“Daniel, wait.” She grabbed his hand, keeping him on the bed. “Did you really think we were just going to leave you like that?”
“No. I didn’t. I was just confused. That’s all. Not enough sleep, I guess.”
She ran her fingers down the side of his face. “Not enough sleep, not enough rest. Your brain is probably scrambled.” She brushed her forehead against his. “Stay home with me today.”
“I tried that last week, remember? It didn’t work out well.”
“Try again today. Please, Daniel. I’ve missed you.” She kissed him to prove it, caressing his lips with hers.
Daniel felt his protests melting beneath her mouth. He couldn’t think of his work site, he couldn’t think of the men waiting for him, he couldn’t think of the responsibilities, because her lips with imploring, sweet, and sorely missed.
He held the sides of her face, deepening the kiss until she surrounded him. Her soft scent, her soft skin, her soft hair, her wonderfully warm and pliant body. She wrapped her arms around him, sliding low on the mattress.
“Stay with me,” she murmured.
He shook his head. “All I want to do is lie down, pull you against me, and sleep. But I…”
She looked up at him with exasperated concern. Putting the back of her hand against his forehead, she smiled. “You’re burning up. It’s not safe for you to go to work like this. You could make the other men sick, or injure yourself.”
He caught her wrist and brought her fingers to his lips. “Are you going to play nurse and take care of me?”
“I’ll see to your every need,” she promised. “In fact, what’s the number at the site? I’ll call them for you.”
“You don’t have to do that. I can take care of it. Actually, I need to do that. I’ll need to give them some different instructions and tell them to call the suppliers and—”
She put her finger over his lips. “Shh. Now what will they think if you call and you sound like the picture of health?”
“They’ll think I’m slacking off. Which I am.”
“But they don’t need to know that. Now, get out of those clothes, get into this bed, and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”
He forced the screaming voice of obligations into silence. He ignored the litany of reasons he couldn’t pretend to be sick in bed, even if all he needed was a little time with Carol. Undressing, he listened to her make the phone call, explaining that he was sick, he might be better the next day, he didn’t want to spread his bug, he just needed some rest.
“There, don’t you already feel much better?”
He fell backward onto the bed, closing his eyes as his head hit the pillow. “What time is it?”
“Just before five.”
“Wake me in about four hours,” he murmured, exhaustion overtaking him.
“First I want to talk about the trip,” she said at the foot of the bed.
“What’s left to talk about?”
“I didn’t get a round trip ticket because we don’t just plan on spending a few weeks in Europe.”
Daniel’s stomach dropped. “What do you mean?”
She took a deep breath. “Rebecca won’t be starting school in the fall. She’s going to defer for the year.”
“What are you talking about? She’s already been accepted. I thought she was already enrolled.”
“She’s ready to start school in the fall, but Berkeley allows its incoming students to defer for a year. I thought we could take advantage of that. I want her to see the world.”
He shook his head. “You’re both going away for a year?”
“Maybe not a full year but…there’s a lot to see. You’ve been so busy, the year will be gone before you know it. We’ll be back before you even have the chance to miss us,” she pointed out brightly.
“I don’t think so.”
Carol swallowed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d be so upset. It’s a great opportunity for Rebecca. You’re working so hard so she can have—”
Daniel looked up, trying to smile. “I work this hard so you both can have the world.”
She returned his smile. “Maybe next year will be better for you.”
“Yeah. Maybe.” He turned his head, pretending to sleep, unable to talk about it anymore. The pretense soon turned to reality, and he drifted away.
Only to be pulled back to Earth by Carol’s hot mouth and soft tongue wrapped around his flesh. He cracked an eye open, noticing the way the sunlight fell over her, making her face glow.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
She looked up at him, winking. “Just relax,” she said, before she pulled him into her mouth again.
Daniel closed his eye, relaxing against his pillow. His fingers curled into the sheets, and as she moved her lips up and down his shaft, he felt the tension flow out of his body. Carol moved in a slow, leisurely pace, stroking him with one hand as she moved her head up and down.
“Oh, Carol,” he moaned, “Oh, that’s…really…really good.”
She didn’t alter her rhythm or pause. She worked him with her lips and tongue until his body tensed and the world faded around him. His muscles trembled as pleasure washed through his body in a warm, sweet wave.
Carol leaned back, wiping her mouth. “It’s actually been five hours since you fell asleep.”
“Oh,” he said. It seemed like she was speaking to him from a great distance.
“You’re already falling asleep again, aren’t you?”
“No, no, no, I’m awake,” he said, trying to sit up. There were weights on his chest and shoulders, so he gave up. “I’m awake.”
“Just rest your eyes. I’ll bring up breakfast,” she said, kissing his forehead.
A while later, her mouth fluttered like a wave of butterflies over his face, bringing him back from sleep. “Maybe you really were sick,” she said, smiling.
He pushed himself up, rubbing his face. “I feel like I can sleep for a hundred years.”
“I have eggs, bacon, potatoes, some fruit, and orange juice,” Carol said, gesturing to the television tray by the side of the bed.
“I could have gone downstairs—”
“That’s not necessary.” She pulled the tray off the stand and positioned it on his lap. “Dig in.”
* * * *
He paused outside Rebecca’s bedroom, pushing open the door to look at the empty bed. He knew she’d grow up and leave him eventually, but he had somehow convinced himself that he still had years before he had to learn to live in an empty house.
He clutched the postcard from Italy in one hand, a small glass of whiskey in the other. Using the light from the hallway, he read the postcard again, trying to hear her voice.
Dad,
Rome is breathtaking. It’s like this whole new world I never knew about. I can’t even describe it, and the postcards don’t do it justice. I’ve got to learn how to write poetry, or paint, or something so I can capture this beauty and send it back to you.
We rented a small apartment here for the season. We just couldn’t tear ourselves away.
Love you,
Rebecca
P.S. Mom loves you, too.
Daniel finished his whiskey, setting the glass on Rebecca’s old desk before collapsing on her bed. Clutching the postcard against his chest, he stared at the ceiling and wondered when he’d lost himself.
He never cared about seeing the world. He had no interest in Rome, or Africa, or China. He just wanted to have a quiet life and a family. But he knew how much it meant to Carol, and there was no denying Rebecca’s happiness. He didn’t wish they would come home, he wished he could join them there.
Daniel didn’t want to see the world, but he wanted to see his girls again.
He marked off one more day on his mental calendar. Eight more months to go.
Chapter 10
San Francisco, California
1980
Carol felt like she was floating on air as she danced into the house, her registration clutch
ed in one hand, her student identification clutched in the other. “Daniel? Are you home? I did it!”
She frowned when he didn’t respond. He had been home that morning and promised he’d be there when she returned, but nothing met her except a quiet house.
“Daniel?” She walked through the house, calling his name, glancing into each room. She missed his hunched form the first time she passed the den, but caught him the second time. “Daniel? What’s going on?”
He looked up, surprised to see her. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I’ve been walking through the house shouting your name for like five minutes,” she said gently, concerned by the dullness in his eyes.
“I didn’t hear you.”
She held up the slip of paper in her hand. “My classes start next Tuesday. I’ve got Introduction to Writing, Political Science, and Algebra. They’re all required classes, of course, but next semester I can…” Her excited voice faded when she saw Daniel had turned away from her again. “What’s going on?”
“I’m sorry. So Algebra, huh? I remember when I had to take that. I can help if you need it.” He tried to smile. “But you probably won’t need any help from me.”
“Is it Rebecca?” Carol pushed.
“What? Rebecca’s fine. She called this morning while you were out. She loves UCLA. She’s already going out tonight with a bunch of people she met at her dorm. So…what should we have for dinner tonight?”
“You can tell me what’s bothering you, for starters.”
“Maybe I don’t want to talk about it right now,” he said, standing. “Maybe I just want you to be happy because you’re starting school, and because your daughter has been accepted into one of the best pre-med programs in the nation, and I don’t want you to worry about it.”
“But you’re clearly not happy.”
He smiled brightly. “I’m happy now. How do you want to celebrate? Should we go out?”
Carol faced him, her arms crossed. “I want Chinese food.”
“Chinese food sounds good.”
“Chinese food, then. I’ll just change.” She moved to leave the room, but she sidestepped quickly, pulling a stack of papers from his desk. She barely had the chance to scan the top page before he yanked it away from her. She’d seen enough. “Daniel, does that mean…?”
“Does it mean I’m broke? Yeah. It does.” He carefully replaced the papers. “Things haven’t been going well this year. One loan led to another…then another…soon it was all I could do to pay my creditors.”
Carol gaped. “Why didn’t you tell me? When I started talking about going to school, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Well, why would I? You have your own money. This won’t hurt you. And I never touched Rebecca’s college fund, so she’ll be fine as well.” He paused before he added, “We’ll have to sell the house.”
“It’s not about the money. It’s about the company you’ve been building for the past ten years falling apart. Maybe I could have helped. Maybe we could have done something together. Maybe I could have asked a few friends…you’d be surprised how many people owe me favors.”
He pulled away from her. “You can’t fix this. You can’t save everybody. I’m not one of your projects.”
She grabbed his arm, determined to keep him talking. She didn’t want him to run away from her and try to hide. It seemed imperative that they talk this over…even if Daniel was shying away from her like an injured animal. “One of my projects? I don’t want to treat you like one of my projects. But you couldn’t even trust me to help? I’m your wife and I—”
“No, you’re not,” Daniel whispered.
“What?”
“No, you’re not,” he repeated. “It’s easy to forget, isn’t it? Sometimes I forget, too. But it’s not true. Which means, as far as the world is concerned, this is my business, my mess, and my debt.”
“The world does believe that, but I don’t think you believe it, too.”
“Well,” Daniel said with a heavy sigh, “I do. And, actually, that’s what we need to talk about.”
“What?” She didn’t understand what he was trying to say, but she didn’t like where she thought he might be going.
“If we get married, you will be responsible for this mess and my debt. If something happens to me on the job, you’ll inherit the creditors, and the headache, and it’ll take what’s left of your savings. Even my life insurance—”
“I don’t care about that, Daniel.”
“Well, you should.”
“Fine, we don’t get married right now. We wait until you’re out of debt. And then something else will come up, and we’ll just keep waiting.” Carol shook her head. “I’m not even sure why it matters. We don’t need a wedding to validate our relationship. If we were interested in doing that, we would have gone through with it when Rebecca was still a child.”
“I don’t think you understand what I’m telling you.”
“Obviously, I don’t. What are you trying to tell me?” A part of her wished she had just gone to change without pushing the issue. They could be on their way to the restaurant right now, and she could be telling him all about the campus, and how much it had changed in almost thirty years since she was last a student.
“You’re starting a new chapter in your life, Carol. School is a huge responsibility. Rebecca is starting her life. You still want to travel to Africa.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“I’m going back to Mountain Grove. I still own Mom’s cabin. It’s been a little neglected since she passed on, but I can probably make it livable before the snow starts.”
“For a visit?” she asked, struggling to breathe. How could he knock all the air from her body with a simple statement?
“I was thinking of staying there.”
“You’re leaving me?”
“I’ve always been able to support you, one way or the other. I can’t do that anymore. I’ve got nothing.”
“So, you’re leaving me?”
Daniel held her gaze for a moment before turning away. “I can’t stay here.”
“I thought you were better than that. I know you’re better than that. You don’t run away. You’ve never hid from anything in your life. Why are you starting now?” Carol’s face burned. The shock had passed quickly. Now she was just angry. How could he leave her again? She felt like she was in some sort of ugly time warp.
“I’m not running away,” he protested. “I came to San Francisco with you to start a business and to raise Becky. But I can’t give you what you need anymore. I have nothing left.”
She swallowed, fear replacing her anger. The last time Daniel looked so bereft, he had been keeping vigil over Rebecca’s hospital bed. “I don’t need to take anything more from you, Daniel. I don’t need you to do anything, except stay with me. We’ll rebuild Scambray Contracting together. And if that’s not what you want to do, then we’ll build something else together.”
“You deserve a nice house, nice cars, nice clothes, everything you want. You don’t deserve to be counting pennies and scraping by.” His hand cupped the side of her face. “At this point in your life, you don’t need to be living like some poor kid.”
Carol held his hand against her cheek, enjoying his warm, rough skin. “No, at this point in my life, I don’t deserve to be alone. Neither do you. If you don’t want to get married now, that’s fine with me. But don’t push me out of your life, Daniel. We’ll make it work.”
* * * *
Carol put him in charge of finding a new apartment while she took over packing and moving from the house. She approached it like she approached a rally, complete with notes strewn throughout the rooms, pages of lists, contingency plans, emergency back-up procedures, and phone numbers. She called everybody she knew who owed her a favor, or who would work for pizza and cheap beer, and marshaled all her resources.
Daniel often watched her, bemused, as she oversaw the work of dozens of, to him, perfect s
trangers with nearly military precision.
“It’s what I do,” she informed him breezily when he mentioned how well things were going. Secretly, she was pleased he noticed. She couldn’t deny that she still got a thrill out of shocking and impressing him.
“Well, while you were doing that thing you do, I think I found an apartment that will fit into our budget.”
“What’s wrong? You look less than happy about it. I thought you’d at least smile,” Carol said, hooking her arm through his. She stood on the tips of her toes to kiss his cheek. “It can’t be that bad.”
“Well, it wasn’t easy since school is starting again, and all the really cheap apartments are being rented out to students, but I think I’ve got something. It’s near the campus, too.” He handed her a piece of paper with a neatly written address.
“Did you take it?” She recognized the street. The area wasn’t great—she wouldn’t want to raise a kid there—but it wasn’t horrible either. She had lived in worse.
“I wanted you to see it first. The woman who owns it, Mildred, said she’d hold it for us until tomorrow morning.”
Carol patted him on the arm, smiling. “Let’s go then.”
“Okay, but I just want to let you know that there are other places. We still have a bit of time before the house closes. You don’t have to take this one if you don’t want it.”
Carol kept smiling, despite his dire words. She understood they wouldn’t be staying in the lap of luxury. It would be like an adventure, and she knew that she couldn’t let herself get worried or pessimistic. Adventures were no fun when you stopped smiling.
“Daniel, I’m sure it’ll be fine. Let me grab my jacket. Meet me out in the truck.”
While Daniel waited, she whipped through the house, issuing last-minute orders to the young women packing Rebecca’s old room, grabbing her checkbook, checking on the roast cooking in the oven, and finally pulling on her jacket. She found Daniel sitting behind the wheel of his old truck, looking a bit sick.
“Did you see any rats?” she asked.
“No.”
“Bugs?”
“No.”
“Shit?”
“No.”
“Then I’m sure it’s fine,” she said, fastening her safety belt. “Let’s go.”
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