by T. Smollett
He is insulted by his Tutor, whom he lampoons--Makes a considerableProgress in Polite Literature; and, in an Excursion to Windsor, meetswith Emilia by accident, and is very coldly received.
Among those who suffered by his craft and infidelity was Mr. Jumble,his own tutor, who could not at all digest the mortifying affront he hadreceived, and was resolved to be revenged on the insulting author. Withthis view he watched the conduct of Mr. Pickle with the utmost rancourof vigilance, and let slip no opportunity of treating him disrespect,which he knew the disposition of his pupil could less brook than anyother severity it was in his power to exercise.
Peregrine had been several mornings absent from chapel; and as Mr.Jumble never failed to question him in a very peremptory style about hisnon-attendance, he invented some very plausible excuses; but at lengthhis ingenuity was exhausted: he received a very galling rebuke for hisproffigacy of morals; and, that he might feel it the more sensibly, wasordered, by way of exercise, to compose a paraphrase in English verseupon these two lines in Virgil:--
Vane Ligur, frustraque animis elate superbis, Nequicquam patrias tentasti lubricus artes.
The imposition of this invidious theme had all the desired effect uponPeregrine, who not only considered it as a piece of unmannerly abuseleveled against his own conduct, but also a retrospective insult onthe memory of his grandfather, who, as he had been informed, was in hislifetime more noted for his cunning than candour in trade.
Exasperated at this instance of the pedant's audacity, he had well nigh,in his first transports, taken corporal satisfaction on the spot;but, foreseeing the troublesome consequences that would attend sucha flagrant outrage against the laws of the university, he checked hisindignation, and resolved to revenge the injury in a more cool andcontemptuous manner. Thus determined, he set on foot an inquiry intothe particulars of Jumble's parentage and education. He learnt that thefather of this insolent tutor was a brick-layer, that his mother soldpies, and that the son, in different periods of his youth, had amusedhimself in both occupations, before he converted his views to the studyof learning. Fraught with this intelligence, he composed the followingballad in doggerel rhymes; and next day, presented it as a gloss uponthe text which the tutor had chosen:--
Come, listen, ye students of every degree; I sing of a wit and a tutor perdie, A statesman profound, a critic immense, In short a mere jumble of learning and sense; And yet of his talents though laudably vain, His own family arts he could never attain.
His father, intending his fortune to build, In his youth would have taught him the trowel to wield, But the mortar of discipline never would stick, For his skull was secured by a facing of brick; And with all his endeavours of patience and pain, The skill of his sire he could never attain.
His mother, a housewife neat, artful, and wise, Renown'd for her delicate biscuit and pies, soon alter'd his studies, by flattering his taste, From the raising of walls to the rearing of paste! But all her instructions were fruitless and vain; The pie-making mystery he ne'er could attain.
Yet true to his race, in his labours were seen A jumble of both their professions, I ween; For, when his own genius he ventured to trust, His pies seemed of brick, and his houses of crust. Then good Mr. Tutor, pray be not so vain, Since your family arts you could never attain.
This impudent production was the most effectual vengeance he couldhave taken on his tutor, who had all the supercilious arrogance andridiculous pride of a low-born pedant. Instead of overlooking thispetulant piece of satire with that temper and decency of disdain thatbecame a person of his gravity and station, he no sooner cast his eyeover the performance, than the blood rushed into his countenance, andimmediately after exhibited a ghastly pale colour. With a quivering lip,he told his pupil, that he was an impertinent jackanapes; and he wouldtake care that he should be expelled from the university, for havingpresumed to write and deliver such a licentious and scurrilous libel.Peregrine answered, with great resolution, that when the provocationhe had received should be known, he was persuaded that he should beacquitted by the opinion of all impartial people; and that he was readyto submit the whole to the decision of the master.
This arbitration he proposed, because he knew the master and Jumble wereat variance; and, for that reason, the tutor durst not venture to putthe cause on such an issue. Nay, when this reference was mentioned,Jumble, who was naturally jealous, suspected that Peregrine had apromise of protection before he undertook to commit such an outrageousinsult; and this notion had such an effect upon him, that he decidedto devour his vexation, and wait for a more proper opportunity ofgratifying his hate. Meanwhile, copies of the ballad were distributedamong the students, who sang it under the very nose of Mr. Jumble, tothe tune of "A Cobbler there was" etc.; and the triumph of our herowas complete. Neither was his whole time devoted to the riotousextravagancies of youth. He enjoyed many lucid intervals, during whichhe contracted a more intimate acquaintance with the classics, appliedhimself to the reading of history, improved his taste for painting andmusic, in which he made some progress; and, above all things, cultivatedthe study of natural philosophy. It was generally after a course ofclose attention to some of these arts and sciences, that his dispositionbroke out into those irregularities and wild sallies of a luxuriantimagination, for which he became so remarkable; and he was perhaps theonly young man in Oxford who, at the same time, maintained an intimateand friendly intercourse with the most unthinking, as well as the mostsedate students at the university.
It is not to be supposed that a young man of Peregrine's vanity,inexperience, and profusion, could suit his expense to his allowance,liberal as it was--for he was not one of those fortunate people who areborn economists, and knew not the art of withholding his purse when hesaw his companion in difficulty. Thus naturally generous and expensive,he squandered away his money, and made a most splendid appearance uponthe receipt of his quarterly appointment; but long before the thirdmonth was elapsed, his finances were consumed: and as he could not stoopto ask an extraordinary supply, was too proud to borrow, and too haughtyto run in debt with tradesmen, he devoted those periods of poverty tothe prosecution of his studies, and shone forth again at the revolutionof quarter-day.
In one of these eruptions he and some of his companions went to Windsor,in order to see the royal apartments in the castle, whither theyrepaired in the afternoon; and as Peregrine stood contemplating thepicture of Hercules and Omphale, one of his fellow-students whispered inhis car, "Zounds! Pickle, there are two fine girls!" He turned instantlyabout, and in one of them recognized his almost forgotten Emilia; herappearance acted upon his imagination like a spark of fire that fallsamong gun-powder; that passion which had lain dormant for the space oftwo years, flashed up in a moment, and he was seized with a trepidation.She perceived and partook of his emotion; for their souls, like unisons,vibrated with the same impulse. However, she called her pride andresentment to her aid, and found resolution enough to retire from such adangerous scene.
Alarmed at her retreat, he recollected all his assurance, and, impelledby love, which he could no longer resist, followed her into the nextroom, where, in the most disconcerted manner, he accosted her with "Yourhumble servant, Miss Gauntlet;" to which salutation she replied, withan affectation of indifference, that did not, however, conceal heragitation, "Your servant, sir;" and immediately extending her fingertoward the picture of Duns Scotus, which is fixed over one of the doors,asked her companion, in a giggling tone, if she did not think he lookedlike a conjurer? Peregrine, nettled into spirits by this reception,answered for the other lady, "that it was an easy matter to be aconjurer in those times, when the simplicity of the age assisted hisdivination; but were he, or Merlin himself, to rise from the dead now,when such deceit and dissimulation prevail, they would not be able toearn their bread by the profession."--"O! Sir," said she, turningfull upon him, "without doubt they would adopt new maxims; 'tisno disparagement in this enlightened age for
one to alter one'sopinion."--"No, sure, madam," replied the youth, with someprecipitation, "provided the change be for the better."--"And shouldit happen otherwise," retorted the nymph, with a flirt of herfan, "inconstancy will never want countenance from the practice ofmankind."-"True, madam," resumed our hero, fixing his eyes upon her;"examples of levity are every where to be met with."-"Oh Lord, sir,"cried Emilia, tossing her head, "you'll scarce ever find a fop withoutit."
By this time his companion, seeing him engaged with one of the ladies,entered into conversation with the other; and, in order to favour hisfriend's gallantry, conducted her into the next apartment, on pretenceof entertaining her with the sight of a remarkable piece of painting.
Peregrine, laying hold on this opportunity of being alone with theobject of his love, assumed a most seducing tenderness of look, and,heaving a profound sigh, asked if she had utterly discarded him fromher remembrance. Reddening at this pathetic question, which recalled thememory of the imagined slight he had put upon her, she answered in greatconfusion, "Sir, I believe I once had the pleasure of seeing you at aball in Winchester."--"Miss Emilia," said he, very gravely, "will yoube so candid as to tell me what misbehaviour of mine you are pleased topunish, by restricting your remembrance to that single occasion?"--"Mr.Pickle," she replied, in the same tone, "it is neither my provincenor inclination to judge your conduct; and therefore you misapply yourquestion when you ask such an explanation of me"--"At least" resumed ourlover, "give me the melancholy satisfaction to know for what offenceof mine you refused to take least notice of that letter which I had thehonour to write from Winchester by your own express permission."--"Yourletter," said miss, with great vivacity, "neither required, nor, in myopinion, deserved an answer; and to be free with you, Mr. Pickle, itwas but a shallow artifice to rid yourself of a correspondence you haddeigned to solicit."
Peregrine, confounded at this repartee, replied that howsoever he mighthave failed in point of elegance or discretion, he was sure he had notbeen deficient in expressions of respect and devotion for those charmswhich it was his pride to adore: "As for the verses," said he, "I ownthey were unworthy of the theme; but I flattered myself that they wouldhave merited your acceptance, though not your approbation, and beenconsidered not so much as the proof of my genius, as the genuineeffusion of my love."--"Verses," cried Emilia with an air ofastonishment, "what verses? I really don't understand you."
The young gentleman was thunderstruck at this exclamation; to which,after a long pause, he answered: "I begin to suspect, and heartily wishit may appear, that we have misunderstood each other from the beginning.Pray, Miss Gauntlet, did you not find a copy of verses inclosed in thatunfortunate letter?"--"Truly, sit," said the lady, "I am not so much ofa connoisseur as to distinguish whether that facetious production, whichyou merrily style as an unfortunate letter, was composed in verse orprose; but methinks, the jest is a little too stale to be brought uponthe carpet again." So saying, she tripped away to her companion, andleft her lover in a most tumultuous suspense. He now perceived that herneglect of his addresses when he was at Winchester, must have been owingto some mystery which he could not comprehend; and she began to suspectand to hope that the letter which she received was spurious, thoughshe could not conceive how that could possibly happen, as it had beendelivered to her by the hands of his own servant.
However, she resolved to leave the task of unravelling this affair tohim, who, she knew, would infallibly exert himself for his own as wellas her satisfaction. She was not deceived in her opinion: he went upto her again at the staircase, and, as they were improvided with a maleattendant, insisted upon squiring the ladies to their lodgings. Emiliasaw his drift, which was no other than to know where she lived; andthough she approved of his contrivance, thought it was incumbent uponher, for the support of her own dignity, to decline the chivalry;she therefore thanked him for his polite offer, but would by no meansconsent to his giving himself such unnecessary trouble, especially asthey had a very little way to walk. He was not repulsed by this refusal,the nature of which he perfectly understood; nor was she sorry to seehim persevere in his determination: he therefore accompanied themin their return, and made divers efforts to speak with Emilia inparticular; but she had a spice of the coquette in her disposition,and being determined to whet his impatience, artfully baffled allhis endeavours, by keeping her companion continually engaged in theconversation, which turned upon the venerable appearance and imperialsituation of the place. Thus tantalized, he lounged with them to thedoor of the house in which they lodged, when his mistress, perceiving,by the countenance of her comrade, that she was on the point of desiringhim to walk in, checked her intention with a frown; then, turning to Mr.Pickle, dropped him a very formal curtsy, seized the other young lady bythe arm, and saying, "Come, cousin Sophy," vanished in a moment.
CHAPTER XXIII.