Engaging Carol

by Pepper Espinoza

  She returned his smile. “You bet right. It looks delicious.”

  “I have fresh eggs and fresh pork, too. We’ll have a feast tonight!”

  “I guess not much changes up here,” she said lightly. “How often do you go down into the city?”

  “Oh, never. What do I want with the city? They bring my mail up here, I have plenty of food and good friends. No, no, there’s nothing for me down there.” He poured the thick cream into two mugs.

  “You mean, you never leave the Grove? But you used to go down every weekend to watch a movie and—”

  “Movies?” He shook his head. “What do I need with movies? I have my radio. That’s good enough for me. Sandwich?”

  “Yes, thank you,” she murmured, her mind somewhere else. He was turning into a hermit. “What about visiting the doctor?”

  “The doctor? Well, we’ve got Dr. Abe and that’s good enough for me. He can do anything those big city doctors can do.”

  Carol thought that was probably true twenty years ago. But medical science had made great advancements, and Dr. Abe probably still used homemade whiskey to do everything from clean a wound to knock a person unconscious when he pulled their teeth.

  “Now, why are we talking about me? I know all about me. Let’s talk about you. Why don’t you write your old dad more often?” The question was good-natured, but she sensed a bit of pain beneath it.

  “I’m sorry, Dad, I’m just awful with correspondence. I know that’s not an excuse, but when I’m in the middle of a big project, well, everything else just sorta fades away, you know?” The excuse sounded lame and she felt lame, but Bradford nodded as if he understood. “Why didn’t you ever come to visit us?”

  Bradford paused, momentarily forgetting the sandwich he was constructing. He looked at her briefly before averting his eyes. “They would have missed me too much.”

  “Well, I didn’t mean an extended visit. Patricia came to Colorado several times for short stays…you could have traveled down with her,” Carol pointed out, deflecting her own guilt onto him. Of course, he could have traveled with Patricia if he really wanted to see her, if he really wanted to see his granddaughter. It wouldn’t take much effort to blame him for their estrangement.

  “They need me here. I do more than preach at them on Sundays, you know. I marry them, I bury them, I bless their children, I pray with them, I baptize them. I’m a busy man, Carol.”

  In other words, when he got caught up in the middle of something, everything else just faded away. She understood.

  “I’m sorry you didn’t get to know Rebecca better—”

  “What are you talking about? She writes me every week. Daniel, too. Like clockwork. Of course, after the accident, I received her letters in Daniel’s handwriting for nearly a year.” He shook his head as he cut the sandwiches in half. “Poor girl. I prayed for her every night. For you, too.”

  He carried the mug and the plate to her. “Eat up. You look a little…sickly.”

  Carol accepted it and returned his smile. She felt a little sickly. She had come to Mountain Grove with one intention in mind, and somehow, she had convinced herself that her mission would be easy. In fact, a part of her had believed that it would just be a matter of giving him her pre-planned speech, and everything would work out the way she wanted. Now, she wasn’t so sure.

  Taking a deep breath, she decided to dive in without further hesitation. “Dad, I actually came up here because I wanted to talk to you about something very important.”

  He sat in the chair across from hers, his eyes intent. “What is it? Is something wrong? Are you sick? Is little Rebecca sick?”

  “No, no, we’re fine,” she said with a reassuring smile. “But I’m worried about you. Patricia wrote and said that you were getting…she’s worried about your health. I’m worried about your health. Dad, I don’t know if you can survive another winter up here and—”

  “No.”

  “Dad, you didn’t even let me finish.”

  “You were going to ask me to come live with you and Daniel, right?”

  Carol sighed. “Yes.”

  “My answer is no.”

  “But Dad, you’re not getting any younger. This place is drafty and cold. Do you want to catch pneumonia or something worse?”

  “It’s in God’s hands.”

  Carol gaped. She knew she shouldn’t be surprised by his attitude, but she still couldn’t believe him. It was all in God’s hands? Was this his way of just giving up on life? “Dad, don’t be ridiculous. San Francisco is a beautiful place. There are museums, and galleries, and theater, and the best food you’ll ever eat. Not to mention the best doctors and—”

  “Carol.”

  She slammed her mouth shut and sat up straight, suddenly feeling like she was ten years old again.

  “I appreciate your concern. San Francisco sounds like a wonderful place, and I’m glad you’re happy there. But I’m happy with my life here, and I don’t intend to go anywhere. Do you understand?”

  “I understand, but Daddy—”

  “No. I’m done talking about it. Eat your lunch.”

  She stood. “You can’t just dismiss me like you did when I was a little girl. I’m still your daughter, but I’m an adult. Now, this is important to me, and I think we should at least discuss it before you dismiss it completely. Why shouldn’t you retire? Why shouldn’t your remaining years be nice, fun, and stress free? Why shouldn’t you spend time with your daughter and your granddaughter? We have plenty of room in the house and—”

  “The house where you and Daniel live in sin?”

  She stared at him, unable to speak. Disappointment coated his question. He held her gaze, telling her without further words of his shame.

  “That’s none of your business,” she finally said.

  “It is my business. I raised you better than that. When I heard you were pregnant out of wedlock, I thought Daniel would do something about it. I thought you’d be married before your daughter was ever born. But here it is, nearly fourteen years later, and I raised you better than that. Daniel keeps telling me you’re engaged, but it means nothing until you actually marry him.”

  “That’s none of your business,” she repeated. “Whatever Daniel and I do, we don’t need your opinion or your approval. I came here because I missed you, because I want to take care of you, and spend time with you. Because I wanted Rebecca to have a chance to get to know you like I do…like I thought I did. But my father would never make me feel ashamed of myself and he’d never look at me with such judgmental eyes.”

  Before Bradford could respond, Daniel and Rebecca burst through the cabin door, each carrying a package, and each wearing a big smile.

  “Mom, look what Grandma gave me!”

  “Rebecca, say hi to your Grandpa Thorn.”

  Rebecca stopped short, shyly looking at the old man. Carol remembered that, despite their correspondence, she had seen Bradford only once.

  “Hi. Do you want a cookie?” she asked, holding out the tin she had received from Patricia.

  Bradford patted his stomach. “No, no, I’ve already had too many of Patricia’s cookies. How do you think I got so fat?” He pushed himself to his feet and extended his hand. “Good to see you, Daniel.”

  Daniel shook his hand and gave a wide smile. “It’s good to see you, too. It’s good to be home. I had almost forgotten how beautiful it was up here.”

  “Here, Rebecca, have some milk with your cookies,” Carol said, handing her the nearly untouched mug. “Why don’t you go out and sit on the porch and watch the birds.”

  Rebecca hesitantly looked from her mother to her grandfather. Carol half-expected her to argue—it seemed as she explored adolescence, she found more and more to argue about—but Rebecca only nodded and left the room.

  “Daniel, why don’t you have a seat? Do you want a sandwich?”

  He smiled, sitting beside Carol. “No, thank you. Mom stuffed me full of food.” He took Carol’s hand. “I bet you’re
happy to see Carol up here, finally.”

  Bradford beamed. “I thought maybe I was dreaming when she stepped in my office. I suppose I have you to thank for finally getting her up here?”

  Daniel laughed. “No, believe it or not, it was all her idea. She talked me into taking some time off—”

  “Well, he was practically killing himself,” Carol interjected.

  “Building a business from the ground up takes a lot of time,” Daniel said, his smile indicating he wouldn’t have it any other way. “But I decided it wouldn’t kill me to take a little vacation to see the folks.”

  Bradford nodded, pleased. “I always knew you’d do well for yourself, Daniel. You’re not afraid of hard work.”

  Carol frowned. Was that directed at her? He couldn’t possibly believe that she was afraid of hard work. It didn’t make sense. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that the barb was meant for her.

  “So, Bradford, how’s life been treating you up here? I see you got a new radio.”

  “She’s a beauty, isn’t she? Some nights, I can get stations all the way from Canada. Though most of the time, all I can find is that obnoxious noise—”

  “Music?” Carol asked.

  Bradford grunted. “Your mother’s choir sounded better,” he said to Daniel.

  “So I suppose Carol has already talked to you about moving to San Francisco?” Daniel asked.

  Carol winced, expecting her father to explode again. But he said mildly, “She did, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  Daniel nodded. “I didn’t think you would agree, but you know how stubborn Carol can be.”

  Carol tried to smile, but it took too much effort. “I think I’ll go keep Rebecca company.”

  “Carol,” Daniel said, jumping to his feet, “wait. You don’t have to leave.”

  “You two probably have a lot of catching up to do,” she said, opening the front door. “I’ll leave you to it.”

  She sighed as she shut the door behind her, unsure when her father had gone from merely distant to a complete stranger.

  “What’s wrong, Mom?” Rebecca asked from her perch on the porch railing.

  “Nothing. Can I have a cookie?”

  Rebecca held out the tin. “Help yourself.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Is Grandpa going to come and live with us?” Rebecca asked as Carol munched on the sweet, soft confection.

  “No. I don’t think so.”

  “Is that why you’re sad?” Rebecca asked conversationally.

  “Am I that obvious?” Carol asked, reaching for another cookie.

  Rebecca nodded. “Spill it.”

  “I haven’t seen my dad in about twenty years. For some reason, I thought he’d be the same person. I forgot that everybody changes, even parents.”

  Rebecca nodded sagely. “Yes, everybody changes.”

  “You know, I hit your dad with a book on this very porch. Well, I missed him, but just barely.”

  Rebecca’s eyes widened. “Why?”

  “I thought he was a bear.”

  She snorted, shaking her head. “There aren’t any bears here.”

  “Well, yes, I know that now. At the time, though, I was worried some sort of wild animal would knock down the door and drag me screaming from the bed.”

  “That’s pretty dumb.”

  “Don’t call your mother dumb, Rebecca, it isn’t polite.”

  “But it was pretty dumb,” Rebecca pressed.

  “Well, I guess I do a lot of dumb things up here. Maybe it’s the thin air or something. Look, why don’t you go spend some time with your pigheaded old grandfather and tell your equally pigheaded father that I’m going for a walk?”

  Rebecca jumped off the railing, all arms and legs. She looked like a colt, with her long face, and her long arms, and her long legs. Carol knew that when she finally grew into her body, she’d be chasing the boys away with a stick—and her father might be chasing them away with a rifle.

  “Watch out for bears,” Rebecca said, opening the door.

  “Yeah, thanks. I will.”

  Carol started down the familiar path, but veered to the right, trying to find the stump from memory. Of course, it was over twenty years ago. It could have rotted away. Somebody could have pulled it out. She could have stepped off the path too early or too late.

  But it was there. Right where she’d left it. The stump where she had first sat and confided her fears to Daniel. The stump where they had shared their first, hesitant kiss. They had met at that stump the day she told him she was leaving, and the day she actually left. Somehow, it had become their special spot to hide away from the world.

  Carol perched on the edge of the old wood, waiting for some of that magic to return. The magic of young love, of big dreams, or raging teenage hormones…

  “I thought I’d find you here.”

  Carol turned around. “I thought you’d be busy commiserating with my dad about what a jerk I am.”

  Daniel looked confused. “No. Why would I do that?”

  She shook her head. “Nothing, never mind.”

  “No, what’s going on?” He sat beside her, putting his arm around her shoulders. “The tension was thicker than cream when I stepped into the room.”

  “He said some things that I didn’t expect to hear. I don’t really want to talk about it.”

  “Please, tell me. I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

  “I don’t think you could help even if you did know what was wrong. Do you have a time machine? Can you get the last twenty years back? He never talked to me like that before.” She could see that Daniel wasn’t going to back down. She even understood why. Somebody had hurt her, and that simply was not acceptable.

  “I can’t get back the last twenty years,” he conceded, “but I don’t think you’ve done anything you should feel sorry for.”

  “Disappearing from his life completely is something I feel sorry about,”

  He soothingly rubbed her back. “Did it ever occur to you that he would have turned into the man you met today, regardless of what you did or didn’t do?”

  “Stop being reasonable. I’m trying to wallow in self-pity.”

  He smiled, his hand going to the hem of her shirt. “You know, there’s one thing I always used to dream about. It used to drive me crazy.”

  She shivered as his fingers brushed against her skin just below her waistband. “Oh?”

  “Every time I found you out here, waiting for me. I just wanted to touch you. Like this.” He caressed her cheek with his other hand, drawing the back of his fingers from her eye to the corner of her mouth. “And I wanted to kiss you. Like this.” He trailed his mouth from her ear, along her jaw, to the spot where his fingers rested.

  “What stopped us?” shr asked, tilting her head.

  “I don’t remember,” he said before claiming her mouth.

  Carol wrapped his arms around him, drawing him closer. She closed her eyes, pretending they were kids again, without any real worries or concerns. As Daniel deepened the kiss, she could almost believe it.

  His hand crept under her shirt, climbing up her body and around her belly. Her skin flushed where he touched her while chills raced down her spine.

  Daniel broke the kiss, gradually pulling away from her. Carol’s eyes fluttered open, meeting his with a question. She could see his desire reflected in his eyes, could hear it in his quick breath. Heat pooled between her thighs, a slow ache building in her lower abdomen.

  Looking around, she smiled slightly. “I’m not sure how it’s going to work out here.”

  He pulled off his jean jacket, spreading it on the ground at their feet. “Care for a bit of adventure?”

  “Just a bit?”

  He stood and pulled her to her feet. Without hesitation, he stretched out on the ground, using his jacket to protect his head from the forest floor. Carol looked around, suddenly feeling old and foolish. “Oh, Daniel, get up.”

  He smiled, sha
king his head. “You come down here.”

  “We can’t. What if somebody finds us here?”

  He shrugged, still smiling. “What if they do? We’re not doing anything wrong.”

  She covered her face with her hand, trying to hide her smile. “This is crazy.”

  Daniel pulled on her skirt. “Come over here.”

  Carol stood over him, her feet by his hips, and allowed him to pull her down until she was straddling him.

  “Are you comfortable?” he asked while she struggled with his zipper.

  “I’m fine,” she said, pushing herself off him by an inch or so. She hiked her skirt up around her waist, letting it fall around them as she sank onto him, his manhood filling her.

  “Just rock forward,” he murmured, gripping her hips. “That’s it.”

  Carol allowed him to set the pace, her body rocking with his rhythm. She threw back her head, her long hair falling down her back, the sun warming her face. She watched several birds careen through the sky, dark and fast against a light blue canvas. Sunlight danced through the tallest branches of the trees, throwing varied shadows to the ground below.

  Daniel moved within her, his hands tight on her hips. She flattened her hand against his chest, feeling his heartbeat against her palm. The rhythm echoed up her arm and through her body. Her blood pounded with his blood. Each push forward created a bit of tension, a bit of friction. Each thrust building on the last, until they were feverishly pushing against each other, their bodies hot and open and hungry for more.

  Carol struggled to keep from shouting. She didn’t want to attract any attention, but the sound was building in her, along with the pleasure. His hands began exploring her body. They fluttered around her skin like small birds.

  She trained her eyes on his face. Memories overlaid reality, and she saw the young man who had offered to walk her home so many years ago. She bent at the waist, delicately kissing him, trying to tell him without words how much she loved him then—and how much she loved him now. Her heart grew large and heavy. She felt oddly sad beneath her happiness, as if something was ending and beginning right at that moment.