At the end of the day, Ramona and Alec were still two very different people who were going two very different places. He was still a basketball playing scholarship hopeful, who had received two potential offers to a couple of decent out of state schools. He also came with a lot of baggage that Ramona wasn’t sure she was mature enough or emotionally prepared to deal with. He had stood up for her, he had turned his life up on end in part for her, and she was grateful for that. She couldn’t, however, let go of everything and just accept the situation with abandon. That wasn’t who she was, and it wasn’t ever who she would be.
Alec didn’t see things quite the same way as Ramona did, and her bluntly turning him down was like a hot dagger into the heart. Before meeting her, he had been content to just go with the herd. He had kept his head down, accepted things as they were, and hadn’t rocked the boat. He’d had enough problems to deal with without adding to the pile, but she had made him want to buck the system. He had turned on his friends for her, had stood in front of the entire school to take up for her honor, and now she was acting as though none of it had meant anything.
“Alright,” he whispered in return, pushing off the locker so he was standing up straight again. He looked at her again, his expression cold and unreadable, and shifted his books to his other arm. “See you around, Sanders.”
Alec walked off then, and left Ramona standing alone at her locker. She felt hot tears welling up in her eyes, but she willed herself not to cry. There wasn’t anything to cry over, this was just how things went. They had worked well together, they had completed their project, and it was time to move on. They would see each other around, they would pass in the halls, and maybe eventually Alec would want to speak to her again. Until then there was homework to do, finals to study for, and her siblings to help take care of. There was the farm to worry about, and college applications to get into the mail before the deadlines were up. She would be lucky to get a partial scholarship somewhere, let alone a full one like he would, and that meant doubling down and working as hard as she could.
There would be time, eventually, in her life for dating and dances and parties. This was just not that time. Other things, more important things, had to come first, and she would see that they did. Even if they hurt as badly as this did, and would for a very long time.
Chapter Twenty-One: Chasing Time
The last week of school was like torment for Alec, who was doing his best to avoid Ramona. It was a difficult thing to do, since spending time with her had become such an integral part of his week. He returned exclusively to his back row seat in English class, while she kept to her front row desk across the aisle. Once or twice he caught her looking at him, but he couldn’t bring himself to meet her gaze. He wanted to talk to her, badly, but he needed to give himself time and space. He wasn’t mad at her, not really, because he did understand that she had the right to say no. At the end of the day she owed him nothing, and he had to just let himself have a little distance from the hurt he was feeling. He didn’t want to say, or do, something incredibly stupid because of his pride being wounded.
He had gone to see Doctor Linn for a second session, since the holiday time was more stressful and his anxiety tended to run a little higher. They had talked about it, and she agreed that there was nothing wrong with some space. Once he felt more comfortable with the nature of their relationship, just friends it seemed, then he would be okay with talking to her again and trying to maintain what they had once had. Until then, yes, it was better for him to try to keep his distance.
Finals passed by in a blur of tests and last minute papers, and then the day of the winter formal came and went. Alec’s mother had tried to talk him into going, but he had spent the day at home instead, playing video games and eating junk food with Bryson. It had stung a little to see all of his friends on Facebook talking about having a good time and posting selfies of themselves in their formal clothes, but he didn’t let himself get too hung up on it. It was just a dance, and not the end of the world.
It was two days before Christmas when Alec’s emotions finally reached the breaking point and he wasn’t able to hold things in anymore. He had gone into town on some last minute errands, primarily to swing by the post office to pick up some last minute packages that had arrived just in time to get wrapped and put beneath the tree. His mother had sent along a list of things she needed from the grocery store, and so he made that his final stop after getting some more ribbon and wrapping paper since they were nearly out.
He had gotten in and out of the store rather quickly, a surprise with how crowded it was, and was in the process of loading bags into the back of the SUV when a familiar voice spoke up from behind him. Alec immediately went tense, not wanting to turn around and face the person speaking. He knew that things would be bad if he did, and it was almost Christmas. Nobody wants to get into a fight just days before the celebration of the birth of Jesus.
“C’mon, Davis, turn around and face me like a man,” Cameron sneered, standing by the out of commission parking meter that did nothing but take up space on the sidewalk. Rust had taken its meters out years ago, when it became apparent that nobody used them and that local law enforcement had no intentions of writing tickets for it. “I heard Stuttering Sanders turned you down for the dance. I mean, that’s gotta hurt, right? How embarrassing! You couldn’t even get a fat chick who doesn’t brush her hair to go out with you. Talk about lowest of the low, my man.”
Just behind him Casey King let out a snicker of approval, giving Alec a smug look when he finally did turn around. He had heard that Cameron and Casey were going out, and the rumor seemed to be credible. It was a shame to see his former best friend stooping so low, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it now. They had gone their separate ways, driven by very different needs and wants in their lives. Cameron needed, and wanted, to be liked. So much so that he was willing to hurt people to make sure he achieved the status he was looking for. Alec needed, and wanted, to be a good person and to do what was right. He had long ago given up on the notion of popularity ruling his life, and he wished that he could say the same for Cam.
They had been tight for nearly four years, ever since Alec’s first day at Rust High School. He had shared his secrets with the other boy, and while it seemed that Cameron hadn’t broken that barrier of trust, it didn’t mean that Alec could forgive him for everything else he had done. He especially couldn’t forgive or excuse the behavior he was showing now, trying to keep his patience in check as he put down the back hatch of the SUV and made sure it was secure.
“Look,” Alec said slowly, giving it his all to remain calm and not just lose it. “We aren’t friends anymore, Cameron, so I don’t know why you keep dragging this out. What do you want, huh? For me to say I’m sorry? To come crawling back? It’s over, alright, there’s nothing more to say to one another. Basketball is over in February and then we don’t have to even go near each other again. We both made obligations to the team, and I’m going to see mine through, but I can’t keep doing this with you over and over again. It’s old, it’s tired, and I’m done.”
Cameron stepped away from the parking meter, taking a few calculated steps toward Alec. Casey still lingered behind him, like a silent but deadly cheerleader who was egging him on. “Oh you’re done, huh? So you ditch the people who have been there since the day you set foot in this town, you walk out on your team, and you push away your best friend, but you’re the one who gets to say when it’s over. Reality check, Davis, that isn’t how it works.”
Alec knew what was going to happen the moment that Cameron rushed toward him, shoving him with two outstretched palms. He stumbled back a bit, knocking into the bumper of the SUV, but the shove had been an invitation of sorts. All of the anger that had been building up since the entire mess started sprang loose and he wasn’t able to contain himself anymore, getting his footing back and then swinging hard.
The fight ensued quickly and violently, with Casey shrieking and the two boys wre
stling each other onto the cold, wet sidewalk. Alec could feel sludgy snow soaking into his clothes but he didn’t care, too focused on the task at hand. He had taken all he could take, from everyone, and now that he had let it out it was going to be damn near impossible to reign it back in again.
It was Mr. Cooper, from the hardware store, who finally managed to break the two boys up. He was assisted by a couple of men from the grocery store, a stocker and a bag boy, who helped hold Alec and Cameron back once they were pulled off of one another. Cameron was bleeding impressively from a busted nose, a big bruise blossoming around one eye. Alec had a few cuts on his face, and his knuckles were more than a little skinned up and tender.
He shook loose from the guy who was holding him, holding up his hands to show that he didn’t intend to go at the other boy again. He didn’t say a word; he just fished his keys from his pocket and got into the SUV, breathing hard as he let himself calm down. Casey was still on the sidewalk fussing over Cameron, who was bellowing to everyone and anyone who would listen that Alec was a psycho. He didn’t bother to get back out or try to defend himself; instead he just turned on the car, threw it into reverse, and left the scene.
His knuckles stiffened up on the drive home, and he immediately went into the kitchen to find some ice. He wrapped his hands carefully after that, putting away the groceries and taking his packages upstairs. He spent the rest of the afternoon wrapping presents and anticipating a phone call from the Eccoles’ to complain about Alec supposedly assaulting their son. No call came though, and he was somehow off the hook. It wasn’t until later that night that he told Bryson about what had happened, and their parents never inquired about the bandages. He was blissfully ignored, which this time turned out to be more of a blessing than a curse.
Christmas Eve morning came quickly, and Alec busied himself putting his gifts under the tree. Except for one, this was a small box that sat on his desk all by its lonesome. It was wrapped in shiny green paper and wrapped with red ribbon, a red bow as big as the box itself sitting on top. It had no name tag, but it really didn’t need one. He knew who it was for, and anyone who was nosing around in his room didn’t need to know anything.
His hands were just as bruised and bloody as they had been the day before, and he took care in cleaning the scrapes and then wrapping them again with clean bandages. In hindsight he felt a bit silly, but mostly he just felt good. Cameron had deserved what he had gotten, and he wouldn’t take it back even if he could. The pain, the stiffness, and the nuisance of it was absolutely worth it, and he was able to shove those momentarily silly feelings aside.
The morning was spent making cookies with Bryson and helping his mother polish the silver for Christmas dinner. They took the stockings out of their box in the closet and hung them up over the fireplace, a tradition that he didn’t fully understand. He thought the stockings should go up with the other decorations but his mother insisted that she had always put hers up on Christmas Eve and she wanted them to continue to do the same with the two of them. So he didn't fight it, he just hung his stocking in its spot and then helped himself to some more eggnog with cinnamon sprinkled on top.
Once or twice he thought about calling Ramona, but he kept himself busy instead. He cleaned, he decorated the cooled off cookies, and he helped with dinner They ate in silence before trooping into the living room to watch Christmas movies and exchange one small gift just like they always did. He got a pair of reindeer socks and a new journal, which was bound in leather and fastened with a fancy clasp on the side. He thanked his parents and his brother, and he somehow made it through what felt like their millionth viewing of It's A Wonderful Life. Finally though everyone else grew tired enough to call it quits, and he got to disappear back into the quiet confines of his bedroom.
The holidays were a rough time, and he knew he wasn't alone in that thought. It wasn’t a feeling exclusive to him, and he was just one of many who felt a lot of anxiety and mixed emotions about this time of year. He was feeling down as he changed into his pajamas and stretched out on his bed, trying to relax. It was snowing outside again, ensuring an entirely white Christmas, and the world felt at peace. He just wished he could feel that way inside, because he was instead unbalanced and at odds with himself. It was a new development, he’d never truly started to feel any better, but he still wished that he could change things. Even for a day he wished that he had the capacity for real, unbridled happiness inside of himself.
That’s what Alec was thinking about as he drifted off to sleep, still on top of the covers with the snow falling heavily outside. He slept the deep sleep of the truly exhausted, and he would have missed Christmas breakfast if Bryson hadn’t barged in to wake him up. Together they made their way downstairs to join their parents, gathering around the dining room table for pancakes and eggnog. Once that was over and the dishes cleaned up they trooped into the living room, where they opened up gifts and took a million unnecessary photographs. They both complied to make their mother happy, and their father barely spoke to him so things worked out more or less just fine.
Then the Christmas day lull arrived, that long gap of hours between the morning festivities and dinner. The wrapping paper was cleaned up, the gifts all put away, and the stockings down from the fireplace and empty. There wasn’t much to do with those empty hours, and so he made a decision.
Alec bundled up, started the car, and drove the mile down to Ramona’s house. He could have walked, sure, but the snow was deep and the going would be slow. It was easier, and warmer, to just drive down and make quick work of it. He made sure to tuck the small package from the dresser into his coat pocket as he went, hurrying out so he could avoid Bryson. He loved his brother, but he knew he’d want to tag along and this was not an errand that he wanted a companion for.
He drove carefully, taking the bends and curves slowly so he didn’t end up in a ditch. That happened a lot in Rust, even if you had lived there all of your life and were used to the winding roads and bad winter conditions. The last thing he wanted, or needed, was to have to call for a tow truck on Christmas day. So it took him a bit longer than he cared to admit to arrive at the Sanders house, pulling gently into their freshly shoveled driveway. He put the SUV in park and breathed in deeply, giving him a moment before turning off the ignition.
Wading through the snow covered walk way, Alec made his way up to the drooping porch and knocked a couple of times. Inside he could hear laughter and noise, footsteps pounding on creaking wooden floors as the kids reveled in their Christmas joy. He knocked again and this time the lock clicked over, a rosy cheeked face peering out at him.
“Hi,” whispered Eleanor Sanders, one of Ramona’s younger siblings. She opened the door wider and stepped back, yelling over her shoulder. “MONA! Somebody is here to see you!”
With that she took off running, heading back into the living room where all the action was clearly happening. Alec stood awkwardly in the hallway with his hands in his pockets, glancing around. He could smell something delicious wafting from the kitchen, mingled with the scents of cinnamon, pine, and sugar. They were all wonderful, familiar Christmas smells and he had a pang of longing. Longing to be part of something as real as this; longing to have a family that hadn’t long ago unraveled at the seams.
Ramona appeared then, wearing a pair of penguin pajamas with her curls pulled up into a messy bun. She didn’t look surprised to see him, nobody else would be visiting her on Christmas day, but her cheeks flushed anyway. No girl necessarily wants to be seen by a cute boy in her penguin pajamas, but going upstairs to change was silly. After all, what other day of the year could you spend all day in your pj’s and not feel at least some regret for it? She wanted to live her life guilt free, cute boys be damned.
“Hey,” she said softly, rocking back and forth on the heels of her feet. It was so strange to see Alec standing there after so many days of nothing, not even a phone call, but it gave her a sense of relief. Maybe she hadn’t royally screwed up, and maybe somehow things r
eally could be okay. “Merry Christmas, Alec.”
“Merry Christmas, Ramona,” Alec returned softly, reaching into his jacket pocket. He pulled out the box and handed it over, clearing his throat a little as he did. ‘I just wanted to drop this by, I don’t want to stay long and interrupt your family thing. I’m sorry for the way I acted, for the way I blew you off. I was just nursing my wounds, but I’m okay now. I don’t want you to ever think I’m one of those guys, who thinks that a girl owes him something just by being a girl. That isn’t true, and I acted like a jerk. I just wanted to apologize for that.”
That got a smile from Ramona, who was thankful to hear him apologize. She had never wanted to think ill of Alec, even if the thought had crossed her mind after he’d decided to stop speaking to her. She had wanted him to truly be different, to not be the person she had first assumed him to be, and his words made her relax a little. She took the box from him and admired the pretty wrapping, slowly untying the ribbons on the sides. Once it was off she peeled back the paper and lifted the lid on the box, peering at the object that lay inside.
It was a necklace, nestled in among a bit of cotton to keep it from moving around. The chain was silver, and on it rested an oval shaped pendant with a bit of ornate decoration around the edges. Inside, beneath the curved piece of glass encasing it, there was writing on a background that was meant to look like aged paper. She read the words aloud, her smile softening a little as she did.
“Be with me always – take any form – drive me mad! Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you,” she spoke, looking up at him as she finished. “Of course you gave me a quote from Wuthering Heights for Christmas. It’s appropriate, on many levels.” She handed him back the box and then turned around, lifting her falling bun up off her neck. “Alright, put it on me. If I try and do it myself I’ll just get it tangled up. The last thing I want is to break it two minutes after you’ve given it to me.”
A Crooked Mile (Rust Book 1) Page 17