your aggression out?”
There’s an ax in the shed. I’d rather throw that.
I hide my face under the duvet and ask, “What if I don’t want to go?”
Both my parents must have supported this idea to give him the keys. They must like him. They must be happy for us, for me. They’re expecting us to go. I can’t ruin that.
“I’ve rented an SUV to get us there safely, but if you don’t want to go, we’ll stay here instead.” Henrik lifts the duvet and peeks under. “Truce?”
“It’s not funny yet.” I flip the duvet off. “I’m still mad at you for going behind my back.”
I’m also tired of lying, scheming, and straining to keep sane in this. You crossed the line yesterday. If I killed you, it would be over. The temperatures are freezing, there’s no phone reception, and it’s easy to get lost in the mountains. To lose you on a hike is far more appealing than having to date you for six more months. Being a man’s perfect woman is fucking hard work!
“Do you have the rental car here?”
Henrik smiles as he sees that I might go along with his plans. “I parked it outside yesterday when I pretended I had a meeting.”
Killing you in the city is useless. The city always has eyes, and even when the police say it doesn’t, photos emerge.
Wearing only my thong, I flip my legs out from the duvet, slide on slippers, strut across the room to the cabinet, and pull on my bathrobe. “Give me half an hour.”
Excited, he follows me to the bathroom. “Take all the time you need.” He leans in to kiss me.
In protest, my hand shields me from his lips. His eyes open when the surface he kisses is the back of my hand. “I need time to get yesterday out of my system.” I lock him out and let the water in the shower drown out his voice as he continues to apologize through the door.
After about thirty minutes, I dress and pack a bag.
Henrik walks in with a cup of coffee. “Peace offering.” He places the cup on the nightstand. “I want to thank you.”
I force a chuckle. “What are you thanking me for?” I fold Isac’s woolen sweater into the bag.
“For not throwing me out on your birthday. Allowing me to make it up to you.”
Like I have a choice? I’ve invested too much time in this. This cabin trip will end us. Either you propose, and I get to shatter your heart. Or you die on the mountain. Either way, I rejoice from knowing you’ll be out of my life soon. My parents are right. The cabin is a safe haven.
“You’ll love it.” I wink at him and carry my bag downstairs. He follows behind. The mug, his peace offering, sits deserted in my bedroom.
28
In the car, my head feels as though I’m wearing a helmet two sizes too small as Henrik tries to make pleasant conversation. I open my window, letting cold, harsh streams of air hit my skin. He finally stops talking.
We drive on in silence. Frozen pine trees along the road resemble an exquisite Christmas card, their snowy branches glittering in the sunlight. He ruins my idyllic moment and speaks again.
“Your brothers said something I couldn’t shake.” Henrik annoys me by closing my window. “Did your ex die?”
Shit. They told you.
“Can we please not talk about this?” I turn on the radio.
He lowers it. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why should I?”
If you had called a bloody ambulance, he might not be dead. Soon, you’ll pay the price.
Light snow lands on the windshield. “Because we share everything.” Henrik turns on the windshield wipers.
“You’ve done that?” My thoughts drag me back to his lies, cheating, and deceptions. In a steady beat, the wipers push the flakes of snow to the side, clearing the view as if counting down the seconds until I’ll push him out of my life.
I could ask you to get firewood for the oven and lock you out. No. Your body will be too heavy to handle. I need you alone in the woods where a bear can find you.
There’s only one way I’ll get through this weekend. “Did you bring any wine?”
“I’m not the man I was when you met me.” He grips the steering wheel tighter. “I’ll prove that to you. And, yes, we have several amazing red wines to choose between for dinner tonight, or tomorrow, depending on how late we arrive. I brought some to go with the reindeer. Or I have white as a back-up, in case we wanted to sip on that when we arrive.” He wears a smug expression as he shares his plans.
“You know there’s no electricity or running water, right? Have you cooked with gas before?”
“Gas?” His eyes shoot up. “Your mother left those details out.”
I can’t withhold my grin. I was worried that Henrik had fooled Mom. If she genuinely liked him, she’d have told him and sent helpful instructions, even warned him of every little challenge to prepare for. I want to think that she hates him and wants to ensure he fails to impress me.
Although Mom would never be that cruel. That’s my job now.
“I’ll show you.” I smile at him, doing my best to look like I have forgiven him. “Unless you want to call it off? Head back?”
“No,” he grunts in response. “We’ll buy water on the way, but all I need is you. Will you be okay without electricity? We could get a power bank.”
Laughter belts from me like a waterfall spewing out the side of a mountain. “It’s my family’s cabin, remember? It’s what I love about it.”
I’ve stared at a screen for fun since I was three, and it’s been my job since I was fifteen. I’ve always treasured our cabin, felt grounded here because I was forced to turn the screen off, be in the moment, and play board games. My mind would relax.
Henrik leans back in the seat as if relaxing for the first time today. “Body odor is supposedly a sign of compatibility. I guess it’s a good test.” He throws me a quick glance, his voice confident, positive. “After a few days without showers, we’ll smell a hundred percent like ourselves with no perfumes to hide behind. Then you’ll know for sure if you still want to date me.”
“Oh, I know.” I force my voice to sound like I’m flirting.
He raves back. “Me too. I love you, remember?”
I grunt. “I still don’t think you know what that concept means.”
“I arranged your surprise birthday party which you hated. I slept next to you worried that you wanted me gone for good, and I was still happy to see you when you woke up. Trust me, I know.”
Knowing that the way Henrik smells is the least of my problems, I can’t help but think back to Isac, and the time I arrived home from a work trip and smelled him in our bed. The sheets hadn’t been washed for two weeks, and the scent of him made me cringe enough to change the bedding. If Henrik’s theory is right, maybe Isac and I weren’t a perfect match? I shake the thought out of my mind. Of course we were.
I turn my attention back to the pine trees rushing past. “Being a good match with someone comes down to more than what they smell like. I wouldn’t put too much value on body odor alone.”
Being decent people, not assholes like you for one.
“Our nose has a direct opening to the brain. It’s the first sense we use when we’re born. I think it has to be of some importance.” His tone is ever optimistic.
I sigh. “I don’t think so.” I would never admit that I agreed with him, but hearing his arguments and interest in the subject, I can’t help but wonder about Isac and me. “I’ll google it when we get home since there’s no phone reception, Wi-Fi, or Internet connection at the cabin.”
“Completely off the grid then?”
“Entirely. The closest cabin is about two miles further into the woods. If anything should happen to him and me, or we lose the car keys, we’re stuck with no way of getting help.” A river curls its
way up the mountains next to the road. “You swim, right?”
If you don’t, I could push you into the frozen lake and watch you sink while revealing why I dated you. You’d be lost until spring thaw.
“What a great way to wake up. Snow bathing.” He grins like a little boy, back upright as if about to jump in his seat.
Great job, D. Swimming in freezing water. Shit.
After stopping to get a jug of water, we exit the black salted highway onto a white icy mountain road. As we climb, walls of snow created by plows grow higher until they soon reach above the car. Trees droop under dense white layers, the branches curling towards the ground. On one tree, the snow gives, drops to the ground, and the branch springs up, throwing the remaining snow in the air in a white cloud.
“We’re only twenty minutes away.” I hope Mom has talked to Knut, the man responsible for plowing the last stretch from the main road to the cabin.
“Can’t wait,” Henrik says with real enthusiasm.
Be careful what you wish for.
“Here.” I point to a narrow road off to the left.
Henrik turns in time for me to register that I was wrong. As I’m about to correct myself, Isac’s irritated voice sounds in my head, telling me to pay closer attention to what I’m doing. “I’m sorry,” I whisper as if to Isac. “It’s the next exit, not this one. With the snow covering the shoulders, the roads look the same.”
I brace myself for Henrik to get angry, and without thinking, I lean against my door, creating as much distance as I can between us.
“No worries.” He turns the car around and drives us to the next exit up the road.
“I…” I don’t know what to say, or why I’m getting upset. “Why don’t you care that I messed up?”
He laughs as if my question is a joke. “We all make mistakes. What? You’ll yell at me if I give bad directions when you’re driving? I don’t think that’s an encouraging way of communicating, do you?”
I shake my head. “No.”
He's got it coming: Love is the best revenge Page 21