by R E Swirsky
"Look. We are all in here for a reason. I killed my parents, and that’s why I'm here. Each one of you did something to get in here. It wasn't your parent's or your best friend's fault. It wasn't your brother’s or sister's or some stranger's fault. You all did something to end up here. You made your choice. It was probably a bad one, and that's why you are in here with me now. My choice was very wrong, and I'd take it back if I could, but there's nothing I can do about it now. I will be convicted of what I did. I'll miss my parents forever and don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself. To never see my parents again? That's my real punishment. I accept that. I have to. I don't know what the rest of you did, but maybe you'll be out of here in a few weeks and stand in front of the judge or your lawyer will cop a plea. Maybe you'll just get a warning or some community service. Whatever way, you are here because you got caught doing something, and you will have to pay the price for what you did."
The boy next to Marilyn raised his hand to get Jason's attention.
"I'm here caus' I got caught liftin' again. Knew't was wrong but..."
Another boy to his left spoke without lifting his eyes from the ground. "I'm in here because of drugs."
The group suddenly came alive, and many offered a piece of their story to the group. A few opted to say nothing, but most at least offered up the reason why they now sat in this cold, uncomfortable room. Jason continued to lead. He answered and commented on what was said by the others. He liked being the centre of attention for once, but it felt very strange to be talking this way to strangers.
Tommy, Jason recalled, was always the leader in any group. It didn't matter where or when, but he always seemed to be the one to rise above. Jason felt surprised when he recognized that he was the one to lead this time.
After the session ended, Marilyn praised Jason for how well he led the group. She said he showed compassion for the inner turmoil that brewed under the surface of many in the group. It was a great experience for him. Jason had no idea coming into the session how he would ever find his way through to the end, but he did. He wished it hadn’t had to end. He found himself engaging with each of the other boys’ stories. This was another outlet to pass the time away, and he looked forward to the next session. He couldn't wait to tell Tommy all about it as he knew Tommy would also be leading his own group sessions.
CHAPTER 38
Gerald pulled into his driveway and spotted Aaron Phelps dash around the far side of the snow-covered house next door. Gerald had half a mind to go over and bust the kid another bloody nose, but he knew better. Weeks had passed since he left Aaron bleeding on the driveway next-door, and many things happened to Gerald since. He now had a court date for assaulting the boy because the police arrived early the next morning and dragged him down to the station for a long, face-to-face interrogation. His face was still swollen from the fight with Karl, and he was still a bit drunk when they took him to the station. Many hours passed, charges were filed and a court date was set. Gerald was ordered to keep away from the family next door or he would be incarcerated immediately. Gerald knew he had to take this seriously.
Gerald shovelled his walk and driveway before he went into his house. To anyone who watched him, it appeared he had finally started moving forward without Sarah. She had now been gone for months, and he set himself on a track back into what seemed like a normal routine. He kept his walk free of snow, was at work every day and had not had missed or arrived late, but deep inside Gerald still stewed. Gerald liked to control people. Even his periodic drunken behaviour was a tool to control people. When he chose to miss work or arrive late, he controlled his boss and co-workers. His employers tolerated Gerald only because he was good at what he did, and a talented and experienced construction lead was hard to find.
The world was a bad-ass place, and everyone just wanted a piece of him, or so it seemed to Gerald. He didn't realize, nor would he ever admit, that he affected so many people in such a negative way. His co-workers tormented him when he was late, and his boss threatened to fire him many times, but Gerald was used to it. It was all just a bunch of bull, and he expected nothing more.
Gerald had not given up on finding Sarah, but he began to change his ways. He hadn’t been on a drinking binge for nearly two weeks. He still drank a few beers on the way home each night, but he didn’t overdo it. Gerald certainly had not let go of Sarah; she remained front and centre in his mind. The episode with Carolyn and Karl was the tipping point, and Gerald recognized it. He was dangerously close to losing everything he lived for, and if he crossed over that line, there would be no chance for him with Sarah. It was all about Sarah. The hate still churned deep inside, and the anger refused to settle. Gerald thought he had it under control. He was going to find her, and no matter how angry he was along the way, he swore he would keep it under control until Sarah was once again where she belonged.
Gerald's rage had not abated; it had brewed a new beast inside him. The hate was channeled and ready to be released on anyone who provoked the beast inside him. Through all those years with Sarah, he often berated her, shouted at her and slapped her, but he never beat Sarah before like he had that night. With that one event, Gerald opened the door to darker things… things he never even knew he was capable of. First it was Dustin Toomey, then Aaron Phelps and then Sarah's sister.
It was only a matter of time before Gerald found out how dark and evil he really was and what awful horror he was capable of.
CHAPTER 39
The rich aroma of freshly ground coffee filled the small Bistro on the hillside above Main Street. Sarah sat at the window in her usual spot as she waited for Simon to finish his prep in the kitchen and open the front doors for another day's business.
Sarah stared down the street, cupped her coffee gently between her fingers and brought it to her lips for a small sip. The day was fresh and awash with sunlight as it danced about in the valley below the bistro. She watched the street come alive again as the businesses opened up one by one, and the sidewalks began to fill with activity. She watched the people down on Main Street avidly when Simon came out from the back and got ready to open the front door.
"Great news, I hear," he said cheerfully to Sarah as he walked by.
"Thanks," Sarah said back. She knew Simon was referring her job offer as a counsellor at the University. She accepted the offer and looked forward to working full-time again.
Simon unlocked the front door and turned on the "OPEN" neon sign. "I just knew you'd get the job. You have so much to offer. You're just like a big wad of double bubble and I just want to chew you up!"
Sarah turned to him and giggled. He was so funny all the time and made her laugh. "I am happy about it. I think I told you that I don't have to wait until the fall semester to start? They want me sooner."
Simon stopped in front of her, clasped his hands together at his waist and pursed his lips into a short pout. "Sooner? Does that mean you're leaving me early?" he asked. "You just started here, and I'd shatter if you ran away so quick. It's like you were suddenly dropped from heaven into my midst, and I'd really be shot if you weren't around anymore."
"Oh, Simon," She replied sincerely. "Of course I'm not leaving right away. I could hardly do that. You've been so good to me, and you're probably the only friend I have around here."
"Oh?" Simon responded somewhat surprised but delighted. "What about your friend Brandy? You see her often don't you?"
"Brandy lives in Calgary. She's a good friend and she's been down every other weekend, but it's just not the same, Simon."
"Not the same?" he asked confused. "I'm not following."
She smiled at him again. "Not the same as having someone like you next door all the time. I really like it here. You make me comfortable."
Simon blushed. "You really are delicious." He grabbed her hand and gave it a quick peck. "I'll always be here when you need a friend. Honestly, deary. You need anything,
you just ask."
Sarah almost began to cry and nodded. "Thank you, Simon."
Simon disappeared into the kitchen. Sarah stared back out the window at the rooftops of the university in the distance. She was ready to start over and knew the next step was to search for a permanent place to live. Leaving the apartment next to Simon would be difficult, but she really needed to plant permanent roots. She needed to see a realtor and check out properties for sale in the area.
CHAPTER 40
Winter slowly turned into Spring, and Sarah viewed many houses. She finally settled on what she thought was the perfect one, just blocks away from the University and her new job. Simon was pleased and offered to help her move in. The two became very close as they worked side by side at the Bistro. Sarah would miss Simon and his strange ways dearly, but she knew that after she purchased this house and started the new job she would be well on her way to recovery. She promised to keep Simon close and knew she could always rely on him if things ever got tough.
Tommy and Jason each began to bloom in a different way inside of Spy Hill. They both loved leading the group counselling sessions, and the counsellors and staff enjoyed the boy's participation—particularly their enthusiasm and positive attitudes. It became obvious to all that Tommy and Jason were of a different breed than the usual parade of boys detained at Spy Hill. They were incredibly smart and well-socialized individuals. It was difficult for anyone who interacted daily with either of them to believe they could have committed any kind of serious crime. It was especially challenging once the nature of the crime became evident. There was talk of their trial date being set for sometime in early summer. The boys seemed indifferent to any talk or news of the trial and kept their focus on their studies and athletics.
Gerald continued on his own path as the spring thaw arrived in Calgary. He had not given up on his search for Sarah. His anger would periodically erupt, and he would inflict his violent rage upon whomever happened to be in proximity. But given a couple of days of recovery, Gerald would come back to reason and find his self-control. He had eyes for no other woman, and he believed deeply that Sarah would show herself somewhere, sometime. Gerald waited as patiently as he was able. In the meantime, he kept watch.
Back in Bluffington, Dean couldn't find any meaningful connection between the suicide of Tim and the murder of the Olivers. As the winter months slowly ebbed and the signs of spring were budding everywhere, Dean found himself still frustrated without progress on what he thought was the key to answering a number of unexplained questions. The failure to corral the Gardner murderer from last year still bothered him considerably, and to solve this piece of the puzzle in the Oliver murders was tantamount in Dean's mind to forgiveness from the town for that previous fault. He hated that the previous murder went officially unsolved, and he was to blame. He really didn't want the Oliver murders left with any unanswered questions to provide another mark on his record.
There was one good thing Dean saw as the seasons changed. The bad boy, Doogie, finally appeared in court to face the charges from shooting up the speed sign on Black Pond Road. Dean stood silent in the back of the courtroom as Judge Rumpoldt laid out the punishment on Doogie. He was to be detained for a period to reflect on his careless and thoughtless actions. Doogie's mouth dropped open in disbelief. He only expected a small number of community service hours at worst. Doogie was quickly detained and led away by two Officers of the Court. He was to be taken directly up to the Spy Hill Correctional Centre for Young Offenders where he would be incarcerated for a period of no fewer than thirty days. Doogie spotted Dean in the back of the courtroom as he was led away. He screamed obscenities at him and promised him a very manly, face-to-face meeting when he finally got out. Dean just smiled, puffed out his chest and listened to Doogie's empty rant. He was pleased that he had improved the lives of a few citizens of Bluffington for at least a number of weeks with the absence of Doggie.
CHAPTER 41
Bobby sat on the edge of his bed and watched as Ricky tried his best at the Zombie game. He rubbed his leg as Ricky's man ran out of life, and Ricky tossed the game controller across the room in frustration. He began to rant about how tough he found math class this semester. It was only recently that Ricky had begun to struggle at school, and in the past few weeks, he had started to complain and whine about how difficult everything had suddenly become for him.
Bobby slid off the bed, picked up the controller and inspected it for damage. "Why don't you just study more, if you're sucking so bad in math?"
"Study more? I can't focus is the problem. I try to study, but my mind drifts, the numbers start to look all fuzzy and then I don't even know what I'm looking at."
Bobby shrugged and stared at the TV. He tested the controller buttons to make sure they all still worked.
"I used to be real good at math, and now it's just so damned hard," Ricky said.
"Sucks not getting an ‘A’ doesn't it?" Bobby said and smiled back. Bobby was an average student. The best mark he had ever achieved was a "B".
"It's not funny. I just can't get into it this semester. And it's not just math."
Bobby sat back down on the bed and rubbed his leg again. He was getting tired of Ricky's constant whining these past few days. He stole a glance at Ricky and wondered how much of this was really just the aftermath of what Ricky had been through.
"So?" Ricky asked.
"So what?" Bobby asked back, not sure what Ricky expected from him.
"Jesus, Bobby! My dad is still pissed at me for quitting hockey and now my grades are falling. I'm scared to even see him. The mid-term report card comes out soon and my dad's gonna be even more pissed at me."
"What do you want me to do? You're a grade ahead of me. And your grades are way better than what I ever get."
"Well your mom doesn't care about your grades like my dad does."
Bobby took offence at the comment. "My mom cares a lot about me and my grades. She just doesn't get angry like your dad."
"You don't get it. My dad expects a lot, and I really disappointed him when I quit hockey. And I'm doing it again with my grades. I'm just one big fucking disappointment to everyone!"
Bobby let out a big sigh of frustration. He didn't want to be bogged down by heavy, depressing conversations. He knew what depression was all about because of all he went through with his leg braces. He just wanted Ricky to stop with the negativity. It brought Bobby down with him.
"You're not a disappointment. Your dad just doesn't know you. He'll get over it in time."
"I don't think so. Jesus, I really don't. I guess I'm just fucked up, and I just don't know what to do."
Bobby could see that Ricky was trying very hard not to cry. Bobby had thought about this day for some time. He expected Ricky was either going to get over what happened to him or it was going to eat away and slowly tear him apart. Ricky’s cracks were now starting to show.
"You still didn’t talked to Tommy about what he asked you about his dad, did you?"
Ricky put his head down. "No, I couldn't ask him about it."
"Jesus! And you wonder why you're acting like you are! Just wait here a minute. I'm getting real tired of all this!" Bobby stormed out of the room with a wobble in his gait from his gimp leg.
Ricky frowned. He was upset that Bobby was angry at him.
Bobby returned carrying two of the leg braces he wore as a child. He dropped them down on the floor in front of Ricky.
"Listen!" he shouted. "I've been listening to you moan about everything day after day. I can't stand it anymore, and you're starting to bring me down too. There's nothing I can do for you!" He sat down and rubbed his leg furiously as he continued to speak. "I can't help you with what's going on. You're gonna have to do this yourself!"
Ricky looked down at the two steel braces. "What am I supposed to do with these?"
"Listen! You've known me for how long now, Ricky?"
"Exactly! And when you met me, I was wearing those exact braces."
Ricky kept his stare locked on the braces. They were made of stainless steel with multiple pins that protruded inwards with levers and screws on the outside to drive the pins deep into the bones of Bobby's legs. The braces appeared to be more of a device of torture than a medical aide.
"Do you remember when you first met me? I could barely stand up, let alone walk."
"Uh huh, I remember."
"Bionic boy, metal boy, kid curious, Bobby Bracey, Pogo Bobby: I heard it all! I remember every name I was ever called. I hated every day of my life for a time. I had to visit the doctors. You do not know how much it hurt each time I had to go and have the screws tightened in to twist or stretch my legs."
Ricky picked up one of the braces and ran his fingers over a few of the pins. He twisted his head to the side as he looked back at Bobby. He was trying to understand Bobby’s point.
"Do you remember me whining or crying? No! I wanted to every single day, but I didn't. Each week it hurt more than the week before. I always hoped that the next week would be better, but it never was. I'd go home each night after the screws were tightened, and I'd cry myself to sleep because of the pain. Just when the pain would ease up a few weeks later, I'd have to go back and have them turned again, bringing back more agony. After many months, I began to accept that the pain was going to be there forever. It hurt so fricking bad. I cried every night."
"And you're telling me this, why?" Ricky asked.
"The pain stayed, Ricky. The pain hurt, and each week it was the same damn pain. And I was letting it happen. Did I believe it was even helping? I'd be lying if I said I did, but I still went to the doctor each week voluntarily. I didn't have to go. I could have kicked up a fuss and screamed and hollered and fought not to go, and I'm sure my mom would have finally backed off and not taken me. But where would I be now if I had done that? I didn't know it then but it was probably the hardest thing I will ever do. I can't even really remember how much pain I had to endure all of those years. Maybe that's why I keep those braces. I had four different sets over the years, but I keep that one set as a reminder to myself if things ever got tough."