by Nikki Lane
“You…” he said. “You did this. You told her to leave, didn’t you?”
I knew right away. The slurring speech.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I hissed.
The sallowness of his skin had worsened since the last time I’d been this close to him.
He let out a sarcastic snort. “I should’ve known.” He took a few stumbling steps backward. “Where is she, dammit!”
“I told you. She’s not here,” Aunt Meg yelled.
It wasn’t the answer he was looking for. He lunged toward Aunt Meg, and she braced herself for contact. But he wasn’t after her. Instead, he grabbed hold of my arms and jerked me from her protective stance.
“You’re going to tell me where you’re hiding her, you little bitch. Always the one to play games with me.”
“Get the fuck off me!”
I struggled to free myself from his grip, but it was useless. He was always strongest when he was drunk. Aunt Meg shrieked and pleaded for him to let go. His grip was a vise on my arm. I knew what he was capable of. This wasn’t going to end without a fight.
But I was going to fucking fight. I wasn’t my mother. I refused to let him beat me down. Control me. Make me think that this is what I deserved.
I grappled with him. But he still managed to drag me outside. So I went for my go-to move. I bit the hand that held me. He howled and threw me down.
I clawed at the ground, searching frantically for Aunt Meg. But I couldn’t see her. He grabbed each one of my feet and continued to drag me like a bag of trash through the dirt toward his truck.
I kicked and wailed, hurling insults.
“You’re no good,” he said to me. “Just like your mother.” The whiskey reeked from his breath. His clothes smelled like they hadn’t been washed in weeks. “You’ll fucking find her like you used to.”
“Fuck you, you bastard.”
He hooked his hands under my arms and hoisted me up. “You know…giving you up was the best idea your mother ever had.” He stumbled as I tried to twist free from his grip. “Can’t never understand why Meg wanted to keep you around so damn bad.”
“You’re fucking insane if you think I’m going anywhere with you.”
He flipped me around and dealt me a hard smack across the face. It stung my skin. It tore away another small piece from my will to fight. But I wouldn’t cry. I never did…not in front of him. I lowered my head and held my face. Fucker. He could deal a good blow that was for sure.
“Maeve!” Jacob came sprinting toward the house from the path to the barn.
Aunt Meg and Uncle Jim were several feet behind him, Jack weaving between them. Poor Uncle Jim. I said a silent prayer that his heart could endure this.
Dad staggered back but made sure to keep his grip on my arm. The other one now, so I would have matching black and blues. Perfect. I loved symmetry.
“What the fuck do you want?” Doug said.
“Let her fucking go,” Jacob commanded, his chest heaving.
He stormed toward us without a shred of doubt written on his face. Jack was by his side, barking with a snarl.
“Let her go,” he repeated with a clenched jaw. He reached his hand out to grab me. “Come on, Maeve.”
“I’ve called the cops, Doug,” Uncle Jim said. “Let her go.”
Dad took one more look at me before shoving me back on the ground. Jacob reached down and helped me back up. He formed a shield around me with his body. When he was sure I was okay, he stomped closer to Doug until their faces were just inches apart.
“You ever fucking touch her again. I’ll kill you.”
Doug let out another snort. “Try me, kid. You ain’t got it in you.”
Jacob gave him a hard shove. “We’ll see about that, old man.”
“Jacob,” I called, wiping the dirt from my hands on my dress. “Don’t.”
Doug gave him a shove back, but Jacob barely moved. He was a tree with deep roots; Doug was a twig, fumbling in the wind.
I wondered if Jacob remembered the time when I had cut through the woods after running from Doug. It had been dusk, and in my adrenaline-fueled sprint, I’d gotten temporarily lost. By the time I had gotten my bearings back, night had fallen, and I had stumbled into a bush of poison ivy. Eventually, Jacob had found me crying by the edge of the lake near the farm. He had sat down beside me, wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and comforted me only with his touch. The next few days, we had both been consumed with rashes and blisters.
Sirens wailed in the background, and the night sky illuminated with red and blue lights.
Doug’s eyes widened. “I’m not done with you.” He pointed to Jacob but didn’t waste any time getting in his truck. None of us stopped him. There was no way he was getting out of the driveway.
We all watched as he got in the truck and peeled out, spewing dirt and gravel beneath his tires.
“I’ll go make sure they don’t let him go too far,” Uncle Jim said.
“I’m coming with you.” Aunt Meg held my trembling body in a hug. “I’m so sorry, honey.”
I winced as she squeezed my tender arms. “It’s not your fault. Just please. Make them all go away. I don’t want to deal with the police after all this.”
“Maeve—”
“No, Jacob. Not tonight. I just want to go home.”
I didn’t want to worry about reports and forms. Nothing ever came from them anyway. Just a waste of paper.
“Take her inside, Jacob,” Uncle Jim said.
Jacob and I watched as they trotted down the driveway. The red and blue lights settled near the street, an indication that Doug hadn’t made his planned getaway.
“Come on,” Jacob said. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
I felt a warm drip from my mouth. When I dabbed at my lip, my finger had a slick spot of red on it. I must’ve bitten my lip and didn’t even notice the pain.
Jacob reached for my hand, and this time I took it without a second thought. He led me to the bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit from the bottom shelf of the cabinet.
“Maeve?” Kasey peeked around the threshold of the bathroom door. A light whistle escaped from her throat with each strained breath.
“Kasey?” I kneeled down in front of her and grabbed a hold of each shoulder, having trouble catching my own breath.
“My chest feels tight,” she said.
“Sit down,” I said. “Jacob, will you go find her inhaler? I think I saw one in the kitchen.”
“Yeah, sure.” He dodged around us and sprinted off.
Kasey’s eyes got wider with each restricted inhale.
“It’s going to be okay,” I said as soothingly as possible.
“I’m so sorry,” she mumbled. “I saw everything through my bedroom window.”
I brushed her hair away from her face, feeling the tear that had escaped down her cheek.
“Hey,” I said, stroking her head. “It’s okay.”
Jacob came racing back to the hallway with Kasey’s inhaler in his hand.
“Thanks,” I said to him.
He slouched down and sat next to Kasey.
“Here,” I said to her.
Her small fingers brought the inhaler to her lips. She gave it a couple of pumps.
“Deep breaths,” I said.
She leaned her head back against the wall and looked up to the ceiling. “I still can’t breathe.”
“Just try to relax,” I said. “Let the medicine help you.”
The wheezing persisted, and I tried not to panic. If the rescue inhaler didn’t work, then I’d have to rush her to the E.R.
“I used to break out into really nasty hives when I was younger,” Jacob said. “All over my body. Red, blotchy bumps everywhere. Even my face.”
I looked at him and raised my eyebrows a little. Why was he bringing this up now?”
“Do you remember, Maeve?” he said.
“Yeah, I do.”
“It was usually when I was really upset
about something,” he said.
He’d caught Kasey’s attention.
He scooted up one knee and rested an arm. “And my mom took me to the doctor one day because it’d gotten so bad.”
“What did he say?” Kasey murmured. She continued to quietly gulp the air.
“Have gave me some skin cream so it wouldn’t itch anymore. And he told me to try and meditate to handle the times when I was feeling upset.”
“What’s meditate mean?” she asked.
“I’ll show you,” Jacob said with an eager tone. “Close your eyes, both of you.”
Kasey shut hers along with Jacob. I was too enamored to close my own.
“Now, imagine yourself on the beach. The warm sand. The hot sun. Can you feel it?”
“Yeah,” Kasey said.
I shut my eyes. I wanted to feel the sand between my toes, too.
“You walk up to the edge of the sand and the water falls over your feet,” Jacob said. “You take a big breath and smell the salty ocean. The broken seashells crunch under your feet.”
“I hear a sea gull,” Kasey said.
I cracked an eye open, then two. What I didn’t hear was the wheezing in her breathing.
“Now open your eyes,” Jacob said.
Kasey took an unbridled deep breath. “It worked.”
I smiled. “See that?”
She wrapped me in a hug. “That was so scary.”
“It’s over now.” I could hear the tone Aunt Meg had used with me in my own voice.
“But you’re hurt.”
“I’ll be okay.”
“I’m going to fix her right up,” Jacob said.
We all stood up, and I ignored the pain.
“I’ll never let anyone hurt you like that. Ever,” I said to Kasey.
She nodded.
“Why don’t you go in the kitchen. I know Aunt Meg has a plate with your name on it.”
“Thanks, Jacob,” Kasey said.
“No problem,” he said with a smile.
She swiped another lone tear with the back of her hand before going on her way.
I sat on the sink as Jacob wet some toilet paper and dapped at my lip. I winced.
“Sorry,” he said.
I sniffled. “It’s okay.”
He tossed the reddened toilet paper into the trash and then crouched down to work on the scrapes on my knees. He cleaned them with peroxide and then pursed his lips to lightly blow on my skin.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
I shook my head. “It doesn’t hurt when you do that.”
“Not for this.” He peered up at me, unwrapping a bandage. “For what happened with your…Doug.”
I shrugged. “Wouldn’t be a true holiday.”
He gently set the bandage on my knee and then reached for another one.
“Thank you.”
“It’s nothing,” he said.
“Not just for this…but for what you did outside, standing up for me. And for helping Kasey. I think that was the first time she’d visited the beach in years.”
“Well, we’ll have to do something about that.” He set the bandage on my other scraped knee and gave me a soft smile. “Besides, I promised you, didn’t I?”
I squinted my eyes.
He stood straight up. “That night, in the tent, that I’d always protect you. I’m just sorry I didn’t get there faster.”
He ran his thumb over my dirt-smeared face. It was just my cheek, but I felt it throughout my entire body. Tears prickled my eyes, and the back of my throat thickened. His fingers held my chin as he leaned toward my face. A single tear stained my cheek as his lips met mine.
I let the kiss warm my body, let it erase the last twenty minutes.
Jacob pulled away and tenderly wiped the tear. “Let’s get you home.”
* * * *
The first thing I did back at the apartment was head for the shower. I closed the door to the bathroom and peeled off my dress, panties, and bra.
I turned on the hot water and stood in front of the mirror, examining my reflection through the steam. The bruises were already starting to darken the skin around my arms and a few places around my thighs. My lip was a little swollen. Fuck…I looked like her.
Doug had rarely touched me when I still lived with them. He usually saved it all for Mom. Once in a while, I’d get it when she wasn’t home. But I was quick, and I liked to run away. It hadn’t taken much for him to get tired of chasing me.
I swore I’d never let anyone like him in my life again. Until I met my first boyfriend. He was the first guy I had attached myself to the summer Jacob moved away.
That was the last relationship I’d been in. The only relationship.
I stepped into the hot shower, letting the water rinse away whatever combination of tears and dirt streaming over my face.
How was I going to explain these bruises to Sal when I had to go back to work?
I heard a knock on the door as I squeezed the shampoo into my palm.
“Jacob?”
Through the frosted glass of the shower door, I could see him creak the door open just a few inches. “Can I come in?”
I nodded.
He entered the bathroom in just his boxers. I watched as he peeled them off and opened the shower door to step inside. My heartbeat quickened as he slid his fingers through the shampoo in my palm and then ran them through my hair.
I closed my eyes, falling into the feeling of his fingers massaging my hair. Once the shampoo was rinsed out, he worked in the conditioner and washed me head to toe with a soap and washcloth, gently scrubbing around my bruised arms and scraped legs. When I was all clean, we stood forehead to forehead under the water. I wrapped my arms around his waist, ignoring the soreness that screamed from my muscles. Jacob held his arms around me and squeezed me close to his wet body.
I swore I wouldn’t do this again. Wouldn’t lead him to think that anything more could develop between us. But in that moment, being held in his arms, I couldn’t summon the courage I needed to walk away.
I made the first move, gently pecking him on the lips. He returned the gesture and soon a simple peck became fevered kissing. I wanted out of this shower. Into my bed with the feeling of Jacob inside of me again.
He reached for the faucet and turned the water off. Jacob was out of the shower first and held open a towel. He dried me off, making me giggle as he teased me at my most ticklish spots.
He wrapped me in the towel, and then ran one over his own body, notching it on his waist when he was through. Jacob led me by the hand to the bedroom to help me get dressed.
“Clothes?” I muttered as he shuffled through my dresser.
He was looking through the first two drawers, but I kept my eyes on him to make sure he stayed away from the last one. The last way I wanted to end this night was explaining my plethora of teeny tiny work attire.
“I thought we weren’t going to need clothes,” I said.
He gave me a smirk and plucked out a t-shirt. I sat on the bed and relinquished my towel. His eyes soaked in my bare breasts.
“Here,” he said, slipping the shirt over my head. “I’ll be right back.”
He disappeared into the other room and came back a few minutes later in a pair of gym shorts.
“Lie down,” he instructed.
He turned down the sheets, and I crawled into the bed. Jacob covered me up and kissed me on the forehead. “Get some rest.”
I watched as he headed for the door, his fingers just about to switch off the light.
“Jacob, wait.”
He paused, waiting for me to say something.
“What are you doing?”
He gave me a puzzled look. “Sleeping on the couch.”
His fingers flicked off the light, and I could see the silhouette of his body make its way to the living room. The couch shifted with his weight, and I nestled into my pillow, feeling the heaviness of the last few hours fall over my eyes.
Chapter Fourteen
“Where are you going?” Jacob asked as I headed out.
I froze, one hand on the doorknob. “Work. I’ll be back later tonight.”
He shot up from the couch, books and notebooks sliding to the floor.
“Maeve, you’re still healing.”
The swelling on my lip had gone down, but the bruises weren’t completely faded. But I had to go to work. Sal was extra asshole-ish whenever anyone called out. If I didn’t show up that night, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to think I’d lose my job. Not to mention my shitty car was acting up again, and I wasn’t sure how many more miles I could get out of it.
“You should take the night off.” He reached for my oversized purse on my arm, but I swayed my shoulder back.
“I have to go, Jacob. It’s too late to call out now.”
He dropped a hand on each hip. “You need to rest.”
He’d been hanging out all day without a shirt, buried under a pile of books. I had tried to get some studying done before I had to leave for work, but he proved to be too much of a distraction. Not that it was any of his fault. I’d chewed the hell out of my pen cap, trying to channel my energy with an activity that wasn’t jumping on top of Jacob. He still hadn’t touched me since our first night together. It was like he was afraid to reinjure me or something.
“I’m fine,” I said with a sigh. “It’s been a few days now. There’s no reason for me not to work.”
“I wish you’d find another job. One that didn’t require you to drive so far so late at night.” He took a deep breath. “I mean, don’t they need bartenders around here?”
“Yeah, and I guarantee they don’t pay half as much.”
“Why? What’s so special about where you work?”
“I just…” Think, think, think. “I’ve been there for a while. And the people there really like me. It would be stupid to walk away now.”
“But I’m helping you with the bills around here. I know it’s not a lot but…”
“Yeah, I know. And I really appreciate it. But what happens when you move out? I can’t depend on that help forever.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Are you trying to say you want me to move?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I just meant…” That one day, I’ll lose you to someone else. “Let’s talk about this later.” I opened the door and tried to make my escape.