‘The leaving,’ I said, ‘that wasn’t you. That was Keir and the slave markets and everything that tried to crush the both of us.’
‘So what is me?’ She pulled away, just enough to get a view of my face. ‘You don’t know what I’ve been. You don’t really know anything about me.’
‘Don’t tell me what I know.’ I pushed a lock of hair out of her eyes. ‘You make me laugh. You don’t let me get away with any of my bullshit. And you make me better. You make everything about me better. I don’t care who you were, I care who you are. I like who you are. So stay with me, Brix. Please. Just stay. Or hells, move on, and I’ll stay with you.’
Her hand moved again until it rested against the crest of my hip. ‘Well.’ She smiled, impish. ‘I think you’re pretty.’
I shifted, a red mantle of shame blooming over my body. ‘Don’t make fun of me.’
‘I’m not.’ The teasing dropped out of her voice. ‘Will you believe me? We can figure it out, all of it. I want you, forever. The body you’re in just doesn’t matter.’
Everything important in the world was in my arms, tight against me. What was I so afraid of?
‘Brix, I don’t know how to do forever,’ I whispered. ‘I don’t know how to do any of this. There’s never been anybody but you, and I don’t—’
Then she was kissing me, full and warm, her scent and her taste breaking over me like waves of fire. Her hand slipped downwards until it came to rest on the ache between my legs. It took me a moment to realise what was happening, to get past the roar of the blood in my veins. I made one desperate attempt to regain the sense I’d had just seconds earlier. ‘Tell me,’ I insisted. ‘Then gods, yes, I will do whatever you want. Even though I was hoping for a roof, honestly.’
She laughed, with the starlight caught in her hair.
‘All right, Corcoran Gray, I love you. You. The inside of you, your soul. I loved you when you were a skinny, sneezy wizard and I love you like this, and I love you when you’re so smart you’re stupid and I’ll love you when you’re old.’ She kissed the tender place beneath my jaw, and then the exquisitely sensitive place above my pulse. ‘And now, will you stop talking?’
I bent my head. My mouth found hers again.
And I don’t know what I said after that, or if I said anything at all.
Gray's adventures continue in Lady of Shadows, available to order now.
Acknowledgements
I’d like to thank Molly Powell, who did an amazing job editing this book. Her suggestions made the story so much better, and were delivered in such a painless fashion that I actually enjoyed taking my book to pieces and putting it back together again. I must also thank Jo Fletcher for taking a chance on me while I was in the slush pile. My wonderful agent, Kurestin Armada, is one of the hardest-working people that I’ve ever met. I’m so happy to have her in my corner. Thanks, Kurestin, for believing in me and the book.
Laura, Ben, Lori, Kate, Tania and Bill – you guys were the nicest writing crucible I’ve ever seen or heard of, and I’m so proud that all of us have emerged, shiny and in print. Becky and Emily, do you know what a luxury it was that you let me talk about this stuff, and actually acted interested?
To Fadzlishah Johanabas, the best friend I’ve never met – for all the countless drafts, the highs and the lows and the decade of companionship. Thank you, my dear friend, for always being there, even though you’re halfway across the world.
I owe thanks and probably ice cream to my three lovely kids, who have been very patient about living with a mother who regularly spends hours with imaginary people. I love you guys so much. My husband Phillip has been unstintingly supportive through a lot of moves and a lot of long walks, and he has talked me out of many a tangle – thank you for telling me to chase my stories, babe. I love you, and I will even go camping with you again.
Thanks Mom and Dad, for the typewriter when I was eight and for the books I inhaled every waking moment. Thanks to my brother Mark for liking some old stories when I needed the win, and to my sister Kindra for the phone calls and Jaern’s Playlist.
And finally, dear reader, thanks for coming with me on this ride. I’ll see you around.
Dying was easy. Living is far more complicated.
In the gripping sequel to Lord of Secrets, outlaw wizard Corcoran Gray is just starting to rebuild his life - but then a mysterious plague starts killing magicians, and threatens everything he holds dear.
Order Lady of Shadows now
Lord of Secrets Page 33