by T. Smollett
Acquires a distinct Idea of the French Government--Quarrels with aMousquetaire, whom he afterwards fights and vanquishes, after havingpunished him for interfering in his amorous Recreations.
Among many other instances of the same nature, I believe it will not beamiss to exhibit a few specimens of their administration, which happenedduring his abode at Paris; that those who have not the opportunityof observing for themselves, or are in danger of being influenced bymisrepresentation, may compare their own condition with that of theirneighbours, and do justice to the constitution under which they live.
A lady of distinguished character having been lampooned by some obscurescribbler, who could not be discovered, the ministry, in consequenceof her complaint, ordered no fewer than five-and-twenty abbes to beapprehended and sent to the Bastille, on the maxim of Herod, when hecommanded the innocents to be murdered, hoping that the principal objectof his cruelty would not escape in the general calamity; and thefriends of those unhappy prisoners durst not even complain of the unjustpersecution, but shrugged up their shoulders, and in silence deploredtheir misfortune, uncertain whether or not they should ever set eyes onthem again.
About the same time a gentleman of family, who had been oppressed by acertain powerful duke that lived in the neighbourhood, found means tobe introduced to the king, who, receiving his petition very graciously,asked in what regiment he served; and when the memorialist answeredthat he had not the honour of being in the service, returned the paperunopened, and refused to hear one circumstance of his complaint; sothat, far from being redressed, he remained more than ever exposed tothe tyranny of his oppressors; nay, so notorious is the discouragementof all those who presume to live independent of court favour andconnections that one of the gentlemen, whose friendship Peregrinecultivated, frankly owned he was in possession of a most romantic placein one of the provinces, and deeply enamoured of a country life; andyet he durst not reside upon his own estate, lest, by slackening in hisattendance upon the great, who honoured him with their protection, heshould fall a prey to some rapacious intendant.
As for the common people, they are so much inured to the scourge andinsolence of power, that every shabby subaltern, every beggarly cadet ofthe noblesse, every low retainer to the court, insults and injures themwith impunity. A certain ecuyer, or horsedealer, belonging to the king,being one day under the hands of a barber, who happened to cut the headof a pimple on his face, he started up, and drawing his sword, woundedhim desperately in the shoulder. The poor tradesman, hurt as he was,made an effort to retire, and was followed by this barbarous assassin,who, not contented with the vengeance he had taken, plunged his sword asecond time into his body, and killed him on the spot. Having performedthis inhuman exploit, he dressed himself with great deliberation, andgoing to Versailles, immediately obtained a pardon for what he had done;triumphing in his brutality with such insolence, that the very next timehe had occasion to be shaved he sat with his sword ready drawn, in orderto repeat the murder, in case the barber should commit the same mistake.Yet so tamed are those poor people to subjection, that when Peregrinementioned this assassination to his own trimmer, with expressions ofhorror and detestation, the infatuated wretch replied, that withoutall doubt it was a misfortune, but it proceeded from the gentleman'spassion; and observed, by way of encomium on the government, that suchvivacity is never punished in France.
A few days after this outrage was committed, our youth, who was aprofessed enemy to all oppression, being in one of the first logesat the comedy, was eye-witness of an adventure which filled him withindignation: a tall, ferocious fellow, in the parterre, without theleast provocation, but prompted by the mere wantonness of pride, tookhold of the hat of a very decent young man who happened to stand beforehim, and twirled it round upon his head. The party thus offended turnedto his aggressor, and civilly asked the reason of such treatment: buthe received no answer; and when he looked the other way, the insultwas repeated: upon which he expressed his resentment as became a man ofspirit, and desired the offender to walk out with him. No sooner didhe thus signify his intention, than his adversary, swelling with rage,cocked his hat fiercely in his face, and, fixing his hands in his sides,pronounced, with the most imperious tone, "Hark ye, Mr. Round Periwig,you must know that I am a mousquetaire." Scarce had this awful wordescaped from his lips, when the blood forsook the lips of the poorchallenger, who, with the most abject submission, begged pardon forhis presumption, and with difficulty obtained it, on condition that heshould immediately quit the place. Having thus exercised his authority,he turned to one of his companions, and, with an air of disdainfulridicule, told him he was like to have had an affair with a bourgeois;adding, by way of heightening the irony, "Egad! I believe he is aphysician."
Our hero was so much shocked and irritated at this licentious behaviour,that he could not suppress his resentment, which he manifested by sayingto this Hector, "Sir, a physician may be a man of honour." To thisremonstrance, which was delivered with a very significant countenance,the mousquetaire made no other reply, but that of echoing his assertionwith a loud laugh, in which he was joined by his confederates.Peregrine, glowing with resentment, called him a fanfaron, and withdrewin expectation of being followed into the street. The other understoodthe hint; and a rencounter must have ensued had not the officer of theguard, who overheard what passed, prevented their meeting, by puttingthe mousquetaire immediately under arrest. Our young gentleman waited atthe door of the parterre, until he was informed of this interposition,and then went home very much chagrined at his disappointment; for he wasan utter stranger to fear and diffidence on those occasions, and had sethis heart upon chastising the insolence of this bully, who had treatedhim with such disrespect.
This adventure was not so private but that it reached the ears of Mr.Jolter by the canal of some English gentlemen who were present when ithappened; and the governor, who entertained a most dreadful idea ofthe mousquetaires, being alarmed at a quarrel, the consequence of whichmight be fatal to his charge, waited on the British ambassador, andbegged he would take Peregrine under his immediate protection. Hisexcellency, having heard the circumstances of the dispute, sent one ofhis gentlemen to invite the youth to dinner; and after having assuredhim that he might depend upon his countenance and regard, representedthe rashness and impetuosity of his conduct so much to his conviction,that he promised to act more circumspectly for the future, and drop allthoughts of the mousquetaire from that moment.
A few days after he had taken this laudable resolution, Pipes, who hadcarried a billet to his mistress, informed him that he had perceived alaced hat lying upon a marble slab in her apartment; and that whenshe came out of her own chamber to receive the letter, she appeared inmanifest disorder. From these hints of intelligence our young gentlemansuspected, or rather made no doubt of, her infidelity; and being by thistime well nigh cloyed with possession, was not sorry to find she hadgiven him cause to renounce her correspondence. That he might thereforedetect her in the very breach of duty, and at the same time punish thegallant who had the presumption to invade his territories, he concertedwith himself a plan which was executed in this manner. During his nextinterview with his dulcinea, far from discovering the least sign ofjealousy or discontent, he affected the appearance of extraordinaryfondness, and, after having spent the afternoon with the showof uncommon satisfaction, told her he was engaged in a party forFountainebleau, and would set out from Paris that same evening; so thathe should not have the pleasure of seeing her again for some days.
The lady, who was very well versed in the arts of her occupation,pretended to receive this piece of news with great affliction, andconjured him, with such marks of real tenderness, to return as soon aspossible to her longing arms, that he went away almost convinced of hersincerity. Determined, however, to prosecute his scheme, he actuallydeparted from Paris with two or three gentlemen of his acquaintance,who had hired a remise for a jaunt to Versailles; and having accompaniedthem as far as the village of Passe, he returned in the dusk of theevening
on foot.
He waited impatiently till midnight, and then, arming himself with abrace of pocket-pistols, and attended by trusty Tom with a cudgel in hishand, repaired to the lodgings of his suspected inamorata. Having givenPipes his cue, he knocked gently at the door, which was no sooner openedby the lacquey, than he bolted in, before the fellow could recollecthimself from the confusion occasioned by his unexpected appearance; and,leaving Tom to guard the door, ordered the trembling valet to lighthim upstairs into his lady's apartment. The first object that presenteditself to his view, when he entered the antechamber, was a sword uponthe table, which he immediately seized, exclaiming, in a loud andmenacing voice, that his mistress was false, and then in bed withanother gallant, whom he would instantly put to death. This declaration,confirmed by many terrible oaths, he calculated for the hearing of hisrival, who, understanding his sanguinary purpose, started up in greattrepidation, and, naked as he was, dropped from the balcony into thestreet, while Peregrine thundered at the door for admittance, and,guessing his design, gave him an opportunity of making this precipitateretreat. Pipes, who stood sentinel at the door, observing the fugitivedescend, attacked him with his cudgel; and sweating him from one end ofthe street to the other, at last committed him to the guet by whom hewas conveyed to the officer on duty in a most disgraceful and deplorablecondition.
Meanwhile Peregrine, having burst open the chamber door, found the ladyin the utmost dread and consternation, and the spoils of her favouritescattered about the room; but his resentment was doubly gratified, whenhe learned, upon inquiry, that the person who had been so disagreeablyinterrupted was no other than that individual mousquetaire with whom hehad quarrelled at the comedy. He upbraided the nymph with herperfidy and ingratitude; and telling her that she must not expect thecontinuance of his regard, or the appointments which she had hithertoenjoyed from his bounty, went home to his own lodgings, overjoyed at theissue of the adventure.
The soldier, exasperated at the disgrace he had undergone, as well asthe outrageous insult of the English valet, whom he believed his masterhad tutored for that purpose, no sooner extricated himself from theopprobrious situation he had incurred, than, breathing vengeanceagainst the author of the affront, he came to Peregrine's apartment, anddemanded satisfaction upon the ramparts next morning before sunrise.Our hero assured him he would not fail to pay his respects to him at thetime and place appointed; and foreseeing that he might be prevented fromkeeping this engagement by the officious care of his governor, who sawthe mousquetaire come in, he told Mr. Jolter, that the Frenchmanhad visited him in consequence of an order he had received from hissuperiors, to make an apology for his rude behaviour to him in theplayhouse, and that they had parted very good friends. This assurance,together with Pickle's tranquil and unconcerned behaviour through theday, quieted the terrors which had begun to take possession of histutor's imagination; so that the youth had an opportunity of giving himthe slip at night, when he betook himself to the lodgings of a friend,whom he engaged as his second, and with whom he immediately took thefield, in order to avoid the search which Jolter, upon missing him,might set on foot.
This was a necessary precaution; for as he did not appear at supper, andPipes, who usually attended him in his excursions, could give no accountof his motions, the governor was dreadfully alarmed at his absence, andordered his man to run in quest of his master to all the places whichhe used to frequent, while he himself went to the commissaire, and,communicating his suspicions, was accommodated with a party of thehorse-guards, who patrolled round all the environs of the city, with aview of preventing the rencounter. Pipes might have directed them to thelady, by whose information they could have learned the name and lodgingsof the mousquetaire, and if he had been apprehended the duel would nothave happened; but he did not choose to run the risk of disobliging hismaster by intermeddling in the affair, and was moreover very desirousthat the Frenchman should be humbled; for he never doubted thatPeregrine was more than a match for any two men in France. In thisconfidence, therefore, he sought his master with great diligence, notwith a view of disappointing his intention, but in order to attend himto the battle, that he might stand by him, and see justice done.
While this inquiry was carried on, our hero and his companion concealedthemselves among some weeds, that grew on the edge of the parapet, a fewyards from the spot where he had agreed to meet the mousquetaire;and scarce had the morning rendered objects distinguishable when theyperceived their men advancing boldly to the place. Peregrine, seeingthem approach sprang forward to the ground, that he might have the gloryof anticipating his antagonist; and swords being drawn, all four wereengaged in a twinkling. Pickle's eagerness had well nigh cost himhis life; for, without minding his footing, he flew directly to hisopposite, and, stumbling over a stone, was wounded on one side of hishead before he could recover his attitude. Far from being dispirited atthis check, it served only to animate him the more; being endowed withuncommon agility, he retrieved his posture in a moment; and havingparried a second thrust, returned the lunge with such incredible speed,that the soldier had not time to resume his guard, but was immediatelyrun through the bend of his right arm; and the sword dropping out of hishand, our hero's victory was complete.
Having despatched his own business, and received the acknowledgment ofhis adversary who, with a look of infinite mortification, answered, thathis was the fortune of the day, he ran to part the seconds, just as theweapon was twisted out of his companion's hand: upon which he took hisplace; and, in all likelihood, an obstinate dispute would have ensued,had they not been interrupted by the guard, at sight of whom the twoFrenchmen scampered off. Our young gentleman and his friend allowedthemselves to be taken prisoners by the detachment which had been sentout for that purpose, and were carried before the magistrate, who,having sharply reprimanded them for presuming to act in contempt of thelaws, set them at liberty, in consideration of their being strangers;cautioning them, at the same time, to beware of such exploits for thefuture.
When Peregrine returned to his own lodgings, Pipes, seeing the bloodtrickling down upon his master's neckcloth and solitaire, gave evidenttokens of surprise and concern; not for the consequences of the wound,which he did no suppose dangerous, but for the glory of Old England,which he was afraid had suffered in the engagement; for he could nothelp saying, with an air of chagrin, as he followed the youth into hischamber, "I do suppose as how you gave that lubberly Frenchman as goodas he brought."
CHAPTER XLI.