by Dixon, Ruby
“Why do you do this?” I snap at him, but he is already jogging away, heading down the beach and scanning for wood. As I watch, he veers toward a log floating in the surf. The beach has been covered with debris from the island’s destruction for days now, and more washes in with every tide.
Even so, I push forward. If he is determined to do this, I cannot let him have all the good wood. I am furious at my a’ani brother, even though I understand it. We have been trained all our lives to compete with one another, to focus on one task above all others. What is Angie if not the culmination of both things?
I hate it, but I understand it.
With an angry snarl, I strip off my boots and tunic, then wade into the surf to get a bobbing log close to where Thrand turns over a piece of wood already in the surf. Something tries to wrap a tentacle around my ankle, but I kick it aside. I do not have time for it. I must build Angie the most spectacular hut on the beach…and before Thrand does. My competitive a’ani nature flares and I wrap my arms around the enormous log, hauling it toward the sand.
The male called J’shel leans on a spear nearby, watching Thrand and me work. He gives us a curious look. “You are hunting wood for the fires?”
“We are making huts,” Thrand calls out to him. “To court Angie.”
J’shel straightens, giving his long braid a toss over his shoulder. His color ripples, briefly matching the sand before turning back to his normal pale blue. “To court a female, you build her a hut? This is what human females want?” He looks at me, incredulous. “This is what it takes?”
I just bare my teeth in a snarl. I do not need more males stealing wood when I have a hut to make for my Angie.
Thrand laughs. “It is a competition.”
“What is a competition?” asks another male that jogs up, and I am annoyed to see it is one of the furred-jaw males from the island. The handsome one—A’tam.
“If you wish to court a female, you build her a hut,” J’shel says, and then puts a carrying loop on his spear and slings it over his shoulder. “I am going to make one for Ha-nah so she will pay attention to our resonance.”
“Any female?” A’tam asks, rubbing his jaw with interest. “Truly?”
“No,” I snarl, but none of them are paying attention to me. They are already racing down the beach, hunting for wood.
And now there is more competition for an already rare resource. I turn to glare at Thrand, but he just grins in my direction, a look of fierce challenge in his eyes.
14
ANGIE
I'm starting to feel like a hermit, staying in my cave all day, but I'm just so tired from taking care of Glory that I can't bring myself to go out and mingle. Others stop by throughout the day, reassuring me that it's normal for a new mom to feel wiped out and for me to take the time I need, but I still feel a little guilty. It's just so easy to get wrapped up in taking care of Glory, of basking in her milky little coos and sweet smiles that are probably gas. I could watch her for hours, but I'm learning that when Glory sleeps, I should sleep, too. So I doze on and off between visitors and work on gathering my strength.
Liz stops by, her hands planted on her lower back, her face constricted in pain. "Fucking contractions," she tells me. "Too far apart. I swear this baby's taking her sweet time getting here."
"You know it's a girl?" I ask her as I nurse Glory. "Even after two girls already?"
"Feels like a girl," she tells me, rubbing her lower back. A wistful look crosses her face. "Too bad—I had the perfect boy name picked out."
"Oh?"
"Anakin," Liz says dreamily.
"Like…the Star Wars character? The bad guy? Darth Vader?" I'm not sure I heard her correctly.
She looks over at me with a frown. "Well, when you put it that way, it sounds shitty. Guess it's good that it's probably a girl." Liz tilts her head and looks thoughtful. "Do you think Kenobi would work for either gender?"
"Uhhh…" I don't know what to say to that.
"I know what you're thinking," Liz tells me with a wave of her hand as she paces back and forth. She told me that she's walking to try and induce the baby to come sooner. "It’s a shitty name. Clearly you’re not a Star Wars fan. It’s just that after Raashel, we kinda ran out of good combinations of our names. You know how everyone does that cute Brangelina thing with baby names here? You try combining Liz with Raahosh. Oh-shiz? Liz-osh? I am not saddling any kid of mine with that crap. And besides, Star Wars is awesome." She shrugs, and it turns into a slow rub of her neck and a grimace. "At any rate, I hope this baby comes soon so we can double up on sa-kohtsk hunting for the cootie."
"That's the thing you hunted for our cooties, right?” I've been told that they'll hunt one in the next few days for Glory, and one of the big creatures will be brought down and a khui given to my baby so she can survive on this harsh planet. I don't like the thought of taking a parasite from a creature and infecting my child with it, but there's no other option. I cuddle Glory a little closer as she nurses, a little sad that her beautiful purple eyes will go blue. Oh well.
I look up, but Liz is already pacing away, muttering to herself as she steps through the cave. She's waddling, and even though her belly is slight compared to Harlow's large one, there's no doubt in my mind that she's in the early stages of labor. She looks just as uncomfortable as I was. I wonder if I should go and check on her, but a pair of khui-bright eyes peer into my cave and I’m startled to see that it’s Vordis.
“Oh,” I say in way of greeting, adjusting the nursing blanket over my breasts. “I-I didn’t realize you were there.”
“Liz was just leaving,” he replies, as if that explains everything. “I wanted to see if you required food or drink or needed fuel for your fire.”
Shaking my head, I gesture at my tiny little firepit. “We’re cozy enough.”
“Warm?” He steps into the cave and squats by the fire, and red skin gleams in the firelight.
I can’t help but stare a little. He’s sweaty and dirty and covered in sandy grit, which is odd for him. His short black hair is tousled and wild, and the five o’clock shadow on his strong jaw looks…nice. In fact, all of him looks damn sexy. I can’t help but stare as he reaches out to stir my fire with the bone poker and his arm flexes. His biceps are…delicious. Arm porn, I decide. Pure arm porn. He’s practically naked as he kneels in my tiny cave, and as it always does when he’s around, it feels small and cramped and far, far too cozy.
Vordis watches me closely, and I realize he’s waiting for an answer. I can’t remember what we were talking about, though. All I can think about is his nearness. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, feeling breathless at his nearness. “What?”
“Are you warm?” he repeats.
"I'm fine." I study him for a moment. "Rough day?"
"Why do you ask?"
I gesture at the sand on his face, his arms, his hair…well, everywhere. "You're a little dirty."
Vordis grunts. "It has been challenging, yes."
"A hunt?"
"No." He pokes at the fire again. "How are you faring? How is Glory?"
"I'm good. I've mostly slept and taken care of her." The baby chooses that moment to finish nursing, her mouth sliding away. I lift her to my shoulder to burp her, patting her back. "And everyone in the tribe has stopped by for a few minutes today it seems, just to say hello."
He goes very still. "Thrand, too?"
"Well no, not Thrand. Just you." I give him a little smile. "It's just a saying."
The big warrior inclines his head. "Like the knocking."
Laughter spills out of me. "Yes, something like that."
"I thought of one. A knocking."
For some reason, my heart skitters with delight. "Oh?"
"Yes. Go to knocking." He flicks a hand at me, indicating I should go first.
Oh man. How many times have we done these jokes and he never grasps the concept? It's so adorably foreign to him but he keeps trying. Smothering my laughter, I manage to choke out a "Knock k
nock."
"It is Glory," he tells me.
"Glory?" I echo, puzzled.
"Ready to greet her mother." He gives a triumphant nod. "Knocking on your womb."
That was just…okay, weird. But funny in an awkward way. I laugh anyhow. "I'm not sure she can knock with these little hands." I curl one around my thumb and wave it at him as Glory squirms against my shoulder.
He watches the baby for a moment, a smile on his face, and then looks at me. "May I hold her?"
What? "Of course." I'm delighted that he wants to. I love showing her off, but the only ones that have volunteered to hold her so far are the women that are already moms. Everyone else is skittish as if they don't know what to do around babies. I know how that feels, but I wish more people wanted to snuggle her. She's such a snugglebun. I ease her off my shoulder and offer her to him. "She needs to burp, so you will want to put this cloth over your shoulder and rub her back."
Vordis takes her from me, draping the soft leather over his big, bare shoulder and then gently cradling my tiny red daughter against him. One big hand curls around her back and he holds her carefully as she wiggles, her feet kicking. With his other hand, he runs two fingers up and down her back, and I'm touched at how gentle he is, how careful. Sure enough, Glory immediately gives a fat baby belch and then settles down against him with another happy coo.
He holds her for a few minutes, quiet, and I wait for him to talk, to hand her back, to declare that he's done fussing over babies. But he only gives me a patient look. "Are you sure there is not something I can help you with while I am here? You know I will give you anything you ask, Angie. You but need to tell me and I will move the moons themselves to make it so."
There's intensity in those words. I can feel a blush heating my cheeks, and as he carefully shifts tiny Glory on his shoulder, I'm filled with aching longing. It'd be weird if I asked him to kiss me, I bet. Here I am with big, nursing boobs and dirty hair and stretchmarks, only a few days out from the light of my life being born and I probably look like a hot mess. I know I feel like one. But seeing him with Glory sets all my hormones on fire, because in addition to the silly attraction I feel, now I'm speculating over what a great dad he'd be. He's strong, but he's so careful with her, and patient with me. Attentive. Caring.
Loving.
"I…" I begin, my lips dry. "Vordis…"
He looks over at me, and his blue, blue eyes are so intense in his handsome, scarlet face. I'm pinned in place at the hunger in his eyes, the longing.
Glory peeps, her legs kicking, and his attention flicks back to her. He smiles slowly, his lips curving as he adjusts her on his shoulder, and she stares up at him with wide, unfocused eyes.
My heart can't take it. I get to my feet, wincing at all the aches that cascade through my body. "If you'll watch her for a moment, I need to run to the outhouse." I don't, really, but my cave feels too small right now.
"Of course. She will be safe with me."
I hesitate, because he knows nothing about babies, but Glory's just been fed and she's not the fussy type. I won't be gone but a moment, just long enough to stretch my legs and compose myself. Tugging my tunic closed with a tie at the neck, I nod and touch his shoulder, then slip on my boots and head out of the cave. The cold air hits my face like a wall, shocking me back into reality. There's a low murmur of voices around camp, and someone's laughing by the main fire—Bridget, it sounds like, and there's a man laughing with her. Someone claps and sings a song—a human jingle about burgers and fries—and it's a perfectly normal night on the ice planet. A few days ago, I might have felt lonely to hear everyone having fun around the fire, flirting and enjoying themselves. Now I have Glory, and everything's changing. I don't feel lonely anymore. I feel focused.
I think of Vordis holding my little Glory and a warm flush of delight moves over me. I hurry to the outhouse, finish up, wash my hands in fresh snow, and then give my face a little scrub with even more snow just to freshen up. I smooth my wet hands down my hair, straighten my clothes, and wonder if Vordis still thinks I'm pretty. Composed, I head back to my cave and peek in.
Vordis still sits in the same spot, though a handful of minutes have passed. Glory's cradled in his big hands and he holds her in front of him, murmuring low in that silky voice of his. She coos and giggles at him, her little fists waving as she tries to reach his face. I can't make out what he's saying, though, and I head forward, trying to be quiet and overhear.
It doesn't work, of course. The big red warrior glances over his shoulder at me as I tiptoe in.
"What are you talking to her about?" I ask, curious. I carefully sit down in my bed again and plump my pillows, and then reach out for the baby.
He hands her back, his expression impossible to read. "I was telling her about my accomplishments this day."
"Oh?" I wait to see if he's going to tell me about them, too.
Vordis nods slowly. His gaze meets mine, searing with its intensity. "And I told her that I shall win. Mine will be best."
Best? Before I can ask what he's talking about, he gets to his feet, briefly touches my cheek in the barest of caresses, and then leaves my cave.
The next day, Veronica drops by, along with Harlow and Farli. They all squeeze into my cave and take turns oohing and ahhing over Glory and her chubby cheeks.
"I can't get over how gorgeous she is," Harlow says, teasing a finger in front of Glory's face while Farli holds her. "She's prettier than any human baby and even all the half-human sa-khui babies. And those little blue nuggets are freaking adorable. But she's something else."
"Isn't she?" I say proudly, thrilled like any mama as Veronica holds my hand.
The women fuss over my sweet girl for a bit longer, and then Veronica gives me a little pat. "You're doing great. The cootie's working on mending everything. Your girl parts should be all healed up in a couple of weeks. Gail says back on Earth that it's about six weeks before you can have sex after a baby, but we heal faster and I really don't think it'll be that long.”
"Just under a month," Harlow says, and then clears her throat, blushing. "In case you were wondering."
"Oh." I don't know what else to say. They're all giving me sly looks as if I have some gossip to share, but I don't. "Great. Thanks. I'll keep that in mind if I decide to start dating. Instead of using an app, I guess I could just swipe-right on foreheads until I find the right guy.”
Veronica giggle-snorts. "I’m not saying you have to use the info, just making sure you have it. That's all." She pats my hand again and then gets to her feet. "We should go say hi to Liz. She had her baby last night. Little girl number three for her."
I didn't realize, but I'm thrilled for her. "Wonderful. What did she call her?" Oh boy, I really hope it's not Kenobi.
"A-something," Harlow says, frowning to herself. "Do you remember it, Veronica?"
"Ah-so-kuh," Farli adds after Veronica shrugs.
“Right. Ahsoka. It's another Star Wars name. You know Liz and her obsession,” Harlow says, then rubs her own belly. "I guess I'm next, but this one's not coming quite yet, I don't think."
Veronica touches Harlow's belly and then shakes her head. "Few more weeks."
Harlow sighs and rubs her bulky stomach. "I'm more than ready. This has been the longest pregnancy ever and Liz was early, so that makes me feel worse. I bet I carry late. Like fourteen months isn't long enough."
I stare at her in shock. "Did…you say fourteen months?"
“Give or take.”
“Good lord.” I think of how miserable the last few weeks were of my pregnancy and try to imagine how that must feel for several extra months, and shudder.
Farli carefully hands me back Glory. "Sa-khui carry their kits much longer than humans."
"Oh. I wonder how long I carried Glory." I settle her back in my arms. "I guess it doesn't matter. She’s here now."
"All that matters is that she's healthy. Oh!" Veronica snaps her fingers. "Pashov found the trail of a sa-kohtsk and I'm supposed to t
ell you that you need to bundle up in the morning because you and Liz are heading out with Raahosh and most of the hunters for the ceremonial kill. We'll get Glory and Ahsoka all fixed up with their cooties and be good to go. I’m told it’s early for Ahsoka to get her cootie because they like to wait a few days, but it makes no sense to kill two critters two days apart. They want to strike while the iron’s hot and I’m just a quick flight away if there’s a problem." She smiles down at Glory and gives her a little poke.
"Great," I tell them, smiling, but inwardly I'm a bit worried. "Is it safe?"
"Safe enough as long as you're not one of the hunters," Farli says, her voice cheerful as she slips out of the cave with a wave goodbye. Veronica follows her out.
Harlow pats my shoulder. "It'll be fine. The hunters will protect you. You're part of the tribe. Do bundle up, though," she continues, rubbing her arms. "There's snow coming in and because it's the brutal season, once we go into the mountains, it's going to be cold as hell."
"Gotcha." I smile until they leave and then hug my baby close, still concerned. It's not that I need a mate at my side for this, but I wish I had someone to go with me, to squeeze my hand and tell me that everything would be all right. I like Liz, but she's not the most nurturing of souls. She's strong willed and independent and probably wouldn't appreciate me clinging to her, especially with a new baby. Same with the other hunters. They're nice, but…it's not the same.
I…wonder if Vordis would go if I asked him. Then I blush, remembering Veronica's words. Sex in a few weeks…as if that'll be necessary. It’s not like Vordis has even offered to sleep with me again.
Not that I’m upset about it.
15
VORDIS
Building the hut for my Angie is an exercise in patience, because as every hour passes, I want to choke the life out of Thrand and the other males that are busily working on the beach.
It seems that more and more are starting to build huts. Word has spread that if one wishes to court a female, he should build her a hut. The idea is completely wrong, but some of the island males are so eager to win the approval of unmated females that they do not listen to reason. They race down the beach, hunting for the wood that drifts in with the waves, and I am forced to go further and further out to increase my pile of wood. Every time I return to the spot that I have set up for Angie’s hut, it seems that there is yet another male starting his own, which means even more competition.