Matt had crept up behind June tending to Nan’s geraniums in the porch. They were her pride and joy, already looking neglected and sad.
“You need a break away from here, there’s a fair next week. Let’s go! Big city, big shops, we’ll take the train stay over for a few days in a posh hotel, what do you think?”
June was tempted, but no it wouldn’t be right, not with Nan barely cold in the grave. Then she thought, Yes, why not!
Matt had done so much for her, put his plans on hold, even took the few hours at ‘The Forge’ to pay his way. It was misfortunate Millie had taken ill, but Pop always said,
“’Tis an ill wind that doesn’t do someone good.”
Yes she would put her own feelings on hold and give Matt some quality time, might do her good too!
As the train pulled out of the station, June felt the thrill of excitement brought her back. They used to pack a picnic in the old days and head off to the fair.
Never stayed at any posh hotels in those days, no!
It would be a day trip. Her nan and pop and half the village. Would be nice to stay at a hotel. She looked at Matt and smiled. If only, things could be left on the back boiler!
But she wasn’t going to think about that now, plenty of time for that. She was going to relish every moment of these few days, and she did.
All too soon it was over and Matt was right, it had done her good, she’d felt revitalised, more able to cope, more able to think straight. She’d slept most of the journey home, to be awoken by the whistle of the train letting folk know they were soon to arrive at their destination.
You could see the sea as the train glided in along the tracks.
Matt sitting opposite watched her every move, while she slept and as she awoke.
Their eyes met with a feeling of contentment, June caught a glimpse of the sea in the distance. She’d smiled as if to see an old friend.
“You look happy,” Matt took her hand in his.
“Isn’t it a wonderful sight—it’s like I suffocate when I’m away from it, like I can’t breathe.”
Without realising it, without even having to ask, June had answered Matt’s question.
Chapter Six
Old Walter had been hurt while tying up a rope he slipped between the quay wall and the boat.
There was panic on the quayside, his leg was caught in the weed and he was being dragged under.
Matt, who was just back from ‘The Forge’ after another uneventful day at the books, noticed the commotion.
Holding on for dear life, Walter looked pale and frightened. Matt didn’t hesitate, “Be careful, there’s a current.” A cry from the crowd was ignored.
Matt could hardly see an inch ahead with the weed and the boat overhead, he struggled, feeling his way to where Walters’s leg was tangled in the weed.
A few tugs and it was free, shaken but none the worse for the experience, Walter shook his hand, “You’re a good lad.”
Didn’t look quite the part in Matt’s tracksuit but once in dry clothes and sipping his third hot whiskey, Walter had recovered. Matt thought about the ‘Mary Ellen’. It was a good offer.
‘The Williams Bro’s’ had a fleet of cruisers down south. They ran day trips for tourists.
He would take her out, get the wind in her sails for the last time.
June had taken a part time job, in the post office.
Didn’t pay much but gave her something to do, a reason to get up in the morning. There was only so much you could do around the house, and with Nan at rest now, there was nothing to hold her there all day.
She’d needed something, Matt was wonderful but even he, she thought, needed something other than doing books for Millie at ‘The Forge’.
He would lose his spirit, she would talk to him in the evening, let him know she was okay.
She felt he was there sometimes in body only, his heart was somewhere else, following his dreams!
Maybe if he thought she was happy for him to go, he would do what he really wanted to do and find his true happiness.
And she could fall to pieces without shattering someone else’s life along with her own! She loved Matt with every inch of her being, she didn’t want him to go, but she didn’t want him to stay either for the wrong reasons!
Sure, he’d told her he loved her, but as Pop used to say, “You can’t keep a butterfly in a jar, maybe it’s beautiful to look at, and you may want to hold on to it for yourself but it’s going to die!”
That’s that, its official, the ‘Mary Ellen’ was now SOLD!
Matt threw himself on Pop’s old chair as if exhausted. “C’mere you,” June sat on his lap.
“One of these days this chair will collapse with the weight of the pair of us,” she wanted to make light of the moment.
The sale was on the cards for a long time, but now it was final, what was he feeling?
Bound to feel a bit sad, she thought.
“Let’s go for a drink to celebrate.”
Well if he was sad, he didn’t show it! Maybe he was glad, maybe she wouldn’t have to talk to him this evening and tell him it was okay for him to pursue his dreams, maybe she was getting cold feet!
Yet again, things would be put on the back boiler! The summer evenings were beginning to have a feel of autumn about them, soon the winter chill would fill the air. Millie was back at ‘The Forge’ and Matt was happy to hand over the books!
Chapter Seven
“Post for you,” June was tending to Nan’s geraniums in the back porch, looking much better now they were getting a bit of attention, Matt was waving a letter in his hand from the kitchen. Dear June.
“Everything okay?” Matt had cleared off the breakfast table and come back out to the porch to find June in a state of disbelief. “It’s from Valerie!”
“Valerie? Who’s Valerie?” Matt playfully lifted June in the air.
“No Matt, stop!”
There were tears in her eyes,
“What’s the matter?” Matt held her chin up to his as tears streamed down her face. “Valerie’s my mom!”
“But…” Matt hadn’t realised, there was never any mention of June’s mother, only that she’d taken a hike and left her for her grandparents to rear all those years ago.
That was the only time June had spoken about her mother, why was she writing to her now?
“She’s in town next week, wants to meet,” June wiped away the tears.
“Why after all these years, not a postcard or a phone call to see how you were, why now?” Matt couldn’t make sense of it.
“I don’t know, what should I do Matt? I don’t remember her, I have no feelings for her.”
“Ssh,” Matt held her close. She felt small and fragile like a frightened little bird that had fallen from a tree.
June passed the café on the corner, must be ten times.
She could see someone sitting, but with their back to the window she couldn’t see the face. Even if she had been looking her in the face, she couldn’t be sure she would recognise her anyway.
Sure she’d heard bits and pieces in the past but nothing much. Valerie wasn’t exactly flavour of the month with Nan!
She’d come this far (against Matt’s advice and her own better judgement), she would go two steps further and deal with this.
“C’mon June, can’t be that bad,” she’d told herself.
As she walked towards her, June could see the resemblance.
Only half her age, but you could be looking at Nan!
A middle-aged woman who looked just as June felt, scared and apprehensive. She stood up as June came closer, for what seemed like an eternity they both stood in silence.
“Ready to order?” the waiter oblivious to the situation, ready to pounce with his pen and jotter.
“Tea for me,” June said.
“Tea for two,” Valerie added, “Please, sit. I wasn’t sure if you’d come, this place hasn’t changed much,” Valerie looked out of the window, across towards the qu
ayside where time seemed to stand still. Just up the road a bit, and across the bridge you had new developments all right, lots of hustle and bustle.
But by the quay side was always the same, June liked its serenity, its peace.
“Why now,” June felt nothing, no remorse no resentment, nothing!
Valerie was as a stranger to her, how could she feel anything.
“Don’t let her upset you,” Matt had given her a good luck kiss, although he’d have preferred she had ignored the letter altogether!
“June, I am so sorry, so very sorry.”
Then there was a silence, so loud you could almost hear it. “Let’s get out of here, go for a walk.”
The café, though practically empty at this time was getting claustrophobic!
They walked without a word, down onto the beach, the air so fresh now, cool but wonderful.
Nature had a way of putting things into perspective!
“Nan and Pop have passed on.”
“I know,” Valerie interrupted, “met old Walter this morning, had a stroll down around earlier, showed me where they were buried. You’re not the first I’ve apologised to today, didn’t think Walter would recognise me. Brought some geraniums, she used to love them.”
June felt numb.
“June. I know this is hard for you to understand, but I was sixteen! Scared, ignorant, curious. I don’t know what you’d call it, STUPID, I suppose and naive!”
There was a gentle ripple at the water’s edge, “Was he from ’round here?” June didn’t really care, didn’t know why she even asked, it just sort of came out.
“Roger was a married man, said it was a marriage of convenience. His wife’s family owned the business where he worked.”
“We loved each other June, we really did.”
“We were together even after you were born for a while, not living together, obviously! I was in enough trouble! Had brought enough shame! We used to meet on the quiet, made plans to go off, all three of us. You, Roger or ‘Red’ as they called him because of his red hair, and me. Wasn’t aware he was planning to pay our way by stealing the takings from where he worked.”
“He wasn’t aware they were on to him either! Was sacked on the spot, his name all over the papers, couldn’t take the shame. After days of being missing, he was found in an old barn, he had hung himself. I was so angry, angry with him, angry with the world, angry with God. But mostly angry at the local paper, they’d had a field day.”
“Got wind of his fancy piece having a baby then to add to his shame. I’m not saying what he did wasn’t wrong, it was. But they hounded him, drove him to it! It was awful.”
“I’m not exactly proud of what I did either but I was out of my mind June. I went to their printing office and I sprayed paint all over their window and door, destroyed it.”
“Next day we had the guards at the door! Hadn’t noticed the security camera in front of the building!”
“Caught red-handed! Your nan went on about it for weeks. Under the circumstances, with me having a small baby and all, I got off with a caution. In my mind, there was only one thing to do. Get as far away from here as I could.”
“I loved you June, but I wasn’t in any position to bring up a child. I had a live-in cleaning job.”
Valerie’s thoughts seemed to wander, “Can still smell your hair, still remember the softness of your skin! Well the rest is history!”
“Did you know his wife?” June wanted to know more.
“She left town, don’t know much more about her.”
“But,” June started, “all those years, why now?” she was curious, “How could you say you loved someone, yet leave and not get in touch for, how many years?”
Didn’t make sense to her!
Seems Valerie had kept in touch! Christmas, birthdays! All returned to her unopened by Nan!
“She must have really hated me, can’t say I blame her, the only consolation was, I knew she was still there for you when they were returned.”
“When you became twenty-one, I sent my last card, sad but it was the only way I had of keeping in touch. As time went on, it got harder and harder to go back, then you leave it too late eh? No good wishing at this stage.”
Chapter Eight
June didn’t know whether to feel sorry for her or to hate her. She’d seen hate in Nan’s eyes, with the mention of Valerie’s name. Pop would mention her sometimes.
It eats you up inside. In a similar situation, what would she have done, she wondered.
Who knows? Maybe the same, maybe not!
It’s all very well in hindsight. Circumstances can change a person! Valerie got up to go, she had hoped for some sort of bond, maybe even reconciliation between them.
But there was nothing, she was as a stranger to her daughter, she had left it till too late! She was paying dearly for her mistakes. Maybe their paths would cross again, maybe one day, June might come looking for her.
June sat and watched some canoeists struggle against the current to go upstream, their vibrant colours reflecting on the water. Sometimes, she thought, life could be like that, an uphill struggle!
She suddenly felt alone, Nan and Pop gone and now Matt, well, she had Matt but how long before he would want to pursue his dreams!
America had still come up in conversation, but he hadn’t pushed her.
She knew he was biding his time and then she would really be alone.
Why hadn’t she even tried to understand Valerie, why had she not felt any closeness with her, she had given her birth for God’s sake! Had Nan instilled in her the hate she’d felt for Valerie herself? So much so, that it had blocked out any feelings at all she might have had? June watched as Valerie walked over the little footbridge, over the quays and on until she was out of sight.
If she’d felt nothing, why was she feeling this loneliness?
She opened the piece of paper Valerie had put in her hand as she walked away. It would have been so easy to dial that number, maybe someday, maybe tomorrow, maybe never!
“Penny for your thoughts?” Matt leaned over June’s shoulder and held her.
“Oh Matt!” It was like a dam had burst and all her emotions had come flooding out, she sobbed uncontrollably.
“What am I like?” They sat without saying a word, Matt had a way of making things all right, soothing the hurt, and she wanted to sit there forever.
Matt spent days preparing the ‘Mary Ellen’ for her last trip out of the harbour. He would hand her over to her new owner at the end of the week. He’d pleaded with June to accompany him.
Weather permitting the journey would take about three days.
They could hire a car and take in some scenery on the way back. “Not a chance, a trip around the bay was one thing but three days at sea! It’ll be like a death sentence.” June never did find her sea legs. Pop had often said he’d never seen so many colours in a girl’s face at one time, after he’d taken her out on the bay.
“I’ll miss you,” as Walter threw the ropes to him, Matt whispered from the deck.
“Me too,” June stood as the distance between grew further and further, “more than you’ll ever know.”
“A brave man,” Walter tipped his cap to wish him fair winds.
“He’ll be fine,” June reassured her old friend.
“Aw, the sea, can be friend or foe,” Walter went on his way as June watched until the ‘Mary Ellen’ was but a spec on the horizon.
“Godspeed.”
The days now shorter as the autumn winds chilled the air, and the nights seemed so long without Matt. It had been four days, surely there would be word soon. If anything had happened, she would have heard, wouldn’t she?
“No news is good news,” Pop used to say.
Chapter Nine
June loved the autumn colours in the garden. Reminded her of the cosy nights snuggled up in Pop’s old chair by the fire.
Nice memories! Would she ever feel that contentment again, that feeling of being loved and sec
ure? So long ago now, it seemed like another lifetime. A character in a book she’d read perhaps!
“Any word from the traveller?” Walter stood at the counter, it was pension day at the post office. She enjoyed her few hours working there, but these days her mind was elsewhere.
“Sorry Walter, was miles away. No, no word from Matt,” there was concern in her voice. “And how are you Walter?”
“Aw sure, pulling the devil by the tail, a girl, pulling the devil by the tail.”
“Dear Walter, now don’t you be fretting, he’ll be fine.” And putting his pension book safely inside his, now well-worn top coat he tipped his hat and was on his way.
As she walked up the garden path, June could hear the phone ringing in the hall. All fingers and thumbs she finally managed to get the key in the door.
“Hi Ju,” Matt had run into some problems on the way and had just docked. He would have all the paperwork sorted by the weekend and be on his way back. Her heart wanted to say, “Hurry back, I’m lost without you.”
Her head, if she had listened, would say, “Keep going Matt, now we’ve made the break, it would be so much easier than having to say goodbye again.” The latter being inevitable.
It was the weekend. And although she loved her few hours in the post office, June looked forward to the weekend.
No rush to get out of bed, no hurry to get out of your pyjamas! The autumn was settling in nicely, boats all tied up, even on the worst of days the village looked pretty.
June had asked herself over and over again over the last couple of weeks. What if, what if Matt were to go to America? Would she be okay with that? Would she maybe go with him should he ask her again? Would he ask her again?
She had missed him, her days were empty without him.
But was America for her?
Matt, as if on the same line of thought, had decided he was going to ask June again about America. He hoped her answer this time would be yes!
One Chance Page 2