We're too old to fight like newlyweds but it happens. Today was just one of those days. I don't think being caught in the middle of a snowstorm helps. Jack is under my feet too much and there's not much I can do about it. He's been trying to keep up with the shovelling but he's an old man and I don't particularly look forward to finding him face first in the snow due to a heart attack. One of our neighbours will come and dig us out eventually. Until then...
I need to find my earplugs before I do or say something I'll regret.
My mama used to say God had to make men first — he knew we'd kill them if we'd been made first. I used to ask her why and she'd only shrug her shoulder. One time she whispered “God knew we really didn't need them and it wouldn't take long for us to figure that out.”
Some days it's true.
Fourteen
Date Unknown
I have a box full of wool. My fingers aren't as nimble as they once were but there's nothing like the feel of knitting needles resting between my fingers.
Mary is going to need a few new hats to keep her head warm. She gets colds very easily. I should make her some mitts and a scarf as well. You never know when it'll snow again.
I need Jack to come home. I don't know where he is or if he's sick or well. I do know he's alive. He has to be. Mary and I need him.
I can't imagine what life will be like if Jack doesn't come home from the war. I hated watching him leave me. I knew something like this would happen and I've been scared ever since.
I don't show that to Mary though. She needs a strong mother. One who can get through anything. If my mother could raise all us kids and ensure we were healthy and strong just from her vegetable garden, then so can I. I will show my mother I am just as strong as her and I'll teach Mary to be the same.
Just like I've taught Emmie. Sweet sweet Emmie.
Thank you for reading Dottie’s deleted journal scenes from Emma’s Secret. I hope you enjoyed them!
MEGAN’S HOPE
Dear Reader
Dear Reader
I want to thank you for being with me on this incredible journey into Emma’s world. From day one when I released Finding Emma, your passion, your interest and your love of a lost little girl with her Papa have made this series into what it is today.
In Megan’s Hope, it’s my hope that you will enjoy seeing where this family has gone, how they have healed and see the love between them all, especially when it comes to Jack. You’ll notice that the chapters are broken up into months - January to December. Originally these were made available to my newsletter subscribers on a monthly basis throughout 2104.
I hope you’ll enjoy these monthly stories and stay tuned for a extra special letter from me with some behind the scenes info at the end.
Happy reading!
Steena Holmes
One
January
Jack brushed the snow off the bench and slowly sat down, careful of his knees. He’d almost fallen in the snow earlier as he shoveled a pathway for his morning coffee with Dottie. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d had this much snow so early in the winter season. He was getting too old for this; his body wasn’t as young as it used to be. Maybe it was time to take up the neighbor’s offer to help with the outdoor chores.
“Well, Dottie mine, another year gone. What should we make of the new one?” Jack sat back and burrowed his shoulders deeper beneath the scarf wrapped around his neck. The crisp wind left a bite. With his hands stuffed in his coat pockets, Jack focused on the tree he’d planted for his girl.
Some small red Christmas balls and painted wood ornaments hung from the small limbs. Gifts from Emma. Peter had brought her out on Christmas Eve so she could help decorate the house and leave some gifts for Dottie on her tree. His throat choked up as he remembered Emma’s excitement.
Peter had helped to drag out the boxes of decorations Dottie had stored beneath their stairs. Every piece Emma pulled out of the boxes held memories, and his house now looked like a winter wonderland. It didn’t matter to him whether there were a tree or wreaths or any other decoration in his home, but it mattered to Emma and that’s what counted.
The boys had grumbled about the disarray once his little girl had left but Jack cut them off. This was still Emma’s home. Always would be, as long as he was around. The boys could mutter all they want, but deep down, he knew they liked it too.
“I’m seeing our girl today.” Jack leaned forward and smiled. He could almost feel the love of his girl, shining down on him along with that warm sun. It was enough to ease the ache in his heart. Almost.
He was having a hard time letting go of this past year. So much had happened, so much heartache and joy. For so many years, Dottie would force him to reflect back on their past year and talk about the things that stuck in their minds the most. Then she’d make him think about how they could have changed things. Last year…he cleared his throat…last year they’d both agreed nothing would have changed. Could he still think that? Say that if someone were to ask him?
He’d carry that guilt in his heart till the end of his days and beyond, he knew that. There was no making up for the pain caused, nothing he could do to rectify…Jack sighed. Megan, Emma’s mom, would tell him to stop letting the past dictate his present.
“She’s got a good mom, our girl. Reminds me of you.” Jack’s throat thickened and he reached for the handkerchief he kept in his pocket. “She’s got a big heart, bigger than it should be.” He still couldn’t believe how they’d welcomed him into their family.
“And our girl, she’s good. She loves school and you should hear her read her stories to me now. You were a good teacher, Dottie mine. A good teacher. Just like with Mary.”
A soft wind whipped about him and lifted the ends of his scarf. He shivered.
“I’d better get back in the house and stock up the fireplace. Kenny was sleeping in your chair and I imagine the fire’s gone down.” He made a mental note to talk to the nurse today when she arrived. Kenny slept a lot now, more than before. He knew time was running out for his friend.
“I love you, girl. I always will.” Jack blew a kiss before he gripped the seat of the bench he sat on and pushed himself forward. His knees ached something fierce today.
Cardboard box in hand, Jack slipped his feet into his boots and made his way towards his small workshop. Doug was already in there and Jack welcomed the slap of heat on his face as he opened the door. A chill had set deep in his bones from earlier and he couldn’t seem to get warm enough afterwards.
“Almost done,” Doug mumbled. Jack set the box down on the cluttered workbench and peered over Doug’s shoulder.
“Looks good.”
Jack loved to work with his hands, craft things out of wood to make kids smile, but he hated to paint, stain, or anything else that had to do with a paintbrush. Fortunately, that was where Doug came in handy.
Together, they’d crafted tiny furniture for the dollhouse he’d made Emma for Christmas. Right now she used that cheap plastic stuff you could pick up at any big box store. But she needed proper furniture and he aimed to ensure she had it.
It was a tradition, one they’d started years ago when Mary was just a little one, to keep a gift back for New Years—something significant, special—to start off the new year. No sense breaking tradition now, so this furniture was his gift for his girl. He just hoped she liked it.
“Sure she won’t get splinters?”
When Doug glared at him, it was all Jack could do to not smile. Of course she wouldn’t get splinters.
“Want coffee when I get back?”
Doug set down the tiny paintbrush in his hand, and groaned as his back cracked while he straightened. “Thought you’d be all day?”
Jack shook his head. “Kenny’s not doing too well.”
“I’ll be here to take care of him.” Doug rolled his shoulders and grimaced.
“And I’ll be here to help.” Jack’s jaw clenched from the words he refused to say. If Kenny l
asted the night, he’d call it a miracle. Jack wasn’t sure how he was supposed to say goodbye to his old friend.
“What’s he doing right now?”
“His nurse is giving him a bath.”
Both men smiled.
Jack carefully stacked the furniture in the box, deliberate in his placement. Some of the small items he’d already wrapped in bubble wrap. He placed the one item Doug had been working on gently on top of the others. It was a small picture they’d found in Emma’s room. Jack had created a small frame for it and he’d had Doug paint a small lion on the back of the frame for him.
“Will you tell Emma?”
Would he tell Emma? Good question. She knew Kenny wasn’t well and that he didn’t have long before he would die, but did she need to have this day ruined? He wouldn’t lie to her, though; he made himself a promise to never lie to his little girl, no matter how much it might hurt.
“You know she’ll want to come out and help take care of him. She promised him she would.”
Jack grunted. He’d forgotten about that. Last time she was here, she’d told Kenny that she would sit and hold his hand if he got worse. She promised to tell him stories about heaven, stories she said Dottie told her while she was dreaming.
“We’ll see.” Maybe Peter would bring her out for a bit. He didn’t want her here when his friend died, though. She didn’t need to carry that grief with her. Watching someone pass…that stayed with you forever.
Jack picked up the box and pushed open the door. The sun shone and the chill in the air lessened somewhat. The news said they were to get hit with more snow overnight.
“I’ll bring coffee,” Jack said over his shoulder.
“Don’t forget the donuts,” Doug said.
Jack nodded, even though he wasn’t sure Doug noticed. The door banged shut behind him. He glanced down their long driveway and was thankful their neighbor had come by earlier with his plow—one of the benefits of living among farmers.
He couldn’t wait to see Emma’s reaction to his gift. He had no doubt she would love it. Her joy would be the perfect way to greet the new year. Even if Kenny did pass away…he’d find a way to ensure that joy stayed.
“Take care of him, Dottie mine, if he does come to see you tonight,” Jack prayed as he made his way down the road that would lead him to the highway and then into Kinrich, where Emma waited for him. “But if you could, talk the old man up there into letting us have a bit more time with the old grump, would you? I’m not quite ready to lose someone else so soon.”
Saying goodbye wasn’t something Jack enjoyed all that much. Even saying goodbye to Emma after spending time with her was getting harder. And yet, it was the way of life, wasn’t it? Goodbyes were inevitable at his age.
His shoulders hunched as he leaned forward and waited for the traffic flow to ease up before he turned onto the highway. The closer he came to Emma, the lighter his heart became. It was always that way. That little girl of his had a way of easing his soul.
He prayed that would never change.
Two
February
Her kitchen table was a mess. Bits and pieces of red, pink, yellow, and white craft paper covered its surface and the floor below. Strings of yarn hung everywhere, along with a plethora of markers, crayons, and scissors.
And Megan couldn’t be happier.
Emma sat at the table, bent over as she concentrated to ensure she cut the heart Megan had drawn earlier and hummed a silly song.
There was nothing Megan liked to hear more than Emma humming. It meant she was happy and secure. That she was comfortable in the moment and with every tune her little girl hummed, it helped to repair her broken heart.
“When will Papa be here?”
Megan took a sip of her coffee while she glanced at the clock. “Anytime.”
Emma’s head popped up and there was a sense of panic in her eyes. “Now?” She waved her hands in the air, over the paper hearts she’d cut out.
“No, no…not yet. You still have time.” Megan set her cup down on the counter and pulled out the chair beside Emma. “Would you like me to help?”
Her daughter’s head bobbed in agreement. Emma wanted to plaster their home with homemade valentines and hearts, something she remembered doing with Dottie last year. Megan couldn’t say no. Especially when Jack was on his way to spend time with Emma. How could she say no?
Their windows were already covered in Valentine’s Day decals they’d picked up at the dollar store. Well, every window except for Alexis’s. She’d refused to have her windows plastered in hearts. Emma had pouted until Alex gave in and agreed to have her door covered in homemade valentines from Emma.
Everyone wanted to see Emma smile, to hear the laughter in her voice. On that, they were a united front.
“Have you decided which one you’re going to give him yet, Emma?” Megan taped hearts to string so that they could hang it up in some of the doorways.
“I want him to smile. He doesn’t smile much anymore.” Emma quirked her lips as she studied some of the hearts around her. Several were full of images she’d colored or sayings she’d copied from a box of valentines they’d bought for her to hand out at school.
“That’s because his heart is sad. But he smiles when he’s around you.”
“I don’t like Papa’s sad heart.”
Megan sighed as she placed the tape down and reached over to give her daughter a hug. “No one likes a sad heart, honey. But he loves to be around you, so even if he’s not smiling all the time, it doesn’t mean he’s always sad.”
Kenny’s death had taken its toll on Jack.
Emma thought about this a moment. Megan could see the questions and thoughts all over her face.
“Like me?” she ended up saying.
Megan smiled. “Just like you.”
One day, that smile would come easily to her daughter’s face, but for now, she needed time. That had probably been the hardest thing for Megan to realize, no matter how often their counselor had to remind her. Emma needed time.
So did her family. It had been over six months since Emma had come home, but everyone was still adjusting. Emma and Peter now had a tight bond, which both eased Megan’s mind and made her jealous at the same time. There was a closeness there that she didn’t have with her daughter. Hannah was slowly learning to let go of her fear but not enough that it was noticeable, other than to Megan. The fact that Hannah wasn’t out here, helping Emma cut out the hearts, was a step. A very good step. Instead, she was up in her room, talking with a friend on the phone. But Alexis…the relationship between the two girls confounded Megan more than anything.
“Do you have a valentine for Daddy?” Emma cocked her head to the side as she looked up.
Megan smiled. “I do. A very special one.”
Emma’s eyes grew wide. “You do? Can I see it?”
Megan gave a slight shake to her head. No, she definitely wouldn’t be letting Emma or any of the girls see what she got Peter. She still couldn’t believe it herself. Laurie had taken her on a shopping trip to the city a few weeks ago and one of the first stops had been to a lingerie shop. Things were heating up between Laurie and Detective Riley, and Megan wouldn’t be surprised if a ring appeared on her friend’s finger soon.
“Is it chocolates? Will you share it? Please?” Emma batted her lashes and Megan laughed.
“Papa will be here soon, kiddo. You don’t want him walking in on this mess, do you? And you haven’t put your dress on yet.” Megan had taken her shopping for her special valentine’s date with Jack and helped her to pick the most adorable pink dress and leggings.
Emma’s curls bobbed as she quickly twisted in her seat to resume cutting. Megan turned, glad that she’d been able to divert the subject at hand.
A low murmur of voices drifted through the kitchen window. Peter and Jack stood out by Megan’s garden. She glanced over at Emma, whose body stiffened.
“It’s okay. I’ll keep Papa busy while you go get ready, oka
y?”
“But I’m not done.”
Megan glanced around the kitchen and dining area and then leaned back a bit to look down the main hallway. “Honey, I think we have more than enough decorations up.”
“You’ll still make the cake?”
Last night, Emma had told her how Dottie and she had made a special heart cake for Jack. She wanted to do something similar this year.
“Don’t worry. I’ve got it covered.”
And by covered, she meant, she’d made a call already to her mother, who would make the cake and bring it over later on. Her mother loved to bake and decorate cakes, so this was right up her alley. What Emma didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.
She shooed Emma up the stairs and then began the process of cleaning the table, being sure to place all the hearts in one pile and the remnants and garbage in another. She heard a knock on their sliding door.
She turned and pulled open the door a smidgen to not let the cold breeze in. It was a cold February day.
“Is it safe to come in yet?”
Megan nodded. “But through the front. I don’t want all that snow being tracked in here.”
Peter sighed and rolled his eyes while she shut the door and watched the two men trudge their way to the side of the house and around to the front. She placed a pile she’d created of the paper in the recycle bin, put away the excess paper back in the cupboard and then made her way to the front door to greet the boys as they walked in.
“Jack, so nice to see you.” Megan gave him a hug once he shrugged out of his thick winter coat and handed it to Peter to hang up.
“You look beautiful, as always.” Jack handed her a small wrapped box. “It’s not much, but I learned my lesson years ago never to see a beautiful woman on Valentine’s Day without chocolate in my hands.”
The Finding Emma Collection (Books 1-5) Page 13