Matt had mentioned a girl a couple of times before he’d left for America and she’d wondered if maybe Walter knew anything about her, she had never known Matt to talk about a girl before so she reckoned she must have been kinda special to him.
“Its awful news to have to tell anyone,” she wrote but she should know too.
Seems there was a letter in his belongings addressed to Walter but never got posted, she would post this to him in the near future, thought it would be best that he would hear of the tragedy first and come to terms with it.
Matt had died instantly, the voice on the phone had said, he didn’t suffer.
If that was to be a consolation, it didn’t console.
“My God,” June looked across the table to where Walter was sitting. He looked old and shattered, she thought.
Taking his handkerchief out of his pocket, he blew his nose. “Wouldn’t have made a bit of difference.”
June couldn’t get her head around this.
“What wouldn’t make a bit of difference, Walter?”
“If you had gone with him, if he had stayed. Wouldn’t make a bit of difference a girl. His time was up. That was that. Poor lad, and he just starting out in life and there’s me an old codger, no good to anyone.”
June felt numb, angry, confused, she didn’t know what she was feeling and she felt for poor Walter, he was terribly upset too.
Chapter Forty-One
“Stop now Walter. That’s not true. Stop now.”
They sat in silence for what seemed like an age, she wondered about Matt’s parents, should she go visit them, would that be okay, would it be the right thing to do?
God she didn’t know what to do, she just felt numb.
Matt was the love of her life, she felt so alone, she wished Nan was there.
As Walter got up to go, he staggered,
“I’m grand,” he said.
“The old sticks aren’t what they used to be.”
Walking out the pathway he stopped for a moment and looked back at June, “Ya know, you need to grab any happiness in this world grab it with both hands. You only get one chance. One chance girl, we know not the hour nor the day.”
A few words on paper, she had read it over and over again.
Would it ever sink in, would it ever stop hurting, a few life changing words.
She would never love anyone in the way she’d loved Matt. Sitting on the bus June hoped she was doing the right thing, Walter wasn’t sure if going to visit Matt’s parents was a good idea, she would have to decide for herself, he’d said but he was sure they would be nice people.
“Matt was a nice fella and the apple don’t fall far from the tree,” Walter gave her a wink and wished her luck.
She thought of Matt and how he’d hated the bus journey home, “Every mile is a mile further away from where my heart is,” he would say and they’d hug so tight that she would have to catch her breath, the bus would only be gone around the corner and she would be missing him already.
Why did she ever let him go, she’d wanted him to be truly happy and that meant to follow his dream.
“That’s why,” she’d told herself, she’d hoped one day that the love she knew he’d felt for her might bring him back to her.
She had wanted him to stay so badly, but it had to be his own decision if it was to be right, if it was to last.
Perhaps that was his intention, perhaps he was crossing the road to book his flight home because he’d missed her so much and he was going to surprise her on the doorstep. Perhaps, he had realised in following his dreams that they had led him back to her, but now she would never know.
The bus came to a sudden halt and brought June’s thoughts back to reality, it was a farmer taking his cattle across the road, seemed to take for ages but she didn’t mind, she still didn’t know if she was doing the right thing.
Matt had asked her to go with him the last time he went to visit his parents but she didn’t, she remembered he’d said that the bus stopped at the corner shop and he would get out there, it was only a stone’s throw from the home house.
Not knowing in what direction to go from the comer shop, June decided to go in and ask the assistant if she knew the family.
“Aw sure, that poor woman. Young Matt did a paper round for me in his younger days, a smashing lad. Always so obliging and always with a smile on his little face. God help us he had such dreams, even as a youngster.”
Only too eager to help, she pointed June in the right direction and off she went. Feeling a bit apprehensive on approaching the gate, she continued on up the path to the door, before she got a chance to knock the door opened.
A frail old lady stood there, on looking closer June saw that she wasn’t quite that old but aged and weary looking.
“Heard the gate, thought it was our nurse. Are you new in the area?”
June smiled, there was no mistaking this lady was Matt’s mother, same kind eyes, a great resemblance.
Chapter Forty-Two
“No I’m,” June struggled not to burst into tears, as the puzzled lady looked on.
“I’m June, I knew your son, Matt.”
As she watched this lady’s curiosity turn to sadness, June wasn’t sure she had done the right thing at all in coming,
“I’m so sorry. I should go.”
She turned to go as Matt’s mother wiped her tears away, “No dear. It’s me that’s sorry, come in, come in dear,” a very cosy little house, clean and tidy.
In need of some repair no doubt, but as she pottered round her little kitchen June could see that her home was her pride and joy. There was no awkwardness in their talking, it was like talking to an old friend.
Matt had so many of his mother’s traits and ways of speaking.
It was obvious he had been her world.
They talked for ages with no mention of what was Matt’s biggest worry in life, the abuse his mother suffered at the hands of his father.
Now bed ridden due to ill health his father had a daily nurse calling, his mother had thought that June had been his nurse calling as she was due any minute.
She would fix him up and be off again.
For the rest of the time, Matt’s mother would care for him herself, her eyes bore no resentment towards the man who had made her life so miserable, drinking what little he earned and when that had run out, taking it out on her.
Yet there was only love in her eyes as she spoke of him and pity for his now ill health.
What kind of love is this, June thought to herself, what is it that makes a person stay where abuse and neglect take away their self-respect and reduce their confidence to where they merely exist, to such a low that they accept what they know is so wrong.
“You know,” Matt’s mother went on. “I had never known our Matt to speak about a girl before he spoke about you, he was always the shy type. Said he’d met someone last time he came to visit, said time would tell. I think you were very special to him, I could tell.”
As she spoke about him, she had such a sadness in her eyes, almost as if she had lost everything, as if all she had, had been taken from her.
“I was so blessed for that short time I had him,” she went on… “so blessed…”
“You know June, Matt worked so hard to save for that boat it was his pride and joy. I knew it would mean losing him to the sea eventually of course, but if it brought him happiness well sure isn’t that all you can hope for in this world—a little bit of happiness,” as she looked across the room to the window she continued.
“America, always hoped it was just him letting off steam. He got frustrated at times. His dad and him never saw eye to eye, but his dad loved him as much as I did, just, aw sure,” she got up from the table, “more tea?”
June would have loved to chat some more but her bus was due and she really didn’t want to impose any longer, they said their goodbyes and hugged at the door.
There were tears in her eyes as June wished her well.
Her s
hattered heart almost visible in her face, “Keep in touch, June. Goodbye dear.”
The bus journey home seemed endless. Life could be so tough, she thought, so testing.
She longed to get home she wanted to cry, to be alone, to grieve for what might have been. Her heart was broken.
Walter was waiting for her at the bus stop, she could no longer hold back the tears.
“That’s it, that’s it. Let it all out,” he held her close.
June was feeling a bit solemn for the few days that followed, if Mac had noticed he hadn’t said anything, there was lots of stuff going round in her head.
Chapter Forty-Three
Memories, mostly nice ones of being with Matt, he could be funny at times, sad too when he’d talk about home, even angry but always caring.
She knew she’d done the right thing in letting him go, why did she always have to do the right thing! Why could she not have been selfish and asked him to stay, he might be alive today, they might have got married! Or not!
Goodness, there were a lot of memories flowing today, June thought, sitting by the sea listening to the ripple at water’s edge had sent her thoughts back over all of her time with Matt. Was no wonder her head would spin sometimes with all that was going on inside it.
Walter came closer, “I say, wouldn’t be sitting there too long now June,” pointing up to the grey sky wasn’t sure if June had heard him shout from the pier with the wind that was blowing.
“There’s a storm a brewing.”
He had startled her for a minute.
“You were away in another world there.”
June smiled. Yes, she thought to herself, I was away in another world, if only.
She took Walter’s arm as he hobbled along and together they walked in the wind. So much water under the bridge since she’d walked this way with Matt, yet the memories still so vivid.
The longing still real, the pain though now dulled still came like a wave over her from time to time, though the tears stop falling, the heart still weeps.
June stooped to pick up the letter on the hall floor, she recognised Clodagh’s writing, she always did her J’s with a kind of a squiggle.
She’d been taken ill with malaria, was to travel home within a couple of weeks when she was strong enough and wondered if it was asking too much of their friendship to ask if she could stay with June while recovering.
June had her letter in the next post reassuring her friend that it was perfectly okay to ask as much as she liked of their friendship, after all wasn’t that what friends were for.
As she watched her get out of the taxi, June could see how very frail and sickly her friend looked. If this was her being stronger after a couple of weeks, what was she like when she had written that letter.
She was walking with a stick but smiling, as she walked up the garden path, June had to take a breath and hold her emotions so as not to let Clodagh see the pity in her face.
“It’s so good to see you,” Clodagh took June by the hand and stepped into the hallway, her hands were so cold.
“Come in, Come in. You’re welcome. Sit down I’ll make us some tea.”
As she filled the kettle, June’s hand was shaking,
Sickness, she thought.
Pop always said, “Your health is your wealth.”
June used to think it was because they would never have known wealth in their lifetime and that was just something he would say to make them feel better, but there were no truer words.
The malaria had struck suddenly, it had weakened her so.
She would hope to fully recover and return to continue her work, her help was so badly needed.
June doubted that was going to happen any day soon, Clodagh was now the one needing help. She had fixed up Pop’s old bedroom downstairs to make it handy for her, though Nan always said that was a cold old room but with the two hot water bottles in the bed and the new draught excluder on the front door, June hoped it would be nice and cosy for her.
The only thing now that worried her having seen her state was her having to climb the stairs to the bathroom, it was going to be difficult for her.
Chapter Forty-Four
They chatted for hours, it was like she hadn’t had a chat in ages so June kept the kettle on the boil and the fire roaring and her friend talked to her heart’s content.
“Clodagh’s back,” June thought she should tell Mac, be only a matter of time before someone would come in asking for her so she thought she might as well put him in the picture, he was very understanding and genuinely caring when he heard she hadn’t been well, “She’s lucky to have a friend like you, she’ll be fine,” Mac saw the concern in June’s face.
As she got up from the breakfast table, Clodagh staggered. June reached out to help.
“Goodness, you’d think I was on the wobbly juice. It’s the medication, makes me light-headed sometimes. I’m fine.”
She walked with her stick to the sink holding on to every chair she passed for support, it was heart breaking.
“You know June, I’m feeling much stronger these days soon be out of your hair.”
Clodagh smiled, there was a sadness in her eyes.
“You’re welcome to stay as long as you like, don’t be in any hurry,” June walked towards her friend and hugged her, she could feel the bones in her back almost, she had gotten so thin. It was all she could do to stop herself from falling apart.
“I’ll look after the cleaning up now, you be off. It’s the least I can do to earn my keep. Go on off with you.”
June couldn’t argue, it was lovely to see her getting up and about but she worried that she wasn’t able, she could see her struggle. Miles away, June had given Mrs Carey the wrong change,
“A penny for them.”
“I’m so sorry Mrs Carey, late nights.”
“Aw sure, yer only young once, you’re grand.”
She wasn’t about to tell her she was out of her mind with worry, every waking moment she would be listening in case Clodagh was making her way up the stairs to the bathroom, and needed help.
Six weeks had passed, Clodagh was definitely getting stronger, June could see a big improvement especially in the last week. “I have booked my flight for the end of the week.”
Clodagh seemed very pleased with herself.
“But are you sure you’re only just getting your strength back,” June wasn’t sure it was a good idea, not yet.
“I’m good. Feel really well. Thank you June, don’t know what I would have done without you these past few weeks, and as for Nan’s chicken soup, goodness would bring you back from the dead. Think it probably did in fact,” Clodagh laughed.
It was good to see her get her independence back, June would miss her.
Looking after her, cooking and making sure she had everything she needed gave her something to think about other than Matt and her own sad existence.
Mac was putting a sign in the window of the post office as June approached. “Got in a bit early, thought I’d get a good run at the day.” Mac was full of the joys.
“Hi, Mac,” June was carrying a holdall.
“You off somewhere nice?” Mac was also looking forward to the long weekend ahead.
“I am and I’m not, kinda between two minds,” June wanted to talk to someone about the letter she had received the day before but was Mac the one to talk to, she wasn’t sure.
Walter had brought it round, it was from Matt’s mother, she hadn’t had June’s address so she had written to Walter and asked if he would pass the envelope enclosed in his letter to June.
Chapter Forty-Five
Seems Matt’s friend Eric, who he had shared an apartment with him in America for his short stay had turned up on her doorstep, he had been so shattered after Matt’s tragic death that he was no longer content to stay in America and had come home a couple of months after.
He had got to know him pretty well over that short time and wanted to pay his respects to his parents on his return.
Eric spoke of how Matt had such plans, he had confided in him about the situation at home and how he constantly worried about his mother, and he had told him about June.
“Guess she was kinda special,” he’d said.
He’d handed Matt’s mother a letter he had found in clearing up his own stuff to come home, “It must have slid under the cupboard, was sitting at the table with all my gear ready to go. Just taking it all in when I spotted the edge sticking out from under the cupboard.”
It was addressed to June.
Matt’s mother didn’t want to open it so she had written to Walter to pass the letter on to June to ask if she would send her address and she would send it on or if she wanted to visit at any time she would be most welcome, most welcome indeed.
Reading between the lines, June thought a visit would be appropriate, it would be insensitive to just forward on her address and have the letter just sent on to her, maybe the last few lines her son had written, would be such a precious thing to his mother. She would visit.
It was a long weekend and she would take the bus and maybe spend some time.
But now with her hold-all packed and a B&B booked to stay overnight, June was wondering if it was the right thing to do, if only Clodagh was still there, someone to discuss this with.
“Mrs Sheridan was in, wondered if anyone had found keys, said I’d put a notice in the window, never know.”
Mac climbed down from the window.
June left her holdall beside her desk and picked up the post. “So where are you off to? Somewhere nice I hope,” he wiped down the chair he’d been standing on.
June knew he wasn’t being nosey just showing an interest, it was early so she put the kettle on and they sat and talked for a while, she was glad she had discussed her situation with him, he was very understanding and it helped.
It was late when she checked into the B&B so June decided to wait until morning to go to visit Matt’s mother.
She’d had a restless night twisting and turning, she wondered what would be in the letter. Probably all about his travels and all she was missing by not going with him, she thought.
One Chance Page 9