by T. Smollett
He writes against the Minister, by whose Instigation he is arrested, andmoves himself by habeas corpus into the Fleet.
My lady having prolonged her stay beyond the period of a common visit,and repeated her protestations in the most frank and obliging manner,took her leave of our adventurer, who promised to pay his respects toher in a few days at her own house. Meanwhile, he resumed his task; andhaving finished a most severe remonstrance against Sir Steady, notonly with regard to his private ingratitude, but also to hismaladministration of public affairs, he sent it to the author of aweekly paper, who had been long a professed reformer in politics, and itappeared in a very few days, with a note of the publisher, desiring thefavour of further correspondence with the author.
The animadversions contained in this small essay were so spirited andjudicious, and a great many new lights thrown upon the subject with suchperspicuity, as attracted the notice of the public in an extraordinarymanner, and helped to raise the character of the paper in which it wasinserted. The minister was not the last who examined the performance,which, in spite of all his boasted temper, provoked him to such adegree, that he set his emissaries at work, and by dint of corruption,procured a sight of the manuscript in Peregrine's own handwriting, whichhe immediately recognised; but, for further confirmation of his opinion,he compared it with the two letters which he had received from ouradventurer. Had he known the young gentleman's talents for declamationwere so acute, perhaps he would never have given him cause to complain,but employed him in the vindication of his own measures; nay, he mightstill have treated him like some other authors whom he had brought overfrom the opposition, had not the keenness of this first assaultincensed him to a desire of revenge. He, therefore, no sooner madethis discovery, than he conveyed his directions to his dependent, thereceiver-general, who was possessed of Pickle's notes. Next day, whileour author stood within a circle of his acquaintance, at a certaincoffee-house, holding forth with great eloquence upon the diseases ofthe state, he was accosted by a bailiff, who, entering the room withfive or six followers, told him aloud that he had a writ against him fortwelve hundred pounds, at the suit of Mr. Ravage Gleanum.
The whole company were astonished at this address, which did not fail todiscompose the defendant himself, who, as it were instinctively, in themidst of his confusion, saluted the officer across the head withhis cane; in consequence of which application, he was surrounded anddisarmed in an instant by the gang, who carried him off to the nexttavern in the most opprobrious manner. Nor did one of the spectatorsinterpose in his behalf, or visit him in his confinement with theleast tender of advice or assistance; such is the zeal of coffee-housefriendship. This stroke was the more severe upon our hero, as it wasaltogether unexpected; for he had utterly forgot the debt for whichhe was arrested. His present indignation was, however, chiefly kindledagainst the bailiff, who had done his office in such a disrespectfulmanner; and the first use he made of his recollection in the house towhich they conducted him, was to chastise him for the insolence andindecency of his behaviour. This task he performed with his bare fists,every other weapon being previously conveyed out of his reach; andthe delinquent underwent his discipline with surprising patience andresignation, asking pardon with great humility, and protesting beforeGod, that he had never willingly and wittingly used any gentleman withill manners, but had been commanded to arrest our adventurer accordingto the express direction of the creditor, on pain of forfeiting hisplace.
By this declaration Peregrine was appeased, and, out of a delirium ofpassion, waked to all the horrors of reflection. All the glory of hisyouth was now eclipsed, all the blossoms of his hope were blasted,and he saw himself doomed to the miseries of a jail, without the leastprospect of enlargement, except in the issue of his lawsuit, of which hehad, for some time past, grown less and less confident every day. Whatwould become of the unfortunate, if the constitution of the mind didnot permit them to bring one passion into the field against another?passions that operate in the human breast, like poisons of a differentnature, extinguishing each other's effect. Our hero's grief reigned infull despotism, until it was deposed by revenge, during the predominancyof which he considered everything which had happened as a circumstanceconducive to its gratification. "If I must be prisoner for life," saidhe to himself, "if I must relinquish all my gay expectations, let me atleast have the satisfaction of clanking my chains so as to interruptthe repose of my adversary; and let me search in my own breast for thatpeace and contentment, which I have not been able to find in all thescenes of my success. In being detached from the world, I shall bedelivered from folly and ingratitude, as well as exempted froman expense, which I should have found it very difficult, if notimpracticable, to support; I shall have little or no temptationto misspend my time, and more undisturbed opportunity to earn mysubsistence, and prosecute revenge. After all, a jail is the best tub towhich a cynic philosopher can retire."
In consequence of these comfortable reflections, he sent a letter to Mr.Crabtree, with an account of his misfortune, signifying his resolutionto move himself immediately into the Fleet, and desiring that he wouldsend him some understanding attorney of his acquaintance, who woulddirect him into the steps necessary to be taken for that purpose. Themisanthrope, upon the receipt of this intimation, sent in person to alawyer, whom he accompanied to the spunging-house whither the prisonerhad by this time retired. Peregrine was, under the auspices of hisdirector, conducted to the judges' chamber, where he was left in thecustody of a tipstaff; and, after having paid for a warrant of habeascorpus, by him conveyed to the Fleet, and delivered to the care of thewarden.
Here he was introduced to the lodge, in which he was obliged toexpose himself a full half-hour to the eyes of all the turnkeys anddoor-keepers, who took an accurate survey of his person, that they mightknow him again at first sight; and then he was turned loose into theplace called the master's side, having given a valuable considerationfor that privilege. This is a large range of building, containing somehundreds of lodging-rooms for the convenience of the prisoners, who payso much per week for that accommodation. In short, this community islike a city detached from all communication with the neighbouring parts,regulated by its own laws, and furnished with peculiar conveniences forthe use of the inhabitants. There is a coffee-house for the resort ofgentlemen, in which all sorts of liquors are kept, and a public kitchen,where any quantity of meat is sold at a very reasonable rate, or anykind of provision boiled and roasted gratis, for the poor prisoners.Nay, there are certain servants of the public, who are obliged to go tomarket, at the pleasure of individuals, without fee or reward from thosewho employ them. Nor are they cooped up, so as to be excluded fromthe benefit of fresh air, there being an open area, of a considerableextent, adjacent to the building, on which they may exercise themselvesin walking, skittles, bowls, and a variety of other diversions,according to the inclination of each.
Our adventurer being admitted a denizen of this community, found himselfbewildered in the midst of strangers, who, by their appearance, did notat all prepossess him in their favour; and, after having strolled aboutthe place with his friend Cadwallader, repaired to the coffee-house,in order to be further informed of the peculiar customs which it wasnecessary for him to know. There, while he endeavoured to pick upintelligence from the bar-keeper, he was accosted by a person incanonicals, who very civilly asked if he was a new-comer. Being answeredin the affirmative, he gave him the salutation of welcome to thesociety, and, with great hospitality, undertook to initiate him in theconstitutions of the brotherhood. This humane clergyman gave him tounderstand, that his first care ought to be that of securing a lodging;telling him there was a certain number of apartments in the prison letat the same price, though some were more commodious than others;and that when the better sort became vacant, by the removal of theirpossessors, those who succeeded in point of seniority had the privilegeof occupying the empty tenements preferable to the rest of theinhabitants, howsoever respectable they might otherwise be. That, whenthe jail was very m
uch crowded, there was but one chamber allotted fortwo lodgers; but this was not considered as any great hardship on theprisoners; because, in that case, there was always a sufficient numberof males, who willingly admitted the females to a share in theirapartments and beds. Not but the time had been, when this expedientwould not answer the occasion; because, after a couple had beenquartered in every room, there was a considerable residue stillunprovided with lodging; so that, for the time being, the last-comerswere obliged to take up their habitation in Mount Scoundrel, anapartment most miserably furnished, in which they lay promiscuously,amidst filth and vermin, until they could be better accommodated in duecourse of rotation.
Peregrine, hearing the description of this place, began to be veryimpatient about his night's lodging; and the parson, perceiving hisanxiety, conducted him, without loss of time, to the warden, whoforthwith put him in possession of a paltry chamber, for which he agreedto pay half a crown a week. This point being settled, his director gavehim an account of the different methods of eating, either singly, in amess, or at an ordinary, and advised him to choose the last, as the mostreputable, offering to introduce him next day to the best company in theFleet, who always dined together in public.
Pickle having thanked this gentleman for his civilities, and promisedto be governed by his advice, invited him to pass the evening at hisapartment; and, in the meantime, shut himself up with Crabtree, in orderto deliberate upon the wreck of his affairs. Of all his ample fortunenothing now remained but his wardrobe, which was not very sumptuous,about thirty guineas in cash, and the garrison, which the misanthropecounselled him to convert into ready money for his present subsistence.This advice, however, he absolutely rejected, not only on account of hishaving already bestowed it upon Hatchway during the term of his naturallife, but also with a view of retaining some memorial of the commodore'sgenerosity. He proposed, therefore, to finish in this retreat thetranslation which he had undertaken, and earn his future subsistence bylabour of the same kind. He desired Cadwallader to take charge of hismovables, and send to him such linen and clothes as he should haveoccasion for in his confinement. But, among all his difficulties,nothing embarrassed him so much as his faithful Pipes, whom he could nolonger entertain in his service. He knew Tom had made shift to pick upa competency in the course of his ministration; but that reflection,though it in some measure alleviated, could not wholly prevent themortification he should suffer in parting with an affectionate adherent,who was by this time become as necessary to him as one of his ownmembers, and who was so accustomed to live under his command andprotection, that he did not believe the fellow could reconcile himselfto any other way of life.
Crabtree, in order to make him easy on that score, offered to adopt himin the room of his own valet, whom he would dismiss; though he observed,that Pipes had been quite spoiled in our hero's service. But Peregrinedid not choose to lay his friend under that inconvenience, knowing thathis present lacquey understood and complied with all the peculiaritiesof his humour, which Pipes would never be able to study or regard; hetherefore determined to send him back to his shipmate Hatchway,with whom he had spent the fore part of his life. These points beingadjusted, the two friends adjourned to the coffee-house, with a view ofinquiring into the character of the clergyman to whose beneficence ouradventurer was so much indebted. They learned he was a person who hadincurred the displeasure of the bishop in whose diocese he was settled,and, being unequal in power to his antagonist, had been driven to theFleet, in consequence of his obstinate opposition; though he stillfound means to enjoy a pretty considerable income, by certain irregularpractices in the way of his function, which income was chiefly consumedin acts of humanity to his fellow-creatures in distress.
His eulogium was scarce finished, when he entered the room, according toappointment with Peregrine, who ordering wine and something for supperto be carried to his apartment, the triumvirate went thither; andCadwallader taking his leave for the night, the two fellow-prisonerspassed the evening very sociably, our hero being entertained by his newcompanion with a private history of the place, some particulars of whichwere extremely curious. He told him, that the person who attended themat supper, bowing with the most abject servility, and worshipping themevery time he opened his mouth, with the epithets of your lordship andyour honour, had, a few years before, been actually a captain inthe guards; who, after having run his career in the great world, hadthreaded every station in their community, from that of a buck ofthe first order, who swaggers about the Fleet in a laced coat, with afootman and w--, to the degree of a tapster, in which he was nowhappily settled. "If you will take the trouble of going into the cook'skitchen," said he, "you will perceive a beau metamorphosed into aturnspit; and there are some hewers of wood and drawers of water inthis microcosm who have had forests and fishponds of their own. Yet,notwithstanding such a miserable reverse of fortune, they are neitherobjects of regard nor compassion, because their misfortunes are thefruits of the most vicious extravagance, and they are absolutelyinsensible of the misery which is their lot. Those of ourfellow-sufferers, who have been reduced by undeserved losses, or theprecipitation of inexperienced youth, never fail to meet with the mostbrotherly assistance, provided they behave with decorum, and a duesense of their unhappy circumstances. Nor are we destitute of power tochastise the licentious, who refuse to comply with the regulationsof the place, and disturb the peace of the community with riot anddisorder. Justice is here impartially administered by a court of equity,consisting of a select number of the most respectable inhabitants, whopunish all offenders with equal judgment and resolution, after they havebeen fairly convicted of the crimes laid to their charge."
The clergyman having thus explained the economy of the place, as well asthe cause of his own confinement, began to discover signs of curiositytouching our hero's situation; and Pickle, thinking he could do no lessfor the satisfaction of a man who had treated him in such a hospitablemanner, favoured him with a detail of the circumstances which producedhis imprisonment; at the same time gratifying his resentment againstthe minister, which delighted in recapitulating the injuries he hadreceived. The parson, who had been prepossessed in favour of our youthat first sight, understanding what a considerable part he had acted onthe stage of life, felt his veneration increase; and, pleased with theopportunity of introducing a stranger of his consequence to the club,left him to his repose, or rather to ruminate on an event which he hadnot as yet seriously considered.
I might here, in imitation of some celebrated writers, furnish out apage or two, with the reflections he made upon the instability of humanaffairs, the treachery of the world, and the temerity of youth; andendeavour to decoy the reader into a smile, by some quaint observationof my own, touching the sagacious moraliser: but, besides that I lookupon this practice as an impertinent anticipation of the peruser'sthoughts, I have too much matter of importance upon my hands, to givethe reader the least reason to believe that I am driven to such paltryshifts, in order to eke out the volume. Suffice it then to say,our adventurer passed a very uneasy night, not only from the thornysuggestions of his mind, but likewise from the anguish of his body,which suffered from the hardness of his couch, as well as from thenatural inhabitants thereof, that did not tamely suffer his intrusion.In the morning he was waked by Pipes, who brought upon his shouldera portmanteau filled with necessaries, according to the direction ofCadwallader; and, tossing it down upon the floor, regaled himself with aquid, without the least manifestation of concern. After some pause, "Yousee, Pipes," said his master, "to what I have brought myself." "Ey, ey,"answered the valet, "once the vessel is ashore, what signifies talking?We must bear a hand to tow her off, if we can. If she won't budge forall the anchors and capstans aboard, after we have lightened her, bycutting away her masts, and heaving our guns and cargo overboard, whythen, mayhap a brisk gale of wind, a tide, or current setting fromshore, may float her again in the blast of a whistle. Here is twohundred and ten guineas by the tale in this here canvas bag; and uponthis scrap of paper--no, a
vast--that's my discharge from the parishfor Moll Trundle--ey, here it is--an order for thirty pounds upon thewhat-d'ye-call-'em in the city; and two tickets for twenty-five andeighteen, which I lent, d'ye see, to Sam Studding to buy a cargo ofrum, when he hoisted the sign of the commodore at St. Catherine's." Sosaying, he spread his whole stock upon the table for the acceptance ofPeregrine; who, being very much affected with this fresh instance of hisattachment, expressed his satisfaction at seeing he had been such a goodeconomist, and paid his wages up to that very day. He thanked him forhis faithful services, and, observing that he himself was no longer in acondition to maintain a domestic, advised him to retire to the garrison,where he would be kindly received by his friend Hatchway, to whom hewould recommend him in the strongest terms.
Pipes looked blank at this unexpected intimation, to which he replied,that he wanted neither pay nor provision, but only to be employed as atender; and that he would not steer his course for the garrison,unless his master would first take his lumber aboard. Pickle, however,peremptorily refused to touch a farthing of the money, which hecommanded him to put up, and Pipes was so mortified at his refusal,that, twisting the notes together, he threw them into the fire withouthesitation, crying, "D-- the money!" The canvas bag with its contentswould have shared the same fate, had not Peregrine started up, andsnatching the paper from the flames, ordered his valet to forbear, onpain of being banished for ever from his sight. He told him that, forthe present, there was a necessity for his being dismissed, and hedischarged him accordingly; but, if he would go and live quietlywith the lieutenant, he promised, on the first favourable turn of hisfortune, to take him again into his service. In the meantime he gave himto understand, that he neither wanted, nor would make use of his money,which he insisted upon his pocketing immediately, on pain of forfeitingall title to his favour.
Pipes was very much chagrined at these injunctions, to which he madeno reply; but, sweeping the money into his bag, stalked off in silence,with a look of grief and mortification, which his countenance had neverexhibited before. Nor was the proud heart of Pickle unmoved upon theoccasion; he could scarce suppress his sorrow in the presence of Pipes,and, soon as he was gone, it vented itself in tears.
Having no great pleasure in conversing with his own thoughts, he dressedhimself with all convenient despatch, being attended by one of theoccasional valets of the place, who had formerly been a rich mercer inthe city; and, this operation being performed, he went to breakfastat the coffee-house, where he happened to meet with his friend theclergyman and several persons of genteel appearance, to whom the doctorintroduced him as a new messmate. By these gentlemen he was conducted toa place where they spent the forenoon in playing at fives, an exercisein which our hero took singular delight; and about one o'clock a courtwas held, for the trial of two delinquents, who had transgressed thelaws of honesty and good order. The first who appeared at the bar wasan attorney, accused of having picked a gentleman's pocket of hishandkerchief. And the fact being proved by incontestable evidence, hereceived sentence. In consequence of which, he was immediately carriedto the public pump, and subjected to a severe cascade of cold water.This cause being discussed, they proceeded to the trial of the otheroffender, who was a lieutenant of a man-of-war, indicted for a riot,which he had committed in company with a female, not yet taken, againstthe laws of the place, and the peace of his fellow-prisoners. Theculprit had been very obstreperous, and absolutely refused to obey thesummons, with many expressions of contempt and defiance against theauthority of the court; upon which the constables were ordered to bringhim to the bar, vi et armis; and he was accordingly brought before thejudge, after having made a most desperate resistance with a hanger, bywhich one of the officers was dangerously wounded. This outrage was suchan aggravation of his crime, that the court would not venture to decideupon it, but remitted him to the sentence of the warden; who, by virtueof his dictatorial power, ordered the rioter to be loaded with irons,and confined in the strong room, which is a dismal dungeon, situatedupon the side of the ditch, infested with toads and vermin, surchargedwith noisome damps, and impervious to the least ray of light.
Justice being done upon these criminals, our adventurer and his companyadjourned to the ordinary, which was kept at the coffee-house; and hefound, upon inquiry, that his messmates consisted of one officer, twounderwriters, three projectors, an alchemist, an attorney, a parson, abrace of poets, a baronet, and a knight of the Bath. The dinner,though not sumptuous, nor very elegantly served up, was neverthelesssubstantial, and pretty well dressed. The wine was tolerable, and allthe guests as cheerful as if they had been utter strangers to calamity;so that our adventurer began to relish the company, and mix in theconversation, with that sprightliness and ease which were peculiar tohis disposition. The repast being ended, the reckoning paid, and partof the gentlemen withdrawn to cards, or other avocations, those whoremained, among whom Peregrine made one, agreed to spend the afternoonin conversation over a bowl of punch; and the liquor being produced,they passed the time very socially in various topics of discourse,including many curious anecdotes relating to their own affairs. No manscrupled to own the nature of the debt for which he was confined, unlessit happened to be some piddling affair, but, on the contrary, boastedof the importance of the sum, as a circumstance that implied hishaving been a person of consequence in life; and he who made the mostremarkable escapes from bailiffs, was looked upon as a man of superiorgenius and address.
Among other extraordinary adventures of this kind, none was moreromantic than the last elopement achieved by the officer; who told themhe had been arrested for a debt of two hundred pounds, at a time when hecould not command as many pence, and conveyed to the bailiff's house,in which he continued a whole fortnight, moving his lodgings higher andhigher, from time to time, in proportion to the decay of his credit;until, from the parlour, he had made a regular ascent to the garret.There, while he ruminated on his next step, which would have been to theMarshalsea, and saw the night come on, attended with hunger and cold,the wind began to blow, and the tiles of the house rattled with thestorm. His imagination was immediately struck with the idea of escapingunperceived, amidst the darkness and noise of the tempest, by creepingout of the window of his apartment, and making his way over the topsof the adjoining houses. Glowing with this prospect, he examined thepassage, which, to his infinite mortification, he found grated with ironbars on the outside; but even this difficulty did not divert him fromhis purpose. Conscious of his own strength, he believed himself able tomake a hole through the roof, which seemed to be slender and crazy; and,on this supposition, he barricaded the door with the whole furniture ofthe room; then setting himself to work with a poker, he in a few minuteseffected a passage for his hand, with which he gradually stripped offthe boards and tiling, so as to open a sallyport for his whole body,through which he fairly set himself free, groping his way towards thenext tenement. Here, however, he met with an unlucky accident. His hatbeing blown off his head, chanced to fall into the court just as oneof the bailiff's followers was knocking at the door; and this myrmidon,recognizing it, immediately gave the alarm to his chief, who,running up-stairs to the garret, forced open the door in a twinkling,notwithstanding the precautions which the prisoner had taken, and, withhis attendant, pursued the fugitive through his own track. "After thischase had continued some time," said the officer, "to the imminentdanger of all three, I found my progress suddenly stopped by a skylight,through which I perceived seven tailors sitting at work upon a board.Without the least hesitation, or previous notice, I plunged among themwith my backside foremost. Before they could recollect themselves fromthe consternation occasioned by such a strange visit, I told them mysituation, and gave them to understand that there was no time to belost. One of the number, taking the hint, led me instantly down-stairs,and dismissed me at the street door; while the bailiff and his follower,arriving at the breach, were deterred from entering by the brethren ofmy deliverer, who, presenting their shears, like a range of chevaux defrise, commanded them t
o retire, on pain of immediate death. And thecatchpole, rather than risk his carcase, consented to discharge thedebt, comforting himself with the hope of making me prisoner again.There, however, he was disappointed. I kept snug, and laughed at hisescape-warrant, until I was ordered abroad with the regiment, when Iconveyed myself in a hearse to Gravesend, where I embarked for Flanders;but, being obliged to come over again on the recruiting service, I wasnabbed on another score. And all the satisfaction my first captor hasbeen able to obtain, is a writ of detainer, which, I believe, will fixme in this place, until the parliament, in its great goodness, shallthink proper to discharge my debts by a new act of insolvency."
Everybody owned, that the captain's success was equal to the hardinessof his enterprise, which was altogether in the style of a soldier; butone of the merchants observed, that he must have been a bailiff of smallexperience, who would trust a prisoner of that consequence in such anunguarded place. "If the captain," said he, "had fallen into the handsof such a cunning rascal as the fellow that arrested me, he would nothave found it such an easy matter to escape; for the manner in which Iwas caught is perhaps the most extraordinary that ever was practisedin these realms. You must know, gentlemen, I suffered such losses byinsuring vessels during the war, that I was obliged to stop payment,though my expectations were such as encouraged me to manage onebranch of business, without coming to an immediate composition with mycreditors, and, in short, I received consignments from abroad as usual,that I might not be subject to the visits of those catchpoles, I neverstirred abroad; but, turning my first floor into a warehouse, orderedall my goods to be hoisted up by a crane fixed to the upper story of myhouse. Divers were the stratagems practised by those ingenious ferrets,with a view of decoying me from the walls of my fortification. Ireceived innumerable messages from people, who wanted to see me atcertain taverns, upon particular business. I was summoned into thecountry, to see my own mother, who was said to be at the point ofdeath. A gentlewoman, one night, was taken in labour on my threshold. Atanother time I was disturbed with the cry of murder in the street; andonce I was alarmed by a false fire. But, being still upon my guard, Ibaffled all their attempts, and thought myself quite secure from theirinvention, when one of those bloodhounds, inspired, I believe, by thedevil himself, contrived a snare by which I was at last entrapped. Hemade it his business to inquire into the particulars of my traffic; and,understanding that, among other things, there were several chests ofFlorence entered at the custom house on my behalf, he ordered himselfto be enclosed in a box of the same dimensions, with air-holes in thebottom, for the benefit of breathing, and marked upon the cover; and,being conveyed to my door in a cart, among other goods, was, in histurn, hoisted up to my warehouse, where I stood with a hammer, in orderto open the chests, that I might compare the contents with the invoice.You may guess my surprise and consternation, when, upon uncovering thebox, I saw a bailiff rearing up his head, like Lazarus from the grave,and heard him declare that he had a writ against me for a thousandpounds. Indeed, I aimed the hammer at his head, but, in the hurry of myconfusion, missed my mark; before I could repeat the blow, he startedup with great agility, and executed his office in sight of severalevidences whom he had assembled in the street for that purpose; so thatI could not possibly disentangle myself from the toil without incurringan escape-warrant, from which I had no protection. But, had I knownthe contents of the chest, by all that's good! I would have ordered myporter to raise it up as high as the crane would permit, and then havecut the rope by accident."
"That expedient," said the knight with the red ribbon, "would havediscouraged him from such hazardous attempts for the future, and wouldhave been an example in terrorem of all his brethren. The story puts mein mind of a deliverance achieved by Tom Hackabout, a very stout, honestfellow, an old acquaintance of mine, who had been so famous formaiming bailiffs, that another gentleman having been ill-used at aspunging-house, no sooner obtained his liberty, than, with a view ofbeing revenged upon the landlord, he, for five shillings, bought one ofTom's notes, which sold at a very large discount, and, taking out a writupon it, put it into the hands of the bailiff who had used him ill. Thecatchpole, after a diligent search, had an opportunity of executing thewrit upon the defendant, who, without ceremony, broke one of his arms,fractured his skull, and belaboured him in such a manner, that he laywithout sense or motion on the spot. By such exploits, this hero becameso formidable, that no single bailiff would undertake to arrest him;so that he appeared in all public places untouched. At length, however,several officers of the Marshalsea court entered into a confederacyagainst him; and two of the number, attended by three desperatefollowers, ventured to arrest him one day in the Strand, nearHungerford-market. He found it impossible to make resistance, becausethe whole gang sprung upon him at once, like so many tigers, andpinioned his arms so fast, that he could not wag a finger. Perceivinghimself fairly overpowered, he desired to be conducted forthwith tojail, and was stowed in a boat accordingly; by the time they hadreached the middle of the river, he found means to overset the wherryby accident, and every man, disregarding the prisoner, consulted his ownsafety. As for Hackabout, to whom that element was quite familiar, hemounted astride upon the keel of the boat, which was uppermost, andexhorted the bailiffs to swim for their lives; protesting before God,that they had no other chance to be saved.
"The watermen were immediately taken up by some of their own friends,who, far from yielding any assistance to the catchpoles, kept aloof, andexulted in their calamity. In short, two of the five went to the bottom,and never saw the light of God's sun, and the other three, withgreat difficulty, saved themselves by laying hold on the rudder of adung-barge, to which they were carried by the stream, while Tom,with great deliberation, swam across to the Surrey shore. After thisachievement, he was so much dreaded by the whole fraternity, that theyshivered at the very mention of his name; and this character, whichsome people would think an advantage to a man in debt, was the greatestmisfortune that could possibly happen to him; because no tradesman wouldgive him credit for the least trifle, on the supposition that he couldnot indemnify himself in the common course of law."
The parson did not approve of Mr. Hackabout's method of escaping,which he considered as a very unchristian attempt upon the lives of hisfellow-subjects. "It is enough," said he, "that we elude the laws of ourcountry, without murdering the officers of justice. For my own part, Ican lay my hand upon my heart, and safely say, that I forgive frommy soul the fellow by whom I was made a prisoner, although thecircumstances of his behaviour were treacherous, wicked, and profane.You must know, Mr. Pickle, I was one day called into my chapel, in orderto join a couple in the holy bands of matrimony; and, my affairs beingat that time so situated, as to lay me under apprehensions of an arrest,I cautiously surveyed the man through a lattice which was made for thatpurpose, before I would venture to come within his reach. He was clothedin a seaman's jacket and trousers, and had such an air of simplicity inhis countenance, as divested me of all suspicion. I therefore, withoutfurther scruple, trusted myself in his presence, began to exercisethe duty of my function, and had actually performed one half of theceremony, when the supposed woman, pulling out a paper from her bosom,exclaimed, with a masculine voice, 'Sir, you are my prisoner; I have gota writ against you for five hundred pounds.' I was thunderstruck at thisdeclaration, not so much on account of my own misfortune, which, thankHeaven, I can bear with patience and resignation, as at the impiety ofthe wretch, first, in disguising such a worldly aim under the cloak ofreligion; and, secondly, in prostituting the service, when there was nooccasion for so doing, his design having previously taken effect. Yet Iforgive him, poor soul! because he knew not what he did; and I hope you,Sir Simple, will exert the same Christian virtue towards the man by whomyou were likewise overreached."
"Oh! d-- the rascal," cried the knight; "were I his judge, he shouldbe condemned to flames everlasting. A villain! to disgrace me in sucha manner, before almost all the fashionable company in town." Our heroexpressing a curio
sity to know the particulars of this adventure, theknight gratified his desire, by telling him, that one evening, whilehe was engaged in a party of cards, at a drum in the house of a certainlady of quality, he was given to understand by one of the servants, thata stranger, very richly dressed, was just arrived in a chair, precededby five footmen with flambeaux, and that he refused to come upstairs,until he should be introduced by Sir Simple. "Upon this notice,"continued the knight, "I judged it was some of my quality friends; and,having obtained her ladyship's permission to bring him up, went down tothe hall, and perceived a person, whom, to the best of my recollection,I had never seen before. However, his appearance was so magnificent,that I could not harbour the least suspicion of his true quality; and,seeing me advance, he saluted me with a very genteel bow, observing,that though he had not the honour of my acquaintance, he could notdispense with waiting upon me, even on that occasion, in consequence ofa letter which he had received from a particular friend. So saying, heput a paper into my hand, intimating that he had got a writ againstme for ten thousand pounds, and that it would be my interest to submitwithout resistance, for he was provided with a guard of twenty men,who surrounded the door in different disguises, determined to secure meagainst all opposition. Enraged at the scoundrel's finesse, and trustingto the assistance of the real footmen assembled in the hall, 'So you area rascally bailiff,' said I, 'who have assumed the garb of a gentleman,in order to disturb her ladyship's company. Take this fellow, my lads,and roll him in the kennel. Here are ten guineas for your trouble.'These words were no sooner pronounced, than I was seized, lifted up,placed in a chair, and carried off in the twinkling of an eye; not butthat the servants of the house, and some other footmen, made a motiontowards my rescue, and alarmed all the company above. But the bailiffaffirming with undaunted effrontery, that I was taken up upon an affairof state, and so many people appearing in his behalf, the countess wouldnot suffer the supposed messenger to be insulted; and he carried me tothe county jail without further let or molestation."
CHAPTER XCVIII.