“From a public relations standpoint where George was concerned, the fight was very bad,” recalled Richard Bradley. “We were afraid of how it would affect advertisers, especially women’s fashions and cosmetics. I know John regretted it but, unfortunately, it was Carolyn who suffered the most in the court of public opinion. On the video, she definitely looked like the aggressor. It helped to set in stone an unflattering image of her as being dramatic and unhappy. We all knew John had a temper, but the public didn’t. It looked like Carolyn had brought out the worst in America’s Prince, that she was changing him, and a lot of people held that against her. In the end, I think Carolyn was more angry at herself that she’d let John get to her in public than she’d been at whatever they were arguing about.”
Sisterly Disapproval
The dynamic between John and his sister, Caroline, had always been such that he was reluctant to disagree with her. Going all the way back to when they were children, he never wanted to fight with his only sibling. Jackie had raised them to work out any differences. Usually, though, John just let Caroline have her way. It was easier. He wanted to keep the peace with the one person in the world who meant the most to him, and anytime something came up that had the potential to be a problem between them, he would decide it wasn’t worth it and shy away from taking a stance.
When it came to his love life, though, things became a little more complex for John. Caroline never approved of any of the women in his life, with the possible exception of the actress Christina Haag, who John had dated for a few years before Daryl Hannah and who’d also had the approval of Jackie. Because Caroline’s knee-jerk reaction was to just be contrary about John’s women, he had come to the conclusion—as did others—that she’d simply never be happy with anyone he chose. In her eyes no one would ever be good enough for him. Unlike other disagreements, where John would acquiesce, when it came to this subject he would listen and then just do what he wanted to do. Caroline would be vexed and her disapproval would fester between them for the duration of the relationship, but she was never able to actually make him end it with any woman.
True to form, Caroline Kennedy didn’t approve of Carolyn Bessette. The first time anyone knew for sure there was a problem was back in 1994 at a holiday meal at Caroline and Ed’s home. It was a festive occasion hosted by the Schlossbergs with John and Carolyn and Anthony and Carole in attendance. After dinner, they all clinked glasses and talked about their New Year’s resolutions. Anthony vowed to stay out of the hospital. “Good luck with that,” John said, ribbing him, as always. “And I think Carolyn’s resolution should be to just marry John once and for all,” Carole piped in, smiling at her friend.
“I don’t think so…” said Ed Schlossberg.
“Oh? And why is that, Ed?” Carole asked, biting back a smile. She thought he was joking. He wasn’t. “Because Caroline doesn’t even know her,” Ed said with a stern face.
Carolyn and Caroline just looked at each other in chilly silence. At that point, to hear Carole tell it years later, one could hear a pin drop. After a few awkward moments, everyone tried to recover and go on with dinner. However, it was clear that trouble was on the horizon.
When Carolyn later questioned John about the awkward moment, she felt let down by his response. He actually seemed fine with his sister not getting to know her. “She’s not going to like you, so why bother?” he asked. This made no sense to Carolyn. One relative in whom she confided recalled, “She said, ‘That’s not how people in the real world are with each other,’ to which John responded, ‘Welcome to the Kennedys’ world, where it’s either sink or swim. My sister is the last one who’s going to throw you a life raft.’ Carolyn persisted. ‘But I need to get to know her,’ she told John. ‘Maybe lunch or something?’ No, John said. ‘Just leave it alone, Carolyn.’ The more she pushed, the more John resisted. ‘Jesus, I said leave it alone, will you please?’ he finally exploded. Then he left the room, annoyed. She told me she was upset about it and wondered what it all meant.”
In the months to come, it became obvious that Caroline would never be close to Carolyn. They were just different kinds of women. Style and fashion meant a lot to Carolyn, for instance, and not much to Caroline. Caroline interpreted Carolyn’s interest in clothing as a sign of her superficiality. Also, Carolyn was forthcoming and open as a person, whereas Caroline was much more subdued and harder to know. There were many other differences, but they were mere personality quirks. In short, Carolyn simply rubbed Caroline the wrong way. The truth was that John’s fiancée wasn’t her cup of tea. Though it bothered John, he knew better than to make an issue of it.
The highly public fight in the park, though, really illustrated why Caroline was so critical of Carolyn. She actually blamed her for it. She felt she’d been with John long enough to know what sorts of things pushed his buttons, and that she should’ve known to avoid those triggers while in public. “Get to know my brother,” is how she put it. She was used to her cousins dragging the family name through the mud, but not John. She then had words with him about the melee along the lines of: “How do you think Mummy would like it?” He felt bad enough already; Caroline just made him feel a lot worse.
Caroline was now clear that John shouldn’t marry Carolyn—at least not anytime in the near future. She felt that the fact that they’d been screaming in each other’s faces was evidence enough that they weren’t a good match. Certainly, she and Ed would never have had a fight like that. They were different people, though. They were so mild-mannered with each other, at least from all outward appearances, some people in their lives couldn’t help but feel that maybe an explosive airing of feelings once in a while might actually do them a world of good.
The siblings debated John’s engagement to Carolyn until there was nothing left to say about it. Finally, John felt the only way to smooth things over was to ask Carolyn if she would have Caroline be her matron of honor. However, Carolyn had two sisters with whom she got along well, so why would she want John’s disapproving sibling to fill that role? The only reason, maybe, was because John had asked her. After some deliberation, she agreed.
What could Caroline say? Declining Carolyn’s request would just cause more problems. Therefore, she agreed to accept the honor. The two then made a real effort to at least act as if they got along for John’s sake. However, to say they were close during this time would definitely be overstating things.
Ethel Reaches Out to Carolyn
Not only was John’s sister upset about the display of temper in the park, his uncle Ted was also perplexed; he felt it out of character for John to be so out of control in public. Maybe Ted didn’t know his nephew as well as he thought he did, though; John definitely could, when worked up, lose his temper in front of strangers. “He spoke to John about it to sort of parent him through it,” Ted’s good friend Senator John Tunney once said, “but he told me he didn’t get far because the kid was so shaken and embarrassed. This kind of thing reflected poorly not just on John, but on the entire Kennedy family. Also, Ted knew John wanted to be taken seriously as a businessman with “George. What had happened had been at odds with the image he was hoping to project in that regard.”
Maybe it wasn’t John who should be spoken to, Ethel decided. Perhaps it was Carolyn. She knew from the first time she met her that she wasn’t what she appeared to be on the outside—“all smoke and mirrors” was how Ethel had put it. She noticed that things hadn’t gotten better with the passing of time. Ethel knew that a large part of Carolyn’s reluctance to be with the family just had to do with insecurity, and she felt she could help her in that regard. She’d actually wanted to sit down and have a frank conversation with Carolyn for some time and had just been waiting for the right moment. After the Central Park incident, she felt the time was right. Therefore, she asked her to Hickory Hill for a chat.
Carolyn was reluctant. She couldn’t imagine what Ethel Kennedy would have to say to her privately, and she feared it had to do with the recent fracas in the par
k. If so, she wasn’t sure how she’d handle being chastised by the matriarch. John left it up to her to decide whether to go, but he suggested that if she passed on the invitation it might be insulting. Finally, she consented to meet with Ethel, feeling she really had no choice. She wanted John to go with her, but he said he couldn’t because he had magazine business in New York. She then asked her best friend, Jessica Weinstein, to accompany her, but she couldn’t make it. Carole Radziwill was also unavailable. Her third choice was a good friend who asked to remain anonymous in this telling of the story. “She just needed a friend with her,” said the source. “She was scared. I didn’t know what to expect either, but I said yes, I would go.”
Early the next morning, Carolyn and her friend found themselves on a private plane Ethel had sent to take them to Washington. They landed at Ronald Reagan Airport and were then picked up by a chauffeur in a white limousine, who drove them to McLean. Eventually, they pulled up to an enormous, white-brick Georgian manor, the sprawling main residence of the Hickory Hill estate. They were met at the door by an officious African American female in a black-and-white ensemble, not really a maid’s uniform but more like a businesswoman’s. “Welcome to Hickory Hill,” she said before asking them to follow her.
“When we walked into the house, we were faced with this huge display of American history, all sorts of documents and artifacts,” recalled the source. “In the entryway, there were dozens of framed presidential correspondence along with photographs of John, Bobby, and Ted. I noticed one letter of scribbled handwriting and asked what it was and was told that they were notes from JFK’s last cabinet meeting. There was also a copy of JFK’s inaugural address. There was even an original copy of the Emancipation Proclamation, which, we were told, was one of only forty in the world. I also saw letters from George Washington, Andrew Jackson, and John Hancock. It was amazing.”
The visitors were then taken through a maze of rooms and into a large, formal space that was described to them as “the drawing room.” It was lovely, with hardwood floors, expensive rugs, and enormous picture windows that faced a stunning view of trees, flowery bushes, and marble statues of angels and saints. Antiques were placed about the room in just the right places. On either side of one of the main picture windows were two tall flags from JFK’s Oval Office and RFK’s Department of Justice office. There was more historic memorabilia everywhere, including photos of various Kennedys giving speeches and accepting awards. In the corner was an antique desk with a bust of Bobby Kennedy on it, which was surrounded by more family photos, all in silver frames.
It was early, and the housemaids were in the middle of their morning chores, preparing the room for the day. There must have been six women in crisp uniforms scampering all about, fluffing pillows, turning on certain lights, turning off others. Someone was vacuuming. Another woman was fumbling while trying to spark a blaze in one of the fireplaces. Someone else was arranging a huge assortment of exotic flowers in a large crystal vase. Another woman was perched precariously high atop a ladder and dusting books on a shelf she was barely able to reach. “We heard someone say to be sure to keep the top of those books clean because Mrs. Kennedy might just get up there herself and run her fingers over them,” recalled the source. “At just that moment, our greeter clapped her hands twice and announced, ‘That will be all, ladies.’ They all then quickly started gathering their things. In maybe thirty seconds, they were gone.”
After the two visitors sank into a comfortable, pale yellow couch, they were told to wait. Five minutes later, a maid presented them with a tray of hot tea and butter cookies. After the passing of about a half hour of eerie silence, Carolyn and her friend were beginning to wonder what was going on. Then Joe Kennedy, looking handsome in a blue suit with a red tie, appeared and introduced himself. He shook their hands. “My mother is dealing with a little issue in the kitchen,” he said. “It’s not a big deal,” he added with a chuckle, “but if you see a tidal wave headed in this direction, get ready to start swimming.” With that, he left.
“Finally, Mrs. Kennedy walked into the room,” continued the source. “Carolyn jumped to her feet, which surprised me. It wasn’t so much that she stood up as much as she did it as if she were a soldier coming to attention. I was about three seconds late. I remember thinking Mrs. Kennedy was more petite than I expected, but well put-together in a light pink linen pantsuit with pearls. She apologized, saying there was a plumbing problem. ‘This place looks great from the outside,’ she said, ‘but if you scratch a little beneath the surface? Forget it. It’s falling apart.’
“She asked who I was and why I was there,” recalled Carolyn’s friend. “When Carolyn explained that she just wanted company on the trip, Mrs. Kennedy looked skeptical and said, ‘Yes. That and you were afraid to come here alone, weren’t you, dear?’ Carolyn’s face got beet red. Mrs. Kennedy laughed it off and said, ‘I get it. Don’t worry. People think I’m scary.’ Then, lowering her voice, she said, ‘They think it because it’s true.’ We laughed nervously and sat down.”
The three women talked for about an hour about a wide range of subjects, the gist of the conversation being the complications of dating and then marrying into the Kennedy family. Ethel acted surprised when Carolyn admitted to insecurity about John. “But you’re so beautiful,” she said, “and so smart. Why?” Carolyn said she felt not only in John’s shadow but in that of every person who ever came into his orbit. “He’s just such a big … presence,” she said. Ethel understood. “I went through that with Bobby at first,” she said candidly. “Then I finally got it that the only way to survive in this family is to look in the mirror in the morning every single day and say, ‘You know what? I am enough.’ Plain and simple. That’s it. ‘I am enough.’ Eventually it sinks in that, yes, you are enough, and that no one can ever take that away from you. Not even the Kennedys.”
“We were so surprised,” said Carolyn’s friend. “She was so forward-thinking, so empowering. I guess I expected someone more traditional, strict, and old-fashioned. Then, becoming more firm, she said, ‘Carolyn, I will tell you what I’ve told my daughters and my daughters-in-law. Be there for your husbands, but do not let them influence you into bad behavior. They will bait you. They always do. I’ve seen it for years. But you can’t take the bait. You must be stronger than that.’ Carolyn said something like, ‘But John’s temper is a lot to deal with sometimes.’ Mrs. Kennedy became annoyed. She said, ‘So? What else is new? You should see Joe’s temper. You should see Bobby’s. And you should see mine.’ At that moment, the maid happened to be pouring more tea. ‘Just ask her,’ Mrs. Kennedy said. The maid looked at me, opened her eyes real wide, and sort of cringed. ‘But not in public,’ Mrs. Kennedy added. ‘Never in public,’ she said in a chastising tone. ‘These men are hotheads. Don’t let them goad you into acting improperly in front of the whole world. Do you know what I’m talking about?’ Carolyn nodded.”
“Let me tell you something, Carolyn,” Ethel said as she rose when it was time for the conversation to end. “I think you’re more powerful than any of the other women John has dated. You know why? Because you’re smart,” she said, “and because you have heart. So don’t let John or those reporters or photographers or anyone else change who you are in here,” she said, and then she tapped on Carolyn’s chest. “Do you understand?”
Carolyn said she understood.
“Mrs. Kennedy walked us both outside,” said Carolyn’s friend. “We then hugged her goodbye and got into the car. As we were being driven down the long driveway and then out onto the street, I rolled down the window to wave goodbye, but she was gone. ‘She’s not really the goodbye-waving type,’ Carolyn said. As we headed to the airport, we didn’t say a word to each other. We were completely taken aback. I thought to myself, Well, okay, it makes sense. Look at all of the powerful women she’s raised. Her daughter is the lieutenant governor of Maryland! That didn’t just happen by accident. Of course this is how she thinks.
“Finally, Carolyn turned
to me and said, ‘I am enough, aren’t I?’ I smiled at her and said, ‘Damn right you are.’ And we just sat in silence for a little while and let that sink in.”
* * *
OVER THE NEXT six months, things definitely seemed better for Carolyn. She still didn’t love going to the Cape with the Kennedy herd, but Ethel’s philosophy made a difference in her life. It was good advice. Maria Shriver would add, “We are all worthy—not because we’ve accomplished something or because we’re part of a famous family. You’re worthy if you don’t make the team. You’re worthy if you get Ds and Fs. You’re worthy if you don’t get into the best college. That belief is the greatest gift any parent can give his or her child.”
Carolyn also seemed to be adapting to her high-profile relationship with John outside of the Kennedy enclave. “She would be at the compound wearing nice bright clothes, her hair falling free, very casual, no makeup,” recalled Gustavo’s daughter, Ariel. “Then, when she was getting ready to leave, she would change into all black clothing. She would then tie her hair up in a knot, a severe look, put on her makeup, and sometimes add a big hat and maybe sunglasses. This was her putting on her uniform, as if she was getting ready to go into combat. She would study herself in the mirror just before she and John would leave. She would then steel herself and declare, ‘Okay, I’m ready. Let’s do this.’ That was her public persona. She had found a way to make it work for her. We felt, okay, it’s time. Just be with John and get it over with.”
Even though she was finding ways to cope, John knew how much Carolyn would hate a big wedding, one swarming with photographers and reporters. How wonderful would it be, he mused, if they could just have a small, intimate affair, unlike the big, splashy occasions that had been previously orchestrated for many of his cousins. He knew it would be so appreciated by Carolyn. Could he pull it off, given that he was probably the most famous Kennedy of them all? Of course, as is well known by now, he did make it happen, and in the process of surprising Carolyn, he also surprised much of the world.
The Kennedy Heirs: John, Caroline, and the New Generation Page 12