She turned her face up toward his and lost herself in his clear, hazel eyes. He bent his head to hers and kissed her, softly at first, but then more deeply as she let her body melt against his. Things were moving far too fast, she knew, but she was also powerless to resist the sensation of his lips on hers. His arms enveloped her, one tight around her waist, the other caressing the waves of her hair that fell against her shoulder.
A current of heat ran through her entire body. It was agonizing to pull away from him, but she made herself do it. Not because she wanted the kiss to stop, but because she knew she’d reached the end of her resistance. If she didn’t stop now, she never would. And there were so many reasons to stop. The primary reason was at home with Mrs. Jean, waiting for Willow to return and read her a bedtime story.
Theo held her for a moment longer, until she forced herself to step out of his arms.
The sun had gone down, and they were shrouded in darkness. There were only a few lights from further up the beach. After they’d walked together for a moment or two, Theo broke their silence.
“I’d give anything to know what you’re thinking.”
She wasn’t sure how to begin. Or where to begin. She wanted to explain to him that she had sworn off relationships. She had responsibilities. She couldn’t risk getting hurt again. And there was Maisie. She wanted him to understand.
But more than anything, she wanted him to kiss her again.
She was about to say that they’d made a mistake, but then she stopped. Honesty was important to her. “That was nice,” she admitted.
His eyes were afire. “I can show you more than nice.”
She was willing to bet that he could. But she had a daughter. She had to be cautious.
“I think, for now, we might have to leave it at nice,” she said firmly.
“Because of the reason I think you’re thinking of?”
“That’s probably the main reason, yes.”
He nodded. “Because no matter what we might be feeling for one another, those feelings have to be put on hold. We can’t risk whatever happens between us affecting Maisie. Because that’s the right thing to do.”
She gave him the smallest of smiles. “I think you’re starting to understand what it means to be a parent, Theo Moore.”
He let out a long breath. “I think so, too. So nothing can happen between us.”
She knew she should leave it at that. She should go home, without saying one thing more. She knew enough of who Theo was by now to know that if she never said another word about it, he would never bring up any of this again, out of respect for her.
But she couldn’t accept that she’d had her last kiss with him.
She couldn’t help herself. She blurted out, “Not for now, anyway.”
He’d been looking out at the ocean, and now he whirled toward her. Dammit. His eyes did light up when he smiled. “Wait a minute. When you say, ‘for now’...does that mean that there could be a later in our future?”
“I can’t pretend to know what the future holds. But I think I can safely say that there could be a ‘later’ for us. And when that later time comes, I might be interested in more.”
He smiled, and she was glad it was dark, so that he couldn’t see her resistance melting away. “I can handle later,” he said. “I’ve been waiting a long time for my life to start. I can wait a little more.”
CHAPTER FIVE
“EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD,” said Willow, flipping Roni’s chart closed. “Your prognosis is looking very strong, despite what the tabloids might say. I’ll come back to start your next round of chemo in a few hours. Until then, keep resting, and let me know if you have any pain.”
Roni scratched her French bulldog behind the ears. “I know the drill. I think Buttons and I will head up to the rooftop patio for some rest and relaxation in a few minutes. Then we’ll take a little pre-chemo nap up there in the sun, so that we’ll be well-rested for our post-chemo siesta this afternoon.”
Willow smiled. “You’ve got the idea. The more you rest, the better your body is able to recover.”
“Sounds logical enough, but I can’t get used to all of this lying around. I need to work. I can’t remember the last time I had so much time off. At least by doing chemo here, I can make it feel like a proper vacation.” She fixed Willow with an eye. “Any chance you can have someone send up a mai tai while I’m on the roof?”
“If you like, but it’ll have to be virgin. You know you shouldn’t drink right now.”
“Honey, I don’t even want the alcohol. I just want to hold one of those big tropical drinks for the effect. I want to lean back on one of those lounge chairs and sip on something delicious, something decorated with tiny umbrellas and twenty different pieces of fruit and a flower or two.”
“I’ll put a note in to the kitchen and ask them to send up something ostentatious.”
“That would be lovely. I want a drink that says, ‘Screw you, cancer, I’m still living my life.’” Her expression grew sober. “That’s the point, you know. Some of my friends thought that I should keep doing my treatment at home. I told them I needed more privacy, but that’s not all it was about. This might sound silly, but I wanted to show cancer it hadn’t beaten me. And I thought that if I could pretend that I was here by choice, as though I were on some sort of vacation, then no matter what happens with my treatment... I still win.”
Willow impulsively reached out for Roni’s hand. “There’s nothing silly about that. Maintaining a positive attitude is crucial for treatment.”
Roni gave Willow’s hand a little squeeze. “I’m glad you understand. It’s not denial. I’m perfectly aware of my situation. It’s just my way of coping, and it helps to be in a setting where everyone’s agreed to play along.” She traced her bulldog’s ears. “Having a little company doesn’t hurt, either. Back home, they wouldn’t let me keep Buttons next to me during treatment.”
“Technically, we don’t allow it, either, so make sure to keep him under that sheet.” According to clinic rules, the dog was supposed to stay in Roni’s suite, but Willow had agreed to overlook his presence. Roni was so attached to the dog, and he clearly helped to lift her spirits.
Willow’s initial reluctance to oversee Roni’s care had quickly melted away as they got to know each other. Willow had been relieved to find that Roni was just as down-to-earth as she came across on television.
In fact, the most complicated part about working with Roni had nothing to do with Roni at all. It was Theo.
Several days had passed since their un-date. And their kiss.
The kiss was a problem, because it had been perfect.
The way his arms had enveloped her, holding her close to him. He was tall enough so that her head fit just under his chin, and when he’d bent his head to hers, she’d felt an excitement she thought she’d forgotten after all those years of having sworn off romance.
She’d felt very safe, very protected, in his arms. But the problem was that it wasn’t safe at all. Kissing Theo, trusting Theo, feeling things for Theo...all of it put her in a very vulnerable position.
She might feel safe with Theo, but she couldn’t trust her feelings. She’d felt safe with Jamie for years. And all that time, he hadn’t really been himself with her. She’d nearly lost her dream of having a child because of his inability to tell her the truth about what he really wanted.
And now there was so much more at stake. Not just her own happiness, but Maisie’s, too. One of the main reasons she’d sworn off relationships, aside from her own heartbreak, was her fear that Maisie could become attached to someone, and could be confused or even hurt if things didn’t work out. But what if things didn’t work out between Willow and a man who happened to be Maisie’s father? She couldn’t put her daughter through that.
She wanted to believe that she could trust Theo to protect her heart as much as she coul
d trust him to protect her child. In the short time she’d known him, she’d noticed that he had a knack for saying just the right thing. But how could she trust that he was sincere? She’d already been with one man who’d said what she wanted to hear, rather than telling her the truth.
And so the kiss was a problem. Because no matter how perfect it had been, it didn’t change the host of other issues she had to worry about. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more she became convinced that the kiss was a problem because it had been so perfect. If it had been a bad kiss, she could have forgotten about it by now and moved on.
Instead, it seemed determined to linger in her memory.
“Hey. Earth to Willow.” Roni’s voice brought Willow back to the present with a start.
“Oh, sorry. I must have spaced out for a minute. Let me just take a quick look at your lab results.” She picked up Roni’s chart.
“You just did that a few minutes ago, remember?”
Willow blushed, flustered. She never got distracted at work like this. “You’re right. I don’t know where my head is today.”
“Maybe you were daydreaming about that hot date you had a few days ago.”
Willow’s eyebrows shot up her forehead. “You know about that?” Her chest began to tighten. Who else knew? Was it all over the clinic? “It wasn’t exactly a date.”
“Of course I know about it. Theo checks in on me every day. No, don’t look like that,” she said, noting Willow’s affronted expression. “He didn’t say a word to me about it. I heard him ask you to dinner the day I got here. I may have been feverish, but the two of you were just outside the door. Come on, dish. What’s he like?”
At least there weren’t rumors flying all over the clinic about the two of them. “It’s...complicated.”
Roni rolled her eyes. “Isn’t it always.”
“No, I mean it’s really complicated. Theo is working here under a rather unusual set of circumstances, and even though I like him–”
Roni’s gaze met hers. “You like him.”
“Well, everyone seems to like him, so far.”
“But not the way you do.”
Willow was beginning to see how Roni had always got the guests on her show to open up so quickly about their most personal issues. The woman was relentless. “Theo and I are in a very unusual situation. Surely you’d rather rest than hear all the details,” she protested weakly.
Roni chuckled. “I’ve got nothing but time to fill, and I need a good distraction. Besides, you can’t leave me in suspense after all this talk about ‘complications’ and ‘unusual situations.’ What’s the story with you and Dr. Moore?”
Willow was about to demur, but Roni’s eyes seemed to plead for excitement. Suddenly, she realized that Roni might be the perfect person to talk to. She couldn’t tell any of her friends from work because they all worked with Theo, too, and revealing her connection with him could create the very kinds of problems she wanted to avoid. And her friends outside of work were so eager to set her up with someone that they would probably ignore all of the problems that her feelings for Theo entailed. Roni was the perfect neutral party, and Willow had a feeling that she could trust Roni not to contribute to any gossip.
She took a deep breath. “You see, about four years ago, I decided to have a child on my own. But there was this mix-up.” She went on to explain everything about the confusion at the clinic. She’d meant to just stick to the facts, but as she talked to Roni, she found herself opening up more and more about how conflicted her feelings were. Even though she didn’t necessarily agree with the decision Theo had made to stay out of Maisie’s life, given his circumstances, she could understand why he’d made the choice he did. She felt that after all he’d been through, he deserved to have a chance to get to know Maisie, especially as she was starting to believe he was serious about making a life on St. Victoria. But she also felt that she was putting Maisie’s happiness at risk.
“That’s the real problem, isn’t it?” said Roni. “This isn’t just about letting him get to know his child. I think you’re afraid of him getting to know you.”
Willow blushed again. “I don’t know what to do. For the past three years, everything in my life has been about what’s best for Maisie. I can’t change that just because of an attraction to someone I barely even know.”
“Even if that someone happens to be the father of your child?”
“Especially because of that. What if it doesn’t work out? Where does that leave Maisie?”
“I hear you. But here’s a thought—what if it does?”
Willow hesitated. “That’s the other problem. I want to trust him, but I still don’t know if I can. I’ll admit that there’s a lot I like about him. But...he ignored his daughter for three years. Supposedly, he’s always wanted children, but if that were true, then shouldn’t he have made every effort to be in her life when he had the chance?”
“Cancer, though,” said Roni. “It’s a hell of a mitigating circumstance.”
“I know. And I want to be sympathetic to his situation, I really do. Except all these warning bells keep going off in my mind, telling me to be on my guard. But then, when we kissed, it felt so right.” She clapped a hand over her mouth. She hadn’t meant to tell Roni about the kiss.
But the look Roni gave her was full of understanding. “You’ve been hurt before, haven’t you?” she said.
Willow nodded. Tears welled to her eyes, and she hastened to wipe them away.
“Then there’s your answer,” Roni said. “You don’t have man problems. You have trust problems.”
“What?”
“Please. I didn’t host the highest-rated talk show in the world for fourteen years just to not be able to tell when someone’s hiding from themselves. Your problem isn’t with Theo at all.”
“Of course it is. If he hadn’t shown up here, I wouldn’t have to be dealing with any of this.”
Roni waved her hand in dismissal. “That’s just details. Date him, don’t date him, it’s your call. Although I have to admit that I’m biased toward you dating him. He did save my life, after all.”
Willow couldn’t disagree with the latter part of Roni’s statement. However she might feel about Theo, his abilities as an oncologist were clear.
“My point is that he’s not the cause of your problems. It’s the memories of this person who hurt you, not Theo.”
Willow wasn’t sure she agreed. None of the turmoil she’d experienced lately had started until Theo had shown up. She’d never once questioned her decision to swear off relationships until Theo had started flashing that warm smile of his in her direction.
“But how can this not be about him?” she said. “He’s the one who decided to show up here. He’s the one who got a job at the same clinic I’m working at.”
“Maybe he doesn’t want to waste any more time. Look, I don’t know what happened to you before, but I can say that cancer gives you a different outlook. You start looking at life differently, see all the opportunities you didn’t take.”
“Wait, Roni Santiago is talking about roads not taken? Surely you can’t have any regrets in life. Everyone in the world knows your name.”
“There’s more to life than just career. I’m talking about roads not taken in relationships. Opportunities of the heart. Maybe this Theo Moore is thinking of missed opportunities, too.”
Maybe Roni had a point.
“So you think I should give him a chance?”
“Oh, no,” Roni said, to Willow’s surprise. “I think you should give yourself a chance. I think you should try to let go of the memories of whoever hurt you, if you can. And if, while you were doing that, you happened to also let yourself see where things might go with Theo...who knows? You might even have some fun. He’s pretty easy on the eyes, after all. A little on the pale side. Needs some building up. But nice to look at o
verall. If I absolutely have to go through cancer, it doesn’t hurt to have a handsome doctor to get me through it.”
Willow pretended to look scandalized.
“Hey, I’m allowed to make the best of a bad situation.”
Willow snorted. “I’ll admit that it’s not a great situation, but it’s certainly not as bad as the tabloids say.” She stood up from Roni’s bedside and turned to leave. As she reached the door, she looked back and said, “Roni... I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone about our conversation.”
Roni motioned to Buttons and said, “If you can keep my secrets, I can keep yours.”
* * *
“Theo? Do you have an update on the Santiago case?” Nate’s voice cut through Theo’s reverie.
Theo pulled his attention back to the meeting. He was in a case conference with the clinic’s senior staff members, reviewing updates on pressing clinical issues. His mind, though, kept drifting back to the kiss he’d shared with Willow several days ago.
But pleasant as it might be to reminisce, those thoughts weren’t going to help him make a good impression at his new job. This was his first chance at a clinical position after he’d entered remission, and he wanted to shine. He forced himself to focus.
“Roni’s prognosis is very good. She’s had quality care before she arrived, and the plan is to continue her chemo regimen here. She has about two months left of her full course, at which time we’ll reevaluate and update her treatment plan accordingly.”
“Sounds like things are going smoothly,” Nate replied. “Moving on—”
“There is a problem, though,” Theo continued.
“With her treatment?”
“No. With the press.” Theo threw a tabloid paper onto the conference table. Its headline read Roni Santiago Fights Mysterious Deadly Illness! “For one thing, these headlines are wildly misleading. It seems like in the absence of any real information they’re just making things up.”
Caribbean Paradise, Miracle Family Page 8