by Holly Rayner
Holly.
I looked at him one more time before I left. I needed to hold that sight of him drunk and disheveled in the forefront of my mind to know that I was doing the right thing for me, and the baby. Why did the right thing always have to hurt so much?
~
Chapter Fourteen
~
I went back to the hotel I’d stayed at before that first night. I wasn’t sure what I would do, or where I would go, but I knew when I’d heard Aiden on the phone talking to that other woman and telling her what a failure I had been, that I couldn’t be there with him any longer. Some might say it was partially my own fault for not telling him right away that I was pregnant. That may be true, but the coldness he had shown, over and over was a fact. My own heart was at stake as well as the welfare of an innocent child. I had to be strong and do what I needed to do to protect us both. I wasn’t going to hand my child over to someone who drank away their problems. I’d lived with that for far too long and it would be horrible of me to knowingly subject my child to the same kind of life. I didn’t think that Aiden was an alcoholic, but if he continued to turn to alcohol to solve his problems then it was a strong possibility for the future.
Aiden hadn’t called me the first time I left, but he did call this time, after he sobered up and realized that I was gone. He called and text over and over again. I was afraid at first that the doctor had told him about the pregnancy, but as I listened to the messages, it was apparent that he didn’t know.
First Voicemail: Holly! This is ridiculous. I had a few drinks and it’s not like we’re married and you even have a right to be upset. Call me back.
Second Voicemail: Holly, you’re right. I should have just talked to you. I shouldn’t have gotten drunk. I was upset and I started drinking and it got out of hand. I’m sorry. Come home, or at least call me.
Third voicemail: Damn it, Holly! This is absurd. If you’re this immature than maybe I don’t want to do business with you after all. Call me back!
They were all pretty much variations of the same view, like he was cycling from angry to remorseful and back again. It was another thing that reminded me of my mother. It was what she did after going on a bender and making a fool out of herself. She would throw blame at me and then she would apologize and when it was all over, my head would be so messed up that I wouldn’t know for sure who really had been at fault.
The messages went on for days and they got more desperate and angrier with each day that passed. It was beginning to look like I’d have to change my number to get him to leave me alone. I couldn’t make myself pick up the phone and talk to him, and it got even worse or at least more embarrassing when I got a call from first Rose and then Myra. He was calling the café, telling them that he knew I would have told them where I was going, and begging them to tell him, or at least to tell me to call him. Rose said that he would start out as sweet, sad and charming and by the end of the conversation, he would become angry and somewhat rude. I apologized profusely which of course they both told me was unnecessary. I wanted to tell him to stop calling them, but I was still afraid to call him back. I knew that I didn’t have the strength. He would be remorseful and charming and before I knew it I would be right back in the same situation. I had to make a clean break. Myra told me that he’d actually come in one day and got a little confrontational. But like Rose, she told me they were “handling it” and for me not to apologize or worry. They were really good friends.
The day after I’d talked to Myra, I got a call from a nurse at my mother’s facility.
“Miss Valentine, this is Nurse Jacobs. I’m sorry to bother you…”
“It’s fine, Is my mother okay?” I asked. I was worried that she’d gotten sick, but more worried that she had managed to get drunk.
“No, she’s fine. I didn’t mean to worry you. It’s just that a gentleman showed up this afternoon.” My mind went straight to Aiden. Dear God, how did he find out about Mom and how did he know where she was? I realized then that the nurse was still talking. She said, “He was very polite, but he was asking for confidential information. He wanted your contact number and/or your address. When I told him he couldn’t have that, he wanted to talk to your mother. I explained to him that she couldn’t have visitors yet, so he left, but I thought I should let you know.”
“I appreciate that, thank you for keeping our confidentiality. Did he get confrontational with you at all?”
“Oh no, like I said, he was polite and respectful, just disappointed that I wouldn’t tell him anything.”
“I’m really sorry,” I said. I could feel my face flush red. I hoped they wouldn’t hold my “relationship” issues against my mother.
“It’s no problem, Miss Valentine, it happens more often than you think.” I was at least glad to hear that. I thanked her again and hung up. That was when I knew I had to go talk to Aiden. He had to leave the people I cared about alone. I gathered every ounce of courage within me and I took a cab to the penthouse. When I got there, his doorman acted shocked to see me. Aiden must have said something to him about what to do if I showed up. He told me that Mr. Scott was at the office but I could wait in the lobby and he would call him. I politely declined, knowing full well that he called him as soon as I left. I took another cab downtown to Scotto Enterprises. I’d never been there before and the building itself was slightly overwhelming. It had to be over thirty stories high and it was all one company. I couldn’t wrap my head around running a business of this size. I definitely got a renewed respect for what he did every day. I got there and pulled the heavy glass door to the lobby open just in time to nearly run head on into Aiden rushing out.
“Holly, I just got a call that you were at the penthouse.”
“I was, now I’m here. We need to talk.”
“Yes, we do,” he said, getting over his surprise to see me. “Let’s go up to my office.”
We got on the elevator and I could tell by the way he was looking at me that he had a lot to say. I wasn’t at all sure I wanted to hear any of it. I wasn’t surprised to find out that his office was on the top floor as well. We got off the elevator and I realized that it wasn’t only on the top floor; it was the entire top floor. He had a receptionist, or secretary who sat behind a short partition a few steps beyond the elevator. I could see her eyeing me curiously, but only when Aiden wasn’t looking. He opened the door to his office. It was the largest office that I’d ever seen. It had a full bar, literally like the bar you would see in a restaurant, a pool table, a sink area with all the kitchen amenities you could think of, a large oak table with six chairs around it and a huge desk that sat right up against the glass wall that looked out over the Manhattan skyline.
“Have a seat,” he said, indicating to the full couch also in the room. I sat, nervously. My resolve to stand up to him and/or tell him I was pregnant was fading. “So, have you come to ask me to let you return to the penthouse?”
I had to force the words to come out, “No, Aiden. I’m not coming back.” His face registered first shock and then anger.
“I’ve invested quite a bit of time and money in you Holly.”
That was exactly what I thought he might say and it gave me back my determination.
“I apologize for your time,” I told him but without much conviction. I can’t give that back. I can give the money back though. Give me an accounting of what I owe you in dollars and cents and I will begin making payments to you right away until it’s all paid back.”
He snorted and said, “I don’t want your money, Holly. It’s not about the money.”
“You just said that it was,” I realized that we were only sniping at each other. “This isn’t why I came here.”
“Why did you come here?” he asked. I had it on the tip of my tongue, I swear. I was going to tell him that I was carrying his baby but just as I was about to spit it out he said, “Are you holding out for more money? Is that your angle here?”
I was appalled, but I laughed. It was
absurd that he’d known me for the past two months, lived with me, talked to me, seen me with my friends and through all of that he had not discovered that wasn’t at all what I was about. I suppose that meant he was paying very little attention.
“I am so insulted I don’t even know how to respond to that.”
“Maybe try a little truth,” he said, like maybe I’d been lying to him about things all along. Granted, I did lie about the pregnancy, but so far he didn’t know about that one.
Angry, I responded, “No, Aiden. I do not want more money. I came here to ask you to please leave my friends and family alone. Some of them genuinely don’t know where I am staying and the ones who do are very loyal and would never tell you, no matter what you offer them. So please, just leave them alone. You and I and this deal are over. Like I said, get me an accounting of what I owe you and I’ll send you weekly payments. It may take me a while because I won’t be able to afford large amounts.”
He raised only one eyebrow and said, “I really don’t want your money but if it will make you feel better about yourself, okay. Where should I send this accounting?”
I handed him a piece of paper. I was prepared for him asking that. It had a P.O. Box number on it. He laughed and said, “Are you treating me like a stalker now?”
“You showing up at a facility my mother is receiving treatment at when you shouldn’t even have a clue that she’s there makes you look like one, among other things.”
“I’m sorry about that, truly. I realized that was a mistake as soon as I did it. I’m glad they didn’t let me talk to her. I wouldn’t have wanted to frighten her. I’m not a monster, really. I just wanted so badly to talk to you Holly.” I stood up.
“It’s funny, but now that I came here and you finally have the chance to talk to me, you have nothing new to say.”
He glared at me and said, “I’ll have my assistant send you a bill.” I could feel the heat of his stare on my back all the way out of the office and into the elevator.
***
I allowed myself the rest of that day to wallow in my self-pity and then I spent the next week searching online for a job. I changed my number before I started filling out applications and Rose, Myra, Joe and my mother’s facility were the only people I gave it to other than potential employers. I trusted them all not to give it out. I doubted Aiden would bug them again anyways. I do think he got the message when I went to see him. I was actually relieved now that I hadn’t let myself blurt out anything about being pregnant. His attitude was as bad as ever, if not worse. I was more convinced now than ever that I was doing the right thing.
I called and talked to my mother again and she said she was doing so well that they were going to start letting her have visitors and then day passes not long after that. I started thinking that it might be nice to be closer to where she was. Maybe she and I could work on getting our relationship back, and I could get a fresh start at the same time. I found a restaurant in Scarsdale that was hiring and filled out an online application. I was surprised and happy when the next day I got a phone call from the manager of the restaurant.
“Hello is this Holly Valentine?”
“Yes it is,” I said. For a second I got a little worried. I was afraid it was a trick and Aiden was going to get on the phone. I was getting paranoid. I had already changed my number. The man on the other end continued.
“This is Frank Grant. I’m the manager of Tagus Ranch Restaurant. I was looking over your application and it looks great. You seem to be just what we’re looking for here. I was wondering if you might be available to come in for an interview on Friday?”
“Yes,” I told him, ecstatic. “Thank you. Friday would be perfect.”
“Good, let’s say, two o’clock. Does that work for you as well?”
“Two o’clock is good too. I will be there, thank you again so much.” I hung up, ready to dance on the rooftops. That only lasted a few minutes before I began to wonder what I should do about my pregnancy. I was only two and a half months along so it wasn’t apparent yet, but it would be soon and I hated to start off a new job with a lie. Would he be willing to hire me if he knew that I was expecting? It would be a headache to him when it was time for me to go on leave, I’m sure. But I couldn’t wait until the baby was born to get a job. I had some savings but not enough to last for six months and get ready for a baby in the process. I decided to go see Joe. He would know what my chances were of getting a job while I was carrying a child. He would also know how bad it might be if I lied about it. After I already had the job, he couldn’t very well fire me for being pregnant. I hated lying though.
I got up early the next day and took a cab down to the café so that I could catch Joe before the rush. I found him peeling potatoes in the kitchen.
“Hi Joe.”
“Holly girl! Look at you! Come here and give me a hug.” I melded into his meaty hug. When he let me go he looked at my face and said, “Are you okay? You look peaked.” I almost laughed. I had never heard anyone actually use that word.
“I’m fine, just a little tired,” I told him. He went over to the side of the dishwasher and got a chair that was sitting there.
“Here, sit,” he said.
I sat and I smiled at him. He had a worried, mother-hen kind of look on his face and I knew that he knew…
“Myra told you that I’m pregnant?” I said.
He sputtered for a minute, trying to think of a way to deny it, but then he finally gave up.
“She didn’t really come out and tell me. I heard her and Rose talking about it, and I actually almost had to throw that Scott boy outta here one day.”
“Oh Joe, I’m sorry. No one mentioned to Aiden that I’m pregnant, did they?”
“No, we didn’t say anything to him. That’s your business. And don’t apologize; it’s not your fault. He was trying to get Rose to tell him where you’re staying. She wouldn’t and he wouldn’t let it go. At first he was polite, but then he started to get a little agitated and rude. I had to step in, but there was no scuffle. He left of his own accord.”
“Well, I am sorry for being the source of the trouble,” I told him with true regret. “I just really don’t want to see him right now. Rose and Myra are awesome for putting up with that. I’m sorry again. Today, I came to ask your advice.”
Joe pulled his own chair over next to mine and sat down, “Sure honey, what’s up?”
“I have a job interview on Friday and I’m not sure what to say about the pregnancy. Would you hire me if you knew I was pregnant?”
“Yep, you’re hired. You can start tomorrow.”
I laughed, “Thanks Joe. I’d love to come back. But, I need to get out of the city. My mom’s in a place out in Scarsdale so I thought maybe I’d look out there for a job and a place…I’m looking for a fresh start, you know?”
Joe was nodding, “It’s a tough one hon. A lot of employers don’t want to hire pregnant women because they know in a matter of months she’ll be taking time off and they’ll have to replace her for that and then let her have her job back afterwards. And then of course having a newborn doesn’t usually make for the most stable employee…”
I knew all of that, but I guess I just needed to hear someone say it out loud.
“So you think he won’t hire me if I tell him the truth? You know me, Joe. I’m a terrible liar, mostly because I hate it so much.”
“It’s hard to say, hon. I wish I had a better answer, but it’s going to depend on who’s doing the hiring and what they’re looking for. A woman is more apt to hire you because she’s probably been there herself and she understands. What kind of a place is it?”
“It’s a family place, but a nicer one. Kind of like a higher end Denny’s.”
“What’s it called?”
“Tagus Ranch Restaurant.”
Joe smiled, “I’ll be damned. Is Frank still the manager?”
“Yeah, that’s who I have the interview with,” I told him.
J
oe laughed, “Then you’re in luck little lady. Frank’s my buddy from way back. We used to work a taco stand together over on a 131st street back in the day.”
I smiled, I could see Joe’s wheels turning. This wasn’t what I came for, but I wasn’t going to turn the help down if he offered it, and fortunately he did.
“You got his number on you?” I took out my cell phone and rattled off the number to Joe who put it in his. He hit send and a few seconds later I heard him say, “Hey! Is this Frank Sinatra?” Then he busted up laughing in his raspy voice. After the catching up was out of the way he said, “I got this little girl who worked for me for a few years. She was the best waitress that I ever had. She had to leave for some family issues and now that she has all of that under control she’s looking for work. I asked her to come back here, but she’s looking to relocate to Scarsdale.” Joe listened for a few and then he said, “Yeah, I knew you were looking because she actually has an interview with you on Friday. Listen Frank, her only concern is that she’s a couple months pregnant. You can’t tell by looking at her, but she didn’t want to start off a new job with a lie. She’s a good kid.”