by T. Smollett
An Adventure happens to Pipes, in consequence of which he is dismissedfrom Peregrine's Service--The whole Company set out for Ghent, in theDiligence--Our Hero is captivated by a Lady in that Carriage--Interestsher spiritual Director in his behalf.
The doctor being fairly engaged on the subject of the ancients, wouldhave proceeded the Lord knows how far, without hesitation, had not hebeen interrupted by the arrival of Mr. Jolter, who, in great confusion,told them that Pipes, having affronted a soldier, was then surroundedin the street, and certainly would be put to death if some person ofauthority did not immediately interpose in his behalf.
Peregrine no sooner learned the danger of his trusty squire, than,snatching up his sword, he ran down-stairs, and was followed by thechevalier, entreating him to leave the affair to his management. Withinten yards of the door they found Tom, with his back to a wall, defendinghimself with a mopstick against the assault of three or four soldiers,who, at sight of the Maltese cross, desisted from the attack, and weretaken into custody by order of the knight. One of the aggressors, beingan Irishman, begged to be heard with great importunity before he shouldbe sent to the guard; and, by the mediation of Pickle, was accordinglybrought into the hotel with his companions, all three bearing upontheir heads and faces evident marks of their adversary's prowess anddexterity. The spokesman, being confronted with Pipes, informed thecompany that, having by accident met with Mr. Pipes, whom he consideredas his countryman, though fortune had disposed of them in differentservices, he invited him to drink a glass of wine, and accordinglycarried him to a cabaret, where he introduced him to his comrades;but in the course of the conversation, which turned upon the power andgreatness of the kings of France and England, Mr. Pipes had been pleasedto treat his most Christian Majesty with great disrespect; and when he,the entertainer, expostulated with him in a friendly manner about hisimpolite behaviour, observing, that he, being in the French service,would be under the necessity of resenting his abuse if he did not put astop to it before the other gentlemen of the cloth should comprehendhis meaning; he had set them all three at defiance, dishonoured him inparticular with the opprobrious epithet of rebel to his native king andcountry, and even drunk, in broken French, to the perdition of Louis andall his adherents; that, compelled by this outrageous conduct, he, asthe person who had recommended him to their society, had, in vindicationof his own character, demanded of the delinquent, who, on pretenceof fetching a sword, had gone to his lodging, from whence he all of asudden sallied upon them with the mopstick, which he employed in theannoyance of them all without distinction, so that they were obliged todraw in their own defence.
Pipes, being questioned by his master with regard to the truth of thisaccount, owned that every circumstance was justly represented; saying,he did not value their cheese-toasters a pinch of oakum; and that if thegentleman had not shot in betwixt them, he would have trimmed themto such a tune, that they should not have had a whole yard to square.Peregrine reprimanded him sharply for his unmannerly behaviour, andinsisted upon his asking pardon of those he had injured upon the spot:but no consideration was efficacious enough to produce such concession;to this command he was both deaf and dumb; and the repeated threatsof his master had no more effect than if they had been addressed to amarble statue. At length, our hero, incensed at his obstinacy, startedup, and would have chastised him with manual operation, had not he beenprevented by the chevalier, who found means to moderate his indignationso far that he contented himself with dismissing the offender from hisservice; and after having obtained the discharge of the prisoners, gavethem a louis to drink, by way of recompense for the disgrace and damagethey had sustained.
The knight, perceiving our young gentleman very much ruffled atthis accident, and reflecting upon the extraordinary deportment andappearance of his valet, whose hair had by this time adopted a grizzledhue, imagined he was some favourite domestic, who had grown gray in theservice of his master's family, and that, of consequence, he was uneasyat the sacrifice he had made. Swayed by this conjecture, he earnestlysolicited in his behalf; but all he could obtain, was a promise ofre-admitting him into favour on the terms already proposed, or at leaston condition that he should make his acknowledgment to the chevalier,for his want of reverence and respect for the French monarch.
Upon this condescension the culprit was called up-stairs, and madeacquainted with the mitigation of his fate; upon which he said, he woulddown on his marrow-bones to his own master, but would be d--d before hewould ask pardon of e'er a Frenchman in Christendom. Pickle, exasperatedat this blunt declaration, ordered him out of his presence, and chargedhim never to appear before his face again; while the officer in vainemployed all his influence and address to appease his resentment, andabout midnight took his leave with marks of mortification at his want ofsuccess.
Next day the company agreed to travel through Flanders in the diligence,by the advice of Peregrine, who was not without hope of meeting withsome adventure or amusement in that carriage; and Jolter took care tosecure places for them all; it being resolved that the valet-de-chambreand the doctor's man should attend the vehicle on horseback; and as forthe forlorn Pipes, he was left to reap the fruits of his ownstubborn disposition, notwithstanding the united efforts of the wholetriumvirate, who endeavoured to procure his pardon.
Every previous measure being thus taken, they set out from Lisle aboutsix in the morning, and found themselves in the company of a femaleadventurer, a very handsome young lady, a Capuchin, and a RotterdamJew. Our young gentleman, being the first of this society that entered,surveyed the stranger with an attentive eye, and seated himselfimmediately behind the beautiful unknown, who at once attracted hisattention. Pallet, seeing another lady unengaged, in imitation of hisfriend, took possession of her neighbourhood; the physician paired withthe priest, and Jolter sat down by the Jew.
The machine had not proceeded many furlongs, when Pickle, accosting thefair incognita, congratulated himself upon his happiness, in being thefellow-traveller of so charming a lady. She, without the least reserveor affectation, thanked him for his compliment; and replied, with asprightly air, that now they were embarked in one common bottom, theymust club their endeavours to make one another as happy as the natureof their situation would permit them to be. Encouraged by this frankintimation, and captivated by her fine black eyes and easy behaviour,he attached himself to her from that moment; and, in a little time, theconversation became so particular, that the Capuchin thought properto interfere in the discourse in such a manner as gave the youth tounderstand that he was there on purpose to superintend her conduct. Hewas doubly rejoiced at this discovery, in consequence of which he hopedto profit in his addresses, not only by the young lady's restraint,that never fails to operate in behalf of the lover, but also by thecorruptibility of her guardian, whom he did not doubt of renderingpropitious to his cause. Flushed with these expectations, he behavedwith uncommon complacency to the father, who was charmed with theaffability of his carriage, and on the faith of his generosity abated ofhis vigilance so much, that our hero carried on his suit without furthermolestation; while the painter, in signs and loud bursts of laughter,conversed with his dulcinea, who was perfectly well versed in thesesimple expressions of satisfaction, and had already found means to makea dangerous invasion upon his heart.
Nor were the governor and physician unemployed, while their friendsinterested themselves in this agreeable manner. Jolter no soonerperceived the Hollander was a Jew, than he entered into an investigationof the Hebrew tongue, in which he was a connoisseur; and the doctor atthe same time attacked the mendicant on the ridiculous maxims of hisorder, together with the impositions of priestcraft in general, which,he observed, prevailed so much among those who profess the RomanCatholic religion.
Thus coupled, each committee enjoyed their own conversation apart,without any danger of encroachment; and all were so intent upon theirseveral topics, that they scarce allowed themselves a small intervalin viewing the desolation of Menin, as they passed through that ruinedfront
ier. About twelve o'clock they arrived at Courtray, where thehorses are always changed, and the company halt an hour for refreshment.Here Peregrine handed his charmer into an apartment, where she wasjoined by the other lady; and on pretence of seeing some of the churchesin town, put himself under the direction of the Capuchin, from whom helearned that the lady was wife to a French gentleman, to whom she hadbeen married about a year, and that she was now on her journey to visither mother, who lived in Brussels, and was at that time laboured under alingering distemper, which, in all probability, would soon put a periodto her life. He then launched out in praise of her daughter's virtueand conjugal affection; and, lastly, told him, that he was herfather-confessor, and pitched upon to be her conductor through Flanders,by her husband, as well as his wife, placed the utmost confidence in hisprudence and integrity.
Pickle easily comprehended the meaning of this insinuation, and tookthe hint accordingly. He tickled the priest's vanity with extraordinaryencomiums upon the disinterested principles of his order, which weredetached from all worldly pursuits, and altogether devoted to theeternal salvation of mankind. He applauded their patience, humility, andlearning, and lavished a world of praise upon their talent in preaching,which, he said, had more than once operated so powerfully upon him, thathad he not been restrained by certain considerations which he couldnot possibly waive, he should have embraced their tenets, and beggedadmission into their fraternity: but, as the circumstances of his fatewould not permit him to take such a salutary measure for the present,he entreated the good father to accept a small token of his love andrespect, for the benefit of that convent to which he belonged. Sosaying he pulled out a purse of ten guineas, which the Capuchinobserving, turned his head another way, and, lifting up his arm,displayed a pocket almost as high as his collar-bone, in which hedeposited the money.
This proof of affection for the order produced a sudden and surprisingeffect upon the friar. In the transport of his zeal he wrung thissemi-convert's hand, showered a thousand benedictions upon his head, andexhorted him, with the tears flowing from his eyes, to perfect the greatwork which the finger of God had begun in his heart; and, as an instanceof his concern for the welfare of his precious soul, the holy brotherpromised to recommend him strenuously to the pious admonitions of theyoung woman under his care, who was a perfect saint upon earth, andendowed with a peculiar gift of mollifying the hearts of obduratesinners. "O father!" cried the hypocritical projector, who by this timeperceived that his money was not thrown away, "if I could be favouredbut for one half hour with the private instruction of that inspireddevotee, my mind presages, that I should be a strayed sheep broughtback into the fold, and that I should find easy entrance at the gates ofheaven! There is something supernatural in her aspect: I gaze upon herwith the most pious fervour, and my whole soul is agitated with tumultsof hope and despair!"
Having pronounced this rhapsody with transport half natural and halfaffected, the priest assured him, that these were the operations of theSpirit, which must not be repressed; and comforted him with the hope ofenjoying the blessed interview which he desired, protesting, that, asfar as his influence extended, his wish should be that very eveningindulged. The gracious pupil thanked him for his benevolent concern,which he swore should not be squandered upon an ungrateful object; andthe rest of the company interrupting the conversation, they returned ina body to the inn, where they dined all together, and the ladies werepersuaded to be our hero's guests.
As the subjects on which they had been engaged before dinner were notexhausted, each brace resumed their former theme when they were replacedin the diligence. The painter's mistress finished her conquest, byexerting her skill in the art of ogling, accompanied by frequentbewitching sighs and some tender French songs, that she sang with suchpathetic expression, as quite melted the resolution of Pallet, andutterly subdued his affection. And he, to convince her of the importanceof her victory, gave a specimen of his own talents, by entertaining herwith that celebrated English ditty, the burden of which begins with,"The pigs they lie with their a--s bare."
CHAPTER LIII.