by Dixon, Ruby
"Large birds," Cashol says, his expression grim. "Bigger than tents. Many teeth. They do not like the brutal season, though, and disappear for long periods of time. I do not understand why they are here." He frowns down at the valley. "I will speak to Vektal. It might be nothing."
"Nothing?" Nadine squeaks. "How is that nothing? There's blood everywhere!"
Cashol gets to his feet. "You cannot judge all creatures by how one acts. This could be a stray with a bad wing, unable to follow the others as they avoid the brutal season. Or perhaps it was leaving and will not return. I will tell Vektal, but we must continue as we always do." He turns and gives us a sharp look. "Say nothing to anyone back at camp. We do not wish to alarm them."
"Are you serious?" Nadine hisses.
"Say nothing," Cashol repeats, and then gestures at the valley below. "Come. The meat down there is frozen, which means the skyclaw is long gone. Let us go and see if we can salvage what he has left behind. Good meat should not be wasted."
* * *
We return early, our packs laden with dvisti haunches left behind by the ravaging creature. Thrand hovers over Nadine, who looks tired of his protectiveness by the time we get back to camp. I immediately look for Angie as we return and am relieved to see her sitting by the fire, lost in thought, a bowl of something steamy in her hands. She looks up as we approach, and her eyes warm at the sight of me.
I have brought her nothing this day. Regret fills my chest.
"Say nothing," Cashol tells us once more, and then heads off to find Vektal.
"Well, shit," Nadine whispers. "I'm no good with secrets."
"I shall hold it for you," Thrand declares. She rolls her eyes and goes over to the rocky pit that is used to sit and skin kills.
He starts to follow her, but before he can go, I grab his arm. "The day is young. Once we are done preparing our meat, we should spar."
"Spar?" he echoes, curious.
"Yes. To protect Angie," I tell him. "If there is something attacking from the skies, we must be ready."
He looks at me thoughtfully and then nods.
* * *
We spar into the evening. And we spar the next day, and every day after that. We keep our senses battle-honed, because we must always be vigilant to protect Angie. As days pass, though, and no more creatures are killed, the tension in Cashol's body disappears. He relaxes, and we do, too.
Perhaps it was just one lone skyclaw, after all.
8
ANGIE
Days blend together into a stream. My days are much the same. I'm too pregnant to go out and do much, and the baby sits heavily. My hips feel spread wide and my back hurts constantly. When I complain of this to Liz and Harlow, they tell me it will not be much longer before I give birth.
I don't know if I'm looking forward to that or not.
I wake from my cold bed every morning, shivering, and go eat breakfast by the fire. There's always someone there working on something, but I'm limited in what I can do. If it was up to the others, they'd have me do nothing. Just rest, they're always telling me. They don't understand that all I do is rest all dang day long, and it's making me crazy. After a while, I put myself in charge of tea and stew, making sure that they're always on the fire, hot and ready as people come through the camp and leave again to do daily tasks.
The weather remains crisp and cold, and snow comes down every day. I think we're shielded from most of it thanks to the craggy mountains just in the distance, but it's still colder than I'd like. And with the snow come changes in the camp. Veronica and Ashtar return, so deeply in love that it makes my heart ache to see them look at each other. Veronica's blossomed into a healer, her khui having additional powers that allow her to help others. And Ashtar is apparently a dragon, which shocks everyone.
If that wasn’t enough, days after those two return, Lauren and Marisol return from the dead, along with over a dozen strangers. These aliens are a cousin to the sa-khui and hail from a distant island that is now dead. Overnight, the camp doubles in size and the snow changes to snow and a fine ash that covers everything. I spend a few days with a furry scarf covering my mouth as I breathe, just in case.
With the new members of our tribe here, some of the sa-khui return to their homes. They miss their families, and now that we have more than enough hands to help hunt—and those of us that have been here all along are learning more—they are returning home. Well, some of them. Vektal and several of the men leave, but newcomers arrive. There's Taushen and pink-haired Brooke, who wants to fuss over everyone's hair. There's Gail and Vaza, an older couple obviously in love and they seem nice enough. They also adopt an orphaned baby that was brought with the island tribe, and so now I have Gail's company by the fire most days. Willa and Gren eventually wander in to camp, too, and then we're so bustling and full of people that the mood turns more festive.
Well, not my mood. I'm achy and tired and somehow restless. My belly cramps regularly, not for long and not hard, but just enough to remind me that I've got a passenger who'll be arriving soon.
* * *
One night, one of the girls stands up and clears her throat. "Let's play a game," she says loudly as the last of the stew is polished off. "How about spin the bottle?"
I look up in surprise, because I know that game. A kissing game? Really? But when it’s met with enthusiasm by the other women, I feel a stab of envy as Tia grabs Nadine’s hand and then drags Sam over to her circle. She pulls in Devi and Callie and then Steph and Penny.
“That’s enough girls,” she declares. “We need some guys in here or else it’s not much fun.”
I add some leaves to the tea pouch over the fire and give it a stir with a long, carved bone spoon. I move a little closer to the group, because I’m bored and somewhat fascinated by the fact that Tia’s so bold that she’s going to play a kissing game with the alien men on the beach. Part of me wishes that she’d come over and taken my hand, leading me to the circle. Not that I want to kiss a bunch of strange men. I just miss being included in those sorts of things. But I’m pregnant and miserable—I’m no one’s idea of fun right now.
Tia moves past some of the people gathered near the fire. “Not so fast, you two. You’re playing our game!”
To my surprise, she pulls Vordis and Thrand from their spot at the back of the group. I stare, open mouthed, as she leads them in and instructs them to sit down.
Vordis glances over at me, even as Thrand speaks. “We were about to go spar.”
“You can spar afterwards,” Tia says, shutting him down. “This is tradition.”
Get up, I silently plead with Vordis. Don’t sit down and play. But when Sam laughs and pats the sandy beach next to her, Vordis sits, and my stomach feels like one big knot. Of course he’s going to play. Thrand is there, too. He glances at Vordis.
Vordis stares at me, gaze utterly fixed.
I turn away as Tia recruits a few of the island men to play her game, too. Sly girl. She drags young Sessah and she makes sure to pull in A’tam, one of the islanders and, I have to admit, a really fine-looking specimen of man.
Once her little group is full, Tia drops herself between Sessah and A’tam, and then the group changes seating to adjust to boy-girl alternating. I pretend to fuss over the tea, trying to get the flavor just right, but I’m watching them far too closely.
I want to see who Vordis kisses.
I want to see how he reacts to it.
I want to see whose eyes I have to claw out in sheer jealousy.
Not that I have any claim on him. Or anyone. I’m pregnant. Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant. I put a hand on my belly in frustration again and then just rub my lower back instead because it’s always hurting now.
I haven’t kissed Vordis. I haven’t even hugged him again. He’s been so busy with hunting and sparring with Thrand that I feel guilty trying to squeeze a few moments of private time with him. We chat on the beach, of course, and he always watches me when he’s in camp, but we haven’t been alone together again.
Sometimes I wonder if I imagined that hug in my cave…but he still brings me presents every day. He’s just busy.
Everyone is, except me.
Tia grabs a smooth, clean dvisti thigh bone that someone put aside for carving. “We’ll use this as our bottle. The game is simple. Someone spins our bottle, and whoever it points at, they have to kiss. Then it’s that person’s turn to spin. Simple rules, right?”
“What is a kiss?” someone with a beard asks. I try to remember the name of their clan. Something cat, I think.
A few of the girls groan, and someone else giggles. “It’s a mouth-on-mouth caress,” Tia declares. “It’s just fun between guys and girls. Nothing more.”
“What if I kiss a female? Does it mean we are pleasure-mates?” Sessah asks.
“Uh, no, it just means you kiss someone.”
I bite back a chuckle of my own at Tia’s horrified response. She might have bitten off more than she can chew with this crew.
“Kissing is a mating of mouths, yes?”
My skin prickles at that voice. It’s Vordis. I glance over at him, and I can feel my cheeks flush, because he’s watching me even as he asks the question. For a moment, it almost feels like we’re the only ones on the beach. I know he’s thinking about what it feels like to have his mouth on mine…because I’m thinking of it too.
“A mating of mouths?” Nadine asks, her jaw dropping.
“It is what Cashol calls it.”
“Wow. That’s an intense name for it,” Nadine says, and furtively touches her mouth.
She’s not wrong. Now that I’ve heard Vordis say it, I’m going to hear those words in my dreams. A mating of mouths. I picture Vordis, his red skin flushed with need as he caresses my cheek and then tips my chin up, leading my mouth to his so we can kiss, our lips brushing, our tongues touching…
If I wasn’t pregnant, of course.
“We can call it mouth-mating, sure. You’ll see what it is when it’s your turn,” Tia says. “Just remember the rules. If it points at you, you have to kiss.”
“Whoever it points at must kiss?” one of the island men asks.
“That’s what she said,” Devi chimes in with a toss of her long black hair. Is she…flirting? She gives a high-pitched giggle that makes me think yes, she is flirting.
“What if it lands on two females?” A’tam asks. “Do you kiss?”
“No, we re-spin,” Tia tells him.
He grunts. “I would rather see two females kiss than re-spin.” A few of the other men chime in with agreement.
I bite back my laughter. Guys will be guys, no matter what end of the universe they’re on. I think of all the men back on Earth who loved nothing more than to watch a couple of girls make out in the club.
“Do you want to kiss a man?” Tia asks sweetly. “If it lands on a man?”
A’tam frowns. “We re-spin.”
“That’s what I thought.” She reaches forward and gives the “bottle” a spin. “We’ll use this spin to see who goes first.”
“Angie, you’ve been standing for a while,” Gail says, pulling my attention away from the game. She pats the stone next to her. “Did you want to sit here with me?”
“No, I’m okay,” I tell her and rub my lower back. The bottle’s still spinning, but it slows to a stop…right in front of Vordis. The notched end points directly at him, and my heart feels as if it’s stopping, too. I watch his expression. His nostrils flare and his mouth thins as if displeased, but he reaches forward and gives the thing a spin before anyone can say anything.
I can’t stop staring. I watch the “bottle” spin around and around, wondering with a sick twist in my gut who it’s going to turn to. Flirty Tia, who seems like she’s barely out of high school? Beautiful Sam? Eager Devi, who keeps flipping her dark hair over and over again?
Quickly, Vordis reaches out and grabs the spinning bone, slamming it to a stop. It points across from him and between Callie and an islander’s shoulders.
It points directly at me.
“I must mouth-mate with Angie,” Vordis announces.
“That’s not how this works,” Tia cries out, frowning at me as if I’ve ruined her game.
“But she is the only one I wish to put my mouth on,” he tells the group. “Why else would I play this game?”
“That is not how it works,” Tia repeats stubbornly. “Spin again, and this time, don’t touch it.”
“I spun,” Vordis says, voice flat. “I will kiss Angie or none other.”
“She’s not playing.” Tia crosses her arms over her chest. “Ask her.”
I open my mouth to protest. Everyone’s staring at me, and I can’t tell if they’re offended that I’ve been picked or amused. The baby kicks, reminding me that there’s a reason I wasn’t chosen to join in the game, and the excited fluttering in my heart slows to a stop.
“I’m not playing,” I say quietly. “I’m going to bed.”
And I turn and leave the fire, because I don’t want to see how this ends. I don’t want to hear the whispering, I don’t want to see Vordis re-spin, I don’t want any of it.
It’s sweet that he tried to choose me, but he can’t. Not when I’m pregnant with a mystery baby. He should pick someone else, someone that’s free to resonate to him, free to love him, free to flirt and be as wild as he needs.
I’m not that girl.
I’ve been given a bad hand ever since we arrived here, and I’ll have to make the best of it. I rub a hand down my bulging belly as I waddle my way away from the group and back toward the caves. My back twinges with pain, reminding me that everything feels foreign right now. Foreign and uncomfortable. As I head into the cave, I see someone’s already here, hiding in her bunk—Hannah. She resonated and I think she’s unhappy about it. Good. Misery loves company and all that.
She doesn’t realize how lucky she is or how badly I would love to trade places with her. Let her be pregnant with the mystery child. Let her be the freak, the isolated, alone, confused one. Her problem is that someone wants her too much? Boo fucking hoo.
Even as I think about it, though, I’m filled with guilt. I touch a hand to my belly. It’s not the baby’s fault I’m terrified of it. And if I were Hannah…Vordis wouldn’t want to kiss me.
Oh god, I cannot have a crush right now. I just cannot.
I retreat to my cave, full of conflicting emotions. It’s dark and cramped, but that’s fine. I don’t want a fire anyhow. It’s too much work for the warmth it puts off, and I’m just suddenly so very tired of everything. I ease myself to my pallet of furs and pull them over me. I’m going to sleep, and when I wake up, maybe I won’t be here. It’ll all be a terrible dream and I won’t be pregnant. I’ll be back home on Earth, in my tiny apartment, with my bank teller job and mounds of debt, getting ready to go out on a date with a guy I don’t even like all that much. It’ll be normal, though. So normal.
“Angie?”
I tense under the furs. Why oh why does he have to say my name like it’s a caress? “Just leave me alone, Vordis. Please.”
I wait for him to leave. All is quiet, but then I hear his big body shift, and I can tell he’s still in the doorway. “I will leave if you promise me you are not upset.”
“I’m not upset.”
“That does not sound like truth to my ears.”
I pull the blankets high, to my neck. “Maybe I was just cold and wanted to lie down for a bit.”
“Then you will not mind if I lie down with you.”
I frown into the darkness, wondering if he’s really going to do it. Sure enough, I feel him step over my legs and then he slides into bed on the opposite side of me. Or tries to. He’s so big he takes up nearly all of the bedding and pushes me out to the edge. I don’t mind, though. I’m so startled that I have to bite back the laughter that bubbles up in my throat. Why is he picking now to be all obstinate? “Comfortable?” I manage to choke out between smothered laughs.
“Very.” His voice sounds strained.
“Oh, you sound it,” I tease. My smile fades, and while I’m grateful that he’s checking on me, I’m starting to feel a little silly. “Seriously, Vordis, you don’t have to do this. I’m fine. I just need a little time to, well, pout.”
“Why pout?” His big body shifts on the blankets again, and then I feel his hand underneath them. Vordis touches my side and then leans closer. “And this bed has plenty of room for two, but we must be touching.”
My breath catches in my throat. He’s warm and huge, and for a moment, I feel so comfortable and protected that I want nothing more than to lean back against him and cuddle.
“I’m pouting because I hate my situation, but that’s on me. You should be out there playing games with the others.”
“Games.” Vordis snorts. “I do not want to play games with them if it means I have to put my mouth on other females. I meant what I said, Angie. You are the only one I wish to put my lips on.” His hand strokes my arm, and I can feel the calluses catch and rasp against the fur. He makes a disgruntled sound. “Even under the blankets, you wear so many layers.”
“It’s because I’m always cold,” I whisper, distracted. “I know they gave me this cave for privacy, but it’s always so stinking cold that I can’t get warm at night.”
“You should have told me. I would be happy to keep you warm.” He rubs my sleeve absently. “And I would be happy to kiss you.”
I can feel my cheeks heating in a blush. “I shouldn’t be kissing anyone.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m pregnant.”
“There are rules against such things?”
“No, not exactly. But…it’s just not a thing you do. I can’t flirt with someone while I’m pregnant!”
“Again, I ask why not?”
I bite back my sigh, because it’s clear that he’s not going to understand how I feel. “Because the kissing should be reserved for the girls that can resonate. They’re all young and pretty and flirty. I’m fat and bloated and there is zero chance I will resonate with a baby inside me.”