by Leanne Davis
She afforded him the exact same understanding and leeway. That’s why they worked so well together. She was affable, friendly, full of fun and humor, but the thing she and Asher most valued in each other was being able to relax in their friendship. She had an entire heart full of stuff she simply did not want to share. With anyone. Ever. So she did not. And she finally found a man, a friend who allowed her that priceless freedom.
And in return? She allowed him the same freedom.
Asher Reed loved another woman. Hunter Rydell’s cousin, in fact. Daisy Rydell. Blonde, blue-eyed, and currently attending some fancy law school, she was intelligent, driven and ambitious. Asher had loved her for years. They dated for years. They seemed wonderfully happy together by all accounts. Asher told Kyomi all about it. But he and Daisy broke up. After Hunter’s wedding, in fact. Clashing life differences. Her need for education and a wider life-experience and Asher’s need for his ranch. Differing dreams. Differing lifestyles and goals. Differing paths that they couldn’t foresee ever crossing again.
They broke up to preserve each other’s dreams. Without losing pieces of themselves.
But despite their tragic sacrifice, Asher was still madly in love with Daisy.
Kyomi knew that. From her first date with Asher, he simply told her the truth. She accepted the news, thought about it, and decided that was okay for her.
Why?
She had her own reasons. She wasn’t as emotionally available as her pleasant, fun, nice demeanor might suggest. She was, in fact, quite the opposite. She didn’t want to share her inner life with anyone. The thought of being in love in the traditional sense and having to be open, honest, and accountable for her emotions and feelings toward another person, just wasn’t viable in her wheelhouse. Maybe not ever.
She saw Asher across the stockyards when they were both evaluating some cattle to buy. Handsome, dark-haired with a strong, tall, lithe body was how she remembered him from her young teens while growing up in the area. She’d been gone for years herself. Recently, she came back for reasons she refused to discuss with anyone. Asher accepted that. He didn’t fully know anything about her life or why she came back. He accepted what little she told him without pushing for more.
She heard he lived at the old Riesling place and she remembered it and eagerly asked him to see it. He invited her for dinner and a day of sledding. The dinner and sledding evolved naturally into kissing and sex. It was fun, nice, and enjoyable. The next day, he told her about Daisy. It was definitely not to compare her or kick her out since he, too, had thoroughly enjoyed their night and date, although there was no hot connection. No way there would be. Not at all. It was Daisy or no one for Asher. Forever. He had heaps of companionship to offer Kyomi, but no love. No kidding. No changing his mind. It had no chance to develop. Asher was brutally honest. Asher’s actions and words might have offended other women, especially after the night they spent, but not Kyomi.
She reveled in his open honesty with her. She finally found someone she could just be herself with. No threats of love or anything more. No need to share. She could have fun. Companionship. Sex. And free run of this ranch.
She told him that. “I can accept all that. I don’t love you, either. And I won’t. But I love this ranch and the land, and I love to escape here. So I might be using you partially for that singular perk.”
He laughed, swept his hand around the house and said, “Please, be my guest. If you can accept me how I am, I absolutely don’t mind being used or my space.”
She kissed him roundly on the lips. “I don’t like to talk about my life. And when I’m upset, I don’t want to share. But I’m perfectly happy if you want to share those things with me. Or not. Whatever. Just be who you are. Give as much as you want to or not. I’ll do the same. If that works, and we remain brutally honest, we can enjoy this. That’s what I would like. Something, someone to enjoy my time with, to have fun with, to talk to and just… chill, to take the stress out of life.”
He shut his eyes, shook his head and stepped closer to hug her next to him. “You just described exactly what I would like to add to my life. I’m stupidly in love with my ex. Like, so hung up that I don’t think I could love another woman as much. I don’t want to. But neither do I want to hurt anyone or fake anything.”
“I definitely got that. I won’t. Cross my heart and hope to die, I will not fall in love with you, Asher Reed. I don’t want to go there either.”
His shoulders released under her hands. “That’s a rare state of agreement. Most tell me I’ll outgrow her and things like that. But I experienced the kind of love with her that I don’t want to have with another woman. I just don’t.”
“Luckily, I’m not asking for it.”
“Do you have a love like that? One you can’t let go of?”
“No. I’ve never been in love. But I don’t want to be either. We’re good, Asher. Friends and companions and we care for each other. But we’re definitely not in love.”
“If you’re sure…”
She gripped his jaw in her hand until he stared right into her eyes. “I am friendly, nice and affable. I seem easy-going. But listen to me: I know my mind, heart, emotions and wants. At all times. They aren’t ambiguous to me or a mystery. They won’t pop up and surprise me. I am made of steel and ice. Believe it or not. I will not fall in love with you. You will not hurt me if you are honest and straight. Always. Brutally.”
He nodded, eyes wide with shock. “Okay. Okay, then. Kyomi Wade… damn. You’re not at all what shows on the surface or your looks suggest. Brutally honest. Always.”
She nodded back. “Good. Glad you finally believe me. I am how I appear, but that’s just not all there is to me, you know?”
“I know now.” He kissed her lips to seal their agreement. For months now, they happily abided by that agreement of friendship and caring. He was the most honest part of her life and she valued that more than she could imagine being in love with him.
Because she wasn’t.
After Hunter showed up, she waited a week before finally going back to Asher’s. She did not ask him to come to her but stayed busy with her endless to-do list on her dad’s place. While ignoring Reed Ranch, she decided she was being kind of stupid, considering she wanted to go there more than anything. She missed the escape it provided for her. It elevated her from ordinary life. It was her retreat and sanctuary, and damn if Hunter Rydell dare try to take that from her. She didn’t bother to explain her hesitancy to show up there to Asher. It was perhaps the first time she wasn’t honest and upfront with Asher about something.
She could not articulate why she was acting so strange in Hunter’s presence. A few sentences, greeting and glimpses of this stranger made her all hot and flushed beneath her skin. She felt awkward and out of place. Feelings of insecurity she never experienced in her twenty-five years suddenly emerged. All because of this local who was also a stranger from the city. He intimidated and confused her, inundating her with strange feelings. She didn’t like losing her usual balance and equilibrium, so clear and concise to her, even if it wasn’t to others, or being put so off-kilter merely by a brief introduction to a man.
A man who did not even glance at her. And why would he? The man was overcoming a terrible crisis after the brutal betrayal of his cheating wife.
So Kyomi went on about her life as she had been for months now. She ignored the squeezing strangeness of her stomach when she parked her truck before the front of the old, white, lovely house.
She entered the front door and stopped dead. Her jaw dropped open in full astonishment.
She usually came there and went at will. Asher was often in the barns or one of the numerous outbuildings or farther out in the fields. She never had a day where she felt the need to disturb him. He worked a full day at the Rydell River Ranch and then came home to work on his own place. Leisure time didn’t exist for him. So Kyomi came over whenever she wanted. Sometimes she didn’t even see him. She often brought him dinner and cooked it
for him. Her goal wasn’t to make his life harder, but to allow more time to spend together. She loved the ambiance of the place so it never bothered her if she came by and he didn’t show up until dark. She might be in bed before she even saw him. He’d crawl in, exhausted and hug her. Sometimes, she stayed for sex. Sometimes to talk or cuddle, and sometimes for nothing at all. Just to be there. She liked being there.
So for the time she’d been seeing Asher, she had her own key and used the house at her convenience. She told Asher that her dad’s house got stressful at times for her. She didn’t want to explain why, and he never insisted on knowing. She loved that about him; he also gave her a solution, a house key so that she could come there anytime, day or night, weekday or weeknight, and use it as her own. As usual, he provided her with the most valuable support of all, a solution.
Habits are hard to break and when she let herself inside the front door as she usually did, she stopped dead to find herself staring at the backside of a man. A naked, white ass loomed right in her line of view. Hunter Rydell was totally nude. His bare ass, sculpted and skinny, was facing her. It was a stunning sight of a long, white back that curved into tight, round butt cheeks, tapering down to his powerful thighs and calves that were covered in a fine sheen of gossamer, auburn curls.
She stopped dead in the doorway as he looked over his shoulder. He was standing at the kitchen sink holding a glass halfway to his mouth. Getting a drink of water? Naked? With her barging in. She stared for a much too pregnant pause and audibly squelched her surprise. It was close to dinner time, and daylight shone through the windows, making bright squares on the hardwood floors. It was not what she expected to walk in on.
“Shit!” he exclaimed, spinning forward. But there was nowhere for him to seek cover. Asher designed the front door that entered the living room to look straight through to the kitchen. That architectural detail opened the space to an unobstructed view of Hunter Rydell in all his raw glory.
Startled beyond speaking, she clung to her decency and turned around. “I’m sorry!” she yelled over her shoulder. “I come and go without knocking most of the time. I just didn’t realize—” Why the hell-bomb was she apologizing? She didn’t expect to find a man naked in the afternoon in the middle of the house. Wasn’t that a pretty reasonable expectation?
“Yeah, well, late night and I just got up and needed to drink some water…”
No doubt to hydrate his terrible hangover. Asher said he hadn’t quit drinking since he first got there.
But walking around naked in the house? Asher didn’t mention that.
She didn’t answer, flipping around before she simply stepped out the door and left.
There was no way she would stand there and let him witness the blush that began devouring her face. She could feel it stinging her cheeks and spreading down to her neck.
Later, she’d find the words. Not right now. She could not speak to this man, not while he remained naked. Too much a tall drink of water, all shimmery in sunlight over his unusual auburn sheen of hair, starting on his head and running down his legs. Crap! She really never noticed a man in such intricate details. Just from a few second glances. But his bright features were highlighted by the sunlight streaming all over him. How could she help but memorize it all? This stranger in her boyfriend’s kitchen—naked! Crap. Luckily, Asher would just laugh it off and simply tease her if he knew she found Hunter attractive. Because, Lord help her, she did.
Chapter 3
LATER THAT DAY, ASHER called her. “I hear you’re moonlighting now as a Peeping Tom? Peeking at my cousin, are you?”
Asher’s teasing voice started as soon as she answered his call. She moaned. “He was naked in the kitchen at four forty-two in the afternoon. Why would he be naked at four forty-two?! What could I do? I mean… come on.”
Asher laughed harder. “He’s sobering up now. Barely remembers it. I think he just got up and showered when he realized he was thirsty… and he’s not thinking or functioning normally… obviously. He did mention you walking in and being utterly surprised. He didn’t seem to realize you actually existed. That I had a girlfriend who regularly comes over to my house. He thinks you’re a once-in-a-while, occasional bed buddy. He knows all about Daisy and how I feel about her. He can’t fathom, or couldn’t before this, that I see you all the time, you know all about Daisy, and you’re all good with it.”
“He knew about me?”
“Of course. I don’t hide you away like you’re my personal concubine in the castle, now do I? I adore you. Of course, he knows all about you.”
She rolled her eyes at his dramatic sentiment even if he couldn’t see her. But why the thrill? The zing bolting through her nervous system just because she found out Hunter had already been told about her? That’s it. Knowing he knew she existed had her all but swooning.
“Well, when you say it like that, obviously, he knows about me.”
“Not going to ditch me or make me hit that white-assed ginger, huh?”
The image of Hunter in all his white-assed, ginger glory flashed through her brain and her entire body reacted. What. The. Hell? Wow. This was odd. Unprecedented. And she shut her lips tightly. He might be the first thing she could not be honest about with Asher.
To cover her confusion, she fake-snorted. “He’s got a few too many issues for the likes of someone as together and amazing as me.”
Asher let out a laugh. “That’s exactly the truth. Well, I just wanted to let you know he’s an idiot, sure, but hopefully, you won’t mind if he stays here indefinitely. I don’t think he knows it yet, but he’s in no condition to face his life right now. Way too much has happened, and he doesn’t seem to understand that yet.”
“Because he hasn’t come up from the bottle since that night?”
“That too. And his love affair with the toilet. Been bent over it with nasty hangovers way too often. Shows how stupid and mindless he is to keep drinking like he has been. He can’t deal with this. I mean, his heart is ripped out. Shredded. The betrayal by both of them is eating him alive.”
“Did you hurt like that over losing Daisy? The first days after the final break up?”
“Yeah. The hurt was just like that. But I didn’t have to endure the gut-eating, nasty betrayal that has Hunter literally going insane. When I say it’s eating him alive, I’m not exaggerating, it almost is. Oh, man, I know I tease him, but it’s really bad. I feel terrible for him. Sometimes, I wish I could hurt the bitch for destroying him like that. He was the most confident, cocky, full-of-himself man I ever knew before she entered his life. He was almost annoying, but I have to say it’s kind of true. But he could get away with being like that because he was so smart, sharp, witty, charming and fantastic at his job. He was successful in his life and his career, and never failed to impress the people he wanted to feel part of. There was some talk of city-leadership and revolutionizing the business end of Seattle politics.”
“And now he’s holed up drunk at your ranch. Does his family know yet?”
“Not yet. I keep urging him, in the few lucid moments I catch him in, to tell them. I also advised him to just maybe not drink for one day. He’s in bad, awful shape. But as far as I know, you and I are the only ones around here who know he’s here or even what happened. I’m not going to press for the details, but damn! He needs help. He won’t talk about it or her. I don’t know if he’s heard from Francine or the stepdad about his job. He refuses to talk to anyone. Just calls her the stepbrother-fucker and then drinks some more.”
She shuddered. What a brutal betrayal. No wonder the man was spinning down the drain. Literally. But her heartfelt sympathy and its unexplainable depth surprised her. Who was she to get involved in another person’s pain? Hurt? Betrayal? She didn’t even like to get involved in her own issues, but those of a near stranger? One who was clearly married? Even if he was in a disastrous place. Unprecedented, awful, and all the bad words to describe it, he was still married.
“Did he love her?”
“Oh, yeah. He was crazy in love with her. I believed his feelings for her were genuine, always. Francine was the one I never believed. I instantly doubted her and her veracity. I think that’s why I was so viscerally repelled by her. I felt some level of discrepancy in the feelings between them. Like he loved her with all his heart and she was pleasant, but only lukewarm in her response. But I could not find a reason why she’d marry him if not for love. It turns out it was for love, just a distorted, fucked-up love that excluded Hunter, with someone she could not find the strength to openly love or claim she did. She did them all wrong. Bitch!”
Asher so rarely snarled derogatory words about women that Kyomi could see the depths of his caring about what Hunter had to endure.
“Yeah. No kidding. It’s pretty awful. In all ways. On so many levels. Just make it clear to Hunter that I come and go frequently. Unless you think I should stop? Or knock first? Or…” she bit her lip, hating to lose her connection to Reed Ranch considering how much she loved to go there.
“No. You don’t have to do anything differently. He’ll adjust and hopefully quit showing up naked in the kitchen. But hell, even if he does, it’s on him, huh? He’s been warned. If he’s too drunk to remember to wear something like a pair of pants, that’s on him.”
“Hopefully, he will.” Kyomi did not add that mental image of his entire naked backside, from ankle to neck, which kept vividly showing up in her mind’s eye. Late at night, as she lay still, trying to fall asleep, or mid-day while she was mucking the stalls or herding the cattle, that vision popped in her brain: the naked Hunter. Annoying didn’t begin to describe it. She hated the fact that she could not banish the image. Much worse, that she found it so intriguing. She acted like a teenager hiding an adult magazine under the bed. But she kept seeing Hunter Rydell in her dreams, behind her closed eyelids and it gave her warm, fuzzy feelings that flooded her guts and heated her blood. So stupid. She wasn’t usually a visually-stimulated woman, not in matters of sex. It was the connection, conversation and chemistry that usually appealed to her, not a glimpse of naked flesh. But this damn time, the flesh was all she could think about and all that it took.