“Know. I’ve always wanted to fuck a nun, though. Perhaps we could work something out.”
“Adie you are fucking incorr…” The words die on my lips as the second clamp releases. I let out a howl of misery.
“What was that about fucking?” Adie says. I hiss at him in response. It will be a moment before I can form words again.
“My mother always told me that when something knocks you for six, you get straight back on that beast again and show it who’s boss.” Nuzzling into my neck, Adie pours a generous helping of shampoo into his hand and begins to lather up my hair.
My words come back. This is too good an opportunity to miss. “You have a mother?” I say, in mock horror. “And here I thought you were spawn of the devil.” I’m only half-joking.
He tugs on a tendril of my hair sharply. “For someone who was nearly killed today, you still have a lot of fight left in you.” His tone is playful, though.
“I could still run rings around you, Dumortier. I have no idea how I haven’t slit your throat already.” Adie puts both hands on the top of my head and pushes me under the water after that comment, and I come up spluttering.
When I turn around to lump him one, he puts his hands up in the air. “Just rinsing the shampoo off,” he says innocently. Little fucker.
“Me and water are not best pals today. Go easy.” I twist around to glare at him and jab a finger in his chest. He snatches it, puts it into his mouth and then sucks upon it. He has an incredibly talented tongue, but I refuse to be swayed by it. Shaking my head, I pretend to find the ceiling really interesting. Adie finds this most amusing, and holds on to my poor finger far longer than necessary. Finally, he releases it, and places my body back where he wants it.
“Sheath that viperish tongue, woman, and I might.” His fingers are once again in my hair, this time massaging a generous amount of conditioner into my roots. He’s surprisingly good at this.
“Were you a hairdresser in a previous life, by any chance?”
“You’re so funny.” I get another tug at my roots for my attempt at humour before Adie says, “No. I used to wash Alaina’s hair when she was younger.”
“Your sister?” I say the word gently because I am well aware Alaina is no longer with us. Alain told me that little gem.
“Yes.” Adie doesn’t volunteer anything else, but he brings my head back against his chest, and I settle into him. His fingers are working their magic, and I’m gradually beginning to relax.
“Why is Alain so mad at James?” I can’t believe it’s just because they wanted to run away together. I can understand him being mad about the deception, but not mad enough to carry around this kind of grudge. There’s more to this story. What am I missing? Adie’s body then tightens behind me. That’s as good an indication as any that I’m on the right track.
“The tale isn’t mine to tell. You’ll need to ask James.”
Hmm. That’s going to be a problem. “James isn’t speaking to me at the moment,” I say, hoping that Adie will take pity on me and share.
“That’s your problem, not mine,” he replies.
Chapter Six – James
I’m drowning. You don’t have to be immersed in water to drown in your own blood and vomit. Anyone who gets their strings pulled by a Dumortier is drowning in every sense of the word.
Closing my eyes, I let the cold concrete of the floor seep into my bones, as I consider what nearly went down in this room. I decide to put it into words, though I don’t say it out loud. Alain can go fuck himself.
I nearly killed the woman I love. I was seconds away from mourning her death, when I should have been pulling her out of that tank and at least trying to get her to safety. What kind of man does that make me? What sort of monster have I become?
My fingernails scrape against the rough texture of rock and cement, as I think about what I could have lost today. The answer is everything. I could have lost everything.
I try to tell myself that Alain would never have let me drag her out of that tank alive. I know he was watching us from upstairs. Even though I couldn’t see him, I knew he was there. Would Adie have saved her? I already know the answer to that question, too. He’s as powerless as I am when faced with the wrath of his brother. We both stood there frozen, while that bastard reigned over us with cerebral landmines.
Fuck. I feel like someone’s sucked all the air out of me and left me to rot in the sun. A dried-up plastic bottle, that’s cracked and split, but won’t actually disintegrate for several years to come. This is the first time my legs have fallen out from under me, and my mantel of fierce self-control has been broken. I was half a man out there today. Unfocused, scared, totally unprepared in every way that mattered. I could have killed her.
She’s alive. I have to keep telling myself that. I was almost positive I wasn’t going to get her through it. My mind was already preparing itself for her death and all the repercussions that would come with it. She’s alive.
Thank God Adie was there. I’d been in no fit state to take care of her after it was finished. I’m still hunched over on the ground now, and I don’t even know how long I’ve been lying here. Time has no meaning for me at the moment. Get yourself together. Get up. I ignored the voice of reason squawking inside my head. He could wait until I was good and ready to stop feeling sorry for myself, and it wasn’t yet.
Calm the fuck down. We’re all alive. We live to fight another day. This has to stop. Yes, but how? How do we catch that slippery fucker on his own? How do you take down someone who has cameras trained on his every move and armed guards that are seconds away from him at all times? I want to scream. The sound is bubbling up through my ribcage and pushing forward through my chest, but I refuse to let it escape. Alain has just had more than I’ve ever given him before, and that’s bad enough.
Get up. Staggering to my feet, I walk straight ahead and place my forehead on the brick wall. I bang into it repeatedly, as if trying to knock some sense into myself. How can I be three steps ahead in a game that has me doomed to failure from the start? For every move I make, Alain has a counter one, but now the stakes are too high. The repercussions from one false move are unthinkable, and I can’t get my head around it.
The door opens behind me, and I stiffen. If this is Alain coming to gloat, I’m going to rip his throat out with my bare hands. “Fuck off,” I say brutally, without even looking.
“She’s fine. Thanks for asking.” The sarcasm coming from that voice is unmistakable.
“Adie. You shouldn’t be here. Go take care of Lois.” I still don’t look at him. I can’t.
“She’s sleeping. You need to get out of here. It’s midnight and there’s no heating down here.”
“Fuck off.” The last thing I need is Adie telling me what to do.
“You have two days left to train up Lois until Il Piacere and you’ll need every second of them. There is no time for this, James. Go to bed.”
I shake my head. “I nearly fucking killed Lois out there today. I came this close,” I hold out my finger and thumb a millimetre’s distance apart, “to murdering her.” Pushing myself off the wall, I turn to look at him. There’s no sympathy in his expression, nor had I expected any. There is only hardened resolve.
“You did what you had to, and you got her through it alive. If you hadn’t been the one on the other end, she’d be dead right now. You didn’t kill her, you saved her. You’re also the first person who’s even got a woman through the tank.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” My voice is incredulous. It doesn’t make me any less of a monster just because I played Alain’s game and won.
“No. Forgive yourself and move on. She needs you. We all do. You’re of no use to us if you fall apart. There’s no time for self-pity around these parts.” Adie’s right, his voice is deadly serious, and the scream trapped inside my chest expands.
“Your brother is making me race from one suicide mission to another. This time, it’s not just my life in the bala
nce. Now, I’ll be responsible for another death if I fuck up. This can’t continue. He wants to crack me open from the inside and watch me bleed out. Why can’t he do that without taking other people down with me? If he wants me, he can have me. I’ll fucking crawl to him on my hands and knees if I have to, but I can’t be responsible for another death.” I bang my head into the wall again, and wish I had enough strength to tear this place down brick by brick.
“I know.” Adie’s voice drops a decibel. “I’ll talk to him if you want, but you know what will happen. That’s not how it works. If he takes someone down, he makes an example of them, and he’s never hated someone as much as he hates you, James. You know what you have to do.” Adie’s asking me to kill his brother. This is the crazy, mad world in which we live.
“Fuck all of this. I wish he’d just kill me and end this.” I slam my fist into the wall, and I’m lucky I don’t break it. Beads of blood begin to form on my knuckles, and a sad part of me relishes the pain.
“It wasn’t your fault. You don’t deserve to die. This is on him, not you.” Adie is pragmatic as always.
“It was my fault.” The pain of her death is still raw, even after all these years. I can see her face now, looking back at me, and all that blood. So much blood. The halls ran crimson that day. I remember looking down at hands that were covered in the stuff and wondering what the hell had happened.
“If anyone’s at fault, it was Alain. You can’t keep blaming yourself.”
“I should never have touched her. He warned me,” I bit out. My fingernails claw at the brick until the edges of my nails run ragged.
“You were in love. It’s not something you can fight.” Adie lays a hand on my shoulder, but it’s not comforting. I shrug it off.
“It is. If I could turn back the clock, it would all be different. I’d have kept my distance. I wouldn’t even go near her. Wouldn’t even let my eyes linger in her direction.” My voice is close to tears. I need to get out of here, away from Adie, away from prying eyes and Alain’s digital spies.
“Then she’d have killed herself a few months sooner than she did. She was going crazy before she met you. Don’t tell me you didn’t see it. You can’t take those precious moments away from her. Do you think she’d have wanted that? To remain inviolate and untouched forever? To be constantly under the control and supervision of my brother? She idolised you. You were the best thing that ever happened to her. She’d have rather had a day of you, than a load of miserable years under Alain’s thumb. She escaped. Let her have that. She’s the lucky one.”
I can’t listen to another word. Storming from the room, I hear Adie follow me, but he can only trail me to my room. When the door slams behind me, I debate wedging a chair firmly under the handle, but that action is beneath me. I can deal with Adie. Walking to the window, I stare silently out at the night sky, as if hoping it will give me some answers.
Although the world outside is quiet and still, everything is black. The darkness is complete and all-consuming, and it covers everything it touches, squeezing the life out of colour and warmth. It suits my mood, which is cold and grim. It looks as empty as I feel. There are no answers to be found out there. No one is coming to help me, and no one here will be saved. We’re all just pins in a bowling alley, waiting to be knocked down. Unlike those pins, when we’re smashed against the wall, we aren’t getting up again.
Tomorrow is another day. The thought doesn’t make me feel better because it will be filled with evil games and the machinations of a psychopath. Can I do this? It’s a ridiculous question. I have no choice. I am becoming the hard-hearted, callous bastard that Alain always wanted me to be, and before long there will be nothing left to salvage. All it will take is another day or two like the one I’ve just had, and there won’t be much of anything human left in me. Perhaps if I can just get Lois out of this mess, I might be able to live with the consequences. Yeah. Like I can take a bomb being unleashed on several hundred thousand innocent and unsuspecting people. I know Alain will do it, and he’ll get a kick out of it, too. It will be his present to me in the underworld.
My subconscious silently wails in horror.
The door to my room opens and closes quietly, and I wait for Adie to speak. He takes his time about it, thinking through what he wants to say. This is a recent thing. A few years ago, the man had no patience whatsoever. A lot has changed since then.
Eventually he breaks the silence, when it becomes clear I’m not going to. “You need to get some sleep. You’ve got two days to train Lois up before you drop her in at the deep end.” There’s worry in his voice. That’s why he’s here. He’s afraid I’ll do something stupid. To be fair, I’m considering it. The last thing I want to do is go to Il Piacere and watch Lois get hurt by a load of sick bastards.
“You can do it,” I say. The thought of putting Lois through any more pain has the contents of my gut threatening to upend itself again, and my stomach is sore enough already.
“I can help but I can’t do it all for you. You’re the one she’ll have to trust and obey. You need to get some sleep. You need to rest, James.” His feet make no sound as they approach me, and I already know what he’s going to do. I could overpower him, and play him at his own game, but I need him to take care of Lois. I don’t trust Alain, and if he knows she’s on her own, he might try something unpleasant.
“What’s in your pocket, Adie?” My fingertips tap against the glass as I ask the question. Tap, tap, tap. A plea for help. I already know what’s in his pocket. The only reason I ask is to judge how close he is to me.
“James,” he warns me.
Spinning around, I turn to face him. “You’re lucky I don’t wrestle that thing from you and give you a taste of your own medicine.” My eyes dip to his hands which are concealed in his pockets. He wants to knock me out. It’s the only way he’ll be confident I won’t do anything stupid until he can come and get me tomorrow.
“Don’t make this any more difficult than it has to be. You’d do the same thing for me if our roles were reversed. We need you.” Adie brings his right hand slowly out of his pocket complete with a syringe, confirming my suspicions.
Normally, I’d fight tooth and nail to make sure I’m not drugged with something, even if it’s only a sedative. I don’t like being taken by surprise because around these parts anything can happen. Tonight, however, all I want is oblivion, and Adie can deliver that with relatively little fuss and bother. The lure of his gift is tempting. There’s no other way I’ll get to sleep this evening. My whole body is wired after today’s antics.
“Give it here,” I say, indicating he should give me the drug by curling the fingers of my hand over. There’s no way I’m letting him do the honours.
Adie places the syringe in my open palm. “Fine, but I’m watching you do it.” He then crosses his arms across his chest and frowns. Adie doesn’t trust me, which makes me smile. He’s learning, but today he doesn’t have to worry.
“I’d expect nothing less, and for fuck’s sake don’t wake me before ten am. This shit makes me cranky in the mornings.”
“Even more so than usual?” is his delightfully deadpan reply.
Chapter Seven - Adie
I don’t leave James until I’ve watched him administer the sedative and crawl into bed. He finds this irritating, but he also knows that there’s no point trying to get rid of me until I’ve got what I want. James also finds it necessary to make his displeasure known.
“You’re going to stay here until I go to sleep aren’t you? What am I, three?” He glares at me, trying his best to make me uncomfortable.
“We both know what you are, James. That’s why I’m staying.” Suicidal is what he is, and even though I don’t say it, we both share a look.
“You’ll feel better in the morning,” I say, lying.
“I fucking won’t.” James’s expression is mutinous and surly. I can’t help a laugh.
“Fine. You won’t feel better in the morning.” I throw my hands up in
the air. “You can yell and scream at Lois, and help me train her, until you do feel better, though, because Il Piacere is happening, whether you like it or not.”
James turns away from me then and pulls the cover up over his face. It’s the equivalent of a verbal ‘fuck off.’ The time for talking is over. He’s had enough, and I can’t say I’m surprised. I remain in his room for the next ten minutes, long after his breathing had evened out and softened because I’m lost in thought.
I think that out of the three of us, James has the best chance of killing Alain. Without doubt, he’s the strongest, fittest, and most lethal. The only thing that’s stopping him is the thought that Lois and I will be killed shortly after he does it. That’s the stumbling block. I’m sure we can figure a way around it, though. We just need to put our heads together.
Standing up, I run my fingers through my hair as I make my way back to Lois. I’m going to need my beauty sleep today as well, because I intend to fuck my little assassin first thing tomorrow morning. In two days’ time Lois will be on assignment with James, and I will be stuck here as leverage, to make sure they both come back. Thinking about those two sleeping together is going to make me crazy, little good it will do me. Anyway, if I have to suffer, I figure James should have some, too, seeing as how we’re both in love with the same girl. Since when I have become so petty? Since now.
Entering my room silently, I smile when I see Lois bundled up in the covers, snoring softly. In the half-light she looks utterly beautiful with her hair mussed up and her lips parted. If I thought I stood a chance, I’d wake her now and demand to take her throat, but even I’m not completely unreasonable. She’s had a hell of a day, and I’m going to let her rest. In my bed. Next to me. With my arms wrapped around her tightly. She’s going to have a hell of a morning, too, but she’ll find that out soon enough.
I wake up early. It’s probably because I’ve been dreaming of fucking Lois all night, and my raging hard on is now trying to batter down the bedsheets. I need to sink it somewhere soft, deep, and wet. Rest time is officially over. The bastard is back in residence.
Embers: A Dark Romance Love Triangle (A Special Agent Novel Book 5) Page 6