by Fiona Leitch
But I was here for a reason, and although the ex-copper part of me was feeling bio-actively cleansed and Ayurvedically detoxified, it was still on duty. Kind of.
I sipped at my mango and pineapple smoothie and gave a little moan of satisfaction, then turned to Faith. She was lying back with her eyes closed and for a moment I thought she’d fallen asleep. But she hadn’t, because without even opening her eyes she said, ‘What?’
‘Last night … you really weren’t ill?’
She opened her eyes and sat up to take a sip of her drink. ‘No, I wasn’t. I did feel a bit funny but I think now it was more psychological, more because I was expecting to feel ill. Was it the pufferfish? Does your hunky copper know something?’
I shook my head, hoping I looked innocent. ‘The lab results aren’t back yet, but he’s pretty certain it was. It’s mad, innit? You all ate it, but only Jeremy died. And you didn’t even get sick.’
She looked at me suspiciously. ‘Do I need my lawyer?’
I laughed. ‘No! Not unless you’ve got something to confess…’
She sighed. ‘All right, I have. I didn’t eat the fish.’
I looked at her in surprise. ‘You didn’t? But you were clearly angry about it last night; you looked like you were ready to take a pop at Mike Mancuso for letting Zack serve it.’
‘I know. I did try a tiny, tiny piece, just to be polite,’ she admitted. ‘Raw fish is not my thing, but I didn’t want to upset Zack. And Jeremy… It was horrible, the way he died…’ She shuddered, and looked genuinely upset. ‘We’d just watched a big, strong man die so quickly, and it was really disturbing…’ She fixed me with a frank expression. ‘Jeremy and I had a past. We had a fling years ago, when we were both married to other people, and, well, let’s just say it didn’t end well. We’d worked together since, and he seemed fine, but I always felt a bit awkward with him. I didn’t wish him dead, though.’
I reached out and patted her hand. ‘I’m sure you didn’t.’
‘Anyway, I forced myself to eat some of the fish because I didn’t want to hurt Zack’s feelings. I already get the feeling he doesn’t like me, for some reason. No idea why. But I really didn’t like it, so when no one was looking I gave it to Kimi’s dog.’
So Princess had had TWO portions of the fish, and wasn’t even sick? I thought. Then it definitely wasn’t in the fish…
‘When I realised what had poisoned Jeremy, I felt terrible. I was scared for myself, of course – I don’t know how much pufferfish you’d have to eat for it to kill you – but I was also worried about the dog. Have you seen how Kimi talks to it? Like it’s her baby.’ She shook her head. ‘I know you’ve got a dog, but I’m really not a doggy person. More of a cat lady.’
‘And our friendship started off so well…’ I said. She snorted.
‘No, it didn’t. You helped rescue me from my trailer and I tried to snare your boyfriend in return.’ I opened my mouth and she spoke again quickly. ‘I know, I know, he’s not your boyfriend. There’s something there though, isn’t there?’
‘We’re best friends,’ I said. ‘The best you can get without it being more than friendship. And as it turns out, we’re both happy with that.’
She nodded. ‘I see… I decided a long time ago that life is less complicated when you’re single. But it does get lonely, especially when you’re filming somewhere away from home … and Tony does have a nice smile, doesn’t he?’ I nodded, because he really did, even if it didn’t have the same effect on me as one of Nathan’s. ‘So yes, I felt terrible about the dog, but it doesn’t seem to have suffered any ill-effects.’ She frowned. ‘So maybe it wasn’t the fish. Is that why you’re here?’ She looked at me more closely. ‘I can’t work out if you’re just the caterer or some kind of cop. Although you are sitting here in a towel, so you’re obviously not on duty…’
I laughed. ‘Busted. I’m a private investigator-cum-consultant. And a chef. We genuinely don’t know for certain yet if it was the fish, but it was a similar kind of neurotoxin that killed Jeremy, so…’ I wasn’t going to share my suspicions with her, even if she had just shouted me an afternoon in a swanky spa getting my blackheads done.
‘If it wasn’t the fish, there has to be something else everyone who got sick ate,’ said Faith thoughtfully. ‘Kimi says she wasn’t ill, and I can’t imagine she ate everything on offer, so it’ll be something she turned her nose up at. I’m not saying she’s fussy, but—’
‘But she has very high standards when it comes to what she puts in her body,’ I said, diplomatically. Faith laughed.
‘That’s a very good way of putting it. It’s all part of her brand, isn’t it? I don’t go in for social media but I hear she’s all over the Instagram with this ‘clean-eating’ stuff.’
‘I much prefer messy eating,’ I said, and Faith sighed.
‘You have no idea how much I miss fish and chips,’ she said. ‘I do like eating healthily and looking after myself, but sometimes all I want is a big bowl of sticky toffee pudding and custard.’ She sighed again, lying back and closing her eyes as if imagining the calorific but delicious dessert in front of her. ‘But I’m a woman over fifty, and in this industry that means I’m already practically invisible. If I put weight on…’
‘Bugger that,’ I said, with feeling.
‘It’s not fair, is it? Look at Jeremy. He was a bloody good actor, but he smoked and drank, and he ate like a pig. He was allowed to get a paunch on him; he was allowed to age without the roles drying up.’ She shook her head. ‘It’s hard enough as it is to find decent parts as an older woman, let alone if, God forbid, you actually look your age.’
‘You don’t look your age,’ I said, and she smiled.
‘Bless you, that’s very kind. But it’s not fair that I’m not allowed to.’ She looked at me closely. ‘You must be, what, fifteen, twenty years younger than me? But I bet you’ve still been discriminated against over the years, just for being female.’
I nodded, thinking of all the times during my police career – in the early days, anyway – when I’d put up with sexist remarks from senior officers, or been the one sent to the canteen to get the teas in, or been the person expected to take notes during a meeting, like I was the flipping secretary. ‘Of course.’
‘I started in the film business nearly forty years ago,’ she said. ‘It was soul-destroying. It was all ‘stand there and smile and look pretty’. Let the men get all the good lines and all the good plots. Want a part? Then go to dinner with the producer, let him leer at you, make him think he has a chance with you, and if you really want it that bad, well… I had to work twice as hard as the blokes in the room to get half the respect. It was only a few years back, when I was going through the menopause, and it really made me re-evaluate what it means to be a woman; it made me think back to those days and I decided I wasn’t going to take it anymore. I don’t want younger generations having to go through the same thing I did.’
‘But you’re still watching your figure.’
She laughed, with only a small trace of bitterness.
‘I’m only one woman, and I do still want a career. But at least I have some respect now, and a little bit of power.’
‘So what did you eat last night? If we can find something that neither you nor Kimi ate, then I can get DCI Withers to look into it.’
‘I ate everything, I think.’ Faith pursed her lips as she thought. ‘I loved the fried chicken and the tempura. I did have some of the noodle dish but I have to admit I picked out the tofu. I’ve never enjoyed the texture.’ She looked at me. ‘Did you cook all of that? It was really tasty.’
I smiled. ‘Yes, I did. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Anything else? How about the cupcakes, did you have one of them?’
‘No,’ said Faith. ‘They looked lovely, but that’s just one more thing I have to limit my intake of. I allow myself a small bar of chocolate on a Friday; that’s my weekly treat. I wasn’t going to forgo that for a cupcake.’
‘I see…’ I s
aid, trying to keep the excitement, or victory, or whatever it was out of my voice. I was right; I had to be!
It wasn’t Zack and his pufferfish that had killed Jeremy and made the others sick. It was the cupcakes. The cupcakes had been spiked on purpose with the neurotoxin, and whoever had done it had made sure that there was a little bit in all of them so that it looked like food poisoning from the fugu rather than deliberate, targeted murder. All I needed to do now was find out who had sent the cakes. Another thought occurred to me: how had the murderer known that Jeremy would eat the right cake and consume enough toxin to kill him?
Chapter Twenty-One
I rescued Germaine from the hotel’s doggy daycare; someone had taken it upon themselves to give her a good brushing and tie a ribbon around her neck. The ribbon came straight off but I had to admit, she scrubbed up well. I felt guilty that I didn’t brush her as regularly as I probably should, but I was self-aware enough to know that the guilt would soon wear off and wouldn’t make me do it any more often.
It was almost 3 o’clock, so I drove from the hotel straight to Daisy’s school. She walked home with Jade most days, but if I was passing I’d swing by and collect them both. The girls jumped in, still chattering about meeting Zack the day before, and I realised with another guilty pang that I hadn’t seen him at the hotel, despite that being my main reason for going there, and that he was still under the impression that his pufferfish had killed Jeremy. I didn’t have his phone number, but I could ring the hotel and speak to him, or leave a message for him to call me; I didn’t want him to feel guilty any longer than necessary. It briefly flashed across my mind that I should call Nathan and tell him what I’d discovered first, but after he’d basically put the phone down on me in a huff (and after I’d kissed Tony), I was feeling a bit of an emotional wreck.
We dropped Jade off, then pulled into our own driveway a few doors further up the road. Daisy bounced up the stairs to change out of her uniform while I put the kettle on.
‘Wondered where you were,’ said Mum, appearing in the back doorway. I jumped and nearly knocked a mug off the counter. ‘Ooh, you’re proper nervy today, ain’t you? I was just putting some food out for the birds. Those blasted squirrels have been at the feeder again…’
I let Mum chatter on, not really listening to her, as I got teabags and milk out.
‘You all right, sweetheart?’ Mum had crept up on me, whether intentionally or because she was just naturally stealthy I didn’t know. She did have the air of a geriatric ninja about her sometimes.
‘Not really.’ Did I want to tell her about today? I decided I did, even if I got a lecture out of it, because sometimes you just need to talk to your mum, don’t you? ‘Tony and I kissed today.’
‘Oh, right…’ She looked at me closely. I couldn’t tell if she was pleased or disappointed by the idea, but she didn’t look that surprised. ‘So how was it?’
‘You mean how was the kiss, or how was it afterwards?’ I asked, but I knew what she meant. ‘Because honestly, I’m not sure on either count.’
‘How was it left? Are you boyfriend and girlfriend, or…?’
‘Or. Definitely or.’
Mum nodded. ‘I see. Brenda will be disappointed. She’s been convinced for years that you two would get together. She’s probably already chosen her hat for the wedding.’
‘What about you?’ I asked. ‘I know how much you like him, and he’s so good with Daisy…’
‘None of that matters, if you don’t feel the same.’
‘Neither of us do. Which was a bit of a surprise to both of us.’
‘Are you upset?’
‘Sort of… I don’t know. I did have a massive cry all over him, so I suppose I must be a bit.’
Mum pulled me in for a hug and kissed me on the cheek, then led me over to the kitchen table. She pulled out a chair.
‘Sit there and I’ll make you a Mum special,’ she said, and I smiled. A ‘Mum special’ was just a cup of tea and a plate of something sweet, but it had always worked when I was a teenager and it still worked now. I sat there feeling a bit sorry for myself as the kettle boiled and she opened a packet of Jaffa cakes, then joined me.
‘You love each other,’ she said, ‘but you’re not in love with each other.’
I nodded. ‘Yeah, I suppose so…’
‘Being in love is basically being a bit daft about each other,’ she said. ‘It’s when you can’t stop thinking about each other, and you get butterflies in your stomach – all that nonsense.’ I opened my mouth to protest about her use of the word ‘nonsense’ – it seemed a bit harsh to me – but she stopped me. ‘I know, I know. It’s daft, but it’s nice. Eventually it wears off, and if you’re lucky you find out that you’re best friends and you can still stand sharing the same bed every night. Companionship is far more important than passion, in the long term.’
‘So by that measure, you think I should go out with Tony, even though it felt weird kissing him?’ I shook my head, almost angry at her, because she was supposed to be giving me the benefit of her wisdom. But she laughed.
‘Oh my Lord, no. That’s not what I mean at all. You need that daft phase, so that during the times when you want to kill each other you can look back and think, ‘He might be fat and bald now, and so annoying that I want to brain him with the iron, but we’ll always have Paris…’ or some other romantic malarkey. You and Tony have bypassed the passion and gone straight to companionship.’
‘Riiight…’ I said, doubtfully. ‘So, Tony and I shouldn’t be together? Which is just as well, because we’re not.’
‘Tony’s like a pair of comfy slippers,’ Mum said. ‘Nothing wrong with that. You know what you’re getting with him, and he’d always treat you well. But you’re not ready for a pair of slippers.’
‘I dunno, sometimes I feel like I am…’
Mum shook her head firmly. ‘No, you’re not. You need someone who can be a whole shoe shop for you. You need someone who takes you out dancing, like a pair of sexy kitten heels, and who goes on adventures with you, like a pair of hiking boots—’
‘You must really be regretting using the shoe shop analogy about now,’ I said. She ignored me.
‘You need someone who’s like a pair of ballet shoes.’
I looked at her for a moment and then shook my head. ‘Nope, not getting that one.’
‘They keep you on your toes,’ she said. ‘To be honest, that’s what Tony needs too.’
‘What, ballet shoes? You mean I’m Tony’s comfy slippers?’
‘Is everything all right?’ I looked up and saw Daisy standing in the doorway. I smiled and patted the chair next to me, which, to be fair, she was already eyeing up as she’d spotted the Jaffa cakes.
‘Everything’s fine,’ I said. ‘I’m just getting relationship advice from Dr Scholl.’
‘Uh-oh,’ she said, plopping herself down next to me and reaching for a Jaffa cake. ‘Do I want to know?’
‘Probably not.’ We nibbled in silence for a few minutes, letting the chocolatey, orangey, cakey goodness seep into our bones…
‘So how was your day?’ I asked her finally. ‘Did you have that maths test?’
‘Bugger the maths test—’
‘Um, language please! You’re not thirteen yet.’
‘Oh, can I swear when I’m thirteen then? Can I at least say shi—’
‘No you blood— Blooming can’t. There’s not a sliding scale of cuss words, depending on your age, you know. I don’t swear.’ Mum raised her eyebrows. ‘I don’t! Not really. I made myself stop when I was a copper. Dad told me that if you swear at a suspect you’ve lost, because they’ll see that you’re stressed or angry, and they’re the ones who should be stressed out, not you.’
‘I remember that,’ said Mum. ‘He used to use all sorts of daft words instead of swearing.’
‘Anyway, forget the maths test—’ Daisy started again.
‘Fudging heck!’ cried Mum. We both looked at her, alarmed. She smiled, lost
in a haze of nostalgia. ‘That’s what your father used to say when he got angry.’ Daisy and I looked at each other, then carried on.
‘Anyway,’ said Daisy, patiently. ‘The maths test was fine. But I’ve spent the whole day dodging questions about the shoot. Everyone expects me to know what’s going on.’
‘Why should you?’
‘Because their parents all went to school with you, and they all reckon you’re really nosey.’ She snorted. ‘I can’t think why…’ She and Mum giggled.
‘Yeah, yeah, all right…’ I’d sworn not to tell anyone, but the news must already be getting out. Even if Debbie had kept her mouth shut (and I rather thought that my bombshell about Nathan leaving had knocked her more than the death of Jeremy Mayhew), Kimi had probably already posted about it on Instagram, and I got the feeling Faith liked a good gossip too, if she was bored. ‘Okay, but none of this leaves this house, not for the moment, okay?’
They sat open-mouthed as I told them about the dinner party, and Jeremy Mayhew’s untimely demise from tetrodotoxin. And because I was still working through the events of the day (the non-romantic ones, anyway), I told them about the suspicious cupcakes.
‘So it wasn’t Zack’s fault after all?’ asked Daisy. She had been quite upset at the idea that he’d (inadvertently) killed someone. ‘That’s a relief.’
‘Well, yes, it is for Zack, but if I’m right then it now means we’re looking for someone who deliberately spiked something else – probably the cupcakes – with a neurotoxin to make it look like accidental food poisoning, when all along it was murder.’