by Lane, Soraya
“The kind of intruder that knocks on the door first?”
Hope scowled at him, but she had to admit that it was kind of nice to be joking around with Chase instead of arguing with him. “I’m kind of nervous on my own,” she admitted. “And I have that seriously protective mama-bear thing going on, so yeah, if I’d had to beat down an intruder with a lamp, I would have.”
“He’s lucky to have a mom like you,” Chase said, moving closer so that he was standing under the porch light.
“Oh my God, what happened to you?” Hope put the lamp down and moved forward, reaching up to touch Chase’s jaw and tilting his head down so she could inspect his face. The side of his eye was a mess, a dark red mass tinged with purple that would only go darker as the night progressed.
“How about you invite me in and I’ll tell you all about it.”
Hope looked up, took her hand from Chase’s face, and stepped back. Earlier she’d wondered if they’d ever talk again, let alone touch, and now here she was standing with him on her front doorstep.
“Sure. Come in,” she said. “How about I make us a coffee and get some ice for your eye?”
“Sounds good to me.”
Hope walked ahead of Chase, stopping to return the lamp to its rightful place. She switched it on, and collected her wineglass, leaving it in the sink and flicking on her coffee machine instead. She knew Chase was following her but she did her best not to overthink the fact that he was in her house. He might not look pissed with her anymore, or at least not like he had the day before, but he could be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. What if he’d decided he wanted joint custody of Harrison? Or even worse, that he wanted him to live on the ranch full-time? The thought sent a shudder through her body.
“So are you here to hang out or…”
“I’m here to say sorry.”
Hope slowly spun around, her hands resting on the kitchen counter as she leveled her gaze on Chase. “You are?” He couldn’t have surprised her more if he’d tried.
“I’m still trying to process everything that’s happened, Hope,” Chase said, taking a seat on one of her barstools, his eyes locked on hers, not letting her escape.
She stayed still, remained completely immobile, waiting for him to continue.
“You were right?” he finally said.
“About what?” She had no idea what he was talking about, but she was grateful that he’d calmed down and they weren’t fighting.
“We caught Randy stealing tonight.”
“You what?” She shook her head. “I’m sorry. It was just a hunch and I wish I’d been wrong.”
“Yeah, but you weren’t.” Chase shrugged. “And I should have listened to you.”
“Why?” She turned away and reached up for coffee mugs. “I’m hardly on your list of most trusted people right now.”
“Hey, do you still make those wicked hot chocolates?”
Hope burst out laughing. “You remember those?”
“How the hell could I forget them? I think I almost drank more of those than I did beer when we were studying.”
Hope flicked the coffee machine off and crossed the kitchen, taking out a block of chocolate and a carton of milk. She set them down and opened a drawer, taking out a small pan and setting it on the gas range.
“I make these all the time for Harrison,” she said, breaking the chocolate into large pieces and dropping it into the pan. “It’s kind of our thing.”
Warm hands covering her shoulders made her freeze, Chase’s touch like a bolt of heat through her body. Instead of reacting by turning around, she reached for a wooden spoon and started to stir, ignoring the fact that a man she’d once loved was standing so close to her that if she just rocked back…
“Hope,” he said, his voice low.
She kept stirring, only stopping when his hand closed over hers and forced her to turn around. Chase was staring down at her, his eyes soft, crinkled ever-so at the sides as he watched her.
“I loved you,” Chase said simply. “When we were in college, I was in love with you. I had a crap way of showing it, but I need you to know that.”
She sucked back a lungful of air, finding it ridiculously hard to breathe. “I loved you, too.”
He let go of her and she turned back to the pan, not wanting the chocolate to burn, and wanting even more to put some distance between her and Chase. Having him so close to her and saying those words—it wasn’t what she needed right now. Hope slowly poured milk into the pan, still stirring, trying hard to concentrate on what she was doing.
“We need to talk.”
She nodded, still not turning back around and breathing a sigh of relief when he moved away. When she glanced over her shoulder she saw he hadn’t gone far, and was resting on the kitchen side of the counter, but it was enough to give her some space. She finished stirring and turned the gas off.
“I don’t want to argue, Chase. I meant what I said yesterday.” It was true—she’d beaten herself up for years over what she’d done and she didn’t have the energy to fight with him.
“How about we drink some of that chocolate and I tell you all about what went down with Randy,” Chase suggested, one eyebrow raised in question. “Then when you’re good and ready you can talk me through what happened after college, and I promise just to listen.”
Hope smiled at Chase, and this time she didn’t have to force it. “That sounds like a good plan.”
She grabbed the two mugs she’d taken out earlier for coffee and poured hot chocolate into them instead, passing one to Chase and then wrapping her hands around her own. There was something comforting about a sweet, warm drink, and right now she needed it.
“I’m pleased you came around tonight, Chase,” she said, taking a sip.
“Me and my shiner of an eye?” he asked with a laugh.
Hope put her drink down and hurried to the freezer. “I forgot all about icing it!”
Chase chuckled. “Don’t sweat it.”
She ignored him and took an ice pack out, wrapping it in a kitchen towel and crossing back toward him. She reached up and pressed it gently to the side of his eye, grimacing for him.
“It must really hurt.”
“Yeah,” he grunted, wincing when she moved it slightly.
“So he just slammed his fist into the side of your face?” she asked.
“Not exactly. We confronted him, he tried to get the hell out of dodge and I took a punch.”
“Double ouch.” She took the ice away and inspected the redness, pressing it back gently again.
“He’s in worse shape. I think Nate broke his nose.”
“And did he tell you why?”
Chase didn’t say anything straightaway, but he did look at her, his dark eyes taking her prisoner and holding her captive. “He’d worked on our ranch for almost twenty years, and we’d paid him pretty darn well over those years. But I guess he got bitter and twisted about our family money or something. Tried to pin it on another rancher paying him off but we got the truth out of him eventually.”
“It’s hard to believe someone could betray you like that,” she murmured, thinking out aloud. “After so long.”
“Yeah,” Chase agreed, covering her hand with his and guiding the ice away from his skin. “It is. But we’ve got some great guys working for us, and we’ll start searching for a new foreman straightaway. Someone with experience, someone who appreciates what we pay and how we look after our employees, and doesn’t think he can betray us and get away with it.”
Hope’s heart started to hammer away again, her body betraying her as Chase’s fingers stroked against her skin, still holding her hand. Suddenly she wasn’t sure if they were still talking about Randy or not.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry a thousand times over, Chase. You have to believe me.”
“I don’t know if I can forgive you, Hope. I really don’t,” he said. “But I do want to listen.”
Hope couldn’t help herself. She leaned into Ch
ase, eyes still on his, completely lost to the power of his touch and his gaze, drawn to the man standing in front of her. They stood like that for too long, until Chase took the ice from her and put it on the counter before placing his hands on her shoulders.
“Is it wrong that I want to kiss you?” he asked, head dipped down, mouth so close to hers.
Hope watched his lips as they parted, her breath ragged. “Yes.” Only she wanted the same thing.
He dropped a slow, warm kiss to her mouth, his lips hardly moving. She wanted to wrap her arms around his neck and tug him closer, to rub her body hard up into his. But when he pulled back only a few seconds later, she stepped away instead.
“It would be a whole lot easier to have make-up sex,” Chase muttered. “But then tomorrow we’d be back to square one again.”
She nodded, scooping the hot chocolate up and focusing on the warmth against her palms. It wasn’t the same as touching Chase, but it was better than nothing.
“I need you to tell me everything, Hope,” Chase said. “Right from the start.”
* * *
Chase grit his teeth when he accidentally bumped the side of his eye. It was hurting like hell, but it was a damn good reminder of the fact that he hadn’t been on form tonight. If he’d been focused there was no way Randy could have swung at him like that and managed to connect, but he had and Chase deserved the bruiser he’d received. Now he was sitting beside Hope, about to give her a second chance. Or at least that’s what he knew he should do.
“So tell me again how far along were you when you found out?” Chase asked, sipping his hot chocolate and remembering exactly why he’d missed the sweet drinks. Even Mrs. T hadn’t ever been able to make them like this.
“Four months,” she said, tucking her feet up beneath her on the sofa. “I couldn’t figure out why I was so sick all the time, and it went on way too long to be a stomach bug.”
He nodded and listened.
“I went to the doctor, laughed when she asked me to do a pregnancy test, and then laughter kinda turned to tears pretty damn fast when I found out how far along I was.”
“Did you tell your parents then?”
“I took a few days to process it all, considered all my options, and then decided to keep it to myself for a while before finally breaking the news.”
“They took it okay?”
“It’s complicated. I didn’t actually tell them until I was with my ex.”
“So when did your husband enter the picture?”
“Harrison knows he wasn’t his father, if that’s what you’re worried about,” she said quickly, meeting his stare. Before that she’d been gazing into her chocolate. “I met him when I was pregnant. I’d known him for years, and things moved fast and I let him think I was pregnant with his baby, that when I went into labor it was really early. But I confessed to him as soon as Harrison was born, told him the truth. I thought he loved me enough that we could get past it, but even though he let me think he could, I guess he never did.”
“And you told your parents the truth?”
“Yes, the very same day.”
Chase took her hand, linked their fingers, and squeezed. “He should have loved you anyway.”
“Yeah, he did,” she added, her voice a note deeper. “For my money.”
“Hey, I’ve been there,” he said.
“Chase,” Hope said, leaning across to set her mug down and facing him on the sofa, both feet still tucked beneath her, “I need you to know that there was no one else. I mean, I hadn’t been with another man in college, in case you were…”
“You kept something huge from me, Hope, but you don’t have to explain yourself. You never slept around and it’s pretty obvious from looking at the kid that he’s a King.” Chase laughed. “I was the douchebag who didn’t put two and two together. I mean, he even looks like me.”
“I want you to know that since I’ve been back, not a day has gone past that I haven’t felt like the biggest bitch on the planet.” She held his hand tight as she spoke. “Seeing you after all this time, watching Harrison with your brothers, it’s been like a knife to my heart. I can see how much he’s missed out on and it’s killing me.”
Chase was still pissed with her, it was impossible not to be, but he also got what she’d done. Hope had been young and scared, and she’d made a decision that she’d had to live with.
“Would you do it differently if you could?”
“Now that I’m here with you, yes.” Tears welled in Hope’s eyes and it hurt him to just stare at her, to watch and do nothing to comfort her. But he needed to hear this no matter how much it hurt her. “But I was only twenty-six back then, Chase, and I wanted so badly for you to just want me. Like you wanted all those other girls. But we had one night together and then…”
“I emailed you,” he said, letting go of her hand. “I texted you, tried to check in.”
“You didn’t text me for a week after we had sex, and then like a month after that,” she said, shaking her head and wiping at her face, brushing tears from her cheeks. “And I wanted more, Chase. I wanted you to love me. I wanted some big gesture so I knew that I meant more to you than just one night in a cheap motel. Not just a friend doing a cursory check-in.”
He stood up and paced across the room. “You could have called me. Told me how you felt, what had happened.”
“And then I’d have been as desperate as the girls you bedded all the time. The ones you never called back.” She sighed. “And then there was the fact that I was never going to relocate here, leave my family.”
“Hey, I’ve always been deadly clear,” Chase growled. “I never pretended I wanted anything more than a night of fun, not with any of the women I was with.”
“And me?”
“What happened between us meant something, Hope. You know it and I know it.” He was pissed off again now, anger building deep within him and threatening to boil over. “But yeah, there was that whole geography issue.”
“I didn’t want you to feel trapped and I didn’t want to be the desperate one.” She wrapped her arms around herself, chin on her knees. “You were always so careful not to get yourself in a relationship, sure about what you wanted…”
“Did it ever cross my mind that maybe I was doing all that to get at you? That I wanted you?”
She smiled, but it was a sad upturn of her mouth, her eyes still swimming. “Part of me always hoped that was the case, but when so many weeks, then months, passed with nothing but the odd friendly text, I realized what had happened between us was just a drunken fling.”
“It was more than a drunken fling,” he growled, crossing the room again and dropping to the sofa beside her.
“I know that now, but I didn’t then,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. “Imagine me four months later. I hadn’t spoken to you, I thought you’d moved on, but I still loved you and didn’t want to burden you.”
He put his arm around her, swallowing his anger and tugging her close. “And here we are. Two idiots who didn’t know what was good for us.”
“I don’t expect you to forgive me,” Hope said, turning her shining eyes up to him, her lower lip caught beneath her top teeth. “But Harrison needs his dad, more now than ever, even if it’s just some weekend time with you.”
“I’m not gonna shirk my responsibilities, Hope. Not now that I know.” He stared at her. “Not when I’ve met him and can’t stop thinking about what an awesome kid he is.”
“And what about us?”
Her voice was deep and emotional. He’d never seen her like this before. Hope had been so strong, so unflappable in college. It hadn’t mattered how much he’d tried to get under her skin, because she hadn’t reacted when he’d slept around, when he’d teased her or tried to get her into bed, or when he’d brazenly tried to copy her notes or drink her under the table. Hope had always been his fun, beautiful friend, only he’d been so stupid that he hadn’t seen how hard it must have been for her.
“Wh
en I was a dickhead back in college, all the shit I did when we were friends, did you actually not give a damn?”
She reached for her hot chocolate, cupping the mug again and not once glancing at him as he watched her. “Of course I gave a damn, Chase.”
“Why?”
“Do you really need me to say it?” She shook her head and finally met his stare.
“Yeah, I think I do.”
“Because I loved you,” she whispered, blinking away tears again. “Because I wanted you to want me as more than a friend. And I wasn’t going to spend one night with you just for the hell of it, to be one of those girls so desperate that I took my panties off in the heat of the moment and regretted it forever.”
Chase didn’t know what to say. He’d been a fucking idiot, he knew that, but he didn’t even know where to begin.
“And then I did exactly that and regretted it for five years.” She laughed, slamming her cup back down on the coffee table and shuffling farther down the sofa, away from him. “Hell, I still am.”
“Well, I don’t regret sleeping with you for a second.”
“Of course you don’t.”
Hope didn’t look impressed, but it took more than a pissed-off look to stop him in his tracks.
“I don’t regret finally having you naked in bed with me,” he told her, moving down the sofa until his thigh was hard against Hope. “I don’t regret all the years of flirting that finally resulted in the best goddamn sex of my life, although I sure as hell regret not doing it sooner.”
“And Harrison?” He watched as she swallowed, her eyes wide. “Do you regret what we made that night?”
“The only thing I regret is not jumping on a plane and telling you how much I missed you,” Chase said. “And that’s the most honest goddamn thing I’ve ever said in my life.”
Hope ran her fingers through her hair and he watched until she reached the end. Then he reached to pull her forward, not letting her resist. Chase was happy once he had his fingers tugging gently through her long strands of blond hair, her head on his shoulder, her body finally, finally relaxing into his instead of being so hard and tense.