She uncrossed her arms, and I could see the steel behind her eyes shine through.
“I’m on our side, mister,” she said. “Plain and simple. I want to survive and all of us to make it, too.”
I didn’t want to ask the next question but did anyway. “What about Kara? Do you want her to survive?”
Her steel faltered, and she said, “I do, but I’m not sure that’s possible.”
“What if it were Rebecca?” I asked.
The metal came down hard again behind her eyes, and she said, “That’s not fair, and if you bring her name into the conversation, I’ll knock your fucking lights out. You got that?”I turned away from her and stared out into the darkness outside. The night was cloudless, and the stars glittered like little diamonds in the distance. That was one benefit from the fall of man. The skies were clear enough to see the stars, even in the big city.
“I can’t give up on her,” I said.
Alex didn’t say anything for a moment but finally said, “You may have to.”
“Not yet,” I said.
“Okay, I’ll give you that,” she said, and it was her turn to exit the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts, and they were not good ones. They turned over and over again inside my head, like a pit of snakes trying to consume each other. And they were venomous snakes, and I wasn’t sure they weren’t poisoning me. Just like Kara was turned inside out by what I had done to her.
Chapter 28
Lost in the Dark
I should have killed him, Kara thought as she huddled back in the dark storage room.
After the assault on the hospital and her face-off with Joel, she had withdrawn back to the maintenance building. The scene of the zombies ripping those people apart played over and over in her mind, as did her conversation with Joel.
He was right there in front of me. I could have unleashed my horde on him, and he would finally pay for what he did to me.
The cold winter wind howled outside, almost blotting out the moans and groans of the horde milling around in the chilled elements. The keyword was almost. She knew they were there, and they knew she was inside. They would never leave their queen alone, no matter how much she wanted them to do so.
Another voice spoke in her head and asked, “Then why didn’t you?”
She mulled that question over and couldn’t answer it. There was no doubt in her mind that Joel was responsible for what she had become. He broke his promise to her. Instead of putting a bullet in her brain and ending her suffering, Joel came up with one of his wild schemes. He gambled with her very soul just to have her back. His selfish actions had doomed her to this abomination of an existence.
Nobody should be what she was. It was an affront to man, nature, and God. To her, it was worse than becoming a zombie. She still had a semblance of free will, while they had none.
Worst of all, Joel had let the enemy in. Into her thoughts, into her mind, into her soul. No matter how she tried, she couldn’t shut the Night Visitor out completely. He always found a way into her mind. It was only when she concentrated and fell into a deep trance state that she could keep him at bay. That took so much energy and focus. She could only pull that off for so long because he always made his way into her mind.
She felt a presence at the back of her mind, and she knew who it was. She redoubled her efforts to create a barrier to keep him away.
If there was one thing she had, it was time. After endless hours and days of sequestering herself in this dark, dank room, she had learned a few tricks to improve her mental prison. That’s what she called it. It certainly wasn’t a fancy mind palace. It was a cell, and she did her best to keep it locked from the inside. Of course, she conceded, it was still a cell, and she was locked inside it with her own thoughts. More and more, those thoughts were becoming darker and darker. She was wondering if she just might lose herself in the darkness. That is if she hadn’t already.
A new voice from the back of her mind spoke, and said, “What if Joel is right? What if there is a way back?”
While she failed to answer the other voice, she spread open her mind and listened.
Could that even happen? She asked herself
Certainly, she had gone too far, hadn’t she? She had led that pack of the undead onto those people at the hospital. She had unleashed their insatiable anger onto those poor people.
But she hadn’t killed any of the people inside the hospital herself. She had stood back and resisted the hunger churning away in her guts. The hunger that pulsed in every fiber of her being.
The first voice spoke again, and said, But you wanted to. You wanted to press your teeth into their flesh. To finally end that hunger that burned inside.
“SHUT UP!” She screamed as she pressed her hands against the sides of her head.
Her voice echoed around in the small room, and the zombies outside began to pound their fists and claw against the wall. The sounds bore their way into Kara’s brain, only making matters worse.
It felt as if the world around her was tilting, about to fall off a shelf. Her vision blurred, and the noise of the zombies pounding on the walls began to distort, sounding like large but muffled drums.
She slid off the wooden chair she had been sitting on and fell to the floor. Once there, she pulled her body into a ball, drawing her legs up into the fetal position.
When she finally came to, she had no idea how much time had passed. The zombies had stopped their clawing and pounding, but she could hear them shuffling about outside. A few of them made their dissonant moans, drifting on the cold winds from the west.
Kara unfolded her body, working her way up to her knees, and used the chair to pull herself off the floor. She fell heavily onto the chair, and it creaked from the weight.
Her equilibrium was still off, and her body felt wobbly. She rubbed her hands on her temples, trying to work out the kinks that still rippled through her body.
That’s when he spoke.
Her mind prison had fallen apart, and she was wide open.
“You know who’s fault this is,” the Night Visitor said, his voice level and firm.
“Please,” she begged in a voice that sounded like a small child’s.
“You can’t deny it any longer,” he said. “It’s Joel’s fault. You know it. You would never be in this situation if it hadn’t been for him.”
“But…” She said.
“Kara, listen to me! There is no defending him. You wouldn’t feel this pain. This hunger, if it wasn’t for him.”
“He didn’t mean to…” she tried to say but trailed off.
“BUT HE PROMISED YOU!”
His voice exploded inside her head, making her head feel as if it might burst.
Then he softened his tone. “You know it in your bones. He broke his promise, and you are now a pathetic creature, left to suffer every day while he lives his life. Is that fair? Is that just?”
It took Kara a few seconds to fully recover, but she said, “No. It’s not fair.”
“And he should pay,” The Night Visitor said. “Shouldn’t he?”
She felt a throbbing pain in her head, pulsing down her shoulders and into her body.
It took her nearly ten seconds to finally say, “Yes.”
His next word came out like something warm, thick, and dark. “Yes.”
Chapter 29
A View from Above
It was cold as hell on the roof, but why would I expect anything different? The temperature was hovering around twenty degrees. There was a stiff breeze coming out of the west, smacking me right in the face. To compound things, I was seven stories up in the air. Any idiot would expect it to be cold. Even this idiot. But still, I stood on the roof, watching the ground below for any signs of Kara.
It had been two days since our face-off and my blow-up with Richard and Alex. To say things were tense between our little group would be a gross understatement. Alex had only offered superficial conversation, and Richard didn’t speak a word to me. Brother Ed s
equestered himself in his room and wasn’t talking to anyone.
That was fine with me. Who needed them? Certainly not this idiot.
Naveen still talked to me, which was fine, although she and Nathan had seemed to hit it off. Maybe being orphans during the zombie apocalypse had something to do with that? Needless to say, it was great to see the two of them bonding.
I continued to scan the streets, but the only movement I saw were groups of deaders doing their walking man routines, ambling up and down the street. They were an enigma. When there were no obvious food sources in sight, they both seemed to walk with some destination in mind but without purpose at the same time. They reminded me of window shoppers in a mall.
Of course, if something or someone came on the scene, they would perk up and make a beeline for them. Too bad for them, there hadn’t been anything in the area since the people arrived at the hospital. The results had been tragic for the people who had shown up, though.
I couldn’t shake the reality that Kara had led them there. Maybe Richard was right? Maybe Kara was too far gone to come back? My mind grasped this concept, but my heart dug its heels in, not ready to give up on her.
I was lost in my thoughts when the sound of the door to the roof opening drifted my way. I wondered if it was Naveen? But my question was answered when Alex broke the silence.
“You going to stay up here forever?” She asked.
I turned to her and asked, “So, you’re talking to me now?”
“I’m here, aren’t I?” She asked.
I looked back out into the distance and said, “Sorry about what I said. I was a bit of an asshole.”
“But you’re my asshole, and I can’t stay mad at you forever,” she said.
I gave her a tight-lipped smile and said, “That’s good to know.”
Wind knifed in from the west and sliced through my coat, chilling me to my bones, but I did my best not to show it.
“You’re freezing your ass off, aren’t you?”
“No, I’m not,” I said.
“Then why are you shivering like a can of paint in a paint shaker?”
“Is it that obvious?” I asked.
“Sort of,” she said.
“Why did you come up to check on me?” I asked.
“First, I don’t want you to become a freaking popsicle,” she said. “Second, I didn’t like the way our conversation ended the other day.”
“Me, too,” I replied.
“Listen, Joel, I don’t know about Kara. She might be too far gone. I don’t know. It doesn’t look good.”
I gave her a sideways glance and said, “You think I don’t know that. This is so hard. Giving up on her is like…”
She walked over to beside me and put a hand on my shoulder, then said, “I know.” She paused for a moment and said, “When Rebecca was...was failing. You know, she was delirious with a fever of 105. I don’t know if she knew I was there all the time. Anyway, there was a moment where she was totally lucid. Totally with me. She looked me right in the eyes and made me promise that I would take care of her. I said I wasn’t giving up on her. She made me promise her that I wouldn’t let her become...one of those things.” She reached up and rubbed her hand down her face. “Then she died, and I took care of it.” She paused and I could see she was back in that place, and I hated myself for making her go there.
Then she said, “Like I said I would.”
“Okay, I have a question,” I said. “And I don’t want you to push me off this roof when I ask it.”She narrowed her eyes and nodded her head that seemed to say that she was giving me the go-ahead, but maybe she was trying to tell me she would pitch me over the side. I decided to go for it.
“I made a promise to Kara, too,” I said. “You know I did, but with the vaccine that Doctor M worked up, it gave me some hope.” I paused for a moment, not really wanting to ask my question. “If you had the same medical voodoo Doctor M had made, would you have used it on Rebecca?”
She smacked her lips but didn’t say anything at all for about ten seconds.
“I can’t go there,” Alex said. “I didn’t have any medical miracle.”
“But if you did,” I said. “Would you have given up on Ka--” I stopped realizing I was about to say Kara’s name. “Would you have given up on Rebecca, even if she were...like Kara?”
I watched her face as she stared off into the distance. She was clearly deliberating her response when her expression changed. Something in me thought she was really about to toss me off the roof, but she took a step closer to the edge and looked down at the street.
I turned my attention to where she was looking, and that’s when I saw a mob of zombies come around the corner of a building halfway down the block. These weren’t shambling, out-for-a-stroll type of zombies. They were moving with great purpose, and Kara was leading them.
“Oh shit,” I said.
“Oh yes,” Alex said, and her voice sounded a little dry. “Oh, shit is right.” She started to turn away from me while she added, “Let’s get downstairs.”
We ran down the stairwell, skipping every other step. Once we burst through the doors on the fifth floor, Alex yelled, “All hands on deck. In the lab. Now!”
Richard poked his head out of a door ahead of us and asked, “What’s up?”
“We’ve got a mob of deaders coming our way,” I said.
It took about a minute for everyone to gather in the lab. Brother Ed was the last to stroll in, looking about as unenthused as a person could be.
“What is happening?” Doctor M asked.
I put out a hand and wiggled my finger at Doctor M, telling him to join Alex and me at the windows. We had a bird’s eye view of the courtyard below. Kara marched on a line right at our building. Like little lemmings, a long line of the undead followed behind her.
Nathan and Naveen had their faces pressed against the glass and were both looking down along with the rest of us.
“Who’s that scary lady leading them?” Nathan asked.
Everyone was silent for a moment, then Naveen said, “That’s Kara.”
“She’s the one that got changed?” Nathan asked.
“Yes, the one I told you about,” Naveen said.
“She looks scary,” Nathan said. In a trembling voice, he asked, “Is she coming inside the building with...with them?”
“No, no,” I said. “She isn’t coming inside.”
Richard asked, “You sure about that, Joel? She looks like she’s really pissed.”
“She’s not coming inside,” I snapped off, but the truth was that I had no idea of what she was going to do. My guts started to churn, and I pressed my head against the window so hard, I thought I might even break through it at any moment.
When she got to within thirty-feet of the building, she suddenly pulled up, and the zombies piled up behind her. Some even moved past her but went no further, starting to circulate around her. From our view from above, it seemed like she was the queen bee with her drones swarming around her.
More and more zombies came from the surrounding buildings and joined Kara’s pack of zombies. I didn’t stop to count, but there had to be over a hundred of them.
“I’m really scared,” Nathan said, and I could hear the tears behind his words.
Lori said, “We’re not going to let anything happen to you.”
“Alex, Joel, what should we do?” Doctor M asked.
“Nothing for now,” I said. “It’s watch and wait time.”
And pray. I closed my eyes for a second and sent a prayer skyward. It was short and sweet. Please, God, don’t let my girlfriend break inside with all those zombies and kill us all.
I hoped God was listening. He was always free with his advice to me, but there were times I wasn’t sure it was a two-way street.
Our view directly down onto Kara and her swarm of zombies didn’t give me the best perspective of her intent. All I could see was her head, her shoulders, and an oblique view on her face. What I could tell was
that she wasn’t moving forward. I so wanted to take that as a good sign, but she could have been waiting for more zombies to come on the scene.
Nathan cried harder, and I heard Naveen comfort him, but I was so focused on Kara, I didn’t listen too carefully.
“I think we need to lock and load,” Alex said.
I put out a hand and placed it on her arm. “Give it a minute.”
“I can’t see waiting any longer,” Richard said. “We need to be ready.”
“Just give it a minute!” I said more loudly than I meant to.
Ten seconds later, Kara pivoted around and yanked back her arm, then delivered a devastating punch to the zombie directly behind her. Her fist obliterated the zombie’s face, knocking the bones into the back of its skull. It flew into the row of zombies behind it, toppling a line of them.
Kara raised her head and I saw her mouth open wide as she let loose with a scream.
We couldn’t hear from up where we were, but I envisioned it was a shout of anger or frustration.
A moment later, she shoved her way back through the pack of the undead, violently pushing them out of their way and sending them rolling across the pavement. The ones outside her forceful throes turned and followed her back down the street.
I followed her, too, with my eyes. She disappeared around the corner of a building, and that was it. Disaster averted. Collectively, we all let out a long-held breath.
“Holy shit, that was close,” Alex said breathlessly.
“We have to do something,” I said.
“Are you saying we have to take her out?” Alex asked.
“No. Not yet, at least,” I replied. “I don’t want to read too much into it, but I’m telling you. Some of what she was, is still in there.”
“How the hell do you know that?” Richard asked.
“She turned away,” I snapped back. “That’s why. Nothing was holding her back, but whatever she was -- her human side.” I paused to run a hand through my hair, then said, “If you give me one last chance, I’ll concede to some...alternative.”
Books of the Dead | Book 9 | Dead of Winter Page 13