by Nikki Lane
I gently shook my head and met his gaze.
“What the hell is he talking about?” Jacob said.
“I-I don’t know.”
He wrinkled his face. “What secret?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what he’s talking about.”
“You don’t know?” He looked back at Rich, who was waiting for the valet to bring his car around. “He comes and sees you at work?”
“Well…” The panic button had been hit. My brain was too busy trying to calm my thrashing heartbeat to form a coherent sentence. “I can’t control who comes to my job.”
“The fuck you can’t,” Jacob said. “You’ve been doing it to me this whole time.” He paced a few seconds and scraped a hand over his face. “New Year’s Eve, Maeve? You spent New Year’s Eve with him?”
“I was working, Jacob. It’s not like we had plans.”
He froze and let out a heavy breath. I approached him slowly and held his hand.
“Please, don’t let this ruin our night. Let’s just—”
“It’s too late for that, trust me.” More pacing. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”
Goosebumps covered my arms. “No…of course not.” It scared me how quickly the lie fell from my mouth. But I wasn’t sure what terrified me more—telling Jacob the truth and risk losing him, or perpetuating this lie a little longer until it consumed us both. “Rich and I used to date—”
“Date? I thought you didn’t date?”
“Not date, date. You know…”
He closed his eyes for a few brief seconds and shook his head.
“And anyway, he’s been after me since we’d stopped, which was a long time ago.” I flopped my arms to my sides. “He’s just upset because I keep refusing his advances.”
Jacob stared at me, like the truth was written all over my face.
“Please, Jacob.”
“Let’s just forget dinner tonight.” His tone was calm and quiet. But it only made me feel more nervous. “I’ll see you back at the apartment.”
He pulled his hand free from mine, and I watched him walk away.
Chapter Twenty-Three
It had been two weeks since Jacob had spoken to me in complete sentences. Everything was a yes or a no or a maybe. Not that it was all his fault. I’d been keeping my distance from him, worried that he’d ask me a question that I wouldn’t want to answer. That would only make the situation worse between us.
A few times, I’d thought about letting him go. He would be better off, I’d tell myself. It was bound to happen eventually. Save yourself the humiliation and get it over with. Nothing lasts forever—no matter how good. Even the tallest trees with the deepest roots would fall one day.
Jacob sat shirtless on the couch, staring into a book on the coffee table, Mischa in his lap. My gaze traveled over his tattooed shoulders and down his muscular arms. Words weren’t the only thing he’d been holding out on.
“I’m going to work,” I said in barely a whisper. I hated even just to the say the word “work” to him.
He looked up at me, his drooping mouth showing no sign of a smile. “Okay.”
I let out a small sigh and readjusted the bag on my shoulder. I opened my mouth to say something, but then decided against it. I had to be at work in forty-five minutes. Sal would blow a vein if I was late to the grand re-opening. Now wasn’t the time to get chatty.
“See you later tonight?” I asked, halfway through the door.
“Sure.” He didn’t bother to look up this time.
Coming home to Jacob after work was the best part of my day. But he’d barely acknowledged my existence. Having nothing to look forward to all night was going to make this night drag on forever.
I was not looking forward to it.
The club was already packed when I arrived. The busiest I’d ever seen it since I started working there. It seemed like every girl was on duty tonight. I barely made it to the dressing room without being ogled a thousand times, and I hadn’t even changed into my work clothes yet.
I found Sarah helping another girl with her makeup.
“Hey,” Sarah said. “Ain’t it great to be back?”
I flopped my bag on the vanity table. “Just grand.”
“This is Amy. It’s her first night.”
Like I couldn’t tell by the wide eyes and shaking leg.
“Hi, Amy.” I gave her a quick smile and then rummaged through my bag.
“Maeve, here, is one of the best dancers we got. Watch and learn.” Sarah popped her gum and continued to apply another coat of mascara on Amy’s fake lashes.
“Don’t let her fool you,” I said, taking off my top. “She’s the one to watch.”
Sarah smiled wide and winked. “Time for gloss, honey,” she said to Amy.
Amy parted her lips. “I’m so nervous.”
I slipped off my bottoms. “That’ll fade…eventually.”
“You got a boyfriend?” Sarah closed the lip gloss and tossed it back into the makeup bag.
“Yeah,” Amy said. “He’s here tonight.”
Sarah’s eyes lit up. “What?” she cried. “You’ve got to be shitting me.”
“That’s a first,” I said.
Amy looked like she wasn’t sure if our reactions were good or bad. “He said he wanted to make sure no one tried anything.”
“That’s what Donny’s for,” I said, stuffing my bag into my locker.
“Trust me,” Sarah said. “If you want any relationship outside of here to last, make sure the boyfriend stays home.” She turned her backside toward the mirror and adjusted her barely-there bottoms. “Besides, you’ll make more money when he’s not around.”
I left the dressing room as Sarah gave Amy the rundown of the do’s and do not’s and walked out to the floor. The bass of the music bombarded me. The music seemed louder than what I remembered.
“Maeve,” Sal shouted. “What the hell are you doing out here?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re next up.” The strobe lights went off, highlighting parts of his drooping eyes and double chin.
“But I just got here.”
“Go and change.”
I looked down at my clothes. “What’s wrong with this?”
“It’s the grand re-opening,” he said, like that was supposed to mean something special. “You gotta’ spice it up a little. They came to see something different. Not the same ol’thing.”
“But all I have is the same old thing.”
“Then borrow something from the other girls.”
“What?” I cried.
“Let’s go, kid. Don’t be late on that pole.”
“I can’t wear another girl’s clothes.”
“No?” he said, his bushy eyebrows lifting. “Then I guess you came here for nuttin’ then.”
I scowled and stomped back into the dressing room. I would only consider borrowing clothes from Sarah, and, thankfully, she’d brought a new outfit. The problem was she was a size smaller in the chest than I was.
I walked to the main stage, readjusting my top to make it stretch to cover a little more skin, and waited until the spotlight hit me. I had this mental picture of sliding upside down on the pole and my boobs just falling out. But I guess that was the whole point. They didn’t come here to see my fashion choices.
The DJ announced my fake name, and suddenly, I was the center of attention. It’d been two weeks since I’d done my routine, but it was like riding a bike. Some girls just spun around and shook their ass and tits in the customers’ faces. Not me. I had choreography. I put on a fucking show. That’s why Sal always put me on the main pole. And that’s why the money poured down.
I slinked up the pole and pushed myself to go a little higher than I’d ever gone before. The bass of the music pumped through my limbs. The overhead lights warmed by body. My skin was glazed with dewy sweat. I closed my eyes and felt the small whoosh of air that hit me as I slid back down. The crowd hooted and hollered
, but I kept my eyes shut. I didn’t know why it was so hard to keep them open this time.
I had one more big move and then I would work the customers from the stage a little before the song was over. I forced my eyes open. Back up high on the pole, I could see clear across the room, straight to the front entrance. Guys drinking whiskey and eating their steaks. The door opened, and when I saw who walked in my hands slipped a little against the cold metal. My heartbeat skipped in my chest. I was too high to risk losing my grip.
Jacob stood by the front door. He looked around a little until his gaze fell on me. I’d never wanted teleportation to have existed so badly. What I would have done to be able to blink my eyes and disappear out of the room. I tried it, just for the hell of it. But when I opened them again, I found myself in the very same spot.
I grasped the pole with my legs, turned upside down, and slid back to the stage, feeling my dignity slipping away from me. He must have made his way through the room because for the last thirty seconds of the song, he sat by the side of the stage, wedged between two other guys throwing money my way, and just watched me—an unreadable expression on his face.
I was paralyzed on stage, caught in Jacob’s stare. The music blared on and the tangerine lights still illuminated the space. It was the longest thirty seconds of my life. And the most shameful. My heart battered against my chest. I would die of a heart attack right there on that money-littered stage. Tears pricked my eyes. Confused looks spread across the crowd. Some guys looked back at the DJ, like he’d done something wrong. Jacob refused to look away.
Breathe. I couldn’t breathe. The tears couldn’t be stopped. They streamed down my face, and I bolted off the stage.
“Maeve,” Sarah said, following me to the dressing room. “I saw him come in.”
I hunched myself over the makeup table and covered my mouth with the back of my hand, feeling like I was going to be sick. Sobs wracked my body. I clutched the table to keep from collapsing to the floor.
Sarah grabbed both of my hands and held me up. “Go out there and say something to him.”
The door swung open. “Get your asses out there,” Sal shouted.
“We’ll be right there,” Sarah shouted back.
I swiped under each cheek with the back of my hand, the mascara leaving black streaks on my skin. “I’m okay.” I took a deep breath and straightened up. “I’m okay.” Maybe if I said it enough times out loud I’d start to believe it.
“What are you going to do?” Sarah asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. The pain still twisted my insides, and the tears wouldn’t stop. “But it can’t go any worse than this.”
When I went back out on the floor, I couldn’t find Jacob. I speed-walked from every corner of the room, trying to find him.
Sarah and I practically collided in the middle of the crowded room.
“I just saw him go outside,” she said, holding on to my hands. A sympathetic look settled in her eyes.
I couldn’t break my hands away from hers; my stilettos felt glued to the floor.
“Maeve, what are you doing?” Sarah said.
“I-I don’t know.”
“You have to go after him.” She dropped my hands. “Now!”
“I can’t face him like this.” I looked down at my outfit.
“You have to catch him before he leaves,” she said. She grabbed my shoulders. “You can do this.”
I nodded and she nudged me toward the door. This was it, face him or pretend like this never happened. Either way, it probably wouldn’t end well.
As I got closer to the door, the panic became a little stronger. A slow crawl turned into a quick walk. My body barely registered the cold night air.
When I didn’t see anyone in the parking lot, I started to jog, as best I could in the shoes I was wearing. I rounded the corner of the building, feeling like my world was minutes from crashing down.
The yellow glow of a streetlight spilled down over a few cars. A silhouette walked near the edges of the light. Normally, I wouldn’t ever dare approach someone in the parking lot at night and alone. But all my senses were overtaken, and the risk didn’t faze me at all.
I trotted a little closer and squinted my eyes.
“Jacob!”
The silhouette stopped and turned, allowing me to close the gap between us.
The relief of seeing his face was short-lived. The hood of his sweater was up on his head, and his hands were shoved into the pockets of his jeans. Most of his body was cast in a shadow, but his eyes were so bright they almost glowed behind the thick, black frame of his glasses. His smoldering gaze made me cower back just a little.
“Where are you going?” I said, out of breath.
“Leaving.”
“Don’t you want to talk about this?”
“What’s there to talk about?”
“How about what you’re doing here?”
He looked down at the ground. “I followed you.”
“You followed me?” I scoffed. “Jacob…I don’t know what—”
“It’s not the first time.”
“What isn’t?”
He scratched the scruff around his jaw. “That I followed you.”
I felt the ground roll underneath my feet. Was it an earthquake? No—just everything crumbling around me.
“You...you’ve followed me here before?”
“Yeah,” he said. He couldn’t look at me. His gaze preferred the puddle in a pothole. I couldn’t blame him. I felt just as dirty as that murky water. “Once before, right after our fight at the restaurant. I followed you to work a few days after that and sat in the parking lot.” He paused for a few seconds. “I couldn’t bring myself to go inside.”
My mouth hung open. “I can’t believe this.”
“Do you think I’m stupid?” he sneered. “That I didn’t know something was up?”
“Of course not,” I said. “Why didn’t you say something earlier?”
“I wanted to give you the chance to tell me.”
“I wanted to tell you. I was going to but—”
“You lied to me.” His gaze met mine, and I could almost hear his heart breaking. It took everything I had not to flop to the floor. “You’ve been lying to me this whole time.”
“I didn’t lie,” I squeaked.
“The hell you didn’t.” He didn’t yell. It wasn’t his way. But the anger still radiated through the words. “I gave you the chance to tell me the truth that night at the restaurant.”
Another dagger in my chest. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. “I’m sorry, Jacob.”
“Why, Maeve?” His voice sounded desperate. “Why?”
“Why what?” I asked.
“You like doing that?” He gestured toward the club.
“You don’t understand,” I said with a shrug. “I’m trying to keep everything afloat.” Ironic how I felt like I was sinking. “It’s not forever.”
“So that makes it okay?” He shook his head. “There are other ways, and you know it.”
“The other ways are not enough.” I sniffled into the back of my hand. “You never had to worry about keeping a roof over your head or where your next meal was coming from or how you were going to pay for doctor’s appointments and medicine and clothes for school and...toothpaste!”
“You’re not alone. You have help.”
“I can’t rely on Aunt Meg and Uncle Jim. And you know how hard things have been for them.”
“I wasn’t talking about them…”
I let out a heavy sigh. “It’s easy for you to sit there and judge.
“I’m not judging you, Maeve,” he said. “But you’re so much better than this.”
I let out a sarcastic chuckle and swiped a tear from under my eye. “Am I, Jacob?”
He silently stared at me and shifted his weight from foot to foot.
“Maybe everything Rich said about me that night is true.”
His frown deepened. “I don’t care about that.”
I’d always had a sinking feeling that Jacob was too good for me, and he was proving me right with each passing minute.
He grabbed my hand and pulled. “Let’s go.”
“Where?” I said, resisting.
“I want you to come home with me. And never come back here again.”
I glanced down at my toes. “I can’t.”
I had too much riding on this money. I just had to stick it out a couple more years. Take classes during the day. Work at the club at night. Graduate. Take care of Kasey and Aunt Meg and Uncle Jim, too. That had been my plan.
“Let’s go, Maeve.” He gave me a small tug. “We’re going home.”
“No!” I ripped my hand away from his.
“Why not?” he cried. It was getting harder for him to control the level of his voice. “Tell me why you can’t leave this piece of shit job.”
“I need this, Jacob. I have too much to lose if I walk away now.” I shook my head. It felt like all the pressure was coming to a head. “I’m not just going to quit because it’s what you want.”
How would I send money to Aunt Maeve and Uncle Jim? What would happen to the farm? Where would Kasey go if I couldn’t even support myself? How would she get her medicine? Each question pummeled me like a hard wave. I couldn’t turn my back on the ocean. I’d drown.
His chest rose and fell in short succession. “This isn’t about me.”
“It’s not?” The tears were stinging my eyes. I was afraid to blink, not wanting to let one go. “So…if I didn’t want to quit my job, then you’d be okay with that?”
He looked out into the parking lot, his face wrinkled with hesitation. “No, Maeve. I wouldn’t.”
“You just don’t get it, do you?” I couldn’t resist the blinking anymore. My aching eyes welled with backed-up tears. “I have more to think about than just me. I can’t afford to take some crap-paying job in an animal clinic and depend on my parents to help me when I need it.”
“Look, I’m sorry that your parents are assholes. But I can’t live with myself knowing you are here, doing what you do, with whoever has a few bucks in their pocket.”
“Well, I guess that settles it then.”
Jacob ran a hand over the hood of his sweater. “What are you saying, Maeve?”