The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

by T. Smollett

  Peregrine delivers his Letters of Recommendation at London, and returnsto the Garrison, to the unspeakable joy of the Commodore and his wholeFamily.

  Now that our hero found himself on English ground, his heart dilatedwith the proud recollection of his own improvement since he left hisnative soil. He began to recognise the interesting ideas of his tenderyears; he enjoyed, by anticipation, the pleasure of seeing his friendsin the garrison, after an absence of eighteen months; and the imageof his charming Emily, which other less worthy considerations haddepressed, resumed the full possession of his breast. He remembered,with shame, that he had neglected the correspondence with her brother,which he himself had solicited, and in consequence of which he hadreceived a letter from that young gentleman, while he lived at Paris. Inspite of these conscientious reflections he was too self-sufficient tothink he should find any difficulty in obtaining forgiveness forsuch sins of omission; and began to imagine that his passion wouldbe prejudicial to the dignity of his situation, if it should not begratified upon terms which formerly his imagination durst not conceive.

  Sorry I am, that the task I have undertaken, lays me under the necessityof divulging this degeneracy in the sentiment of our imperious youth,who was now in the heyday of his blood, flushed with the consciousnessof his own qualifications, vain of his fortune, and elated on thewings of imaginary expectation. Though he was deeply enamoured of MissGauntlet, he was far from proposing her heart as the ultimate aim ofhis gallantry, which, he did not doubt, would triumph over the mostillustrious females of the land, and at once regale his appetite andambition.

  Meanwhile, being willing to make his appearance at the garrison equallysurprising and agreeable, he cautioned Mr. Jolter against writing to thecommodore, who had not heard of them since their departure from Paris,and hired a post-chaise and horses, for London. The governor, going outto give orders about the carriage, inadvertently left a paper book openupon the table; and his pupil, casting his eyes upon the page, chancedto read these words: "Sept. 15. Arrived in safety, by the blessing ofGod, in this unhappy kingdom of England. And thus concludes the journalof my last peregrination." Peregrine's curiosity being inflamed by thisextraordinary conclusion he turned to the beginning, and perused severalsheets of a diary such as is commonly kept by that class of people knownby the denomination of travelling governors, for the satisfaction ofthemselves and the parents or guardians of their pupils, and for theedification and entertainment of their friends.

  That the reader may have a clear idea of Mr. Jolter's performance, weshall transcribe the transactions of one day, as he had recorded them;and that abstract will be a sufficient specimen of the whole plan andexecution of the work.

  "May 3. At eight o'clock, set out from Boulogne in a post-chaise: themorning hazy and cold. Fortified my stomach with a cordial. Recommendedditto to Mr. P. as an antidote against the fog. Mem. He refused it.The hither horse greased in the off-pastern of the hind leg. Arrivedat Samers. Mem. This last was a post and a half, i.e. three leagues, ornine English miles. The day clears up. A fine champaign country, wellstored with corn. The postillion says his prayers in passing by a woodencrucifix upon the road. Mem. The horses staled in a small brook thatruns in a bottom, betwixt two hills. Arrived at Cormont. A common post.A dispute with my pupil, who is obstinate, and swayed by an unluckyprejudice. Proceed to Montreuil, where we dine on choice pigeons. A verymoderate charge. No chamber-pot in the room, owing to the negligence ofthe maid. This is an ordinary post. Set out again for Nampont. Troubledwith flatulences and indigestion. Mr. P. is sullen, and seems to mistakean eructation for the breaking of wind backwards. From Nampont departfor Bernay, at which place we arrive in the evening, and propose tostay all night. N.B. The two last a redouble posts, and our cattlevery willing, though not strong. Sup on a delicate ragout and excellentpartridges, in company with Mr. H. and his spouse. Mem. The said H.trod upon my corn by mistake. Discharge the bill, which is not veryreasonable. Dispute with Mr. P. about giving money to the servant. Heinsists upon my giving a twenty-four sols piece, which is too much bytwo-thirds, in all conscience. N.B. She was a pert baggage, and did notdeserve a liard."

  Our hero was so much disobliged with certain circumstances of thisamusing and instructing journal, that, by way of punishing the author,he interlined these words betwixt two paragraphs, in a manner thatexactly resembled the tutor's handwriting: "Mem. Had the pleasure ofdrinking myself into a sweet intoxication, by toasting our lawful king,and his royal family, among some worthy English fathers of the Societyof Jesus."

  Having taken this revenge, he set out for London, where he waited uponthose noblemen to whom he had letters of recommendation from Paris;and was not only graciously received, but even loaded with caresses andproffers of service, because they understood he was a young gentlemanof fortune, who, far from standing in need of their countenance orassistance, would make a useful and creditable addition to the numberof their adherents. He had the honour of dining at their tables, inconsequence of pressing invitations, and of spending several eveningswith the ladies, to whom he was particularly agreeable, on account ofhis person, address, and bleeding freely at play.

  Being thus initiated in the beau monde, he thought it was high timeto pay his respects to his generous benefactor, the commodore; and,accordingly, departed one morning, with his train, for the garrison,at which he arrived in safety the same night. When he entered the gate,which was opened by a new servant that did not know him, he found hisold friend, Hatchway, stalking in the yard, with a nightcap on his head,and a pipe in his mouth; and, advancing to him, took him by the handbefore he had any intimation of his approach. The lieutenant, thussaluted by a stranger, stared at him in silent astonishment, till herecollected his features, which were no sooner known, than, dashinghis pipe upon the pavement, he exclaimed, "Smite my cross-trees! th'artwelcome to port;" and hugged him in his arms with great affection. Hethen, by a cordial squeeze, expressed his satisfaction at seeing his oldshipmate, Tom, who, applying his whistle to his mouth, the whole castleechoed with his performance.

  The servants, hearing the well-known sound, poured out in a tumult ofjoy; and, understanding that their young master was returned, raisedsuch a peal of acclamation, as astonished the commodore and his lady,and inspired Julia with such an interesting presage, that her heartbegan to throb with violence. Running out in the hurry and perturbationof her hope, she was so much overwhelmed at sight of her brother, thatshe actually fainted in his arms. But from this trance she soon awaked;and Peregrine, having testified his pleasure and affection, wentupstairs, and presented himself before his godfather and aunt. Mrs.Trunnion rose and received him with a gracious embrace, blessing God forhis happy return from a land of impiety and vice, in which she hoped hismorals had not been corrupted, nor his principles of religion altered orimpaired. The old gentleman being confined to his chair, was struck dumbwith pleasure at his appearance; and, having made divers ineffectualefforts to get up, at length discharged a volley of curses against hisown limbs, and held out his hand to his godson, who kissed it with greatrespect.

  After he had finished his apostrophe to the gout, which was the dailyand hourly subject of his execrations, "Well, my lad," said he, "Icare not how soon I go to the bottom, now I behold thee safe in harbouragain; and yet I tell a d--d lie; I would I could keep afloat until Ishould see a lusty boy of thy begetting. Odds my timbers! I love theeso well, that I believe thou art the spawn of my own body; though I cangive no account of thy being put upon the stocks." Then, turning hiseyes upon Pipes, who by this time had penetrated into his apartment, andaddressed him with the usual salutation of "What cheer?" "Ahey," criedhe, "are you there, you herring-faced son of a sea-calf? What a slipperytrick you played your old commander! But come, you dog, there's my fist;I forgive you, for the love you bear to my godson. Go, man your tackle,and hoist a cask of strong beer into the yard, knock out the bung, andput a pump in it, for the use of all my servants and neighbours; and,d'ye hear, let the patereroes be fired, and the garrison illumina
ted,as rejoicings for the safe arrival of your master. By the Lord! if I hadthe use of these d--d shambling shanks, I would dance a hornpipe withthe best of you."

  The next object of his attention was Mr. Jolter, who was honoured withparticular marks of distinction, and the repeated promise of enjoyingthe living in his gift, as an acknowledgment of the care and discretionwith which he had superintended the education and morals of our hero.The governor was so affected by the generosity of his patron, that thetears ran down his cheeks, while he expressed his gratitude, and theinfinite satisfaction he felt in contemplating the accomplishments ofhis pupil.

  Meanwhile, Pipes did not neglect the orders he had received. The beerwas produced, the gates were thrown open for the admission of allcomers, the whole house was lighted up, and the patereroes weredischarged in repeated volleys. Such phenomena could not fail to attractthe notice of the neighbourhood. The club at Tunley's were astonishedat the report of the guns, which produced various conjectures among themembers of that sagacious society. The landlord observed, that, in alllikelihood, the commodore was visited by hobgoblins, and ordered theguns to be fired in token of distress, as he had acted twenty yearsbefore, when he was annoyed by the same grievance. The exciseman, witha waggish sneer, expressed his apprehension of Trunnion's death,in consequence of which the patereroes might be discharged with anequivocal intent, either as signals of his lady's sorrow or rejoicing.The attorney signified a suspicion of Hatchway's being married to MissPickle, and that the firing and illuminations were in honour of thenuptials; upon which Gamaliel discovered some faint signs of emotion,and, taking the pipe from his mouth, gave it as his opinion, that hissister was brought to bed.

  While they were thus bewildered in the maze of their own imaginations,a company of countrymen, who sat drinking in the kitchen, and whose legswere more ready than their invention, sallied out to know the meaningof these exhibitions. Understanding that there was a butt of strong beerabroach in the yard, to which they were invited by the servants, theysaved themselves the trouble and expense of returning to spend theevening at the public-house, and listed themselves under the banner ofTom Pipes, who presided as director of this festival.

  The news of Peregrine's return being communicated to the parish, theparson, and three or four neighbouring gentlemen, who were well-wishersto our hero, immediately repaired to the garrison, in order to pay theircompliments on this happy event, and were detained to supper. An elegantentertainment was prepared by the direction of Miss Julia, who was anexcellent housewife; and the commodore was so invigorated with joy, thathe seemed to have renewed his age. Among those who honoured the occasionwith their presence, was Mr. Clover, the young gentleman that made hisaddresses to Peregrine's sister. His heart was so big with his passion,that, while the rest of the company were engrossed by their cups,he seized an opportunity of our hero's being detached from theconversation, and, in the impatience of his love, conjured him toconsent to his happiness; protesting, that he would comply with anyterms of settlement that a man of his fortune could embrace, in favourof a young lady who was absolute mistress of his affection.

  Our youth thanked him very politely for his favourable sentiments andhonourable intention towards his sister, and told him, that at presenthe saw no reason to obstruct his desire; that he would consult Julia'sown inclinations, and confer with him about the means of gratifying hiswish; but, in the meantime, begged to be excused from discussing anypoint of such importance to them both. Reminding him of the jovialpurpose on which they were happily met, he promoted such a quickcirculation of the bottle, that their mirth grew noisy and obstreperous;they broke forth into repeated peals of laughter, without any previousincitement except that of claret. These explosions were succeeded byBacchanalian songs, in which the old gentleman himself attempted tobear a share; the sedate governor snapped time with his fingers, and theparish priest assisted in the chorus with a most expressive nakednessof countenance. Before midnight they were almost all pinned to theirchairs, as if they had been fixed by the power of enchantment; and, whatrendered the confinement still more unfortunate, every servant in thehouse was in the same situation; so that they were fain to take theirrepose as they sat, and nodded at each other like a congregation ofAnabaptists.

  Next day Peregrine communed with his sister on the subject of her matchwith Mr. Clover, who, she told him, had offered to settle a jointure offour hundred pounds, and take her to wife without any expectation of adowry. She moreover gave him to understand, that, in his absence, shehad received several messages from her mother, commanding her to returnto her father's house; but that she had refused to obey these orders,by the advice and injunction of her aunt and the commodore, which wereindeed seconded by her own inclination; because she had all the reasonin the world to believe, that her mother only wanted an opportunity oftreating her with severity and rancour. The resentment of that ladyhad been carried to such indecent lengths, that, seeing her daughter atchurch one day, she rose up, before the parson entered, and reviled herwith great bitterness, in the face of the whole congregation.

  CHAPTER LXVII.