by R E Swirsky
The boys hid behind their own walls and kept themselves busy by following the rules with unblemished obedience. The facility offered education, and both boys excelled academically inside just as they had outside. They eagerly participated in the sports offered, worked in the laundry and even volunteered their time in the kitchen making food packages for needy families outside. Both were model prisoners, and it frustrated the counsellors who still sought to discover motivation for the murders. How two such well-behaved, highly educated, gifted boys could fall so far off track as to commit such a heinous crime was a mystery. Even still, they grew on everyone who interacted with them, and soon they were trusted beyond the limits of other inmates. They were granted special privileges normally set aside for those who needed such rewards as part of the rehabilitation and socialization process.
The boys were surprised when they were offered the opportunity to be junior counsellors to some of the other inmates. This was really another part of rehabilitating young offenders: exposing them to the open sharing of thoughts and feelings in a group of their peers. They were in these same group sessions weeks ago, and neither opened up even once about the murders. They limited their discussion and feelings to everything else in their lives and avoided the one thing that the counsellors really wanted to hear.
Tommy was a natural at speaking his mind and comforting others. In a strange way, it was what caused him to commit the crime when he did. Jason, on the other hand, always wanted to be like Tommy, and if Tommy believed hiding the truth this was a good thing, then so did Jason.
Beginning in January, Jason and Tommy would be sitting in on some group sessions with the counsellors and would begin the process of open dialogue to help others come to terms with why they were in the Spy Hill Correctional Centre. These were meant to be informal, mandatory sessions for all of the new arrivals and a masked therapy for Tommy and Jason.
CHAPTER 32
Ricky was over at Bobby's again. He stayed for supper, as he often did, and the two boys were now playing a game on the X-Box. It was what the two did every Sunday night now that they seemed to have only each other. Tommy used to be at the centre when the group of boys met, leading them into whatever activity they would be participating in. There was always laughing, teasing and all-around fun. It was much different now. There was a lot less spontaneity without Tommy around and a lot more serious and sometimes solemn talk. Bobby was still the listener, the one the others always went to when they had something serious to discuss. You didn't go to Tommy. Tommy was always eager and wanted to be a part of fixing whatever the problem was, but sometimes things didn't need fixing. Sometimes a good listener was all it took to figure things out on your own. Bobby was that listener.
"I want to go back up," Ricky said as he shot at the approaching zombie on the screen and missed.
"Back up where?" Bobby asked and giggled as he blew the top part of one of the zombie's heads off.
"You know. Up to see Tommy. I think I need to see Tommy again."
"Mmm," Bobby mumbled back. He fired on a couple more zombies.
"You think I should?"
"I know he misses you," Bobby answered. "Jason does too."
Ricky continued to fire away at the zombies on the screen. A beeping sound followed shortly by a thunder crash indicated he had run out of life. He put his controller down and watched Bobby carry on. He still had lots of life left and many options available.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure," Bobby answered. He stuck his tongue out to the side as he tried to maneuver his player quickly to the left.
"What do you think I should do about this thing?"
Bobby laughed and glanced over at Ricky. "Thing? What thing? You got something growing on you?"
"No, I'm serious. Will you stop playing for a minute?"
Bobby was still holding a smile as he directed his player over to a safe area and then paused the game.
"Okay, what is it? What's this thing?"
"You know. The thing." He gestured with his hands at his whole body. "The thing that happened to me."
Bobby looked back and shrugged. "I'm not sure I follow you," he said, but he knew exactly where the conversation was going. "What do you want to do?"
"It's just… I think about it all the time. I mean all the time. I can't even go to the bathroom without having visions of the inside of that training room at the back of the house."
Bobby gave an uncomfortable nod back to Ricky. "Maybe you should go talk to someone."
"A counsellor? No way! I'm not talking to any stranger about this."
"Then what did you have in mind?"
"I don't know. I don't know what to do, but I can't keep thinking like I do or I'm going to go crazy." Ricky got up off the floor, lay back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling.
Bobby stood up and shuffled over next to Ricky. He rubbed his leg the entire way.
Ricky hadn’t told Bobby any of the graphic details about what had happened to him, and Bobby hadn’t asked. The two friends had become tight these past few months. They shared all kinds of complaints and grief about every day stuff, but they never spoke about the activities that occurred in the back therapy office of the Oliver home. Ricky still had a deep need to release some of his feelings by talking to someone about what happened to him. These things were not easy to talk about; they were uncomfortable, possibly divisive and outside the boundaries of common friendly discussion.
"When do you want to go see Tommy?" Bobby asked. "There's no school for two weeks, so I can take you anytime."
"Tommy knows more about this than he's saying. I'm wondering how much he really knew about me and Tim. He said he didn't know, but it was just the way he acted when I saw him."
"I'm not so sure he knows anything about you, Ricky. If Tommy knew about this long ago, before that terrible day, I don't think he would have snapped that afternoon like he did... well, you know. You know how Tommy is. He's always trying to fix things, and if he knew about you or Tim he would have stepped in long ago. Tommy couldn't have known about Tim. I think he just snapped when he found out. And that's why I don't think he knew about you."
"That's kinda what I was thinking too, but he did ask me some questions about his dad. It bothered me then, and it still does now. I can't get it out of my mind."
"What questions?"
Ricky let out a grunt. He still couldn't believe what Tommy had asked him. "He asked me if his dad recorded me in the back room."
Bobby looked away and began to rub his leg again.
Too much detail maybe, Ricky thought. He could feel the souring of the atmosphere in the room and quickly clarified his last statement. "He asked me if he recorded me when I was power skating, shooting pucks and stuff like that."
Bobby nodded and stole a short glance at Ricky before turning himself away.
"But I know what he really wanted to say. I could feel it in the room. His words suddenly seemed dark and heavy, and when I heard them, it was as if it was in slow motion. The words just hung there, echoing in my head over and over. I knew what he was asking. What he really wanted to know was if his dad ever recorded me he did those things to me."
Bobby continued to rub his leg. He looked up at Ricky and held his gaze. Ricky knew it was an uncomfortable subject for Bobby, but he carried on anyway.
"I don't know why he asked me that. I asked him, and he didn't answer. It really riled me up and I couldn't take it anymore. That's when I had to leave. I need to see him again to find out why he asked me that because it don't make sense to me, Bobby. No sense at all."
The two boys talked on some more, and agreed they would make the trip up to see Tommy some time during the next week after Christmas.
CHAPTER 33
Gerald waited in the car for another half-hour after Carolyn arrived home and finished off the Mickey in the meantime. The liquor helped him focus, and his purpose became very clear a
s he sat and watched the house. Sarah was in there. He was damn sure she was in that house. Carolyn had come home alone, but Gerald was sure it was just part of her act in case anyone was watching. Gerald grinned and chuckled coldly.
The sun had already receded past the mountains to the west, and the overcast sky turned to blackness leaving most houses on the street lit with multicoloured lights on the trim, rooflines, trees and shrubs. There was a small reindeer in the yard next to Carolyn's made out of tiny amber coloured lights, and the head went up and down slowly. Gerald exited the vehicle, crossed the street and headed for Carolyn's front door. He slowed and raised his middle finger to the nodding reindeer as he passed by.
Gerald rang the doorbell.
Carolyn's startled expression when she opened the door was the opportunity Gerald hoped for. In her moment of hesitation, Gerald threw his shoulder firmly into the partially open door and knocked it inward sending Carolyn reeling backwards. She landed on her backside on the floor in the hall.
"Where is she?" Gerald shouted as he slammed the door closed behind him. "Sarah!" he called out.
Carolyn turned onto her knees and tried to crawl down the hall away from Gerald, but he quickly pounced forward, grabbed her by the arm and jerked her up forcefully until she was standing face to face with him. Gerald continued to scream and shout, and demanded to know where Sarah was hiding.
Carolyn did her best to free herself from Gerald's grasp, but it was no use. He only squeezed harder. He finally grabbed her with both hands and threw her up against the wall.
"She's here isn't she?"
Carolyn shook her head. "I haven't seen Sarah!" she shouted back and still struggled to free herself from Gerald's grasp.
Gerald quickly scanned the house for any evidence of Sarah.
The inside of Carolyn's house screamed participation in the Christmas season. Cedar boughs covered with Christmas cards and dripping with tinsel lined the column from floor to ceiling between the front hall and living room. A beautiful gold and silver decorated tree was the centre attraction in the living room. Dozens of exquisitely wrapped presents were carefully arranged underneath the tree. Stockings hung down beneath the fireplace mantle, and numerous snow-scene-village ceramic houses were scattered about the room.
Gerald grabbed her by the arm and led her into the living room, towards the tree and the presents underneath. "Who are all these for then?" he shouted. He bent down and rifled through the name tags on each of the presents.
"Not for Sarah," Carolyn stated back firmly. "What the hell are you even doing here Gerald?"
Gerald continued to hold firmly onto her arm as he looked through the name tags. He frowned when none had Sarah's name. The presents were all labeled for Carolyn, Carl, Jessie, Mom or Dad.
"I want to know where Sarah is! You tell me where she is!" he demanded.
From outside the room, a familiar noise interrupted them and both Gerald and Carolyn turned their heads sharply towards the sound. It was the front door. Gerald spun Carolyn in front of him, crossed one arm around her neck and held her close to his chest.
"Hey Care, were home," Carolyn's husband, Karl, called out. Young Jessie ran quickly around the corner into the living room and stopped as he spotted a man holding his mother in a half nelson. The man was familiar, but he didn't quite recognize him.
"Karl! Gerald's broken in! Get Jessie out of here!" she shouted.
"What the..." Karl exclaimed as he rounded the corner to see his wife restrained in a wrestling hold by her brother-in-law. He quickly directed Jessie to stand behind him. "What the hell is this?" he demanded of Gerald.
"Where's my wife!" Gerald shouted back.
"We haven't seen Sarah, now let Care go right bloody now!" he demanded and stepped towards Gerald slowly.
"You tell me where Sarah is, and I'll be outta here. Where is she hiding?"
Karl was a big, strong man. He worked out every other day, and even though Gerald was heavy-set and large, Karl could still probably knock Gerald out with one punch. Presently, though, he was concerned about his wife. As long as Gerald held on to Carolyn, Karl wouldn't do anything to jeopardize her or his son's safety.
"Jessie, go into the other room," he said calmly to his son. Jessie nodded and backed out of the room, leaving Gerald and Karl in a standoff.
"No one's hiding Sarah. You let Carolyn go."
Gerald continued to hold tight to Carolyn with his left arm wrapped around her neck. He drew his right arm across his mouth before he pointed his finger out at Karl. "You can't fool me. Neither of you. You both are just lying pieces of shit. Sarah's here. She had nowhere else to go." Gerald stood up straight while holding firm on Carolyn. "You tell me where she is, and I'll let your pretty wife here keep her pretty looks. He reached up with his free hand and slowly dragged his fingers through Carolyn's long, blonde hair. He smiled, showing his crooked teeth. Carolyn flipped her head to the side, trying to make him stop. "You wouldn't want anything to happen to your pretty wife now would you?" Gerald asked.
Karl took one more step closer to Gerald and his wife. "Are you drunk, Gerald?" he asked. "You are, aren't you? What the hell are you doing, Gerald; coming into my house drunk like a pig and scaring the shit out of everyone; making demands on me and my wife? You are just a stupid bloody drunk and always have been. If you put one more finger on my wife's hair or body, I will break your God damned neck and beat you down to a pulp, right here, right now! I promise you that! Do you hear me?"
Gerald stared back. He had not expected the response. He also didn't like being called a drunk, but he knew it was true. He remembered the parking lot at Ratskeller's Pub, when he pulled himself up from the snowy ground and stared into the four sets of eyes that challenged him.
Karl took one slow step forward and kept his eyes locked on Gerald's. Gerald shuffled backwards with Carolyn still struggling in his arms, and he stumbled against the coffee table. Carolyn tried to squirm free, but Gerald held on tight as they staggered about. Karl lurched forward as Gerald swayed and tried to regain his balance, and he was suddenly on top of Gerald and Carolyn. The three of them fell sideways into the Christmas tree, and the tree crashed down into the middle of the room. Young Jessie began to scream as he watched the melee from the doorway of the room across the hall.
They thrashed about at each other on top of the fallen tree and presents. Karl pulled his wife free from Gerald's grip and forced himself between them. Suddenly, it was just the two of them. Carolyn crawled out from under Gerald and Karl. She dashed across the room and hugged her distraught and crying son.
Karl was fast and confident. Gerald, in his drunken state, was no match for Karl. Karl turned Gerald over and slugged him once in the face, taking Gerald's fight away immediately. He lifted Gerald out from the fallen tree, manhandled him out the front door and tossed him into the snow on the side of the driveway. He berated Gerald as he rolled about in the snow and tried to stand up. Blood dripped from his nose into the white snow, leaving a crimson trail at every step of his wobbly exit.
Gerald staggered out to the street and cursed himself for not finding Sarah. He looked back towards the house. Karl stood and watched with his arms crossed in front of him as he made sure that Gerald was really leaving. Gerald zigzagged back to the sidewalk and rubbed his arm across his bloody face. He spotted the nodding reindeer once again, stomped angrily up to it and planted his foot swiftly into the reindeer’s head as it nodded down one last time. The reindeer would never nod again with its head now mangled and crushed up beneath its underbelly. Gerald forced a grin, and turned back to see Karl glaring at him. He gave Karl the finger and weaved his way across the road to his vehicle while Karl watched from his doorstep utterly disgusted at Gerald's shameful behaviour.
CHAPTER 34
"Ah!" Simon remarked as he set a latte down in front of Sarah. "No cast anymore I see."
Sarah nodded. "I had it taken off two weeks
ago. New Year’s Eve, actually. Hairy isn't it?" She rubbed the arm over the long dark hair that used to be covered by the cast.
"The hair will go away in a few weeks."
"I hope so," she said as she stared out the front window of the Bistro down upon the snowy cold of Main Street. "I'm thinking about applying for a new job now that I have my cast off."
Simon clasped his hands together. "That's great news. What exactly are you looking for?"
"I'm thinking about applying at the University. They have a counsellor position open."
"Ooh! That would be perfect for you. Delightful!" Simon responded with enthusiasm. Simon and Sarah had become good friends since she moved in, and even though she didn’t seen him that often, there was a definite connection between them that began on the very first day they met. It didn't matter that he was effeminate and quirky. Sarah truly cared about the observations and suggestions Simon offered, and she welcomed his feedback and support.
"I think so. The position doesn't start until Fall, if you can believe that. But I can get by until then if I need to."
"You can always help out here if you want," Simon offered. "It wouldn't be full time, but it would be something. You would be helping me, actually."
"Really?" Sarah was surprised by the offer. "I think I'd like that. It would keep my mind off of other things." Sarah continued to stare out along Main Street below.
"By other things, you really mean Gerald."
"You can tell, huh?"
Simon sat down in the seat next to Sarah and stared out the window with her. "You can watch all you want down that street. I see it every time you're in here. He is not out there. And you are not going to see him down there no matter how hard and long you look."
Sarah sighed and knew deep down that Simon was probably right, but she just couldn't help it. Gerald was out there somewhere, and a part of her still felt that Gerald was searching for her. She would be minding her own business doing some everyday task, and she would suddenly hear a sound. A door would slam, a car would suddenly brake or someone would holler in the distance and she would be sure it was Gerald. Her heart would begin to pound hard inside her chest, and she would feel a tremor as she turned to look. But it was never Gerald. As she stared out the window from the Bistro on Main Street below, she always felt safe and secure. She wasn't about to give that up just yet.