by Leanne Davis
“Then you will be better.”
“See? No one has ever told me to be better. Okay. Now I’m going to try walking by myself and coming home without shopping or being with anyone else.”
“Put one foot in front of the other. Exactly how we all get to the places we want to be.”
She blinked. “You’re a fucking guru. Taking my first step. Here I go.”
Was Francine seriously that ignorant? Maybe so. Kyomi was starting to truly believe that.
Francine left when Russell started to stir, wiggling in her arms. Kyomi laid him down and he blinked his wide eyes up at her. Heart melting, Kyomi smiled at his face and leaned forward to kiss his cheek, his nose, and his little mouth. “Your mom might not be so bad. And that would be a miracle to me. Most appreciated. I mean, little Russell, I think you could steal my heart. Maybe even tonight. So not hating your mother would be a good thing, huh? They both love you, your mommy and daddy. They’ve just had a lot to wade through to get over each other. Not your fault. And it will work out.” She kept chatting as she started his diaper change, then the swaddling and his feeding. Each time, her efficiency and speed increased. At first, she was all thumbs but now she was doing it much more smoothly.
Hours later, after another nap, a change, a feeding and cuddles, Russell’s cries awakened Hunter. He stumbled out of his bedroom, his clothes back on, rubbing his face. His eyes were sleep-encrusted. His gaze landed on Kyomi, and he relaxed. The flash of panic disappeared. Did he forget she was there? Maybe in his haze of waking up at three in the morning, he thought he’d fallen asleep on his watch?
Kyomi just finished burping him and she rose to her feet as Russell snuggled on her shoulder.
Relief shone in his eyes. Hunter set a hand on his little head. “I thought I slept through it all and Francine…”
“I was here. I am here,” Kyomi replied. “Francine and I had a long talk and we set some things straight. I’ll tell you about it later. First, let’s go to bed.”
“But what about Russell?”
“The list was just completed, ready for part three of his night’s sleep.” She held the baby against her with one hand and tugged on Hunter’s arm with the other. “Come on.”
They entered his bedroom. She slipped into his bed and set Russell on the pillow beside her. “Get in,” she commanded Hunter who was standing there, staring down.
His face intent, looking so serious, he did what she said. Then they faced each other, still staring, and she smiled softly. Russell’s eyes were wide awake as his arms and legs wiggled and squirmed. “Look at him. He looks like he’s trying to swim. All he needs is some water and being turned around to go the other way.”
Hunter smiled and the tenderness on his face did weird things to her heart. Sappy, cheesy things that indicated she was probably going to be an involved stepmother. She never wanted that kind of role, but here she was.
“He does. He does that often. He moves his arms all around and then randomly seems to get startled and his limbs stiffen. It must be so difficult to be that tiny and helpless when everything around you is so new.”
She took Hunter’s hand in hers and set it on Russell’s chest. Keeping her hand over his, they held the baby there for several minutes. Hunter’s handprint was as long and wide as the baby’s chest. His fingers were gentle and tender on the baby as Kyomi and he stared long and deep into each other’s eyes. He swallowed. Did he know what she was doing? What she was creating? She believed that Hunter, as sharp as he was, understood.
“I can feel his heartbeat,” Hunter whispered.
“Your son’s heartbeat. He’s alive under your hand.”
Hunter shut his eyes. Then he blinked. “I’m sorry about the things I said earlier. I didn’t mean them. Not about Russell.”
“You kind of did. You’ve been overwhelmed during the last year. All because of one woman who failed to act in your best interest, or cared about how you felt, or even realized how deeply she hurt you. Repeatedly. The same woman you share this child with. It’s a lot to process. It’s not all going through the motions. Getting up. Going to work. Looking after Francine, this place and the baby. It’s a whole other list that has to get done.”
“Yes.” He sighed as he turned fully on his side and his other hand came around them. He stretched it across Russell’s little body to her back, embracing them both. “I’ve been doing this wrong,” he admitted in a low tone.
“No. You’ve just been surviving. Adjusting. You’re allowed to do that. Now? Take these moments. Realize that Russell isn’t a list. Or a chore. Or Francine’s problem. He’s yours. He’s your son. A living, breathing being. You have to get to know him. Take some pride that you managed to take care of him as well as you have been. His entire well-being requires it. Francine was useless.”
“Was?” He scoffed.
“Yes. She still is but there is hope on the horizon. I’ll tell you about it later. Anyway, you’ve had to be it all. But it’s for this reason. This baby’s heartbeat. This baby’s sweet breath.”
He shut his eyes. When he opened them, there was tears forming in the blue depths. He seemed to gulp as if he needed fresh air. “I have a son. He is alive and right here.” He glanced down.
“Yes. He’s right here.”
She removed her hand and Hunter dragged himself upright. He lifted Russell with his hands and held him in his lap. Staring down, he seemed to be seeing the baby for the first time. He studied his bald head with only the slightest sheen of red fuzz on it. His gaze ate up the small face, tiny, bowed mouth and the onesie covering his small body.
As a couple, he and Kyomi often had sex. They worked together for long hours doing endless chores. They got drunk together. Played cards together. Saw each other both miserable and happy. They shared the heartache of losing Kate and moments of anger from his life with Francine. But in that moment, watching him with his son in his arms, Hunter was staring down with reverence and love. His joy was obvious at seeing his own baby and that baby was everything to Hunter. He was holding his heart in his hands. That was the moment Kyomi fell fully and forever in love with Hunter. Nothing could ever compete with that or the wonderful rush of passion that filled her.
Hunter took a finger and gently outlined Russell’s mouth. “I guess Russell Rydell does have a distinctive, strong ring to it. The whole alliteration thing with the Rs, huh?”
She blinked back the tears in her eyes. “It is a great name.”
He glanced up. “Why didn’t you take me seriously when I said those things?”
“I witnessed you with him. Your gentleness. Your care. Your absolute dedication to the list because you’ve seen it work and you want to do the best for your son. You accomplish it with such repetition and fidelity, you are literally being run ragged. Not because you’re a robot with him but because you’re trying so hard. With a continuous lack of sleep. And the usual newborn moments. Not anything singular to you. I think all the rainbows and flowers and perfect moments with babies aren’t the real thing. Parenthood is living with foggy, tired eyes while dragging yourself out of bed to do the same routine over again and again because it’s necessary. It’s selfless. Being a good parent is what this child deserves. And the love? While you’re getting to know him and bonding? It can’t be forced; it just happens as you fully care for him and he eventually responds to you.”
He kept his gaze glued on Russell, wiping away the spittle bubbling out of the baby’s mouth as he said, “How did you know all of this?”
“I didn’t. I read a bunch about newborns and their care. It’s been so hard being away from you. Living through it with you and your second-hand communication. No judgment, just how it needs to be. So I read a lot to feel connected. I think you’re just being normal and it’s pretty usual to have hard moments. You love him. Look at you.”
Hunter lifted his head to find her gaze on him. He blushed. “I do. I just wish Francine wasn’t in the picture so much. I wish I could be alone with him more, or just
the three of us. I get so tired of her.”
“And cranky. Lack of sleep does that. No surprise, nothing to be ashamed of.”
He smiled. “Okay. And cranky.”
Russell’s eyelids started to drop until they finally shut. Hunter laid him gently back between them, and they once more stared at each other. His eyes were growing heavy too. She rubbed his arm. “Go to sleep.”
“Kyomi?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“I don’t want to do this, any of this, without you. Having you here tonight is ten thousand times better than last night or all the other ones since I last saw you. Will you marry me? We’ll figure it all out later. But I don’t want to be without you.”
She laughed. Leaning up on her elbows and gently stretching over the baby, she kissed his cheek and rubbed his troubled forehead. “No. No way. It’s far too soon, Hunter. You… you need to learn to let things take their natural time. Enjoy all the stages. You skipped them with Francine and look where that ended up. You kind of skipped it all with parenthood too, but that’s not your fault. But this? Us? We’re doing it right. We date. I live in Tarlson. I have a ranch and a dad who needs me there. I can’t live here. You have a job here. And Francine… so no.”
His breath blew out. “But all the hard, cranky moments are so much easier when you’re around.”
“Right. But that’s because I’m not yet part of the daily routine. Give it more time and I’ll annoy you or you’ll annoy me. That’s how it works. That’s when it’s real. And exactly why we aren’t getting married or moving in together, nor am I moving in here… not yet.”
His gaze jerked to look at her. “Yet? Then there is a chance? I mean, what are we going to do?”
She exhaled audibly. Glancing down, she rolled onto her side, and set her hands under her face. “The baby comes first. Your job has to support this…” She waved her hand to indicate the dwelling around them, “And Francine for now. So eventually, I guess, I’ll have to train someone to run the ranch, and hopefully, Dad will continue to curb his drinking. Maybe I can have someone come in and cook or clean for him. Perhaps…”
He almost sat upright in bed, causing Russell to stir, but the baby remained sleeping. “You’ve thought about this stuff?”
“Of course. But I came to no conclusions.”
“Here. You’ve considered coming here? I haven’t figured out what to do. I know I can’t ask you to come here, but how else can I accomplish this? You’re a rancher. Where do you do that here? I can’t do my job anywhere but in the city. And Francine lives here and needs me. Right here. For now. For him.”
She snickered. “You’re preaching to the choir. Franny is a long-term project that is far from finished.”
His head tilted. “Franny? Project? What the hell happened out there while I slept?”
“We came to a truce. And she intends to know herself without any men around. She needs to learn how to be a caregiver, a friend and a mother. All those things were never shown to her. First, she has to stop acting like a doormat for a terrible man.”
“You’re referring to Stanley, I hope, and not me.”
“Yes. Stanley. But you also moved too fast and skipped some essential steps with her. Something you aren’t doing with me.”
“So you’re going to fix my ex? My baby-mama? Why?”
“Well, mostly for your son. He deserves to have the best mother he can. She has something to offer him. She could become a decent mother or remain an incompetent one and a vapid, shallow shopper. We need to make her accountable. Show her the rewards in doing for her son the way that you do. It’s all for him. But there is another reason for it. To make our life together more livable. Because when the situation between us becomes more serious, it might be better to have her as a friend than an enemy.”
“So you promise me there will be something more.”
She took his hand in hers. “I promise. But for now? Just relax. Be Russell’s father. My boyfriend. Francine’s ex-husband. And a fancy executive. Just be those things. The rest will work itself out. As long as you keep trying and paying attention to all the relationships in your life, which you already do, there will always be more remunerations than difficulties.”
Chapter 22
THE NEXT DAY, KYOMI got a tour of Edmonds. The sun was out after the rain washed the area clean and left it in glittering-gold glory. The ferry ran every forty-five minutes or so. Franny’s townhouse overlooked the terminal so there was constant traffic, combined with the clanging and banging of the giant vessel when it settled between the gates and retreated with alarming certainty. Below the terminal and Franny’s townhouse was a sandy beach, which drew all kinds of people. They were lounging, walking, or skipping rocks in the soft, lapping surf of Puget Sound. The San Juan Islands of Puget Sound are known for their stunning beauty. The jewel-like colors of the clear, blue water, the gray mountains and tree-dotted islands made the area seem fantastic as it glimmered in the sunlight. It was often covered in clouds and gray skies full of rain. The micro-climate was so unlike what Kyomi was used to: arid, dry heat in summer; icy cold and snowy for winter.
True to her word, Francine took Russell without a complaint. She stumbled out at nine o’clock. Hunter updated her on his last feeding and diaper change and then tilted his head and watched her. He was pleased, but puzzled when she turned on her bare heel and went into her bedroom with the baby, mumbling, “See you tonight.”
“What time?” Hunter called after her.
She shrugged, without turning back. “Surprise me.”
He stared down at Kyomi and asked, “What did you two talk about?”
Kyomi smiled with inner satisfaction. The girl she believed was waiting to be awoken inside the fantastic embodiment of one Francine Charlize Stanton Rydell was far more than she appeared. With one conversation, she kept her word so far. “Life, liberty, love and the pursuit of her happiness.”
Rolling his eyes, Hunter mumbled, “You do realize, I hope, that her entire life, mine, Russell’s, and yours will be about that?”
“Not if she changes.”
“What would change her? You? Her ex-husband’s new girlfriend? Kyomi… please. Even you’re not that good. Sure, you and Asher have a unique relationship, and the same with you with Daisy, considering all the inner connections, but Francine?”
“Yes. Francine. I’ll tell you about it at lunch today. First, show me downtown. I only saw it through my truck windows.”
He grabbed her around the waist and planted a kiss on her mouth. “You’re really excited about this?”
“I’ve never seen it before. Sure. Show it to me. I’m not traumatized at being here like you are.”
Setting her back a few feet, he took her arm and dragged her towards the door. “Okay, maybe you can find something to make me think this place is awesome as well.”
They wandered the streets that catered to the tourists and visitors as well as the locals. They were waiting for the ferry, killing time for an hour or so and spending money on food and drink. They walked past the small shops that lined the streets, and quaint, pretty squares, meticulously landscaped and edged. People could sit and enjoy the views of the Sound, or admire the unique architecture and pristine landscaping. They spent the entire day as a couple of tourists. They ate two full meals: one at a seafood restaurant, and the other at an Italian bistro. It was all exciting, rewarding, and fun.
Now, they were enjoying waffle cones as they strolled on the beach, savoring the last streaks of the sunset and Kyomi sighed with total contentment. “What an excellent day.”
He continued to lick his cone. “Having you here makes it far better than usual. Usual is a trip through hell in I-5 traffic. A parade of stupid drivers and mindless pedestrians. Then a long drive home. Francine’s shrill calls of ‘Hunter. Do this or that!’ Lord, that woman’s jarring voice haunts me in my nightmares. All the time. Russell’s incessant crying. That’s slig
htly more tolerable, considering he’s the baby. But still. Most days here are not this pleasant.”
Slipping her hand into his, she said, “Not exactly real life down here, huh?”
“No, a tourist trap to the max. This is why Francine’s townhouse cost triple what the same place costs a few miles away. The rents are all jacked up.”
Squeezing his hand, she smiled up at him. “But it is really nice.”
Puzzled, he glanced down. “You like this area?”
“I—do. I like it. I even like her townhouse.” Jutting her chin down, she didn’t want to see his expression. Hunter was very vocal about how much he disapproved of her silly purchase and the area she chose. It was inappropriate for raising a baby. Another burden that complicated his life. He was forbidden from walking to work, and had to endure an unwieldy, long, traffic-filled commute. From the suburbs into Seattle, he had to navigate through the cars and commuters, which he detested and despised every single day. He complained how the extra time in traffic was slowly killing him, chopping off hours of his life… yeah, Hunter was quite vocal.
“Kyomi?” She looked up at his face. He stopped dead and grabbed her shoulder with one hand as his ice cream cone was in the other. He gently shook her. “Please do not add… and you like her. Not Francine. Stepbrother-fucker. Don’t make me think she somehow possessed your mind and now I must find a psychic or a medium to take her curse off you.”
She bit her lip to keep from laughing at his drama. He was only half-kidding. She twisted her shoulder free, calmly took a mouthful of bubble-gum flavored ice cream, and chewed it. After she swallowed, she looked back at him and said, “I—do. I like stepbrother-fucker.” Hunter’s shoulders sagged as if the burden of her admission just crushed him. It ruined his day, his week, his life. Worse than if she had cheated on him.
“You like Francine?”
“I could like Franny. If she follows through on her promises. I told you…” She’d already spent an hour explaining the truce they forged, the realizations Francine finally saw, and her belief that Francine wanted to be better than stepbrother-fucker or the wife she’d been to date.