CHAPTER XI.
CALLISTA'S PREACHING, AND WHAT CAME OF IT.
It is undeniably a solemn moment, under any circumstances, and requires astrong heart, when any one deliberately surrenders himself, soul and body,to the keeping of another while life shall last; and this, or somethinglike this, reserving the supreme claim of duty to the Creator, is thematrimonial contract. In individual cases it may be made without thoughtor distress, but surveyed objectively, and as carried out into asufficient range of instances, it is so tremendous an undertaking thatnature seems to sink under its responsibilities. When the Christian bindshimself by vows to a religious life, he makes a surrender to Him who isall-perfect, and whom he may unreservedly trust. Moreover, looking at thatsurrender on its human side, he has the safeguard of distinct _provisos_and regulations, and of the principles of theology, to secure him againsttyranny on the part of his superiors. But what shall be his encouragementto make himself over, without condition or stipulation, as an absoluteproperty, to a fallible being, and that not for a season, but for life?The mind shrinks from such a sacrifice, and demands that, as religionenjoins it, religion should sanction and bless it. It instinctivelydesires that either the bond should be dissoluble, or that the subjects ofit should be sacramentally strengthened to maintain it. "So help me God,"the formula of every oath, is emphatically necessary here.
But Agellius is contemplating a superhuman engagement without superhumanassistance; and that in a state of society in which public opinion, whichin some sense compensates for the absence of religion, supplied humanmotives, not for, but against keeping it, and with one who had given noindication that she understood what marriage meant. No wonder then, that,in spite of his simplicity, his sanguine temperament, and his delusion,the more he thought of the step he had taken, the more unsatisfactory hefound it, and the nearer he grew to the time when he must open the subjectwith Aristo, the less he felt able to do so. In consequence he was in adistress of mind, as he ascended the staircase which led to his friend'slodging, to which his anxiety, as he mounted the hill on the other side ofthe city, was tranquillity itself; and, except that he was coming byengagement, he would have turned back, and for the time at least have putthe whole subject from his thoughts. Yet even then, as often as Callistarose in his mind's eye, his scruples and misgivings vanished before thebeauty of that image, as mists before the sun; and when he actually stoodin her sweet presence, it seemed as if some secret emanation from herflowed in upon his heart, and he stood breathless and giddy under theintensity of the fascination.
However, the reader must not suppose that in the third century of our erasuch negotiations as that which now seems to be on the point of coming offbetween Callista and Agellius, were embellished with those transcendentalsentiments and that magnificent ceremonial with which chivalry hasinvested them in these latter ages. There was little occasion then forfine speaking or exquisite deportment; and if there had been, we, who arethe narrators of these hitherto unrecorded transactions, should have beenutterly unable to do justice to them. At that time of day the Christianhad too much simplicity, the heathen too little of real delicacy, toindulge in the sublimities of modern love-making, at least as it is foundin novels; and in the case before us both gentleman and lady will bethought, we consider, sadly matter-of-fact, or rather semi-barbarous, bythe votaries of what is just now called European civilization.
On Agellius's entering the room, Aristo was pacing to and fro in somediscomposure; however, he ran up to his friend, embraced him, and, lookingat him with significance, congratulated him on his good looks. "There ismore fire in your eye," he said, "dear Agellius, and more eloquence in theturn of your lip, than I have ever yet seen. A new spirit is in you. Soyou are determined to come out of your solitude? That you should have beenable to exist in it so long is the wonderment to me."
Agellius had recovered himself, yet he dared not look again on Callista."Do not jest, Aristo," he said; "I am come, as you know, to talk to youabout your sister. I have brought her a present of flowers; they are mybest present, or rather not mine, but the birth of the opening year, asfair and fragrant as herself."
"We will offer them to our Pallas Athene," said his friend, "to whom weartists are especially devout." And he would have led Agellius on, andmade him place them in her niche in the opposite wall.
"I am more serious than you are," said Agellius; "and I have brought thebest my garden contains as an offering to your sister. _She_ will notthink I bring them for any other purpose. Where are you going?" hecontinued, as he saw his friend take down his broad _petasus_.
"Why," answered Aristo, "since I am so poor an interpreter of yourmeaning, you can dispense with me altogether. I will leave you to speakfor yourself, and meanwhile will go and see what old Dromo has to tell,before the sun is too high in the heavens."
Saying this, with a half-imploring, half-satirical look at his sister, heset off to the barber's at the Forum.
Agellius took up the flowers, and laid them on the table before her, asshe sat at work. "Do you accept my flowers, Callista?" he asked.
"Fair and fragrant, like myself, are they?" she made reply. "Give them tome." She took them, and bent over them. "The blushing rose," she said,gravely, "the stately lily, the royal carnation, the golden moly, thepurple amaranth, the green bryon, the diosanthos, the sertula, the sweetmodest saliunca, fit emblems of Callista. Well, in a few hours they willhave faded; yes, they will get more and more like her."
She paused and looked him steadily in the face, and then continued:"Agellius, I once had a slave who belonged to your religion. She had beenborn in a Christian family, and came into my possession on her master'sdeath. She was unlike any one I have seen before or since; she cared fornothing, yet was not morose or peevish or hard-hearted. She died young inmy service. Shortly before her end she had a dream. She saw a company ofbright shades, clothed in white, like the hours which circle round the godof day. They were crowned with flowers, and they said to each other,'_She_ ought to have a token too.' So they took her hand, and led her to amost beautiful lady, as stately as Juno and as sweet as Ariadne, soradiant in countenance that they themselves suddenly looked likeEthiopians by the side of her. She, too, was crowned with flowers, andthese so dazzling that they might be the stars of heaven or the gems ofAsia for what Chione could tell. And that fair goddess (angel you callher) said, 'My dear, here is something for you from my Son. He sends youby me a red rose for your love, a white lily for your chastity, purpleviolets to strew your grave, and green palms to flourish over it.' Is thisthe reason why you give me flowers, Agellius, that I may rank with Chione?and is this their interpretation?"
"Callista," he answered, "it is my heart's most fervent wish, it is mymind's vivid anticipation, that the day may come when you will receivesuch a crown, nay, a brighter one."
"And you are come, of course, to philosophize to me, and to put me in theway of dying like Chione," she made answer. "I implore your pardon. Youare offering me flowers, it seems, not for a bridal wreath, but for afuneral urn."
"Is it wonderful," said Agellius, "that the two wishes should have gonetogether in my heart; and that while I trusted and prayed that you mighthave the same Master in heaven as I have myself, I also hoped you wouldhave the same service, the same aims, the same home upon earth?"
"And that you should speak one word for your Master and two for yourself!"she retorted.
"It has been by feeling how much you could be to me," he answered, "that Ihave been led to think how much my Master may be doing for you already,and how much in time to come you might do for Him. Callista, do not urgeme with your Greek subtlety, or expect me to analyze my feelings moreprecisely than I have the ability to do. May I calmly tell you the stateof my mind, as I do know it, and will you patiently listen?"
She signified her willingness, and he continued--"This only I know," hesaid, "what I have experienced ever since I first heard you converse, thatthere is between you and me a unity of though
t so strange that I shouldhave deemed it could not have been, before I found it actually to exist,between any two persons whatever; and which, widely as we are separated inopinion and habit, and differently as we have been brought up, is to meinexplicable. I find it difficult to explain what I mean; we disagreecertainly on the most important subjects, yet there is an unaccountablecorrespondence in the views we take of things, in our impressions, in theline in which our minds move, and the issues to which they come, in ourjudgment of what is great and little, and the manner in which objectsaffect our feelings. When I speak to my uncle, when I speak to yourbrother, I do not understand them, nor they me. We are moving in differentspheres, and I am solitary, however much they talk. But to myastonishment, I find between you and me one language. Is it wonderfulthat, in proportion to my astonishment, I am led to refer it to one cause,and think that one Master Hand must have engraven those lines on the soulof each of us? Is it wonderful that I should fancy that He who has made usalike has made us for each other, and that the very same persuasives bywhich I bring you to cast your eyes on me, may draw you also to castyourself in adoration at the feet of my Master?"
For an instant tears seemed about to start from Callista's eyes, but sherepressed the emotion, if it were such, and answered with impetuosity,"Your Master! who is your Master? what know I of your Master? what haveyou ever told me of your Master? I suppose it is an esoteric doctrinewhich I am not worthy to know; but so it is, here you have been again andagain, and talked freely of many things, yet I am in as much darknessabout your Master as if I had never seen you. I know He died; I know toothat Christians say He lives. In some fortunate island, I suppose; for,when I have asked, you have got rid of the subject as best you could. Youhave talked about your law and your various duties, and what you considerright, and what is forbidden, and of some of the old writers of your sect,and of the Jews before them; but if, as you imply, my wants andaspirations are the same as yours, what have you done towards satisfyingthem? what have you done for that Master towards whom you now propose tolead me? No!" she continued, starting up, "you have watched those wantsand aspirations for yourself, not for Him; you have taken interest inthem, you have cherished them, as if you were the author, you the objectof them. You profess to believe in One True God, and to reject everyother; and now you are implying that the Hand, the Shadow of that God ison my mind and heart. Who is this God? where? how? in what? O Agellius,you have stood in the way of Him, ready to speak for yourself, using Himas a means to an end."
"O Callista," said Agellius, in an agitated voice, when he could speak,"do my ears hear aright? do you really wish to be taught who the true Godis?"
"No, mistake me not," she cried passionately, "I have no such wish. Icould not be of your religion. Ye Gods! how have I been deceived! Ithought every Christian was like Chione. I thought there could not be acold Christian. Chione spoke as if a Christian's first thoughts weregoodwill to others; as if his state were of such blessedness, that hisdearest heart's wish was to bring others into it. Here is a man who, sofar from feeling himself blest, thinks I can bless him! comes to me--me,Callista, a herb of the field, a poor weed, exposed to every wind ofheaven, and shrivelling before the fierce sun--to me he comes to repose hisheart upon. But as for any blessedness he has to show me, why, since hedoes not feel any himself, no wonder he has none to give away. I thought aChristian was superior to time and place; but all is hollow. Alas, alas, Iam young in life to feel the force of that saying, with which sages go outof it, 'Vanity and hollowness!' Agellius, when I first heard you were aChristian, how my heart beat! I thought of her who was gone; and at firstI thought I saw her in you, as if there had been some magical sympathybetween you and her; and I hoped that from you I might have learned moreof that strange strength which my nature needs, and which she told me shepossessed. Your words, your manner, your looks were altogether differentfrom others who came near me. But so it was; you came, and you went, andcame again; I thought it reserve, I thought it timidity, I thought it thecaution of a persecuted sect; but O, my disappointment, when first I sawin you indications that you were thinking of me only as others think, andfelt towards me as others may feel; that you were aiming at me, not atyour God; that you had much to tell of yourself, but nothing of Him! Timewas I might have been led to worship you, Agellius; you have hindered itby worshipping _me_."
It is not often, we suppose, that such deep offence is given to a lady bythe sort of admiration of which Agellius had been guilty in the case ofCallista; however, startled as he might be, and startled and stung he was,there was too much earnestness in her distress, too much of truth in herrepresentations, too much which came home to his heart and conscience, toallow of his being affronted or irritated. She had but supplied the trueinterpretation of the misgiving which had haunted him that morning, fromthe time he set out till the moment of his entering the room. Jucundussome days back had readily acquiesced in his assurance that he was notinconsistent; but Callista had not been so indulgent, though really moremerciful. There was a pause in the conversation, or rather in heroutpouring; each had bitter thoughts, and silently devoured them. Atlength, she began again:--
"So the religion of Chione is a dream; now for four years I had hoped itwas a reality. All things again are vanity; I had hoped there wassomething somewhere more than I could see; but there is nothing. Here am Ia living, breathing woman, with an over-flowing heart, with keenaffections, with a yearning after some object which may possess me. Icannot exist without something to rest upon. I cannot fall back upon thatdrear, forlorn state, which philosophers call wisdom, and moralists callvirtue. I cannot enrol myself a votary of that cold Moon, whose arrows dobut freeze me. I cannot sympathize in that majestic band of sisters whomRome has placed under the tutelage of Vesta. I must have something tolove; love is my life. Why do you come to me, Agellius, with yourevery-day gallantry. Can you compete with the noble Grecian forms whichhave passed before my eyes? Is your voice more manly, are its tones moreeloquent, than those which have thrilled through my ears since I ceased tobe a child? Can you add perfume to the feast by your wit, or pour sunshineover grot and rushing stream by your smile? _What_ can you give me? Therewas one thing which I thought you _could_ have given me, better thananything else; but it is a shadow. You have nothing to give. You havethrown me back upon my dreary, dismal self, and the deep wounds of mymemory.... Poor, poor Agellius! but it was not his fault, it could not behelped," she continued, as if in thought; "it could not be helped; for, ifhe had nothing to give, how could he give it? After all, he wantedsomething to love, just as I did; and he could find nothing better thanme.... And they thought to persuade her to spend herself upon him, as shehad spent herself upon others. Yes, it was Jucundus and Aristo--my brother,even my own brother. They thought not of _me_." Here her tears gushed outviolently, and she abandoned herself to a burst of emotion. "They werethinking of _him_. I had hoped he could lead me to what was higher; butwoe, woe!" she cried, wringing her hands, "they thought I was only fit tobring him low. Well; after all, _is_ Callista really good for much morethan the work they have set her to do?"
She was absorbed in her own misery in an intense sense of degradation, ina keen consciousness of the bondage of nature, in a despair of everfinding what alone could give meaning to her existence, and an object toher intellect and affections. And Agellius on the other hand, whatsurprise, remorse, and humiliation came upon him! It was a strangecontrast, the complaint of nature unregenerate on the one hand, theself-reproach of nature regenerate and lapsing on the other. At last hespoke, and they were his last words.
"Callista," he said, "whatever injury I may have unwillingly inflictedupon you, you at least have returned me good for evil, and have madeyourself my benefactress. Certainly, I now know myself better than I did;and He who has made use of you as His instrument of mercy towards me, willnot forget to reward you tenfold. One word will I say for myself; nay, notfor myself, but for my Master. Do not for an instant suppose that what youthought of the Christian religion is not true. It
reveals a present God,who satisfies every affection of the heart, yet keeps it pure. I serve aMaster," he continued, blushing from modesty and earnestness as he spoke,"I serve a Master whose love is stronger than created love. God help myinconsistency! but I never meant to love you as I love Him. You aredestined for His love. I commit you to Him, your true Lord, whom I neverought to have rivalled, for whom I ought simply to have pleaded. Though Iam not worthy to approach you, I shall trace you at a distance, who knowswhere? perhaps even to the prison and to the arena of those who confessthe Saviour of men, and dare to suffer and die for His name. And now,farewell; to His keeping and that of His holy martyrs I commit you."
He did not trust himself to look at her as he turned to the door, and leftthe room.
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