Letting Go

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Letting Go Page 17

by Molly McAdams


  “Jagger,” I whimpered.

  His lips brushed against the sensitive skin of my neck as he mumbled, “I’m getting charcoal all over you.”

  “I don’t care.”

  A soft laugh rumbled through his chest as he pushed me up the stairs and simultaneously finished undressing me. Never once did his hands and lips leave some part of my body, and the ascent that should have taken seconds ended up taking a few minutes.

  Jagger lowered me onto his bed, and I watched him through hooded eyes as he slowly reached for the zipper on his jeans—his eyes raking over me as he let his pants fall to the floor and stepped out of them. As he crawled onto the bed to hover over me, his head dipped and he pressed his mouth to mine, then continued in a line down my neck toward my chest. I ran my hands over his short hair before intertwining my fingers at the back of his head to keep him against me and feel his lips curve up into a smile.

  A breathy sigh fell past my lips when he settled himself between my legs and gently rocked against me. Releasing the hold I had on him, I slid my hands over the muscles of his back until I hit the band of his boxer briefs. I pushed down with one hand while the other gripped his back, and a rough needy noise sounded in his throat as I slowly rid him of the only material separating us.

  Moving back up my body when the briefs were on the floor, Jagger gently grazed my ear with his teeth before mumbling, “You’re mine, Grey.”

  Raising himself a little higher above me, he captured and held my eyes as he positioned himself against me before pressing into me. My mouth fell open in a wordless plea at the most perfect torture I’d ever known as he slowly filled me inch by inch. I wrapped my legs around his narrow hips to bring him closer to me, and his next kiss quieted my moans as he finally began moving inside me.

  My eyes fluttered shut and my head fell back against the bed when his pace quickened. My hands clung to Jagger’s body as he quickly became my everything. He was everywhere physically and emotionally, and yet I still wanted more. I wanted more of him, I wanted all of this, and I wanted it forever.

  I wanted him to be my forever.

  Something deep inside my soul broke open as I let go and gave everything that was left of me to Jagger.

  Burying my head in the crook of his neck, I breathed him in and focused on his shuddering muscles and harsh breathing as he brought us both over the edge. I continued to cling to him as I slowly came down off the high he’d just given me, refusing to give this moment up just yet. After what we’d just shared, I didn’t know if I would ever be able to get enough of him. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to get used to this feeling he gave me. This calm, this safety, this appreciation, and this sense of finally being whole and having everything I would ever need.

  He was my best friend. He was my protector and healer. And I was so in love with him.

  Moving to press his lips to my cheek, he stilled against me and I felt his body tighten. Before I could question the sudden terror in his eyes, a broken exhalation left him and he wiped his thumbs against my cheeks as he sat back.

  “Grey,” he breathed. “God, Grey, I’m sorry.”

  My eyebrows pinched together as confusion engulfed me. “What?” He was sorry about what we’d just done? “I don’t—why?”

  I watched as his features softened and he leaned closer to me. “Babe, you’re crying,” he explained, and his fingers brushed against my cheeks again.

  Releasing the grip I had on him, I wiped at my own cheeks—my head shaking back and forth when I saw the wetness on my fingers. “I didn’t know.” Understanding covered his face, and I quickly cradled his face in my hands. “No! No, it’s not what you think, I swear.”

  “It’s okay,” his deep voice crooned.

  “No. Jagger, just no, please listen to me.” Pushing him to the side, I rolled us over until I was on top of him, my legs straddling his waist. “I didn’t know I was crying, but it has nothing to do with Ben. I finally let go. I let go, and giving myself to you was . . .” I trailed off and looked around the room as I tried to find the words for something that was beyond describing. “It shook my soul, Jagger. What just happened was perfect, and indescribable, and more than I ever imagined it could be.”

  Brushing away loose strands of hair, he cupped my cheek with his large hand, and his lips slowly tilted up in a soft smile. A smile that quickly disappeared when his eyes fell to my chest. Releasing my cheek, his fingers lightly traced along the bottom of my neck to my chest, the question clear on his face. “Where’s his—”

  “It was time. I was clinging to a memory, and it was time to let that memory go. I couldn’t let the past get between us anymore.”

  “Grey . . .”

  “I’m yours.” Bending down to rest my forehead on his, I whispered, “I’m yours, and you’re mine. Finally giving myself to you was what broke me in the most beautiful way. Those tears weren’t sad. They were freeing.”

  Reaching up to kiss me, he mumbled against my lips, “I love you.”

  “I love you,” I choked out, my voice breaking on the last word.

  Lifting my hips off him, I moved back and slowly lowered myself onto him—chills coursing through my body at being filled by him again. When I looked up, his green eyes were locked on mine, and the intensity in them had my stomach heating. And I loved the feeling.

  “I’ll never get enough of you,” I assured him.

  I WOKE UP the next morning with my body half draped across Jagger’s, one of his arms tightly wrapped around my waist, the comforter somewhere on the floor, and the sheet tangled around our legs. A smile broke across my face as my body slowly rose and fell in time with his steady breathing. I ached in a way I hadn’t ached in years, but it just made this morning that much more real and perfect. Last night had changed our relationship, and it had changed me. I was ready for whatever this brought for us.

  Kissing Jagger’s bare chest, I smiled when a low rumble let me know he was waking up.

  “The sun is up, Jag, it’s time for you to get up too.”

  His free hand lightly fell to my messy hair and trailed down to my bare back. “Tell me I’m not dreaming,” he pleaded, his voice rough and raspy from sleep.

  Wiggling out of his grasp, I hovered over him and smiled. “Not dreaming. And as much as I want to spend all morning in this bed with you, I’m covered in black smudges, and so are your sheets.”

  A lopsided grin covered his face as his eyes roamed over my naked body. “And they look perfect on you.”

  I gave him a droll look then rolled my eyes. “I’m sure. I’m gonna jump in your shower.”

  “Don’t be gone long.”

  Kissing him quickly, I climbed off him and the bed before he could get me to stay there, and laughed at the way he pouted before lying back down.

  As soon as the water was hot enough, I pulled my hair back up into a bun and stepped into the large, open shower. My eyes shut as I enjoyed the hot water spraying all over me, and before I’d even begun trying to de-charcoal myself, Jagger was stepping in behind me.

  “Took too long,” he grumbled as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me back against his chest.

  “Three minutes is too long?”

  “After last night?” His lips went to my neck, causing me to shiver. “Yeah, it’s too long.”

  Jagger

  August 14, 2014

  I IMPATIENTLY DRUMMED my fingers on my knees as I waited for the food I’d ordered. I’d only been away from Grey for fifteen minutes, and I was anxious to get back. I was still struggling with the thought that all this was a dream, and that I would wake up and Grey and I would be exactly where we’d been when I’d dropped her off at her parents’ house the night before. If it was a dream, I wanted to enjoy it as long as possible. If it wasn’t, I wanted to enjoy her every second for the rest of my life.

  An order came up, but it wasn’t mine, and I shook my head when I realized how ridiculous I was being. She would be there. We would eat our late breakfast and hang out
until she had to go to work—like we usually did. Nothing would be different, and yet everything would. The knowledge that Grey LaRue was finally mine after nine years of waiting was making it impossible to stop smiling.

  I felt like such a girl.

  Grabbing my wallet, I pulled out the worn and torn piece of paper from behind my license and unfolded it. As I looked over the four words I’d written down almost a decade ago, a strange sense of peace coursed through my body knowing that I was finally going to get the chance to give her this note—that I was finally going to get to ask her what I’d wanted to for far too long.

  “Jagger.”

  My head shot up as I quickly refolded the note and started putting it back into my wallet, but my fingers froze when I saw LeAnn standing in front of me.

  “How are you?” she asked as she sat down next to me.

  I looked up to where the orders were coming out and bit back a curse as I slowly finished putting the note in my wallet and my wallet in my back pocket. “I’m good. How are you?”

  “I’m really great,” she said excitedly. Her voice softened and she placed her hand on my forearm, causing me to look over at her when she said, “I wanted to talk to you.”

  “LeAnn, I already told you—”

  “No, I know. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for how I reacted a couple months ago. I felt so stupid that night after I’d thought about it, but I’ve been too nervous to say anything to you. And then the only times I’ve seen you, you’ve been with Grey, and I didn’t want to make it awkward by apologizing about something like that in front of her.”

  “She already knows,” I said with a shrug, and looked around the restaurant again. “I told her awhile ago.”

  Her eyebrows shot up. “Oh, you did? Well, that’s embarrassing for me, but it’s good that you two are so open with each other.”

  My fingers started drumming faster. I wanted to get away from LeAnn . . . I wanted to get back to Grey.

  “So, she’s the lucky girl, huh?”

  My hands stilled, and I slowly looked back at LeAnn.

  She started talking again as soon as I was looking at her. “I think it’s great, Jagger, really I do. I always knew how you felt about her, that’s why I never liked her in high school—but you two really deserve each other. She deserves someone like you after what happened with Ben, and you deserve the girl who’s always held your heart.” LeAnn smiled shakily and looked away for a second. “I’d always hoped you’d feel that way about me one day, and I think that’s why I was so mad when I saw you in the convenience store the other month, because I finally realized that you never would.”

  I didn’t say anything as I continued to stare at her. I didn’t know how to respond to her words, or what she expected me to say. I couldn’t apologize, because I wasn’t sorry for getting away from LeAnn, or for loving Grey. And, honestly, I didn’t know how to deal with the sane LeAnn I’d seen three times now. This was completely unlike the girl I’d known.

  “Anyway!” She pointed toward the seating area of the restaurant for a second before shooting me a bright smile. “I should get back to breakfast, I just saw you over here and thought this would be my only chance to apologize.”

  I nodded and looked up when my name was called for the order. “Well, I appreciate it, but I’m fine with keeping everything that’s happened in the past,” I said when I stood up and grabbed the bags of food.

  “Right. In the past.” LeAnn looked behind her, and I noticed the same guy from the restaurant a few weeks ago watching us. “Anyway, have a good rest of your week. I’ll see you around.”

  “Bye, LeAnn.” I turned and walked out of the restaurant with her still watching me, but I refused to look back.

  No matter how she was acting now, I would never forget the person she had been. I could keep it in the past, but that didn’t mean I trusted her now, or ever would.

  I’d just gotten into my car when my phone started ringing. My brow scrunched together when I saw it was from the LaRues’ house.

  “Hello?”

  “Mr. Easton, I distinctly remember telling you my daughter was not to stay at your house last night.”

  My chest tightened and my head fell back onto the headrest as I prepared for Grey’s dad to yell at me, tell me he wanted me to stay away from his daughter, something bad that would match his pissed-off tone.

  “Sir, I’m—”

  “And seeing how my daughter took off in the middle of the night, and she’s still not home, I can only guess that she’s with you.”

  I waited for a few seconds to see if he would continue, then admitted, “She’s not with me at this exact moment, but she is waiting for me to come back with breakfast.”

  “Jagger . . . tell me something. Do my wishes for my daughter mean nothing to you? Do you not care about my demands?”

  “No, that—I mean, yes, they all mean something to me. But that’s not what this is. I’m not trying to go against your word. I’m sorry you’re upset with me, I did drop Grey off at home last night, and I had no idea she was coming over until she showed up.”

  “So, then why didn’t you do the smart thing and send her back home?”

  I sat there staring at the roof of my car as I tried to think of an answer that would make him happy—but there was none. “To be completely honest with you, Mr. LaRue, I would never ask Grey to leave if she came to me. No matter what it was for.”

  He sighed heavily and mumbled, “I know you wouldn’t. I’m glad she has you, but you have to understand something. That’s still my—” He cut off abruptly, and all I heard was his broken breathing. “That’s still my little girl, and she’s been through hell. It is my job as her father to protect her until she belongs to someone else.”

  “I know she has, I want to protect her too.”

  There was a long silence before he cleared his throat and said, “Grey is an adult, and I can’t stop her from doing what she wants to, just the same as I can’t stop my son. But that will never stop me from trying to keep her heart from breaking again. Grey’s heart and well-being are my priority.”

  “I’d do anything to make sure I never hurt her. Her heart means everything to me,” I assured him.

  “Well then, keep her fed and make sure she comes home safely.”

  I smiled for the first time since LeAnn appeared in front of me. “Yes, sir. Mr. LaRue?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I plan on marrying your daughter one day.”

  Another beat of silence, then, “I know that too. And you should know now that I don’t think there’s a better match for her than you. Darcy and I would be happy for our daughter to marry you.”

  “Thank you. Thank you—that means a lot to me.”

  “Now go on and get my daughter something to eat. If she comes back to us starving, I may have to rethink what I just told you.”

  I barked out a laugh and turned on my car. “You don’t have to worry about that. Have a good day, Mr. LaRue.”

  As soon as the conversation was over, I pulled out of my spot and started back to the warehouse. The smile that wouldn’t leave me seemed to widen as I replayed the conversation over in my head.

  Grey was waiting on one of the couches in nothing but one of my shirts when I returned, and her face lit up as soon as she saw me. “You were gone forever!”

  “Felt like it,” I agreed, and set the food down on the counter before walking up to her. Pulling her off the couch, I lifted her in my arms and started walking toward the stairs.

  “What about the food?” she asked on a laugh, her arms going around my neck as I climbed the stairs.

  “I saw LeAnn, and she apologized for how she reacted back when you were in Seattle, and she said she was happy for us.”

  Grey’s eyes widened. “Really, now?”

  I rolled my eyes and nodded. “And then your dad called me when I got in my car . . .” I trailed off and laughed when Grey’s face completely fell. “He’s not mad at you, he was unhappy with me. That i
s, until I reminded him how much you mean to me.”

  “Are you serious? What did you say?”

  I lowered Grey onto the bed, shrugged slowly, and crawled in after her, taking her shirt off once I was kneeling over her body. “All you need to know is that your dad is fine, and that he threatened me if you came back starving, and that I’m going to love you forever.”

  She smiled just before I could press my mouth to hers, and she pushed against my chest so she could slowly inch my shirt up over my head. “Well then, you better let me eat.”

  “I will, as soon as I get done showing you how much I love you.”

  Chapter 13

  Grey

  August 16, 2014

  I CALLED OUT a good-bye to everyone at work and headed out to my car. I was pulling my phone out of my purse to call Jagger to see what he wanted for dinner when I stopped short at the sight of the woman who was standing next to my car. My eyebrows pulled together as I looked closer at the sobbing woman and took another few steps toward her.

  “Mrs. Easton?”

  She whirled around and wiped quickly at her cheeks when she saw me. “Oh, Grey, I’m so sorry—”

  “Did something happen to Jagger?” I asked in a rush, my heart pounding at the thought of losing him.

  “No! No, God no. He’s fine, it’s me.”

  I took calming breaths as I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around her. “I’m sorry, I just—sorry. How are you, and what’s going on that has you crying?”

  She wiped at her wet cheeks again when I released her and tried to laugh, but it sounded forced. “I feel so stupid coming to you for this. I need to ask you a huge favor.”

  “Of course, anything.”

  “But you can’t tell Jagger.”

  I paused for a second, and she noticed my hesitation.

  “Please, Grey, it would kill him if he knew. He would try to do everything to make it better, and I just can’t do that to my son.”

 

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