herself clear.
“Mister Davis, now that you have joined us, perhaps you'd like to share with us your thoughts on Act II.” Act II. He had read act II the night before, but did he have a fully formed opinion on it? Honestly he could barely even remember it, but he thought there might have been something about Eliza wanting to talk like a lady in a flower shop. Somehow he found himself going with that, tapping his pencil furiously against his notebook. Class time was really cutting into his need to figure out what idiotic thing he had done to incur the wrath of Ramona Sanders.
“I mean, I guess I thought it was kind of stupid,” he blurted out, the answer just sort of falling out like word vomit. “What does it even mean to talk like a lady who works in a flower shop? I mean don't they just talk like everybody else? I also think that Higgins is pretty much a creep, you know, making that bet with Pickering and all. Those are basically the only thoughts I have about it. Eliza is a silly kid, and Higgins is a creep and a jerk.”
“Like someone else I know,” Ramona whispered under her breath, just loud of enough for Alec to hear it. He stopped tapping his pencil then, pressing it down so hard the lead broke. He didn't say anything though, not wanting to drag her into a line of questioning in the middle of class. He'd just have to catch her afterward at some point, and make her tell him what crime he had committed to make her decide to hate him in the span of just a couple of days.
In fact the past couple of days had seen him predominately grounded and he hadn't even seen her or anyone else after school besides Bryson. They hadn't even spoken in class the day before, since they had been forced to read aloud from Act I and that didn't really leave much room for conversational openings. Whatever he had done was done unawares, and the fact that he couldn’t conjure up even an idea of what it might be was driving him crazy now.
Mrs. Bond was now just staring at him, opening her mouth to speak and then closing it again. Any other day he might have blushed, ashamed at his little outburst, but not today. Finally she let out a slow breath, looked around the room, and then addressed the class.
“Well, alright then. Let's just move ahead to Act III. Who wants to read aloud first?”
The rest of the period was a slow burn, and with each passage read out loud Alec felt like he might burst. He had never so badly before wanted to flee a classroom, staring at the clock as the seconds ticked by just to make sure it hadn't stalled. Finally the bell blissfully rang, and he dodged past Cameron to catch up with Ramona who seemed determined to set some sort of record for power walking. He finally caught her in the hallway and grabbed the sleeve of her violently orange flannel, tugging her backward and then around to face him.
“Tell me what I did! If you're going to chew me out and denounce my place as your partner, then you could at least make me privy to my crime,” Alec told her, releasing her shirt when the janitor passed by and gave him a questioning look. “The last time we spoke, things were fine. You were going to come over again so we could write scripts, and we had a good time on Friday. Now all of a sudden you're over it? I think I deserve a little better than that.”
“You deserve something better?” Ramona asked, voice practically dripping with disdain. “You don't deserve shit! You act like this nice guy, like you aren't really this scum bag jock, but that's all you are! I thought you were better than your friends, but you aren't, and it's just like I always thought. You may not actively join in with them when they act superior to everyone else, but you sure as hell like to help fuel the fire. What did you tell them, huh? That I threw myself at you or something? I barely KNOW YOU, and I'd rather DIE than sink that low!”
Alec held his hands up defensively, a look of genuine confusion on his face. It was enough to make Ramona falter a bit, taking a slight step back from him. “What? Come on, don't play stupid. You know what they did, and you know that you put them up to it!”
“Who did what, Ramona?” Alec asked, mouth turned into a frown now. “I really have no idea what you're talking about; you're going to have to give me a little more to go on. I'm not a mind reader, as much fun as that would be.”
Ramona didn't know why she believed him, but she did. She didn't want to, but there was just something about his expression and about the way he spoke that made her know deep down inside that he was telling her the truth. She felt her cheeks go pink then, looking down at her shoes as though they were the most fascinating pieces of footwear in the entire world. Now she had to admit the humiliating truth of it, since he seemingly had no clue about what had gone on at lunch on Monday.
“Casey King told the entire cafeteria that I have a crush on you during lunch yesterday. They were all chanting 'Mona has a crush' and laughing at me. I mean I'm pretty used to being laughed at, but I thought I had built up a thicker skin, you know? Turns out that I hadn't,” she said softly, shuffling her feet a bit. “Listen, the bell is about to ring, and I don't wanna be late. We can still work after school if you want to, but maybe we should meet somewhere else.”
“They seriously did that?” Alec asked, clenching his fists a bit and then forcing himself to relax. Flying off the handle would do nothing but possibly make things worse, and that was not something that was needed at this point. They were only a week into working together, and he didn't want to give people any more fodder to play with if he could help it. “I'll talk to them, okay? This whole thing is insane. I told Cameron yesterday to stop acting like it's a big deal, because it isn't. It's just English class, and they're blowing it way out of proportion. We'll go to my place just like we planned, and things will be fine. Don't worry, alright? I got your back, Sanders.”
That actually did make her feel a little better, and Ramona looked up from her scuffed work boots to give him a small but grateful smile. “Thanks, Alec. Nobody has ever said that to me in my entire thirteen year educational career. You don't have to go out of your way, I mean they're your friends, but at least having them back off would be a nice change of pace.”
“I'll take care of Casey King,” he promised her, the second bell ringing. “I’ve got to go too or Mr. Clemson will have my ass if I'm not in Spanish on time. Just take it easy, and don't let them get to you. They're idiots, and they just want to get a rise out of you because they think you're an easy target. I'll set the record straight.”
Truthfully, Alec didn't know exactly what else he could do, but he would honestly try. He left Ramona to head to her own second period, jogging up the stairs and sliding into Spanish class five minutes late.
“Señor Davis! Finalmente!” Mr. Clemson was waiting by the door, an unamused look on his face. He waved Alec into his seat, which was in the back row in the corner, right beside of Cameron. He slid into his chair and took out his homework to pass forward, pretending to pay attention as they went over verb tenses. He was copying down what was on the board as he whispered to Cam, speaking out of the side of his mouth.
“So what happened yesterday when I left the cafeteria?” He asked, without looking away from the board. “Ramona wanted us to split our project so we didn't have to keep working together. She said you guys made fun of her, but I wanna hear the truth from you. Did you really do that?”
Cameron was scribbling down notes every now and then, but mostly he was doodling in the center of the page. He couldn't help but smirk a little, shrugging as he whispered back across the aisle. “It was a harmless joke, man. Casey was just teasing her a little about having a crush on you, it was no big deal. It's not like somebody actually did anything to her.”
Alec risked a glance over at his friend and then turned his attention back to the lesson at least somewhat. “Nobody did anything to her? What would you call bullying like that, Cam? Why can't you guys just give it a rest? It's not like you haven't been picking on this girl for practically her entire life. I told you yesterday that we got assigned together, and that we just want to get a good grade. I don't understand why you can't let it go.”
“I can't let it go because you're my best friend, a
nd because where you stand socially matters. I don't want people making fun of you, or treating you weird because you're hanging out with her. This is a small town, Alec, and we can't afford to lose any footing. Don't you want to stay on top for your senior year?” Cameron asked, glancing over at him as he scribbled in some shading on his latest boredom masterpiece. “Is it so wrong to care about you?”
Putting down his pencil, Alec rubbed his face and sat quietly as he listened to Mr. Clemson drone on. He had a million things he wanted to say, responses right there on the tip of his tongue, but he kept them to himself. He wasn't sure if Cameron honestly cared about him as a person, or just as someone who boosted him up a little when his own social standing wasn't doing so hot. He also wasn’t sure if Cameron cared about him as much as he did looking good in front of the others and getting all the mileage he could out of his own senior year experience. Mostly it was all just so silly to Alec, especially in the grand scheme of things. Here they were on the edge of something bigger, teetering right on the verge of a great precipice, and they were all still worried about going to homecoming with the right person, and getting invited to the big party after the game.
He had never been the type to worry about those things, because he had spent his entire life being worried about something else. It made everything else seem petty in comparison, and he knew that was part of his problem. He could never find satisfaction in the things that his peers did, and while he didn't always seem outwardly unhappy, it was a pretty rare occurrence for the insides to match the outsides. So while he wanted to be flattered by Cameron's words, his doubts kept him from doing so and he just merely nodded instead.
Maybe they would drop it, and maybe they wouldn't. Either way he would try harder to keep the two current halves of his social life separate, just until December. In December balance would be restored, and they could all go back to the way it was before. With his group talking about Ramona Sanders from afar without bothering to subject her to actual public humiliation, and with Ramona off in her own corner of the world, where she could mind her business until she made her own great escape.
Alec spent the rest of the day in a fog, drifting in and out of his classes in a tired sort of way, wishing he could find a way to reset himself back to that mornings default. Back to when he'd felt pretty good about the day, and had even been excited about heading to school and getting in another day. It was like his whisper war with Cameron had drained the life out of him, and he was still feeling tired and overwhelmed when he met Ramona at the bike rack after school.
“Hey,” he greeted her softly, rubbing his eyes in a tired sort of way as he watched for his mother's car. “Can I beg off for today and reschedule for tomorrow? I just feel really run down, and I think I just need to go home and rest it off. I'm really sorry, and I promise to make it up to you. I just don't think I'll be a very good work buddy today.”
Ramona looked momentarily crestfallen and then got her act together, standing up a bit straighter and nodding her head. “Yeah, sure, no problem. I'll do a little bit on my own this evening, and we can just meet up tomorrow or something. Are you alright? I hear the flu is already going around.”
Alec cracked a very small, very crooked smile and shook his head. “It's nothing like that. Just one of those days,” he reassured her, spotting his mom's small SUV and Bryson already climbing into the backseat. “I gotta go, but tomorrow. Cross my heart, hope to die.”
He made a big show of crossing his fingers over his heart as he jogged off, making his way to the SUV. He opened the front seat and climbed in, buckling his seatbelt. Ramona stood and watched as he spoke to his mother, who looked concerned as she answered him. He gave her a nod and then rubbed at his eyes again before placing his hands fully over his face, leaning forward in the seat a bit. They took off then, pulling away from the curb and disappearing towards town. It occurred to her then that she could have still asked for a ride, but it was too late now. Instead she hopped on her bike and headed for home, baffled and a little bit bummed out. In a way she had been looking forward to getting together again to work on their project, to getting to talk about books and thoughts and ideas. She had never met anyone like Alec before, and she felt a little bad that she had spent four years lumping him in with the others in his group.
Maybe people could change, or maybe they could just be better than those they surrounded themselves with. Perhaps he was the voice of reason amongst his friends, the eye of the hurricane so to speak. She didn't know for sure, but she did know that something wasn't quite right with him. Whatever it was, it wasn't her place to pry and dig. If he wanted to talk, he'd talk. If he didn't then she would accept him as the paradox he was and not sweat it. Besides, Ramona Sanders didn't get worked up over boys. Not even ones that proved her wrong, in really great and surprising ways.
Chapter Ten: Beauty in the Break Down
“Are you okay? Are you going to school today?”
Alec was startled out of sleep by the sound of his mother’s voice, opening his eyes and blinking into the darkness of his bedroom. The curtains were drawn tightly closed over the blinds, blocking out any offending morning sunlight that may have tried to filter in. The only light at all was the sliver that was visibly behind his mother’s silhouette, artificial and blinding white.
His only response was to not answer her at all, turning away from the door instead and pulling the blankets over his head. He had no intentions of going anywhere or doing anything today, at least not beyond what he was already doing. The mere thought of leaving the comfort of his bed was enough to induce a small panic, and he didn’t want that feeling to get worse. He knew if he got out of bed that the anxiety would overtake him, and would steamroll into something bigger than he was not prepared to cope with. He’d had days like this quit often before, but they had been fewer and fewer since he’d started the new medication. No treatment was perfect though, Doctor Linn had assured him of that, but he still felt caught off guard by the entire thing.
It had started the day before after his talk with Cameron, that particular conversation invoking a lot of feelings inside of him. It had snowballed from there until he couldn’t take anymore, begging off his work session with Ramona so he could just get home. That was all he had wanted and that was what he had got, curling up in his bed the moment he’d made it inside the house. He had skipped dinner at the dining room table even though his father was gone out of town, instead eating a few bites of soup that his mother had brought upstairs for him. That had almost amused him, the idea that she really thought soup could help with the sort of problems he was having, but in the end he had just sipped a little to appease her and had gone right back to sleep.
He had slept through most of the night, waking up now and then in a cold sweat or with a dry mouth. He sipped some water from the glass on his nightstand and let his heart rate slow back to normal, drifting right back into unconsciousness. He was vaguely aware of someone peeking in to check on him in the wee hours, and he knew it wasn’t his mother. It was Bryson, the dutiful little brother, trying to make sure that it was nothing worse than a mild episode at best. Ever since the Bad Thing his little brother had been a vigilante, trying his best to make sure that Alec was doing okay and not in any sort of trouble. Alec was thankful for that, and made a drowsy mental note to reassure Bryson as soon as he felt better again.
When he decried the idea of going to school his mother at least let him be, able to back off and let him stay home because his father was in Missoula on work related business and not there to criticize either of them for their actions. He heard the sound of her SUV starting up so she could drive Bryson to school, leaving him alone in the house for at least a good fifteen or twenty minute clip. He didn’t think she’d stop anywhere coming back; his being alone made her nervous and she wouldn’t be willing to risk it. The thought of that made him snort as he rolled onto his back with his arm stretched over his eyes despite the fact there was nothing to block out but the dark.
If
he had wanted to do something to himself, had slipped that little bit further past the edge, fifteen minutes would be all it would take. It wasn’t as though one needed a lot of time to make an irrationally quick decision like that, and he was pretty sure his mother knew that. Even so life had to go on despite his problems, and there were other people who needed time and attention. He didn’t begrudge Bryson that, and he knew that his little brother was genuinely worried enough without having to think about that sort of thing.
Alec knew that she would hurry back to check on him, to make sure that her brief stint away from the house hadn’t churned out a horrible result. That was comforting in its own small way at least, knowing that his mother cared and that she was doing her best to make sure he was alright. In truth there wasn’t all that much she could do besides watch, wait, and worry, but it was something. It was better than what his father gave him anyway, which was a lot of sternly worded lectures about how he didn’t try enough. It was almost as though his father thought he was this way on purpose, that he liked those days when he couldn’t bring himself to just get out of bed. That was part of the problem, and Alec knew it. He had an inkling that his mother knew it too, and Doctor Linn for sure understood it. Pushing and shoving didn’t do much to help when all you were doing was causing someone to keep losing what little footing they had left.
Sliding his arm off his eyes, Alec rolled himself up in the blanket and teetered onto his side, groping in the dark for his nightstand. He grabbed his phone and hit the button on top that brought the screen to life, blinking at the sudden brightness. He had a couple of text messages, all from Cameron and most apologetic in nature. He didn’t answer them though, just skimmed through them before going to his contacts. He hadn’t gotten Ramona’s number, though he had a suspicion that the only digits she had available were the ones that connected to a land line phone. Still he didn’t give up, opening up his social media applications and searching for her name.
A Crooked Mile (Rust Book 1) Page 7