by Nikki Lane
He pressed his lips to my ear. “I’m going to make love to you.” His lips met the skin of my neck.
I closed my eyes and leaned into his shoulder, feeling every cell in my body tingle. Jacob unzipped the back of my dress and pulled the material down my shoulders. I pushed it down my waist and let it fall to the floor. Standing in my heels, underwear, and bra, I unbuttoned his shirt. He shook it off and let it fall near my dress. My hands ran down his chest and stomach and went for his belt. I tugged it off and unbuttoned his pants.
I grabbed his hands and sat him down on the bed. I straddled his waist and tried to lean his back to the bed, but he resisted. Instead, he hitched a hand on either side of my thighs and stood up, supporting my weight in each of his strong arms. He turned around and laid me down on the bed, his mouth remaining a fixture on mine. Jacob pulled down the straps of my bra and jerked it down around my rib cage. His hands roamed my body. First my breasts and then skimming the slickness under my panties. He was taking control, and it fucking turned me on even more. I groaned into his mouth, and he propped up to remove any clothing that remained between us. Seconds later, I felt him inside of me, his hips rocking deep between my legs. It was an overpowering feeling so intense I had to close my eyes.
“Look at me, Maeve.” Jacob’s voice was strained. “I want to know you’re here with me.” His pace shifted deep and slow.
My eyes fluttered open. “I’m here.” The words dripped from my mouth.
His groans as he thrust against me whispered in my ear, prickling the hairs on my skin.
I cried out. Afraid that if I held it in I’d combust. Thankful there was no one here to listen.
I felt flooded. Flooded by Jacob’s energy. It was consuming me, infiltrating every square inch of my body.
I gulped in a mouthful of air, coming close to losing it.
Maybe I was drowning.
It couldn’t be held in anymore. I let out a loud cry as I fell over the edge. Jacob’s pace quickened, his heated face close to my cheek. He rocked a few more times, falling with me. I held his back as he stilled on top of me, feeling the rise and fall of his chest.
Jacob rolled to the side and wrapped an arm around my bare hips. He glanced at the clock. “It’s almost Christmas.”
“Best Christmas I’ve had in a long time.” I nuzzled closer to him, wanting to inhale the scent of his skin.
“Same here.” He caressed the top of my hand with his thumb. “Hey,” he said with my mood ring between his thumb and pointer. “It changed color.”
I held up my hand to see. Instead of the usual black, the ring was dark blue.
“What does that color mean?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” It was a lie.
He propped up on his elbow and stroked the top of my head. My eyelids fell shut. Lying there next to him, I was minutes from sleep.
I felt the mattress shift. Jacob slid out of the bed and scooped his boxers off the floor to put them on.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
He looked back at me like it should have been obvious. “I’m going back to my room.” He kissed the tip of my nose twice, and my lips once. “Goodnight, Maeve.”
He turned to head out, but I reached out for his arm. “Wait. Don’t go.”
He stopped by the threshold of the door. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing. I just…I want you to stay with me.”
He cocked his head to the side. “You mean…sleep with you? In the same bed?”
I nodded and waved him over. He hesitated a few seconds, the look of shock fading from his face, before closing the door. He set his glasses on the nightstand and crawled into the bed with me. We each lay on our side, facing one another, our arms intertwined.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything for Christmas,” I whispered. “I’m new at this whole relationship thing. I’m not really sure how it’s supposed to go.”
“This right here, being with you, is all I need.” He kissed my forehead. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
His eyes flickered over my face. “For coming here with me.” He waited a few seconds before continuing. “For trying.”
I sighed. “It’s pretty nice to see.”
“What is?”
“A family like yours. Parents like your mom and dad. Even your brother. I always wanted a brother.” Thinking about it now, I was relieved my parents never reproduced again.
“You had me,” Jacob said.
I let out a soft chuckle. “Not the same thing.”
“Why?” he asked with an incredulous look.
“Because,” I cried. “I did not think of you as a brother…like at all.”
A small smile crept over his lips. “What did you think of me as?”
I cast my eyes down toward the pillow. “I don’t know.”
“A friend?”
My best friend. That’s how it started, anyway. But it became more than that. Maybe it was time to say it out loud.
“More than a friend.” I swallowed to relieve my dry throat.
“I’m afraid you need to be a bit more specific.”
“Oh, come on, Jacob,” I said. The smirk on his face was making it hard not to smile. A fluttering stirred in my stomach. “I had the biggest crush on you.”
His eyebrows shot up and his mouth parted, and I dug my face into the pillow.
“That’s not surprising,” he said with a little too much confidence.
I looked up and scoffed. “You’re unbelievable.”
His face beamed. “You’re beautiful.” He pulled me in closer, tighter against his body.
It always amazed me how right it felt. Surprised me when I didn’t want to grab my keys and run out of the room the first chance I got.
No more words were spoken. But the gate holding back my anxieties was bulging, pulsing, ready to blow.
I closed my eyes and feigned sleep until Jacob’s rhythmic breathing told me it was safe to open my eyes again.
I studied his face, appreciating the beauty it held. The softness of his eyes. The gentleness behind the hard, black frames of his glasses. I wasn’t looking at a little boy. Not even the teenager I used to have a crush on. I was looking at a man.
The man I was falling in love with.
Chapter Nineteen
It was the fifth time he’d grab my ass when I walked by. I thought about telling him off, but it wouldn’t be worth it. Sal was perched at the bar, and I was already on his shit list. When Jacob and I had returned from Florida, I wasn’t ready to get back to work. I did the unthinkable and called out. It didn’t matter that I’d never call out before. It didn’t sit well with Sal.
So, I just turned and smiled, offered a private dance. I tried not to think how pathetic it was that this guy chose to spend New Year’s Eve night here. Tried not to slap that ridiculous pair of sunglasses off his face. I gritted my teeth and danced, collected my money, and moved on to the next.
I was dying to check the time. But there wasn’t a clock anywhere in this Godforsaken place. There was no way I could sneak in the back room and check my phone.
I wondered what Jacob was doing. I’d left him on the couch, watching DVDs. He wasn’t too happy to see me go. It wasn’t something he’d said out loud. But the frown on his face was enough to tell me. And it didn’t help that I’d vehemently argued against him coming to see me at work. I had to push him back on the couch and run out the door. I couldn’t think of any more excuses of why it was better for him to sit at home alone on New Year’s Eve instead of hang with me at the bar at work.
“What the hell are you doing?” Sal’s voice broke me out of my daze. “Stop holding the bar up and get ready to get on stage.”
I hadn’t noticed before but I was clutching the bar so tight my knuckles were white. I rolled my eyes.
“Don’t start that with me, kid. You know I can’t stand that passive aggressive shit.”
“Okay, okay. Sorry.” I poured myself a shot and slu
ng it back. I was breaking one of my rules, but I didn’t give a shit. Rules didn’t matter anymore.
I shuffled to the dressing room and changed my outfit. I snuck a quick peek at my phone. An hour and a half until the New Year, and instead of being home wrapped in Jacob’s arms, I would be wrapped around a metal pole.
The night only got better—and when I said better I meant a whole lot shittier—when I saw Rich breeze through the door. He was alone, and his eyes were combing the room. Was it a little self-centered to think he was looking for me? The uneasy feeling in my stomach turned into a dreadful suspicion.
“Gone on, honey.”
I turned around to see who nudged me. Rita stood just inches away.
“Huh?”
“You’re up,” she said, nodding toward the stage.
She looked back at me like I’d just sprouted a second head. “You feeling okay?”
“Yeah,” I replied. Lies, all lies.
I double checked the knot on each side of my bottoms and then made my way to the stage at a snail’s pace. The shot I’d taken earlier felt like it was going to hurl out of my mouth. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to go home. Be with Jacob.
A new song blared through the room, and that was my cue. I started my routine as usual. But something felt off. Awkward. I must have been hiding it well, because the money still fell. I searched the room for Rich, and finally found him settled at a table near the back. Why wasn’t he in his usual spot whenever he paid me a visit?
I slinked up the pole, my heartbeat throbbing against my chest. Just a few minutes longer and it would be over. The crowd hooted and hollered as I slid back down. I knew the song would be over in just a few moments.
When I looked over at Rich again, he wasn’t alone. The girl sitting beside him was ordering a drink from the waitress.
I managed to pull off a few good moves before it was over, collected the few bills that had fallen from my G-string, and hauled ass off the stage.
I’d barely made it a few feet before the firm grip of Sal’s hand caught my oiled-up arm.
“Where you think you’re going?”
I yanked myself free from his sausage fingers. “To get cleaned up.” It felt like bugs were crawling on my skin.
His already squinted eyes got even narrower. “Make it quick.”
I scurried back to the dressing room, passing people with stupid party hats and annoying noise makers. I dried off with a towel and changed my outfit for the third time, all the while psyching myself up to go back out. How could I go the rest of the night avoiding a certain part of the room?
I crept out of the dressing room and hovered near the bar. I was a little relieved to see Sal was out of sight. I snuck behind the bar and poured myself another shot.
Laura, the bartender, raised an eyebrow at me when I started to pour again. She opened her mouth as if to say something, maybe talk me out of it, but I guess she changed her mind. She turned her back on me and reached deep into the cooler for a couple of beers. I slung the amber liquid back, feeling comforted by the slow burn down my throat and into my chest.
It didn’t take long for the alcohol to permeate my system. I felt good enough to work the room a little. As long as I didn’t have to talk to Rich, I would be fine.
I kept to the front of the room and made small talk with one of the regulars. He never wanted a dance, just someone to talk to. I was happy to sit with him all night, even if I didn’t make a dime doing it. From the corner of my eye, I spotted Sal at Rich’s table. They were talking, and Sal was looking around the room. My stomach churned. I averted my gaze away, not wanting to be spotted in the dark room. But it didn’t matter how dark the room was. Sal could spot me a mile away. It was like he had built-in night vision in his corneas.
Sal stomped over to where I was sitting and then nodded me over.
I gave a small smile to the regular and told him I’d be back in just a few minutes.
“See that table over there?” His double chin wobbled a little as he gestured toward Rich.
I didn’t look, just nodded.
“They’re asking for you.”
“Well, I’m with the someone right now.” I turned and pointed to an empty seat. I searched the vicinity and found Mr. Regular had already replaced me. So much for good conversation.
“Looks like you’re free now, so get your ass over there. Pronto.” Sal stomped off, leaving me no other choice but to head to Rich’s table.
I took a deep breath. As if on cue, the music changed when I took the first step. Rich locked eyes with me as I approached the table. The girl sitting with him was totally oblivious to my pending arrival. She sipped her drink and gazed around the room, swaying to the music.
“How’s it going tonight?” I asked in my usual fake-as-hell perky tone of voice.
“Hey, Maeve,” Rich said. “How come you haven’t come by to say hello?”
I recognized that drawl in his words. It was how he’d always sounded right before he reached the belligerent drunk phase of the night.
“I’ve been working, or haven’t you noticed?”
He lounged back in his chair. “Oh, I noticed. We both did, didn’t we?” He looked over at his date, or maybe she wasn’t his date. She could have been his sister for all I knew. Unlikely, though. That was too weird, even for Rich.
“This is Jillian.”
She perked up at the sound of her name, and her gaze crashed over me like one judgmental tidal wave.
“Jillian, this is Maeve. Or wait,” he said, squinting. “Is it Maeve, or do you go by another name when you’re here?”
“Just Maeve,” I said through gritted teeth. Why did he get such joy in toying with me?
Jillian set down her drink. “Wait a minute.” Her eyes widened. I could almost see the light bulb illuminate over her head. “I know you…” She scrunched her face. I almost expected to see smoke come out of her ears. “Didn’t we have a class together?”
It was the moment I’d been dreading for the last year. Honestly, I was surprised it’d taken this long. I should have known Rich would somehow be involved. He kept my secret, probably relishing in the power he held.
“You work here?” she said, her thin eyebrows arching.
I guess my silence was a good enough response.
“Oh my God,” she said with a giggle.
Like this night could get any worse. Scratch that. It could always get worse.
“I’ve got other tables to see.” I went to walk away, but Rich held on to my hand. Just then, the waitress came by with another round of shots.
“Where are you going, Maeve? Don’t leave so soon,” Rich said.
I could feel Sal glaring at me. I freed my hand from Rich’s grip.
“Don’t worry about Jill over here,” Rich said as she was taking one of the shot glasses from the waitress. “She won’t remember much tomorrow morning.”
She smiled and seemed to agree. Rich handed me a shot, and I took it from his hand. He said some kind of lame toast, but my mind had already checked out. Among the background noise, the countdown began. I wondered if the New Year would offer anything different for me. My gaze bounced around the room, my body tipping side to side as the alcohol came into full effect. The strobe lights flicked on. It was like time had been stretched out too thin; everyone’s movements stalled. I closed my eyes and downed the shot, hoping Jillian wouldn’t be the only one who wouldn’t remember this night.
* * * *
I heard a car door slam shut. It was dark. Not like how it was in the club. This was pitch dark. Like my eyes were closed. And then I realized they were. Closed that is. So I opened them. But the little bit of light that shone from outside kept me squinting.
The car rocked a little and then another door shut.
“Make sure you tell me if you have to puke,” a voice said. The car engine roared, and a few seconds later, the images out of the window started to blur.
“Where are we going?” I had a hard time understand
ing my own words.
No matter that I didn’t have a clue whose car I was in or how I’d even come to get here in the first place.
“I’m taking you home. What’s the address?”
The voice sounded familiar. Donny. My favorite bouncer at the club. His shaggy hair, hefty frame, and caramel skin reminded me of my favorite childhood teddy bear.
He glanced down at me from over his shoulder. I was seeing everything upside down.
“Where am I going?” Donnie asked again.
I thought about it. Hard. Too hard for something I knew well. Why couldn’t it come to me?
I felt the car come to a stop. My eyelids were like heavy curtains ready to drape over my eyes.
“Maeve,” he said, shaking me. “Where do you live?” He sounded like a slow-motion replay.
“Jacob,” I mumbled. “He’ll know.”
Some more commotion happened. More talking. But not to me. At least, I didn’t think so. Or maybe I didn’t care. All I wanted to do was close my eyes. Ride this cloud I’d been floating on for the last two hours until it evaporated and plummeted me to the ground.
Then it was silence. And I was moving along once again. I closed my eyes, but it wasn’t for long this time.
A cold burst of air hit me.
“Let’s go, mama.” Donny’s hand reached for my arm. I was limper than a wet noodle. “Okay, I guess I’ll have to carry you.”
He slid me out of the backseat. Although I didn’t want to budge—I could have stayed in the back of that car forever—I didn’t resist his attempt to pick me up. My memory of the last few hours was already fading. We took a few steps before my knees buckled.
“Whoa,” Donny cried. He hitched his arm tighter under my arms. “Damn, girl. You are completely wasted.”
“Too much,” I sputtered.
“Way too much.” He picked me up with both hands and cradled me in his arms. “You know better than that.”
I nuzzled into his shoulder. He smelled like a mixture of sweat and cheap cologne. It was a smell I was used to.
“Hey,” a voice called.
Donny stopped walking. Someone was jogging toward him. I squinted my eyes to see who it was, but it just made my vision blurrier.