by Carrie Elks
Lydia laughed. “You want me to pretend to hate you again?”
Tracing the outline of her lips with his finger, he slowly shook his head. “No,” he told her. “As hot as that was, I want to kiss you. The real you. No pretend, no make believe, just you and me and nothing else.”
She sighed, and the warm air rushed against his fingers. “You always know the right thing to say.”
“It’s the truth.” And while he was being truly honest, the intensity scared him a little.
He wanted her to know who he was from the inside out. To kiss him because she wanted him, the true and honest version nobody else knew.
Rolling onto her tiptoes, she curled her arms around his neck, her warm eyes meeting his.
“Kiss me, Jackson,” she whispered.
Sliding his hands beneath her behind, he carried her to the living room and did exactly what she’d asked.
And yeah, it was still hot as hell.
Lydia sighed and rolled over into Jackson’s waiting arms. The bedcovers were a wrinkled mess at their feet, their clothes strewn all over Jackson’s bedroom. They’d run upstairs as soon as Jackson had opened his front door and they’d both walked inside. She guessed that’s what happened when you spent the whole evening only hitting second base.
Eventually, you were desperate for a home run.
“You okay?” Jackson murmured, pressing his lips to her head.
“More than okay.” She smiled, nestling into his embrace. His skin was warm against hers.
“We should probably sleep. We don’t want to be yawning tomorrow.” He traced his finger down her spine. “People will talk.”
“Are we that interesting?” she asked, wrinkling her nose as she looked up at him.
“This is Angel Sands. Somebody blowing their nose gets the gossips going. You and me, we’re going to be the talk of the town.”
She bit her lip. “Oh. I hadn’t thought of that.”
“Does it worry you?”
“Not really.” She shook her head. “I was just thinking that my dad’s flying in for Skyler’s naming day on Saturday. I’m not really looking forward to seeing him.”
“Why not?” Jackson frowned. “Don’t you get along with him?”
She rolled onto her back and looked up at the ceiling. “I guess I just feel like I constantly disappoint him. I always have. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me, but that’s because I don’t see him a whole lot.”
“How could you disappoint him?” Jackson asked. “That’s crazy.”
“He wants me to be more like Autumn. He always did. I spent most of my childhood trying to hide my school progress reports from him, because he’d always look at them and sigh loudly.”
“Your progress reports sound interesting.” Jackson kissed her neck. “What exactly did they say?”
“Things like, Lydia needs to spend less time staring out of the window, and more time looking at the white board.” Her lip curled at the memory. “Or variations on that theme. I was a dreamer. I didn’t like learning the way they tried to teach me. And when I told him I didn’t want to go to college…” She shook her head. “Let’s just say he was lucky to come out of it with all his arteries intact.”
“Why didn’t you go to college?”
Running the tip of her tongue along her bottom lip, Lydia reached out to trace the swell of his bicep. “On my eighteenth birthday I got a letter from my mom. She’d written it for me before she died, and he’d kept it for all that time.”
“What did it say?” Jackson asked, his voice thick with curiosity.
“She told me not to conform to what people wanted from me. That I was a free spirit and should follow my heart.” Her lips curled at the memory. “And I realized that I’d never make my dad happy, but maybe my choices would have pleased my mom. So I booked a ticket to Paris the next day, using some of the money she’d left me in a trust. Dad was apoplectic.”
“But you went anyway?”
“Yeah. And that was the start of a beautiful love story. Me and traveling,” she said, her eyes dancing. “The perfect relationship.”
“But your dad doesn’t see it that way?”
“He thinks I’m flaky. For a while he blamed me for Autumn buying the pier and moving here. Thought I was a bad influence. But that was all her, nothing to do with me at all.” She pressed her lips to Jackson’s warm shoulder. “Though I still admire her for it.”
“So now neither of you make your dad happy?”
“I think he’s come to terms with Autumn’s choices. She’s still a business owner, and now she has a family. It might not be in New York, but at least she’s still following a straight path. Mine zig zags everywhere.”
“You own your own business, too.”
She gave him a soft smile. “Yeah, I do.”
“And you’re good at it. Look at how in demand your services are. You’re successful and doing exactly what you want. You’re living the dream.”
Her smile wavered. “Am I?” she asked. She wanted to tell him that’s what she’d thought. What she was still trying to believe in. But lying here in his arms, she was wondering if she was missing something, too.
Missing somebody to share it all with. Yeah, she had friends all over the world. She loved spending time with them. But when she went home, she went alone.
And maybe that wasn’t what she wanted for the rest of her life.
“Yeah,” he said, his expression serious. “You are. And you know something else?”
“What?” she breathed.
“You impress me. Every part of me.” He kissed her with hot lips, his mouth demanding. Curling into him, she felt him harden against her hip.
“I thought we needed to sleep,” she murmured, as he kissed his way down her throat. “We aren’t supposed to yawn tomorrow, remember?”
He cupped her breasts. “You look beautiful when you yawn.”
She chuckled, and kissed him again, all thoughts of tomorrow forgotten.
They had tonight. And right now, that was all she cared about.
17
It was just before six in the morning. Any minute now, Eddie would be scratching at the kitchen door, ready for his morning bathroom run out in the yard followed by a bowlful of kibble and raw chicken. But for now, the house was silent, save for Lydia’s soft rhythmic breath as she lay in the bed next to him, her naked body curled up beneath his crisp white sheets.
Griff had been uncharacteristically silent when Jackson had picked Lydia up to stay for a second night. Jackson had expected a few sarcastic grunts, at least, but there’d been nothing. Instead he’d walked into the kitchen, grabbed himself a beer, and gone out to sit on the deck.
There was something wrong with him. It wasn’t just the grumpiness that had manifested itself when Griff discovered Jackson and Lydia were a thing. That was understandable. Lydia was Autumn’s little sister, and Griff cared about her a lot. She was a strange combination of completely independent and sweetly vulnerable. Jackson felt the same way about her – he wanted to protect her, but he also knew you couldn’t keep something so untamed safe for long.
He glanced at the clock again. Only two minutes had passed since the last time. He wished he could curl up next to her, pull her into his arms, and hold her tight. But once Eddie was awake he’d need a walk. And then Lisa was picking him up for the day, because it was Skyler’s naming day, and they were due at the pier at twelve for the ceremony.
Lydia murmured in her sleep, turning onto her side so he could see the rippled line of her spine. He’d kissed his way down it last night, until he’d ended up at her butterfly tattoo. In fact, he’d devoured every inch he could find of her, determined to memorize every rise and dip, loving the way his touch sent her crazy.
Soon she’d be gone. He blew out a mouthful of air at the thought. It was for the best, really. He was shit at relationships, and Lydia was serious about her job. There was no point in trying to think about the future.
So much better to h
ave this short, sweet time together and still be friends.
He rolled onto his back, lifting his arms above his head as he thought about her leaving. She’d be gone for months.
He hadn’t asked her about keeping in touch. He wasn’t sure he wanted to. Talking to her without being able to see her, to touch her, felt like it would be more painful than no contact at all. He didn’t want to know if she was having a good time without him – or even worse, with a guy that wasn’t him. He just wanted life to be the same way it had always been. Work, friends, surfing, and sleep. He knew where he was with those.
Rolling to his side, he climbed out of bed. No point in wallowing in this funk that had come over him. It was going to be a long day, and he needed to be on form. This ceremony was important to Griff and Autumn. It would be important to Skyler, too, he guessed. She’d be his god daughter. His responsibility if anything ever happened to his friends. It wasn’t a promise you made lightly.
In the kitchen, Eddie was already awake, pacing the floor impatiently and glancing out of the back door. Jackson opened it for him and he ran out, heading for his favorite spot in the corner of the yard. When he’d done what he needed to do, Jackson poured his breakfast into a bowl, and Eddie practically jumped on him before he could put it down on the mat.
“Hungry, huh?”
Eddie rolled his eyes and buried his snout in his food. Jackson flipped the coffee machine on, and fed a pod into it, grabbing a carton of milk from the refrigerator to fill the frothing jug.
The sun was rising over the mountains, casting a long shadow in the outline of Jackson’s house across his grassy yard. Mist had risen up from the ocean, and lay across the lawn like a blanket, not yet chased away by the heat of the sun’s rays.
As coffee sputtered from the machine, Jackson glanced out of the door. Through the mist he could see a tall figure walking along the cliff edge. Whoever it was got closer, enough for him to make out it was Griff, with Skyler tied to his front in some kind of papoose.
He stopped at the end of Jackson’s backyard, and stared into the kitchen. Jackson lifted his hand in greeting, and Griff nodded back.
Opening the gate, Griff walked down the path, Skyler’s head bobbing against his chest.
Jackson opened the door. “Coffee?” he asked, holding up a second mug.
“That’d be good.” Griff sat down on one of the basket weave chairs, crossing his long legs at the ankle as he held Skyler securely against him with his hands. Pouring a second mug, Jackson topped them both up with hot steamy milk and carried them out of the kitchen.
“You’re up early,” he said, passing the mug to Griff and sitting in the chair next to him.
“Couldn’t sleep.”
Taking a sip of coffee, Jackson studied him over the rim of his mug. “You know, Lydia’s still here. Just in case you were planning on making a scene.”
Griff sighed. “I’m not going to make a scene. I just wanted to…” he trailed off and shook his head. “I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to see my friend.”
“Is that what we are?” Jackson asked. “You haven’t seemed so sure this week.”
“I know. I’ve been an asshole, I’m sorry.” Skyler lifted her head, blinking at the daylight. “Don’t tell your mom I swore,” Griff told her. “Our secret.”
“Is it the naming day?” Jackson tipped his head, scanning Griff’s face. “Are you worried about it?”
“No.” Griff sounded almost incredulous. “It’s going to be a good day.”
“So what’s got you walking five miles at the crack of dawn then?”
“I got a lot on my mind.” Griff put his cup down on the table. “I guess I have for a while. Thought a walk might help. And Autumn needs some sleep. She’s running on fumes right now. This way she’ll be nice and rested for this afternoon.”
“What’s niggling you?”
“I dunno. I keep feeling this…” Griff screwed his face up. “Pressure, I guess. I look at Skyler and think how damn precious she is and how I’d hurt anybody who came near her. And then I remember my parents and how they treated me, and I just can’t understand it.” His voice was low. Thick. “How do you abandon your kid? Ignore them because you have better things to do?”
Jackson ran his tongue along his bottom lip, thinking of all those times his mom walked away.
“I don’t know. I guess it’s not about us. They’re messed up. Your parents, my mom. They look inward when they should be looking out.”
“I’m scared I’m gonna fuck this up the same way they did,” Griff mumbled. “I’m going to let her down.”
“You’re not going to mess this up,” Jackson said firmly. “You’re a great dad. Look at you, sitting there with a baby tied to your chest. That’s not what bad parents do. You love her, man. I can see it in everything you do. If you mess up, it’ll be because we all make mistakes. But unlike our parents, you’ll make it right.”
“I don’t know what it means to be a good parent. I never had one.”
“Yeah you did.” Jackson looked him in the eye. “They might not have been related to you by blood, but you had my dad, as well as Lucas’s parents taking care of you. If you use them as your guide, you won’t go wrong.”
Griff gave him the briefest of smiles and kissed his daughter’s downy head. “I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole to you this week.”
“You were just practicing for when Skyler dates.” Jackson shrugged. “And I’ve been an asshole to you before. It’s what friends do. If you can’t take your worries out on them, what’s the point?”
“I appreciate you, man. You know that, right? Choosing you to be Skyler’s godfather wasn’t something we did lightly.”
“I’m not taking it lightly,” Jackson told him, meeting his gaze with a confident stare. “I’m going to be there for her, the same way all our folks were there for you. Except she won’t need me to be a surrogate parent, because she already has the best parents in the world.”
Eddie ambled out of the kitchen and onto the deck, drunk with all the food he’d just eaten. Taking an interested look at Griff, he curled up in front of Jackson’s feet, resting his chin on them the same way he always did.
“You look good with a dog,” Griff said. “How’s it going with him?”
“Pretty well. He’s been here for a week and it’s like I’ve always had him.” Jackson petted Eddie’s head. “It’s nice having someone else in the house.”
“And now you have two somebody elses.” Griff glanced over his shoulder at the kitchen door. “So, you and Lydia, huh?”
Jackson swallowed, thinking about her all warm and soft in his bed. “Yeah. That’s happening.”
“Autumn thinks you two like each other.”
“We do.”
“As in really like each other.” Griff lifted an eyebrow.
A shaft of sunlight moved across the grass. “She’s special,” Jackson said softly. “We’re good together.”
Griff nodded, as though he could read the subtext in Jackson’s words. “What are you gonna do when she leaves?”
Jackson drank the last of his coffee, letting the bitter liquid play on his tongue. “I’m going to let her go.”
Griff gave him a strange look. “You are? Why?”
Exhaling heavily, Jackson put his cup on the table. “People like me and Lydia… we don’t do relationships. We don’t settle down. She’s got a life and so do I. This is like a vacation romance, except it happened in my home town, and I’m good with that. I don’t want a long distance relationship. Heck, I’m bad enough at short distance ones. I’d rather let her go and remember the good times.”
“That’s really sad, man.”
Jackson shrugged. “It is what it is.” He leaned forward to gather the cups from the table, and Eddie fussed at the interruption of his nap. “You want another coffee?”
“Nah, we should get going. Lots to do before the party begins.”
“I could give you a ride?”
Griff str
oked Skyler’s head. “You haven’t got a car seat. And I parked at the bottom of the hill. It’s only a mile and the walk will do me good.” He smiled at Jackson. “Thanks for talking, I feel a little better.”
That was good, because Jackson felt worse. The things he’d thought but hadn’t vocalized were now out there, reminding him that this thing he had with Lydia was on a time limit.
Less than a week and she’d be gone.
“I’ll see you at the pier,” Jackson said, as Griff started walking toward the gate.
“Yep, I’ll see you there.”
Lydia softly closed the kitchen door and padded back up the stairs, not wanting Jackson to come in and see her listening to his conversation. She’d woken suddenly and looked around for him, checking in the bathroom and the guest room before walking down to see him sitting in the backyard with Griff.
Their voices were low, and from the expressions she could make out on the profile of their faces, whatever they were discussing was serious. She should have turned around and walked back up the stairs.
People have always said no good ever came from eavesdropping. And they were right.
I don’t want a long distance relationship. Heck, I’m bad enough at short distance ones. I’d rather let her go and remember the good times.
He was right, she knew he was. And yet it hurt anyway. Because there was a piece of her heart that wanted more, no matter how stupid she knew it was. Maybe it was in the human DNA. The need for a white picket fence and children running around the yard. Nature’s way of forcing you to do her work no matter how hard you’ve tried to resist it.
After they made love last night, he’d cradled her face in his strong hands, and she’d felt this overwhelming sensation of falling. His warm brown eyes had held hers, but ever other part of her was anchorless. Belonging nowhere but there in that moment, with him.
She sat down on the edge of the bed, clutching the covers in her hands. The last time she’d felt anything like this was when she was reading her mom’s letter for the first time. But then, it was the sensation of everything falling into place. Of knowing exactly who she was supposed to be.