by Carrie Elks
“It means I’ll always remember this time we’ve had together. When you showed me that life doesn’t have to be about standing still. It’s about opening up to all the possibilities.”
His words took the breath from her lungs. For a moment, she had no idea what to say. Jackson wasn’t one for talking, especially not deeply. In the days she’d spent with him, she’d learned more from his silences than his sentences.
“That’s beautiful.” Her voice cracked. “I guess that’s what my mom taught me. Never to settle for anything less than what your soul needs.”
The glance he shot her was dark, making her body ache. Her soul needed him, she knew that now. It needed his smile, his voice, his touch. Needed to know he cared about her as much as she cared about him.
But she couldn’t have that. And that hurt.
“What does your soul need?” he asked her, his finger tracing her cherry blossom tattoo.
You.
She didn’t say it, though. And that made her feel like a fraud. But there was no possibility of having him. Not when she had to travel and he had to stay here.
“It needs air, and people, and laughter. To hear the ocean crash against the shore and birds chirping in the trees. It wants happiness, not just mine but everybody’s.” She smiled as he hooked his hand around her upper thigh and pulled it over his. “I guess it needs to see the good in the world.” Lydia blew out a mouthful of air. “What does yours need?” she asked softly.
His brows dipped as he thought about her words. “I guess it needs security,” he told her. “The knowledge that everything is going to be okay. That I’m not the little kid who sat and stared at the door, waiting for his mom to come see him.” He swallowed hard, as though the words were making him ache. “I just want things to be easy, you know? For people to be happy, and not to get hurt.” A ghost of a smile crossed his lips. “I guess it’s pretty far away from what your soul needs.”
“Not really.” She shook her head. “You want happiness the same way I do. But I guess I go out and seek it in other places, while you’re trying to create it here.” She felt like he was showing her a part of himself nobody else could see. A secret that they’d always share, no matter where they were in the world. And it touched her soul.
“Tell me about your mom,” she said, her voice low. “How old were you when she left?”
Jackson pulled her against his chest, his biceps flexing against her upper arms. She could feel the tension in his body at the mention of his mom. Damn, that woman must have done a number on him.
Pressing his lips against her hair, Jackson took a deep breath. “She left when I was ten. I guess I should have seen it coming. She was never the kind of mom who baked cookies or helped out in class. Dad and her, they argued like crazy all the time. But I guess I thought it was normal. That everybody’s parents threw things at each other and screamed like animals on a Saturday night when they’d drunk too much. But that wasn’t all she was. She was fun, too. She’d wake me up in the middle of the night and drive us to look out point because the moon was full and looking pretty. Or she’d turn up at school and take me out for the afternoon, telling my teacher I had a doctor’s appointment when really we’d go to the movies or a theme park, just because she was bored.”
“Those trips must have been fun,” Lydia said, lifting her head to look at him.
He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, but when we’d get home she and dad would have a massive argument about taking me out of school, or disappearing without telling him. Once she took me camping for three days without notice and he was on the verge of calling the police.”
Lydia ran her tongue across her lips. “Why did she leave?”
He kissed her shoulder, sending a delicious shiver through her. “I don’t know. I guess she’d gotten bored of being a wife and mom. It never really suited her. She’s a free spirit. Never likes staying anywhere, or with anybody, for too long. If she hadn’t had me, I don’t think she and dad would have lasted very long”
“Did you see her much after she left?”
A ghost of a smile passed his lips. “Not really. She’d drop in on a whim and ask to see me, then drive Dad crazy because I’d miss school or scouts or something else that was important to him. She’d make promises about taking me to Disney Land and never show. I think those were the worst days.” His eyes were cloudy as he looked at her. “I’d sit and wait at the door with my bag, positive she’d turn up. Looking back, it must have killed my dad to watch me with so much hope in my heart.”
“I’m so sorry.”
He nodded. “Thank you, but you don’t need to be. It isn’t your fault.”
Didn’t stop her from feeling bad. Wasn’t she the same as his mom, flying in and out of his life, leaving a trail of devastation in her wake?
“Was it her who called you today?” she asked him, curious about the so called work conversation he’d had out on the beach. When she’d carried the coffees out to him, he’d had the same expression on his face as the time his mom had called when they were at the mall. A mixture of little-boy-lost and grown-man-angry.
“Yeah. She needs help with her car. God knows what’s wrong with it. I told her we could discuss it over the weekend.” He sighed. “There’s always something. Last week it was her water heater, this week her car. Next week it’ll be something else. Then she’ll disappear for a while until she needs something again.”
“Why do you still talk to her if she drives you crazy?”
He pulled his lip between his teeth. “I don’t know. I guess because she’s my mom. And if I don’t talk to her, she calls my dad and I hate the way he always gives in to her. It’s like he’s still in love with her after all this time.” He sounded almost lost.
“That’s sad.” Lydia gave him a soft smile. “But it’s not your problem.”
“It doesn’t always feel that way.”
There was one question still lingering on her tongue. Somehow she found the guts to ask it. “I heard a few people talk about Hayley and your engagement ending. That must have hurt.”
His hold on her tightened. “I guess it did at the time. But now I’m older and wiser and so glad it ended.” He pressed his lips to the top of her head. “I wouldn’t be here now if it hadn’t. And there’s nowhere else I want to be.”
Her heart cracked open a little more at his words. How did his friends not see this side of him? This sensitive, caring man who loved his parents despite their faults. Who was still paying the price for his mom’s choices, and his dad’s obsession with her? The same man who’d once been engaged to a woman who’d broken him again, leaving shards of what he used to be in his wake.
He amazed and astounded her. And the thought of leaving him made her heart hurt.
Tracing her finger up the line of his chest, she touched his jaw, his lips, his eyelids. “I think you’re beautiful,” she whispered. “Inside and out.”
He curled his fingers around her wrist, pulling it down to press a kiss to her pulse point. “Show me,” he said, his voice so low it made her muscles tighten and release.
And she did. With her mouth, her hands, and her body. Until they were both sweaty and breathless, their bodies glowing with satisfaction when they finally parted.
And her soul? It felt complete. As though it had finally found what it was searching for.
“So where are we going?” Jackson asked her the next day, as he started the car and the engine rumbled to life. It was her last day here, and he wanted to spend every moment of it with her, the same way they’d spent half of last night with their bodies wrapped around each other.
And the other half of it with him inside her.
“I told you, it’s a secret. You surprised me with the tattoo parlor yesterday, I get to surprise you today.”
He bit down a smile. “Yeah, but you need to tell me where to drive, otherwise we’ll be sitting here for hours.”
“Good point.” Amusement danced in her eyes. “Okay, so you need to head into town, p
ast the boardwalk, then take a right.”
“Toward the grocery store?” Jackson shrugged and shifted the car into reverse. “Are we going shopping?”
“Yes, Jackson,” she said, deadpan. “I thought our last day together should be spent deep in the freezer aisle. It’s practical and romantic.” She leaned over to press her lips to his neck, and his foot slipped onto the brake. The car juddered into a halt. “Oh damn, sorry.”
“S’okay. I kind of like living on the edge with you.” He pulled out of the driveway and onto the road, following her directions.
Lydia sat back. “In that case, you’ll love what I can do with a frozen zucchini.”
He coughed out a laugh. She was his kind of wild.
It only took five minutes to get into town. The shops were open, and people were walking in the streets wearing jeans and t-shirts, the sun warming their skin as they crossed the roads. Jackson followed the rest of Lydia’s directions, parking in a lot at the back of a long white stuccoed building. “What is this place again?” He was trying to remember exactly what the building housed. He’d passed it enough times, but never paid attention.
“Before we go in, there’s no pressure, okay?” Lydia told him, in a strange echo of his words outside the tattoo parlor. “This is just for fun.”
He flashed her a confused grin. “Okay…”
When he’d locked the car, she slid her hand into his, and they walked around to the front of the building. They were a few blocks from the ocean front, but he could still smell the hint of salt and ozone in the air, as he looked up at the lettering over the top of the main entrance.
Angel Sands Pet Rescue.
Of course it was. He glanced at Lydia, bemused.
“I just thought we could see what kind of dogs they have,” she said. “I know you’re missing Eddie like crazy, and that’s completely understandable.” She gave him a soft smile. “But I called yesterday and they told me they have at least eight dogs that need a loving home. Maybe one of them is the one you’re looking for.”
Jackson blinked, saying nothing. This wasn’t what he’d expected at all.
“Is this a stupid idea?” Lydia asked him. “It is, isn’t it?” She tugged at his hand. “Come on, we don’t have to go in. We can go and grab a coffee and do something else.”
She shifted her feet, but he didn’t follow her. Instead he looked up at the sign again, blowing out a mouthful of air.
“We can go in,” he told her.
“Are you sure? It doesn’t mean you’re committing to anything. We can take a look around and come right back out.”
Strangely, he was sure. All those years he’d spent living alone in his house, and he hadn’t realized just how empty it was until Lydia and Eddie came along. He’d enjoyed having a reason to go home every night, to walk along the ocean’s edge and throw balls into the water.
He’d even enjoyed waking up early to open the door so Eddie could go and do his business.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” he said in answer to her question. “Let’s see what they’ve got.”
They walked into the main reception area, stopping at the front desk that was teeming with leaflets and papers.
“Hi,” the woman behind the counter looked up. “Can I help you?”
“I called yesterday,” Lydia told her. “This is Jackson Lewis. We’ve come to talk about your rescue dogs.”
The woman nodded, tucking a strand of grey hair behind her ear as she reached for a clipboard. “Oh yes, that’s right. Hi, and welcome to Angel Sands Rescue. I’m Sarah, and I volunteer here. Can I ask you to fill this out?” she asked Jackson, handing him a chewed down pen. “Am I right in thinking you live alone? No kids?”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
“It makes things easier. A lot of our dogs have been through trauma. We don’t like homing them with young children if it can be avoided.” She leaned over the form that Jackson was completing. “You have your own business?” she asked. “Does that mean you’ll be out of the house a lot?”
“Yeah, but I own the office, so the dog could come with me.” Jackson blinked, surprised at his answer. Was he really considering this?
“So you’ll need a calm dog if you’re bringing him to work with you. We have a lovely bulldog that came in last week. Sadly, her owner passed on, and the owner’s daughter lives in an apartment that doesn’t allow pets. We’ve called her Bella, though of course whoever adopts her could rename her.” She gave Jackson a quick smile. “Would you like to see her?”
“Yeah. I’d like that a lot.”
They followed Sarah through a set of double doors, down a corridor filled on both sides with glass pens. There were animals of every size in them, from Great Danes to tiny kittens. Nearly all of them came up to the glass as Lydia and Jackson walked past, looking up with interest.
“How long do you keep them here?” Jackson asked. He hated to think of these beautiful animals being cooped up.
“We try to rehome them as quickly as possible. Most are only here for a week or two,” Sarah promised him. “And we take them out daily for exercise and fresh air. If you look on the right, there are some empty pens. One of our volunteers has taken them for a walk.”
They reached the far end of the room, and Sarah pointed to the glass. “This is Bella’s pen.”
Jackson could feel his heart start to hammer against his chest as he turned to look at the dog walking toward them. She was white with brown patches, her tongue lolling out as she waddled toward them, little pants escaping from her open mouth. When she reached the glass door, she looked up at them, her soulful eyes wide as she took them in.
“Hey, Bella,” Sarah cooed. “I brought you some visitors.”
Bella’s tail wagged as though she could understand. She pressed her nose against the glass, her breath misting it, as her paws scrabbled at the barrier.
“She’s excited to see you,” Sarah told them. “I’m going to open the door, okay?” She unlocked the door and opened it, and Jackson and Lydia walked inside, both immediately dropping to their haunches to pet Bella.
She let out a happy bark and started to lick Jackson’s face as he ruffled the folds in her fur. “She likes you,” Lydia told him. “Look at her. She can’t take her eyes off you.”
Jackson laughed. “Maybe I still smell of boy dog.”
Truth was, it felt good to be stroking her. Beneath Bella’s fur, he could feel the tightness of her muscles, and the layer of fat that characterized her breed. He pulled his hand away for a moment, but she nudged it, encouraging him to stroke her again.
That earned him another face lick. This dog sure was demonstrative.
“Should I feel jealous?” Lydia whispered. “I thought I was the only one who got to lick your face.”
Jackson laughed. “You’re gonna want to stay a away from my face until I wash it again.”
Lydia ruffled Bella’s fur. “Ah, I’m okay to share you with this beauty.”
They spent ten minutes in the pen with her, playing with her toys and letting her barrel them over and climb on them. Bella’s tail didn’t stop wagging the whole time. She was clearly in love with Jackson, though she gave Lydia some attention, too.
“What do you think?” Sarah asked, as they reluctantly left Bella and walked back to the reception.
“She’s beautiful,” Lydia said. “And so funny.”
“She’s got a lovely character. Playful but calm,” Sarah agreed. “And she liked you,” she added, looking at Jackson. “Have you owned many dogs before?”
He shook his head. “I fostered a dog recently, but I’ve never had one before that.”
“Really? You’re a natural. You seem so at home here.” Sarah smiled. “It’s good you’ve had some experience, though. It makes things much easier.” She put her clipboard down on the reception desk. “So what do you think? Are you interested in her?”
“Yeah,” he found himself saying. “I’m definitely interested.”
Lydia looked up at
him, a ghost of a smile playing at her lips.
“That’s wonderful,” Sarah said. “The next step would be for you to come back for a second visit. This way you can spend more time with her, and take her for a walk in our grounds. Just to be certain you know what you’re letting yourself in to.”
“After that, if you want to adopt her, we’ll need to run a security check on you. And we’d bring Bella for a visit to your home. That’s our way to make sure she’d be happy there, and that it’s safe for her. And it gives us a chance to talk through everything you’ll need to get to make her feel at home.” Sarah smiled. “How does that sound?”
It felt a little like being run over by a soft, furry steamroller. Pleasant, but life changing. “That sounds good.” He smiled at Lydia, who squeezed his hand. It was crazy, because this morning all he had ahead of him was Lydia leaving and the silence in his house. And now in one easy move, his future was shifting and changing all over again.
Thanks to Lydia.
She’d changed him in every way. In the space of less than two weeks, he’d gone from being a workaholic to somebody who’d fallen in love with two dogs.
And for the woman who’d introduced them to him.
Damn, he was going to miss her. His chest tightened at the thought of her leaving.
One more night. That’s all they had left. Life would go on without her, he knew that. Making an appointment to see Bella again the following week was testament to that fact. But it wasn’t the life that his soul was searching for.
He knew that for certain.
26
Lydia placed the final piece of clothing into her suitcase and zipped it up, hauling it off the guest bed and onto the floor. She’d pack her overnight bag in the morning. She still had things she needed tonight. But in fifteen hours she’d be heading back to the airport and onward to Spain, leaving Angel Sands behind her like a sweet, distant memory.
Leaving Jackson behind, too. She tried to ignore the pang that caused in her chest, because tonight was supposed to be fun. Autumn and Griff and all their friends had thrown themselves into organizing a huge party on the beach, and she was determined to enjoy it for their sake.